Graduation is fun. :D
Chapter Four: Kiss My Lapras (Leaf versus Pokedex?)
"Oh, you little cutie – geez, you're heavier than you look …"
With a loud bang, the door was kicked open, revealing Leaf, standing there at the threshold of her room with the tiny shiny Lapras in her arms. Frosti, standing at her heels, stared around at her room. The carpeted floor was messily covered with various items; Leaf was forced to navigate her way to the bed, narrowly tripping several times. Finally she jumped onto her bed, careful to keep the Lapras securely held in her arms as several socks went flying. She placed the little Pokemon on her pillow, where it yawned cutely and promptly fell asleep.
"Can you imagine if Mom sees you?" Leaf asked, speaking mostly to herself as she gazed down at the Pokemon. "She'll freak. We'll have to keep you up here and hope she doesn't decide to come in here."
Frosti stared incredulously.
"Oh, right," Leaf said, remembering he was there. "Well, this is my room." She made a grand, sweeping gesture around her.
"… Seriously? How can you live with this?" he asked, as he waded through huge piles of clothes strewn about the floor. He shook his head at the room's condition: various papers lay scattered on the desk, books spilled haphazardly from the shelves, and stuffed animals flooded from the open closet. Not even the ceiling was safe – several badly folded origami cranes dangled above their heads, gently swaying back and forth. In fact, only the walls seemed to show any sign of order at all. It seemed as though Leaf had set them aside as a shrine for the numerous objects of her fangirling: posters were tacked to the walls, covering every inch of space so that Frosti couldn't tell what color the walls themselves were supposed to be. Various male actors, singers, and trainers could be seen, but the largest posters boasted virtually every male League member – Gym Leaders, Elite Four members, and Frontier Brains alike – under the age of thirty-five.
"It's not like there's a point in putting this stuff away," Leaf retorted, stroking the Lapras's nose gently with a single finger. She seemed to have already taken it for granted that this incredibly rare Pokemon was in her possession. "I mean, I'll just have to take it out again sometime, right?"
"Slob."
"Am not!"
He sighed. "Look, if a lizard calls you a slob, then you know you've got a problem."
"True. But don't worry, I just need to grab a sleeping bag, and maybe some other stuff …" She sat down on the floor, picking stuff up and stuffing it into her handbag.
"Fine, but I am not helping you carry all that," he said, watching his trainer unearth a huge rubber duck from somewhere under her bed.
"Hey, hey, hey!" the Pokedex drawled suddenly, startling them. "I just realized that I haven't given you an entry for the Lapras yet! Wow, I suck. Here we go—"
"Don't you dare insult my sweet little baby!" Leaf yelped, pouncing onto the Pokedex frantically.
"It's my job to 'insult the sweet little babies," the Pokedex replied smartly. "Lapras, the Exploding Pokemon. Gender is Female. Height is Worm, Weight is You Sure Wouldn't Guess It Was A Worm. Lapras are friendly and live in large pods with others of their own kind, but this is only because they're all immature wusses who don't realize that humans are evil and like hunting them down for their shells! Which are worth millions sometimes, so let's go kill a few off right now! Because, kids, what your parents haven't told you is that ripping off the shells of the weird, freaky turtle things is fun and profitable! Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
There was absolute silence.
"Heh, heh, that was a pretty clever one, if I do say so myself," the Pokedex chuckled. "I should make entries for humans sometime. That sure would be entertaining, although I'd need a million different ones since they all look different for some reason. Which is odd, since all Corphish look the same, and all Tangela look the same, and all Jigglypuff look the same, and all Numel look the same, and all Seaking … kid, what are you doing? Is that a foot? Wow, I've never seen a foot before. Oh, look, it's moving at a high velocity towards my location. Interesting. Tee hee, something naughty's on the bottom of your shoe … wait a second here … oh sh—"
CRUNCH.
"Naughty words are bad," Frosti commented, looking at the sizzling orange machine.
"Yes they are, Frosti, and don't you forget that. After all, look where they got the Pokedex. You may be orange, but you sure aren't a Pokedex, so be grateful."
"Oh my goodness gracious Giratina, did I offend you?" the Pokedex droned in a mock-whiny voice, as it popped its ruined shell off to reveal a new and unbroken one underneath, before singing, "Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and deserrrrt you! You just got dexrolled, kid!"
"Naaaarrrrrrrgh!" Leaf roared, disappearing from view as she sank into a large pile of homework which should have been turned in during first grade.
"I do not believe 'Naaaarrrrrrrgh' is a Pokemon," the Pokedex stated helpfully. "Nearest matches are Murkrow and Natu, but if you were a Pokemon I believe that your species name would be Naaaarrrrrrrgh. You know what, I think I should call you Naaaarrrrrrrgh from now on. Dearest Naaaarrrrrrrgh, how are you doing today?"
