Chapter 3: Run
After Jake left me in the woods, I was left alone with my thoughts. I wasn't sure what I thought of that…my head was currently a very scary place to be. On the other hand, I needed to get myself together. I was the only member of the pack in wolf form for the moment, and I was glad. I needed time to think.
How could I have imprinted on a vampire?
I knew you couldn't pick who you imprinted on, but a vampire? Half vampire, my mind echoed to me. Shaking my large head, I tried to banish the idea. She was still a vampire. Vampires moved like lightning, drank blood, and were technically the living dead. It didn't matter that she was half - she still had the potential to be a complete and utter monster. She could be uncontrollable for all I knew. All I did know was that I didn't want to find out. I wanted nothing to do with her.
You can't fight it…you know you can't. You know Jake is right about her…you'll succumb…
I tried and tried to fight the voice in my subconscious, but it wasn't behaving. I didn't want to think about her…I did want to think of her period. I picked up my pace to a run and began heading North. My paws hit the ground with soft thuds. I wanted to get as far away from her as possible and yet…the further I got, the tighter my chest got. I took large breaths of the chilly, fresh air hoping it would help but…the tightening only got worse. Is this what Jake was talking about? How it's impossible to stay away from someone once you've imprinted? It couldn't be. He had left Renesmee to go to school, and he didn't die.
He didn't do well, either.
I roamed the Alaskan countryside for hours, feeling restless. I probably could have run and swam my way to Russia before noticing that I wasn't feeling any better. An uneasy, tight feeling had settled over my body and I didn't care for it. Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself heading back in the direction of Denali.
Running home was much easier than running away…or was that in my head? I tried to convince myself that it was. However, I couldn't ignore the way my chest felt much better as I ran. The sickeningly tight feeling I had had for days was beginning to ease up. It felt…warm almost. My feet felt feather light as they raced across the snow, and my head seemed clear. I wanted to go home. I wanted to be near her.
Even if I was scared to death of her.
As beautiful as she was, I couldn't ignore the way the light in the kitchen had caught her sharp teeth. I couldn't deny the way her skin shone under my gifted eyes; it was a warning signal that she was dangerous. Her movements were quick and choppy, like she couldn't possibly be around humans without looking alien and unnatural. All signs pointed to the fact that this girl was dangerous.
By the time I got back to the Denali house, I was exhausted for the first time in a long time. I knew I had run several hundred miles, but that usually didn't bother my endurance one bit. I usually loved long, solitary runs. However, I was strangely elated to get back to the house even if I did sneak in and go to find a place to hide. I wasn't ready to face anyone again.
As soon as I opened the back door to the house, I could smell her. When I listened, I could pick out her thrumming heartbeat over the sounds of the other half breeds in the house. It was strange really. I was scared of her, but I was also…drawn to her. Like a magnet.
I kept my head down and my features blank as I slipped into the library of the Denali home. Not only was I tired, but I suddenly felt cold. Impossible, my mind said to me. Even so, I was drawn to the huge fireplace that was in the corner of the large room. Even though I knew I couldn't really be cold, I still sat down cross legged in front of the fire and held out my hands. The additional heat felt good.
I don't know how long I stayed there before I heard Jake's footsteps coming down towards the library. Although things with Renesmee weren't entirely worked out yet, he still seemed better. When he was getting along with his imprint, the entire pack could feel it.
"There you are," he said, sticking his head into the large room. I knew Jake would have cooled down by now after I smarted off to him in the woods. I also knew he was trying to be my friend, but I really just wished he would beat it. However, I did need to remember that he was still my Alpha and I needed to treat him with respect.
I stayed put in front of the fire, tossing my hair out my eyes. "What?" I asked sharply.
I watched Jacob's face twitch. He was a fiery asshole sometimes when he was in stubborn mode, and I knew I was pushing his buttons. But right now…I just didn't care. Maybe if I made myself look like I wasn't looking for any advice, he would leave me alone to sulk. I wasn't hoping for any advice, even if it was friendly.
I knew imprinting wasn't something that could be taken lightly. I also realized that I was no exception. I knew that I would somehow have to come to terms with this…whether I avoided her forever or just pretended like she didn't exist.
The leather of the old couch squeaked as Jacob sat down behind me. I stared straight ahead at the flames, ignoring him on purpose. I wasn't ready to talk.
"What's wrong with you?"
I heard myself snort. My head sunk down as I ran my hands through my tangled, shaggy hair. It needed a cut, but that was last on my list of worries right now. But oh how I wished it was first. Instead I had to worry if my imprint would drain me of all of my blood.
"Are you going to answer me?"
I laughed bitterly, still staring at the flames.
"Did you just imprint on a freaking hybrid vampire?" I snapped at him. If he wanted to get into this, then fine. We would get into it. If he wanted to talk about my fucked up imprint situation, then so be it.
Jacob snorted. "Yeah, I did. About seven and a half years ago!"
