Being Human
Disclaimer: CBS owns Criminal Minds, but I have an inventive mind.
Summary: Hotch falls into a dark hole after losing a victim to a unsub, and the team rallies around him to try to lift his spirits all except for the recently returned Emily...
A/N: So I decided to add in a Hotch story to this series, I know it's not very in character of him to be down but after all we're all human.
Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a review.
"Depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling... People who keep stiff upper lips find that it's damn hard to smile." Judith Guest
The team watched as Hotch marched out of his office, leaving earlier than he had ever had before, to head home. Each had understood his need to leave early not even needing to see the withdrawn, forlorn expression on his face.
"This is bad" JJ murmured from her spot in the bullpen. Turning around to the concerned eyes of Dave, she nodded for him to come down for a meeting.
As Dave descended down the catwalk, he can hear JJ start the conversation with the remaining team members.
"Look I know being in this kind of job we're in we have to be prepared for anything" JJ said licking her lips as she looked at the faces of her friends "But we can't let Hotch fall into this depression."
"JJ, I think we just have to let him work through the motions" Morgan said "Let him go through the stages of grieves."
Reid looked over, "I think JJ's right" Reid said sighing "We need to help him, and just letting him go through a series of emotions isn't going to help."
Emily looked down at her fingernails, picking at it not acknowledging the team.
Dave sighed as he watched the team go back and forth with plans at rallying around Hotch's state of mind.
"I think we need to take turns watching him" Dave said vocalizing his concerns "Last night I talked to Jessica, she told me that Hotch asked her to keep Jack for a while."
"How is Jack?" Emily asked pondering the little boy's own state due to his father's frame of mind.
"Jessica said that he's handling it better than she thought he was" Dave said "We're just lucky he's so young that he doesn't understand everything that's happening."
"Well at least we know he hasn't gone through all the grieving stages yet." Garcia said sniffling "Can you imagine what would have happen if he hit anger stage?"
"I know that we're all worried about Hotch but try to remember he witness that terrible tragedy and we need to help pull him through this." Dave said shaking his head, "We need to set out a time schedule."
"What about his job?" Morgan asked "How are we going to swing that?"
"I've cleared it with the temporary Section Chief. I told him that Hotch's taking sometime off." Dave told the team "I'll go first. I can work around the time when I have to come in, but we'll have to make sure that one of us is with him until the others can arrive."
Setting out a time frame that everyone settled on, Emily turned her head away not wanting the team to see that she was having conflicting feelings about watching Hotch until his depression kicked.
"I can take the shift in the afternoon, do my case work at Hotch's" JJ offered seeing the team nod in response "Reid, do you think you can take over for Dave in the morning?"
"Sure." Reid agreed while everyone got their Hotch watch scheduled down.
"Everyone satisfied with the schedule?" Dave asked looking at the team who nodded then looked over at Emily, "Emily?"
Clearing her throat, "Yeah, it's fine."
"Ok, I'm going to go over and stay the night." Dave said, "Remember you're schedules."
Emily walked into the BAU, placing her go bag down and frowned as she looked around the empty bullpen.
Shrugging she noticed Dave's office light up and went up the catwalk she knocked on his door and saw the team minus Reid was in there.
"What's going on?" Emily asked seeing the team talking.
"There you are" JJ said relieved "We need you to cover Dave's evening schedule tonight."
"Why?" Emily asked "I thought I'm suppose to get the late afternoon shift with him."
"We got a case and you're the only one that hasn't had a watch with him, other than Morgan and well..." Dave said half hazard.
"What?" Emily asked "Why can't Morgan stay with him?"
Sighing Dave ran his hand through his hair as he let out a breath, "Because we need him and we think you could be the one to reach Hotch."
Frowning, Emily raised an eyebrow, "How can I be the one to reach him? I'm not exactly a psychiatrist here, Dave."
Groaning, JJ got up and walked to Emily, "We know that you were struggling with depression when you came back."
Emily inhaled her breath and she glared at Dave, she told him but did he tell the team?