Leaf facepalmed. "Three things," she muttered. "One, I officially hate your guts. Or circuits, or whatever. Two, my name is not 'Naaaarrrrrrrgh', nor will it ever be." She scowled. "And three … Frosti, when the Lapras wakes up, tell her that her name is Paris."
"Paris?"
She nodded mutely.
"Okaaayyy …" Frosti's orange face was further colored by confusion. "But why? You could tell her yourself."
"I could, but I'm going to be sitting in this corner acting like I'm dead for the next couple hours," Leaf told him, groaning as the Pokedex began singing, "Nine hundred thousand nine hundred ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, nine hundred thousand nine hundred ninety-nine bottles of beer … C'mon, Naaaarrrrrrrgh, baby, it's great once you've had enough of it! Take one down, pass it around …"
When Leaf's mother finally came home from work that evening (by which time Leaf herself had temporarily gotten over her problems with the Pokedex), Frosti quickly saw that he was not the first Pokemon to set foot in the house. Lecky, the Pokemon to whom that title really belonged, smiled at him disarmingly at the dinner table, revealing twin sharp fangs.
"Um … hi," he managed to say, grinning weakly back in return.
The yellow Pokemon extended a furry hand towards him, and Frosti, being naïve, grasped it. Immediately a huge spark jumped from her palm to his, and he yelped in pain at the abrupt electric shock. She broke their handshake, let him rub his sore hand for a moment, and then leaned toward him slightly, her knobby antennae glowing a faint, ominous blue.
"Take care of her out there," she growled, nodding in Leaf's direction.
Frosti nodded warily. Satisfied, Lecky leaned back in her chair, smirking.
Leaf, who seemed to be in her own little world, didn't notice this exchange. She stared at her glass on the table; the water within reminded her strongly of the little water-type snoozing upstairs in her room. How had this happened, anyway? Not even three hours into trainerhood, she had already become the owner of a shiny Pokemon. What were the odds? Probably a few billion to one. It was almost suspicious …
"Are you still sulking because I'm better than you, Naaaarrrrrrrgh? Well, that's not going to change, so stop it. Electabuzz, the Retarded Pokemon. Gender is Female. Height is Let's Touch That Thundercloud!; weight is Dead. These idiots cause half the blackouts in the whole world. And blackouts, as everyone knows, happen when an evil genius is stealing the city's power to make his own thingy work. So it's obvious that Electabuzz are evil geniuses, minus the genius part. And if you don't see that, you're a moron."
Lecky rolled her eyes.
"Dinnertime!" Leaf's mom emerged from the kitchen, carrying a large pot full of spaghetti. The sight of the food immediately pulled Leaf back to reality. What with all the excitement of Paris hatching, she hadn't managed put together her sandwich, or even to continue her search of the elusive peanut butter.
On a less relevant note, the peanut butter in question was currently frolicking in a glade with several flamboyant fauns. But that's a story for another time.
As they ate, another question slowly crept to the surface of Leaf's mind. She considered it for a moment before looking up at her mother, still twirling noodles around her fork. "Mom," she almost whined, "when are you going to tell me about Dad?"
The woman sighed, looking back at her daughter. In the tradition of all mothers of heroes and heroines, she looked ten years younger than she really was, even though her long dark hair was tied back in an austere bun and her clothes were all baggy and dirty from gardening. Ordinarily, single mothers of this sort have remarried by now, but this was not the case.
Leaf was fine with that. The last thing she wanted was some gross old stoned guy lazing about on the couch, chugging beer by the six-pack, and bragging loudly about the unmentionable things he and her mother did every night. It should be noted at this point that the single mothers mentioned above have a revolting taste in men.
"Honey," her mother said, "I keep telling you, he's not a lot to talk about. He's not some mysterious figure who's going to die and leave us with a massive fortune. And he's not some random person I met in Las Vegas, either. He's just an ordinary man who I fell in love with, married, and later split up with. Nothing interesting about that."
The way she put it did sound boring. And yet there was something else she wondered about. "Is he still … you know … alive?"
Her mother shrugged. "We haven't kept in touch," she said, and her tone warned Leaf that this conversation was at an end.
It wasn't until later that night, when she lay in bed with Paris and Frosti snuggled up on either side, that she realized her mother had deliberately avoided giving a real answer.
"Okay, you have everything you need?"
"Yeah."
"Now, you go and have a great time out there, and be safe, okay?"
