Heya ll you readers, thanks so much for the reviews! A BIG thanks to Gia for helping me out with the chapter and being an awesome beta:) The song in this chapter is Ana's Song(open Fire) by Silverchair...Also, sometimes when people have anorexia they call it Ana...kind of personalizing it...Just thought I would let you know that before reading the chapter. And a big thanks to photobooth romance for giving me the idea about what happens between Lucas and Peyton in this chapter. (don't want to give too much away!)
Please Die Ana…
For as long as you're here, we're not
You make the sound of laughter
And sharpened nails seem softer
The crisp air blew Brooke's brunette hair back as she jogged along the streets of Tree Hill. Ana's Song (Open Fire) by Silverchair blasted through the ear buds of her IPod. She pumped her arms and legs, trying to shed as many calories as she could. Her legs had started to burn a while ago, but it gave her a sense of power. Brooke's breathing was rhythmic, inhale with the right stride, and exhale with the left. Ana had taken over her life, and it made her feel in control and out of control at the same time.
Her house soon came in to view. A feeling of dread crept into her stomach. Prom was that night, and the last thing she wanted to do was fit her retched body into a form-fitting dress. She remembered back to when she thought of prom as the epitome of her high school career. Now it was just a dreadful event where she would have to face everyone who had seen her naked between the sheets with Nathan.
Seeing Haley would be the worst for her. Haley had become Brooke's best friend over the short time knowing her and it killed Brooke that she could hurt her in the way she did. The two hadn't spoken since the sex tape was revealed. There were lots of times Brooke wanted to call her up and just let Haley yell at her, but lost the nerve every time she flipped open her phone. She knew Haley would come to her when she was ready, but Brooke felt as though she was taking too long. Brooke needed her best friend back, now.
And I need you now somehow…
And I need you now somehow…
Brooke stared into the long mirror on the back of the bathroom door. The fat on her body seemed to be growing in front of her eyes. Her fragile fingers poked and prodded at the skin of her belly. She pinched the fat between her fingers, pulling it out as far as she could. In reality, there was no fat between her fingers, just skin, but to Brooke, it was a giant piece of flab she needed to get rid of.
Open fire all my need desires
On my knees for you
Open fire all my need desires
What I need from you
The brunette positioned herself in front of the porcelain bowl. This had become habit for her, retching after every time she would look in the mirror. It had become such a ritual she had taught herself to do it silently, so no one else would know what she was doing. It gave her the freedom of doing it while at school or while shopping. Afterwards, she would stare at her reflection in the mirror, gleaming with pride.
"What do you mean you are not going to prom?" Lucas demanded of his girlfriend. "You are too going, why are you being like this?" It wasn't like Lucas to throw a fit over something, but he was still frustrated about cutting all ties with Brooke. He didn't give her up to have to deal with a pouty Peyton.
"Lucas, I don't want to go." She spoke calmly, placing her hands on his shoulders. "I don't have a reason to go. The only reason why I would have gone before is for Brooke. Now, I don't care about her or prom, or high school. I just want to get it all over with, and dealing with high school when I don't have to doesn't sound like fun. So, just go, have a good time and come see me when it's all over with."
"Peyton, what about me?" He looked to her, hurt by her words. "You gave me all these excuses about why you don't want to go, but what about me? You don't want to go there to be with me? To dance with me?"
Peyton's eyes started to tear as she realized how she had hurt him. It hadn't dawned on her that he would want her to be there with him. "I'm sorry, Lucas." She whispered. "Why don't we just stay here, have a nice night here, by ourselves. That way we don't have to deal with all of the drama of high school, but we can still be together."
"Peyton," Lucas gave her a stern look, "I am going to prom. Whether you want to go or not is up to you. Just meet me there if you want."
Lucas left the bedroom, leaving a hurt Peyton to watch him as he went. His steps were fast as he hurried from her house. On the outside he cared that Peyton wasn't going, but on the inside he was torn. He knew Brooke would be there with Chase, and if Peyton would be there with him, he wouldn't have time to get jealous over watching Brooke and Chase dance together, or the longing looks the two would share.