I bit my lip as I realized he was right. "Oh yeah…I guess you did."
"Yeah, I did," Jacob said sternly in his best authoritative 'duh' voice. I felt like an ass as his expression softened. It was obvious that he was really going out on a limb here to help me.
"I'm sorry man," I said finally, feeling like an idiot. He raised one eyebrow at me, but said nothing.
"I just…I don't know what to do. I've waited for her for years and now…now look at her!"
"It's a good thing she doesn't understand English," Jacob chuckled. "What's the big deal?" he asked, trying to remain casual.
I gaped at him. "Jake, man…I hate vampires. I mean, the Alaska vamps and the Cullens are all fine, and Ness is great, but…I just…I imprinted on one. You know me Jake. I hate vampires. Now I've gone and imprinted on one. What the hell? The universe must hate me. I feel like I'm being punished, Jake…you don't get it."
Jacob snorted. "You can't help it. It's natural." I rolled my eyes at him. He talked with such a casual tone that it was almost comical.
Another bitter laugh escaped from me. "It's natural to imprint on a freak?"
Jacob recoiled slightly, his expression quickly darkening. "Careful," he growled. "I imprinted on a half breed, too."
"Yeah but...that's Ness. She's like a human, just…more durable. That girl in there…"
"What about her? She looked perfect for you. What's the problem?"
"She's half a vampire, Jake. What am I supposed to do? You know how I feel about vampires. I almost got killed by one, like…really killed! How do you think I'm going to react to imprinting on someone who is half one?"
Jacob shook his head. "That's not for you to worry about, like I said earlier. You imprinted on her, and that's that. Take that as the universe telling you what's what. What are you bitching about? At least yours is full grown when you met her!"
"It doesn't matter…I don't want her."
Now it was Jacob's turn to look incredulous. "What, are you dreaming? You can't refuse it. You'd die trying…believe me, I would know."
"You think I'd die trying to avoid that?"
"Careful. My Ness is the same as her…" Jacob warned, leaning closer to me. I could hear a warning growl as it grew deep in his chest. I shook my head and turned back to the fire.
"I don't want this Jake. She's not for me."
"She is, Collin. Obviously she is! Otherwise you wouldn't have imprinted on her. What are you going to do now?"
"I'm not going to go anywhere near her."
Jacob laughed. "Yeah," he said with a mocking grin. "You just let me know how that works out for you."
"You don't know what you're talking about."
Jacob guffawed loudly. "The hell I don't! Where the hell have you been, Collin? I just spent the last how many months avoiding my imprint and doing things the hard way and we both nearly paid dearly for it. It would have killed me if something happened to Ness, and it would have been my own damn fault."
"Took you long enough," I muttered.
"Exactly man, that's what I'm trying to tell you! You can't avoid this imprinting thing, and nothing will be right with the world again until you get this sorted out. Did you not like…SEE what happened to me the past few months? Open your eyes and don't make my same mistakes!"
I leaned forward, grabbing fistfuls of my own hair in complete misery. "I just…I can't. I can't imprint on a hybrid."
Jacob nearly knocked the wind out of me when he smacked me on the back. "You can, and you did. Deal."
I whipped my head up to look at him again in disgust. "How the hell am I going to do that? I'm terrified of….I just…it can't be."
I watched him think, the wheels in his head turning as he tried to come up with a justifiable answer.
"Collin, think of it this way. You imprinted on someone else who isn't human. Okay, I can see how that would have you a bit shaken."
"A bit?" I snapped. Jacob held up his hands at me, silencing me.
"Hold on. Just work with me. Think about it: your mate is going to be someone like you. Someone different, someone who understands how it is to be like us. Emily and Rachel are great, but…they don't get it. They never will, and that's not their fault. But imagine what it's like to be with someone like you."
"She is NOT like me," I spat.
"Just listen. I'm telling you what life could be like, Collin. I've just gotten a taste of it with Ness, and…it's amazing so far to be with someone like that. She knows what it's like to be different – to have a secret. When we're together we get each other."
"Lately, you haven't been sure," I pointed out. He had had nothing but trouble with Nessie lately; there was too much going on in her life right now to even consider taking their relationship seriously yet.
"I know things have been hard lately, but I can't help but feel like that's going to turn around. You don't get it – you're made for each other. Things have to turn around. That's what I've learned through all of this."
"So what if it doesn't work out with someone like her?"
Jacob laughed. "How could it not? Think about it, Collin – you won't have to worry about hurting her physically. She'll be fast…you can just go out together and just run. Really run. She can keep up with you, she can be with you when you're in wolf form and understand what it's like to not be normal. You'll have someone to share that with – forever."
I looked up at him in shock. "Forever?"
Jacob nodded. "She's a hybrid, Collin. She's like Ness – she's immortal, just like us."
"Hey man, I don't' have to live forever. I can stop phasing and die eventually." Even though I said them, the words still sounded like a lie even to my own ears.