"Yeah, sure," Leaf assured her mother, slinging her trusty handbag over her shoulder. The night had come and gone, and it was time to meet the boys by the lab. Despite her excitement for the journey, she suddenly felt small and alone, as if her life was suddenly turning into a second-rate TV show. At least she never found out about Paris, she thought to herself. She'd go insane.
Her mother suddenly grabbed her in a suffocating hug. "Oh, my little baby all grown up—"
"Mmmmph!" Leaf struggled in vain to free herself.
Frosti, standing at Leaf's side like a good little Charmander, stared.
"I remember when you were still in diapers," her mother continued, going teary-eyed. Apparently, she didn't even notice Leaf wrestling wildly to escape from her grasp. "I wish I had a camera … pity it's broken."
"Yeah, well, you're liable to break something else," Leaf gasped as she finally tore herself free, rubbing her neck.
Lecky joined them from inside the house, a golden-brown muffin in her paw. "Lec?" she asked, offering the muffin to Leaf.
"Why thank you, Lecky," Leaf said with a smile, accepting her breakfast. She took a large bite, letting the steaming flavors of cinnamon and blueberry meld on her tongue.
"Lecky's going to miss you, too," her mother sighed, patting the aging yellow-and-black Pokemon on the shoulder.
"Now, you take care of Mom, m'kay, Lecky?"
The Electabuzz nodded, a faint blue current of electricity appearing between her two knobby horns. She snuck a knowing glare at Frosti, who swallowed nervously.
"Okay, then. Well, I gotta go, the guys are waiting and I don't think they want their lives on hold. Bye!"
"Goodbye, sweetheart," her mother cried as Leaf skipped merrily down the path, the Poke Balls on her belt bouncing comfortably off of her leg. She swallowed the remainder of the muffin whole before sprinting away from the place she knew as home. Frosti trotted behind her, eager to put distance between him and that maniacal Electabuzz.
Her mother remained on the doorstep, still waving even though Leaf was no longer visible. Tears began to drip unromantically from her wide, sorrowful eyes. Lecky glanced up at her owner, her tiger-like tail swishing back and forth.
"Yes, Lecky, I'm alright. I'm just worried that she'll run into her father …"
At the lab, Professor Oak had a few words of wisdom to impart.
" … And do not, whatever you do, let them touch you. It counts as pedophilia." He blanched at some memory.
Lightning swallowed.
"Well, I guess Swampert wants to see his egg again," the Professor said; indeed, the huge blue beast had been looking antsy, drumming his fingers on the floor impatiently for the last several minutes. The gash on his chest wasn't bleeding anymore, but there was no doubt that it would leave a terrible scar.
"Sure," Leaf agreed. She pulled a Poke Ball from her belt and, after some hesitation, pointed it toward the ground. This is going to take some getting used to, she thought, as the red-and-white sphere released a bright beam that solidified into the tiny shape of Paris, who looked up at everyone, smiling sweetly. Swampert immediately lowered himself to the floor, nuzzling her with unbridled fatherly affection.
The Lapras blinked.
Frosti blinked.
Leaf blinked.
Fire blinked.
Ocean blinked.
Oak blinked.
Lightning ordered pizza.
"Wait … why did you just order pizza?" Leaf demanded.
"I missed my lunch."
"You fail at life," Fire snarled.
"Are you flipping serious?" Ocean cut in, his surprise exploding from him dramatically. "W-why do you have a Lapras? A shiny Lapras? A shiny Lapras in perfect condition, no less, for which any collector would give up his ba— I mean, Poke Balls! Heh, almost forgot there are innocent young children listening to this conversation. Hi!" He waved at Frosti, who just stared at him.
"I know, it's weird," Leaf said. "But I caught her, so she's mine."
The Swampert turned his attention toward her.
"Ah …" She unconsciously backed up a couple of paces. Perhaps it would have been smarter not to say that in front of him?
But the determined glint in his eye was far from malevolent. "Take me with you," he said.
She blinked. "What?"
"I'm not going to be separated from my last link to family," he declared. Paris clumsily waddled away from him, towards Leaf; as the girl picked her Lapras up, she felt a surge of guilt at the agonized expression on Swampert's face. "I turned my back on them once, and I won't make that mistake again."
Then, before Leaf could reply, he quickly reached out and tapped one of the Poke Balls on her belt, letting himself get sucked into it without a fight. It didn't even wobble once before it dinged cheerfully, signaling a successful capture.
The stunned silence was broken by Ocean's plaintive whine.
"… the hell?"
(And finally we get the introductory part out of the way. I've never understood why I took so long to start writing the actual journey part, but meh. Next up: ... the actual journey part. No, not ALL of it, you sillies. :P)
