We entered the house by gunpoint, me holding Maggie and my suitcase, Bart holding his and hers. Bob held the gun that was trained for our backs. Francesca opened the door when Bart banged both suitcases on it to get the knock across. She had that same (to put it into Mom's words) "stabby grin" Bob did when he was about to kill us (but failed).
She turned back to the family members inside. "They are here!"
We were ushered in. The first room was the kitchen; not too different from the one at home (our home). Except for the faded baby blue wallpaper and decorations, everything was like looking in a mirror. Bob lead us through there, into a dining room. Of course, it had a table in the center, if that really needed to be said.
There wasn't a door to separate us from the living room, which, oddly enough, was a mirrored flip image of ours too, maybe a little bigger to really fit everybody. Bob's entire family was in there, either sitting on the two-sided, right-angled sofa that was against the corner in front of the TV, or on the floor.
Despite this possibly being at least an emotional situation, I wasn't necessarily afraid. It wasn't different from any other time we were kidnapped; we would escape.
However, I found it terrifying when Cecil stood up with his finger in the air. "The enemy! No dirges for them, since they shall die so young!"
I then unsuccessfully stifled laughter. Bart and Maggie laughed though. Behind me, Bob sighed.
Dame Judith was sitting on the couch with her arms crossed. "Sit down and shut up."
He did so, "Yes ma'am."
She got up, the rest of them following. "I believe that all of you know our story so far. At least the part of it you were there to cause."
I shrugged. Maggie sucked on her pacifier, and I couldn't see Bart.
Bob came out in front of us, the gun still trained on my brother. "And now, Mother, you know how much we hate surprises." He cocked the gun, "Can I do the honors?"
Bart stepped in front of Maggie and I, "You want me," He said through clenched teeth, "Not my sisters."
She kept a poker face. "No. I believe I made my orders clear to take all of you."
Finally, after all of these hints, I burst out laughing. By the time I was done, everybody was staring at me. I pointed to Dame Judith, looking at Bob, "She's your higher power? The one you have to follow orders from?"
Bart got it as well, cackling with me. "Momma's boy!" Maggie started laughing as well, though I'm not sure if she really got it or was following our lead.
Bob sputtered a bit. This was the first time I've ever seen him blush, even if it was slightly, making us laugh harder. "R-really? You have officially sunk that low? I've heard better comebacks from Chief Wiggum."
We all stopped, grinning. This kind of behavior we had in mind was highly irregular for us, especially right now of all times, but hilarious and entertaining all the same. We do have Simpson blood in our veins. And this was a great stall on our part, waiting for some miracle to save us.
Like it usually does every time. So long as this works.
Dame Judith spoke up again. "If you are done—"
"Wait . . ." Bart paused, "HA—! Okay, I'm done."
Bob and Gino—who was now in the arms of his mother—scowled.
She kept a straight, blank face. "Now that you are done, I suppose you would like to know what we plan on doing to you."
I looked around. Annoy, "Well, I guess so. Sort of. You have really high power; none of them even know what they're going to do. Aside from your husband."
We all glanced at Robert Sr. He gave a half-smile. "There are some things somebody else is meant to explain."
"Gut them?" Gino took out his knife.
"Shoot them?" It took Bob a moment to realize the gun was already cocked.
"Vendetta!" Cecil stood up again, arm in the air and pointed.
"Sit down."
He followed her orders once again.
"Allow me to start off with how our lives are."
"Why do you people take so much pride in what you've done since the last time you tried to kill us?" Bart asked, "It isn't exiting at all, especially to three kids with nothing better to do with our lives. Why can't we ever talk? For example, we're really appreciative of you guys because you saved us from going to boot camp. The first thing I did the last time you tried to kill us was get ice cream. Lisa did her homework, and Maggie took a nap."
Maggie sucked on her pacifier.
Part of her lip curled into a smirk. "Good for you. But I wasn't going to tell you how we are currently living our lives. I was going to show you."
"And then gut or shoot them?"
I looked at Bob, suppressing a grin. "I bet you're going to miss us."
Bob scoffed. "What makes you think I'm going to miss you? I have attempted to kill you multiple times."
I shrugged. He walked right into this one, I have to admit. "I've heard boys pick on you because they like you."
This got Francesca chuckling and Bart laughing hysterically.
Even Dame Judith gave a full smile. "He's already married, dear. And no. We aren't going to kill you."
Everybody besides Robert Sr. gave her a look, "What?!"
She maintained her smile, "Don't you agree? Life is an essence. We should appreciate it while we have it, and though taking it away is the worst crime anybody can do to you, it can also be a blessing."
All that time she stared at Cecil, who was on the floor. Robert Sr. was making sure he stayed down.
She looked everyone in the eye, resting on Bart and I, "Our lives, as of right now, are as miserable as they are because of you children."
"It would've helped if your son didn't try to kill us so many times." Bart crossed his arms.
"Consequences will come to all of us, my dear boy. If we go down, we are taking you in the process. You shall stay with us for the next two weeks—"
"WHAT?!" All of us shouted, aside from Cecil (simultaneously, he shouted 'BAZINGA?!').
"—And see how we suffer."
"And what makes you think we're not going to crawl out a window or something?" Bart asked.
"Bullet-proof. And child proof."
Gino nodded, "I can-a vouch for that."
"Doors?" I lost my grip on my suitcase; it thudded on the floor, the sound ringing through the room.
"Coded electrical lock. You'll never figure it out, or have the time to get to the door."
"And what happens," said Bart, taking a step closer, "if we find the time?"
"Then one of us shall cut you off."
"How?" I asked.
"It depends on whether or not you like surprises, dear."
"What kind of surprise?" I picked up my suitcase.
"Where will we be staying?" Bart dropped his. We both started taking slow steps forward.
"How will you treat us?"
"Why are we here again?"
"When will you release us?"
"Will I ever see my mommy and daddy again?"
I stifled laughter at that comment. "Can I have a final request? I want a meat-lovers dinner, but without the meat."
"I want my lawyer! I want my phone call! I want Maggie's pacifier!"
Maggie sucked on her pacifier, throwing him a warning glance.
"Why are you acting this way?" Bob gave us a funny look, crossing his arms.
"Between you and me," Bart said, "we aren't acting," He dropped the half smile. "We're seriously like this. Me more than Lisa, I don't know what's in her system."
I shrugged. "Adrenaline. My parents just sent me off to boot camp, you're holding us hostage—mixed emotions, sir."
"And now," Dame Judith sighed, "Bob, you can have the pleasure of showing them the soon-to-be locked basement. Let them get settled in."
"Isn't that where Cecil—"
"Do you want him sleeping anywhere else? Say, your room?"
He and Francesca were behind us in a heartbeat.
Bob hesitated. "What exactly are we going to do to them then?"
She glared at him. "As of right now, lock them in the basement. Did I not make that clear?"
All four of us took a step back at her sudden power-ridden tone. Bart whispered into my ear, "Now there's a woman who knows the strength of her own power."
"Alright, you three," Bob said, "Let's move."
This is what I get for watching 'The Simpsons Shorts' on YouTube. Things may go old-time soon, if this keeps up (but in my opinion the older episodes were the funniest, so I may keep the characters up like this).