Jacob shook his head. "You don't get it. You won't want to die."
I tried to process what he was trying to tell me as calmly as I could. "You really mean it, don't you? You're sure she's like us? She's immortal?"
Jake nodded. "That's what they said about her."
I stared down at my hands that were folded in my lap. Forever? I hadn't thought of that before. I knew in the back of my mind that Jacob wasn't ever going to die….he couldn't. At least, not while Renesmee was around. She was immortal. "That's crazy…I could like…I could live forever. I could phase for the rest of my life," I heard myself say.
Jacob nodded. "You see? It won't be so bad. I'll always be around. Everyone else…they'll get old and change, but we'll still be here."
"That's kinda sad," I admitted. I thought of all my pack mates and friends with mortal imprints; Quil, Seth, Sam, Jared, Paul…They would all die someday. And I would be left behind, never changing, never growing, and never dying.
"I know. But you don't get it – it won't be sad because she'll be there. That will be all that matters soon – if you let it."
I looked up at him, my insides churning with confusion. I had no idea what to do, even after talking with my Alpha.
"I just don't think I can."
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I sulked alone in the library for the rest of the night. I tried to sleep on the soft leather couches, but every time I did manage to find sleep…the nightmares would find me.
I dreamt I was running thought the forest at night, unable to phase. No matter how hard I tried, I could never get the familiar heat to flow up my spine that gave me four paws. It wouldn't come. To make matters worse, I was being chased. I was running like my life depended on it from vampires. Not just any vampires either; the most beautiful, horribly terrifying looking vampires imaginable to me. Their long, silky hair flowed out behind them as they chased me through the dark night with their blood red eyes. Each time one was about to bite, I would wake up.
After awhile…I gave up on sleep.
When the early morning sunlight finally came streaming through the tall windows of the library, I gave up on getting any rest. It was obvious that I wasn't supposed to get any sleep.
"Of course not. Sleep would just make me well-rested and rational…but who needs that?" I muttered bitterly to myself as I pulled my t-shirt back on. I shuffled out of the library, pausing only in the bathroom to splash some cold water on my cheeks. I grabbed the soap that was sitting on the counter and scrubbed my face, hoping that would help me wake up and clear my head.
This soap smells good….like lime and…oh crap!
I jerked my head up, water still streaming down my face. My nostrils flared and my eyes went wide as I saw her in the mirror, standing behind me in the hall.
There she was. My heart started racing and my breaths become shallow as I stared at her in the mirror. She stood in the hall, perfectly still. Her piercing blue-green eyes stared back at me as I stood, water dripping down my face.
I stared at her, suddenly unable to move. It felt like she had sucked me into her ocean colored eyes and pinned me there…but I didn't mind. My mind was screaming at me to move, escape, do something…but I couldn't. Instead I just stood there, staring at her. I could have stayed there forever, letting her gaze at me in wonder.
I stood in a trance for I don't know how long. It could have been seconds, it could have been days. Either way I was a prisoner in those eyes. And then…she moved. Towards me. She was coming towards me.
I gasped and jumped, backing up against the sink. My instincts cursed at me, telling me not to be such a coward.
Attack! End her now!
No! She is yours! This is your mate!
The two sides screamed at each other, battling it out between my head and my heart. My head began to pound as my heart slammed against my chest. Every sense in my body went into overload as she moved slowly toward me. I could hear the pads of her feet moving on the cold tile floor of the hallway. I gripped the sink, completely frozen. Did I push past her? Attack her?
My body answered for me as I stood there paralyzed. She moved slowly; tentatively. Closer and closer she got, but in slow motion. Finally, she was in the tiny room with me, staring at me with wide eyes. The expression on her face was curious…curious and..playful?
She was right in front of me She was so close, I could smell her. I could smell her quite clearly, actually. Her scent swirled around me; it was tropical and intense, but I liked it. She smelled like a day at the beach with a twist of citrus. That was laced with something else…something like vanilla frosting. Had she been eating?
My mind fought to regain control of the sensory overload this girl…this thing was causing me. And then it happened. She smiled at me.
There she stood, not two feet in front of me and she was smiling at me. I stood frozen, still unable to move as I stared at her in my trance-like state.
Her hand rose up, slowly towards mine and then when our skin touched it was like I had been burnt by a white hot sparkler, but the heat was nice. It was a good heat; it was heat I hadn't felt in years. It sent a jolt through my body like none other. I felt like I had been struck by lightning. And it woke me up.
I pushed past her quickly, suddenly aware of what was happening. She was touching me. That monster was touching me. I knew I sounded like a scared little girl, but….I was scared. She was a monster. The same type of monster that had almost killed me.
I ran from the bathroom and didn't look back.
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I hope you are all enjoying Collin and Estrella's mini story! Please leave me a review, I'd love to hear your thoughts on these two : )