The bells to the café chimed as he opened the door. Haley stood behind the counter, wiping it down. She looked up as she heard the bells and smiled towards Lucas. It was the first real smile Lucas had seen Haley have since before the sex tape fiasco. He figured she had talked to Nathan, and everything was now going to be okay. He just hoped he would be okay with it.
"Hey Hales," he sat down in front of her, "How's it going?"
"Slow," She rolled her eyes, "I need the tips desperately too."
"Did you talk to Nathan?" He questioned as she went to get him something to drink.
"Yeah, I did." Lucas couldn't see her face, but he knew she was smiling. "Everything's okay now. He did the sweetest thing, he made a list of all the girls he slept with and then a list of all the girls that mattered," She gushed, "I was the only one on the list that mattered."
"Thanks for the visual, Hales." Lucas rolled his eyes. "I mean, I know you guys have slept together," He nodded his head towards her stomach, "But it's still kind of gross hearing about it." Haley reached across the counter and smacked him in the arm. "Hey, there, buddy, you better be careful or your water might break."
"Ha Ha, Lucas." She rolled her eyes. "So, are you and Peyton all set for tonight? I can't wait to get out of here so I can get ready. Nathan rented a limo, and you and Peyton are more than welcome to join us." She paused. "Oh wait, Brooke and Chase are riding with us too."
"Yeah well," Lucas sighed, "Peyton isn't going so yeah, I'll be joining you." He took a sip from his drink. "I didn't know you and Brooke were talking again."
"Well, technically we're not, but we made these arrangements before all of that happened. Plus, I think it's about time I forgive her. I never in a million years thought I would say this, but I actually miss her….a lot." She leaned over on the counter, pondering over her memories with Brooke. "Did you ever think during freshman year of high school, I would be married to Nathan and carrying his child and you would be dating Peyton Sawyer, and your ex-girlfriend would be Brooke Davis?"
"Well, I'm sure I dreamt about it." Lucas laughed, causing Haley to swat his arm again. "But, it actually happening, no, never."
The two talked for a while longer, until Haley's shift was over, then Lucas walked her home. After talking to Nathan for a few moments, he left to get ready for prom himself. Dan had taken him tuxedo shopping the previous day, and he was excited to wear the tux he now owned. It wasn't like Dan to buy anything for Lucas, let alone expensive formal wear, but he appreciated it none the less. After getting ready, he walked back to Nathan and Haley's to join them for the limo ride to the school.
The limo ride was pleasant until they picked up Chase and Brooke. No one else noticed, but there was tension thick enough between Brooke and Lucas, it could have been cut with a knife. Lucas sat staring out the window while the rest joined in random conversations. He didn't want to face Brooke and Chase sitting so close, holding hands, and her giving him the famous Brooke Davis dimpled smile. He was, however, glad to see that Brooke and Haley had obviously put the tape behind them. They were laughing and joking as if it had never happened. He wasn't sure if the two had talked before the limo ride, or if they just acted like it never happened. He reminded himself to find out from Haley later.
Imagine a pageant
In my head the flesh seems thicker
Sandpaper tears corrode the filth
And I need you now some how
And I need you now some how
Brooke's stomach tied itself in knots as they neared the school. She kept reminding herself to suck in her stomach so the flab she had wouldn't protrude through her dress. On the outside she seemed cheery as usual, but on the inside she was being torn to shreds. When the limo pulled up outside the school, she sucked in a deep breath and held it while she and her group of friends entered the prom. The words she used to degrade herself ripped through her head. Stand up straight, suck your belly in, hold your chin up so people can't see your double-chin.
Loud music blared through speakers, and teens danced together. The light atmosphere allowed for a joyful environment, but not for Lucas. He sat at a table, head in his hands, doing what he did best, brooding. Silently he wondered how he ended up at prom dateless, while Brooke, his Pretty Girl, danced her night away with her present boyfriend. He watched as Nathan and Haley embraced each other in a slow dance. Both beamed with love for the other.
