**ATTENTION**

I am very Sorry if there is still grammer/spelling mistakes in this chapter. I am trying the best I can to find them all, I am still looking for a Beta

so if anyone knows any or if you would like to beta this story PLEASE let me know.

And just so everyone know I will NOT be retelling Twilight, there will be only about 2 or 3 more times that it will be showen

so please do not worry of this just being a repeat of Twilight, I will have my own plot and twists.

Thought I would give you a sneak peak into Bella mind and what she is up to

thanks you to everyone who has read this story and reviewed you guys make me smile

*disclaimer: Do not own nothing sorry*

**BELLA**

I sit at the kitchen table looking at all of the fan mail that I have, there are hundreds of them if not thousands. But there is really only one letter that I want to be there and read. I have been looking through all of my mail each and everyday hoping that one day I will pick up that special letter from one of the Cullen's. I know that I did not publish the book in my name it would have been to difficult to do with some people that I knew before were still alive and they had thought that I had died 40 years ago.

I still remember it all like it had happened yesterday.

It was my 18th birthday and already it had stated out as a bad day considering that I was going to be officially one year older than Edward. Everything was going okay until my fateful birthday party that Alice had insisted on throwing me, everything was going good at the party until it came time to open up my gifts and I ended up with a darn paper cut. I don't remember much after that except Edward had dropping me off at home. I knew something was just not right with him but I didn't say anything afraid it would just make matters worse, oh I wish now that I would have just talked to him about it.

The next day at school only Edward came he had said Alice was with Jasper. Which seemed to make sense to me at the time, of course Alice would want be with Jasper he must be feeling really bad about himself right now, but I know that it was not his fault, you cant change who you are no matter what. All day at school Edward was there in person holding me when he normally would but I could tell that his mind was elsewhere. No matter what I had said to him he would just give me one or two word answers. That should have been another clue for me, but I guess at the time I didn't understand the seriousness of the issue. After school he asked if he could come over. We had laid down in my bed for awhile just staring at each other I don't know why but I had a sickning feeling that this might be the last time we were ever like this. Something in his eyes changed all of a sudden it was like a switch that went off. He had started kissing me and not just his normal reserved kisses no this was a kiss of a dieing man. I couldn't help but return the kiss with everything that I had. I loved this man and I wanted to show him with everything that it would be okay that we can make it through anything that this world throws at us. He was so feverous with his actions that one moment we were just kissing than the next he was on top of me with our clothes off.

While Edward was on top of me both of us without clothes on he had stopped everything we were doing and looked me right in the eyes. What I had seen in his expression will always stay with me. He had looked like he was in so much pain like he was being burned from the inside out. And in that moment I knew that I would give this man anything and everything that I had to give.

I gave him a silent nod of approval and kissed the bottom of his jaw. Than after that we had made sweet tender love. I had never been so happy in my entire existence than I was at that moment. He had stayed with me that night until I had fallen asleep. When I had woken up in the morning he was nowhere in my room. The only thing that was there was a note by my pillow. He had wrote on it with his beautiful script writing:

My beautiful Bella,

I am sorry for how I have handled this situation, but my family and I have to leave. Bella please do not look for me, where I am going is no place for you. I will always love you in a way but we just can't be together, please understand that this is for the best. You will never hear from me or from any of the family, Bella it will be as if we had never excited. Take care of your self for Charlie's sake. I am sorry for all that I have put you through but remember I will never regret anything that we had shared.

Always

Edward

I shook myself out of the most painful memories. I started to go through all the mail once again. No one has my home address I had all of the fan mail mailed to a PO BOX in Chicago just incase some one had come looking for me. I get a lot of letters from teenage girl who would ask me if this was indeed a true story and where they would be able to find their guarding angels. I would smile to myself, yes it is a true story but was unable to tell them that.

I had made quick work to reply to each and every letter that I had received. I would be forever grateful to all my fans for reading my life story even though they thought that it was fiction.

I still can't get Edward and his family out of my head. I don't know why I think about them so much. Edward had said to me himself that he did not love me the same anymore. Even after knowing all of this I cannot blame him after all I was just another human girl right? I miss them all every single day. Even though I cannot dream anymore I still feel like I am living a nightmare that I cant seem to wake up from.

I have to stop thinking about them. I had made a promise to myself all those years ago that I would never interfere with the Cullen's life again. And when I sit here thinking about them it makes my promise that much more difficult to uphold. I have from time to time hired someone to get me their house phone number for me. I always remembered that they always had a house phone wherever they lived. I had asked about it once and Edward had told me that it was for when they enrolled in school that the schools always requested a home number incase of emergencies. I would get their phone number once every five years or so just so I could call and hear one of their voices. It would normally be Esme that would answer, but one time it was Alice and it took everything out of me not to talk to her. I would always hang up after a minute or so, so that I could not get tempted to talk to them.

I returned to writing back replies to the fan mail and waited for the others to come home so that we could go hunting.

**THANK YOU ALL AGIAN FOR READING THIS STORY! PLEASE REVIEW AND MAKE ME SMILE**

JUST GONNA REC A STORY THAT I FOUND YESTERDAY IF YOU ENJOYED THE OFFICE YOU WILL ENJOY THIS ONE

SPY GAMES BY JEN1987

REALLY GOOD READ GOT HOOKED ON THE 1ST CHAP