"No" JJ said shaking her head, "He didn't tell us. We saw it ourselves. The only reason we didn't do a intervention for you was because you chose to get help, Hotch isn't doing that."
Emily sighed, she knew her friends were right. She did choose to get help, but not through the Bureau although she did see their shrink as was mandatory for all agents. But she knew Hotch held too much pride to seek help.
"Fine," Emily said trying not to sound defeated but she didn't want to do this, she didn't want to force him to ask for something he wasn't ready for..
Standing outside Hotch's door, Emily held the apartment key in her hand that Dave passed her before she left, with explicit instructions to help not hurt.
Unlocking the door, Emily walked into the dark room and saw Hotch sitting on the window seat staring out at the dark night sky.
"Hotch?" Emily said lightly, flicking on the table light "It's Emily."
"Hmpp" Hotch greeted.
"I'm not going to ask you how you're feeling" Emily said kicking off her shoes to take the empty spot next to him "Because that would only be redundant. And you don't have to talk because I'm sure that's the last thing you feel like doing. So I just want you to listen."
Emily pried the bottle of bourbon out of his hands and handed him a bottled water she carried in her bag.
"Drinking yourself into oblivion is not going to bring that little boy back." Emily said "You did everything you could to protect him, but sometimes the bad guys win."
"A little too often don't you think?" Hotch muttered.
Sighing, "What the hell are you doing to yourself?" Emily asked "I know depression, I lived through depression and..."
"I know, I know, I know" Hotch muttered "You beat it, good for you. How about letting me handle my depression my way?"
"You can't do this to yourself" Emily said "You have son to think about. Remember Jack? You know where that little boy is right now?"
Hotch shut his eyes, a look of hurt hit his face before he masked his emotion.
"I honestly don't know what to say to you" Emily said "But I guess I'm just going to have to bust my ass and be honest and open..." Groaning she muttered to herself "You need to pull yourself together for Jack, for yourself and the team. We're all here for you but you have to meet us halfway."
Hotch turned his attention back to her, "Why are you even here? I know you don't want to be here."
Licking her lips, "Because you helped me when I was at my worst." Emily said "You and JJ saved my life, even after I kept my connection to Doyle a secret."
Emily picked at her fingernail, biting her lip nodding her head, "All right I didn't want to be here, but not because I blame you for not protecting that little boy, Hotch you tried your best to save him. Everyone knows that. It's just after all these years of doing the job that we do, you still could be affected by something as horrific as that makes me realize that you are human."
Hotch looked down at the ground "Of course I'm human, Pren... Emily. I saw that child's body and..."
"All you could see was Jack's face." Emily answered placing her hand lightly on his arm "That's what made me come here to try to help you, because I'm proud of you. I'm proud that my friend, who's been in this line of work for so long that can still be affected by something that goes so badly, especially when it comes to children."
Hotch looked up at her, and gave her a subtle nod as he took a sip of the water.
"I'd offer you bourbon but..." Hotch said looking down at the empty glass in her hand.
"You drank it all?" Emily said lightly placing the glass on the end table next to her, "How about you get up, take a shower and brush your teeth because you stink."
Hotch let out a wry chuckle at that, "I guess I do, don't I?"
Pulling out the card, "We won't make you see the Bureau shrink, but you do need to talk to someone who can help." Emily said clearing her throat, handing him the card, "Dr. Jones, he really helped when I came back."
Looking down at the card, he whispered, "I think I can do that."
Standing up, "Good, now if you'll forgive me the OCD freak in me is going to clean this mess and maybe you could I don't know... call Jack and talk to him?"
Emily bit her lower lip when he pulled out the cell phone, "How do I make this up to him?" Hotch asked.
"Maybe you just start with, I love you?" Emily told him "That's all a kid needs to hear from their parent."
Hotch dialed the cell phone, and watched Emily walked around the apartment straightening up.
"Emily?" Hotch said watching her turn around to look at him, "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Emily said smiling at him as he turned to the conversation on his phone.
William James said, "Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does."
To Be Continued...
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