Haley noticed Lucas brooding alone at the table. She excused herself from Nathan, explaining what she was going to do. He nodded in approval, then went off to find some friends. She sauntered up to Lucas, and sat next to him. Lucas smiled weakly at her.
"Do you miss Peyton?" She questioned.
"Yeah," He sighed. It was a lie; he wanted to be the one dancing with Brooke, not Chase. "I'm pathetic, huh? I'm dateless at my senior prom. Now, that's something I would have predicted during freshman year." Haley laughed at him, nodding in agreement.
"Come dance with me." She held her hand out for him, which he accepted.
"Now, this is really pathetic." Lucas joked, swaying back and forth to the music. "My best friend is giving me a pity dance."
"Yeah, it is." Haley teased. "Now don't be getting any ideas, this isn't some Joey/Dawson love thing. It's just a simple best friends' dance."
"Yeah, that's gross." He crinkled his nose. "Besides, I think the baby between us is enough to keep my mind from wandering towards Dawson/Joey type thoughts." He patted the medium sized bump that had grown on Haley's abdomen. "I can't wait to meet the little guy in there."
"Me either."
The song ended and Lucas nodded for Haley to return to Nathan. She gave him an apologetic smile, then went to join her husband. He returned to his spot at the table, this time he wasn't going to allow himself to brood. Instead, he watched as other students laughed and had a good time. Not long after he sat down, the principal started speaking over the sound system. It was time to announce king and queen of prom.
Lucas was joined by the rest of his group as they anticipated the announcement. Most figured it would be Nathan and Brooke. The principal read of the queen first, which as no surprise, was Brooke. She clapped with joy as she made her way towards the stage. The next announcement came as a surprise. Lucas' name was announced as prom king. A look of confusion crossed his face, but he joined Brooke on stage anyways.
They were crowned, then ordered to dance together. Lucas led Brooke to the dance floor. He placed both hands on the sides of her waist, careful not to put them in any inappropriate place. Brooke timidly positioned her hands on the back of his neck. There was an awkward distance between the two. They started to sway to the music, making a point not to look one another in the eye. As they danced, their bodies started moving towards each other. When Lucas felt Brooke's torso rub against his, goose bumps formed throughout his body and he started to shiver. His hands started to glide along her sides until his arms were wrapped entirely around her.
Brooke felt like putty in Lucas' arms. She allowed her body to relax to his touch, and placed her head on his shoulder. Every place his body touched hers seemed to be on fire, as though electrical impulses was shooting from him into her. Her arms that were once awkwardly lying at his shoulders were now wrapped protectively around his neck. She nuzzled her nose in to the crook of his neck, taking in his scent. Lucas' heart pounded against Brooke's chest, and it comforted her. Her heart beat seemed to take on the same rhythm as his and for that moment in time, they seemed to beat as one.
The song came to an end and the two reluctantly pulled apart. They stared into one another's eyes, before being called by their friends to be congratulated. Brooke took in the thank-yous, then excused herself to the bathroom. She locked herself into a stall.
Open fire all my need desires
On my knees for you
Open fire all my need desires
What I need from you
She opened the stall door after she was finished to find Rachel standing at the sink with her arms crossed. Brooke gave her a nervous smile, then went to the sink to wash her hands. She looked into the mirror, and gave herself a proud smile, ignoring the fact Rachel was still standing there. She had to bask in her glory before Rachel rained on her parade.
"So, did you like what I set up for you?" Rachel smirked.
"What?" Brooke turned towards her.
"Yeah, I rigged the ballot so you and Lucas would be prom king and queen." She beamed. "I noticed you liked it, by the way. You two couldn't have gotten any closer unless you were naked." She looked into the mirror, fluffing up her hair. "You can thank me later, no need to now."
"Rachel, why would you do that?"
"Oh please, you're going to act like you're upset now?" She rolled her eyes. "If you can honestly tell me you did not like dancing with Lucas, and that there were absolutely no feelings between the two of you, I will go and turn myself in right now."
"There wasn't." Rachel could see right through Brooke's lie.
"Whatever, Brooke." She rolled her eyes then left Brooke standing alone in the bathroom.
After Lucas turned away from Brooke after dancing, he saw a familiar blond, curly haired girl staring at him. Her face was sullen, and he knew why. She had seen him and Brooke dancing. When he started to go to her, she turned and rushed out of the prom. He rushed after her, stopping to tell Haley what he was doing. It didn't take long for him to catch up to her, as she was having a difficult time running in her heels.
"Peyton!" He grabbed her arm, swinging her around. "I'm glad you came to prom."
"Quit it, Lucas, I saw you two." She seethed. "You know, why don't you just go back in there and be with your precious Brooke."
"Peyton, we were Prom king and queen, we had to dance." He tried to convince her. "That's all."
"Yeah right, Lucas, you had to dance so close like that?" She threw her hand in the air, frustrated with how she was feeling. "I knew I shouldn't have come to this stupid thing, and to think, it was all for you! Well, thanks a lot, Lucas. You made my night really special!"
"Peyton, don't be this way!" He grabbed her arm as she started to turn away. "It was just a dance. That's it. One dance and not even because we wanted to."
"Lucas, I saw the way you were looking at her." Frustration was written across her face. Her insecurities were telling her that maybe Lucas still had feelings for Brooke. "I guess she's just trying to get me back for what I did with you, that or she just likes to sleep with my boyfriends behind my back." Lucas cringed at her words, guilt over taking him. "Well, Lucas, don't make a video with her because it'll probably eventually get leaked, so be careful." Her walls were now up; she couldn't let him know she was being hurt.
"Peyton!" Lucas grabbed her again, pulling her into his arms. "Stop being like this. I'm not with Brooke, I'm with you. I love you. That dance didn't mean anything to me. You know, I spent most of the night missing you and wishing you were here with me. Why didn't you come then and see me miserable?" He had been miserable throughout the night, and part of it was because Peyton wasn't there, but most of it was because he had to watch Brook with Chase.
"I don't know." She spoke, her demeanor softening. "Really, you were?"
"Yeah," he kissed the tip of her nose. "Come on; let's go to your house."
The prom ended, and Chase and Brooke went back to her house. Rachel would be gone for the night to various parties, so the two would have the house to themselves. Brooke took her dress off and put something more comfortable on, and Chase undid his tie and took off his jacket.
"So," Brooke started, "What do you want to do?"
"I don't know, what do you want to do?"
"I can think of a few things." She kinked her eyebrows. It wasn't that she wanted to sleep with Chase in particular; she just needed to feel wanted. Even if it was only sex.
She went to him, and started kissing his lips hard. He lay back on the bed, allowing Brooke to straddle his body. She continued to kiss him, trailing from his lips to his neck. Chase gladly accepted her kisses, but became afraid of what she was leading towards. He gently pushed her up, sitting up as well.
"Brooke, I don't think we should do this." He spoke softly. "Maybe I should just go."
"What?" Brooke questioned as she got off his lap. "Why?" She needed him; even if wasn't the one she wanted most. Maybe she was just trying to find with Chase the feeling that she felt while dancing with Lucas.
"Brooke, you know how I feel about this." He sighed. "I'm a clean teen, Brooke. I can't do this, you know that." He shook his head while standing up. "I'll just call you tomorrow or something."
"Chase, wait," Brooke pleaded with him. "Don't leave. Look, its okay, I mean I won't tell if you won't." She raised an eyebrow while taking her shirt off. Her eyebrow cocked in a seductive manner.
Chase looked at the topless girl in front of him, tempted to give in. Brooke noticed him hesitate, and went to him to try and persuade him even more. She pressed her lips against his again, this time slower. Her hands started rubbing up and down his chest.
"Brooke," he spoke against her mouth, "Brooke," He pushed her back. "I can't do this."
Tears threatened to spill as Brooke watched Chase leave her. Her heart dropped in to her stomach. I'm not good enough for him. She thought. I can't even turn my own boyfriend on. She knew she shouldn't care, because it wasn't him that she needed. But even the person she needed had moved on from her to her ex- best friend. Lucas had always made her feel wanted when they were together. He never once rejected her. Now, all she had was Ana to turn to, and Ana was trying to kill her.
Peyton fervently placed kisses up and down Lucas' bare chest. He moaned with pleasure as he felt her soft lips press against his skin. She ran her fingers along his muscular chest, her lips finding his again. Lucas parted her lips with his tongue. He reached around to her back, unzipping the dress she had on. The straps fell down her arms, and she pulled back from his kisses to pull it the rest of the way off.
Lucas pulled her by the back of her head to his face, pressing her lips against his. She started to fumble with the buttons on his pants, eager to finally feel Lucas inside of her. He started to feel uneasy about the fact that he was not yet hard. His hands started to cup her breasts, trying to get his member to work. She finally got the buttons undone, and pulled down his zipper. She sat up from Lucas and pulled her dress off, now wearing nothing but her panties. Lucas watched nervously as she pulled down his pants and slid her hand into his boxers. She started to work at him, with no success.
"Are you okay?" Peyton questioned, noticing he wasn't getting hard.
"Yeah, fine." He spoke quickly, embarrassed by the situation.
Peyton pulled his member from his boxers, still trying to get it to stiffen. She leaned forward, placing her mouth on it, hoping that would work. After a few moments, it still did not harden. She sat up to look at him. Lucas' face became flush. He had never had this to him happen before.
"Lucas, why is it not working?" Peyton's eyes filled with tears.
"I-I don't know." He stammered, looking down at himself. "Um, uh, M-maybe I'm nervous?"
"Don't you want this?" She questioned, the tears finally spilling over. "I want this so much, and have for a long time. Don't you?"
"Yeah, yeah, Peyton, I do. I just, I don't know." He was at a loss for words. The embarrassment started to become overwhelming and he removed Peyton from his body. Quickly, he gathered all of his clothes and put them on. Without an explanation, he left a crying Peyton.
Lucas walked towards his house, ashamed of the events that just happened. He was confused about why he couldn't get hard. He was a teenage boy, the littlest things would be able to send him into a full salute, but he couldn't get it up while with his own girlfriend. There had to be something wrong with him.
"Lucas?" A familiar voice called out for him. He looked up to see Brooke.
"Brooke," he breathed out, "thank-you God."
The two rushed towards each other, both having a mission in mind. Their lips met the second they were in close proximity. Lucas picked Brooke up by her butt and she wrapped her legs around his waist, never once detaching their lips from each other. They were close to his house, so he carried her there. Once there, he threw her onto the bed and took his shirt off, Brooke following his actions. He lay on top of her, the sensation of their bare skin touching giving them chills. Both moaned in pleasure as they heatedly mauled each other's body. As Lucas felt himself grow hard in her presence, relief swept over him.
After both hit their climax, Lucas laid on top of Brooke, still inside her, placing tender kisses along her jaw line. She moaned out in pleasure as she tried to regain her composure. He was afraid to move, hoping that if he stayed there she would be forced to spend more time with him.
"Wow," Brooke whispered once she was able to form words.
"I know, right," Lucas spoke into her neck. "I thought we agreed not to do this anymore."
"I thought so, too." Brooke sighed."But, I guess we've already done it so, what the hell, right? We can't take it back, so might as well get pleasure out of it?" She slipped him a half smile.
"Yeah, I guess you're right." He sighed. It wasn't like it would go on forever, he told himself, I just needed to prove I still functioned, right? He questioned his motives.
"Lucas, can you get off me, I'm having problems breathing." She tried to push him up, but his muscular body was too heavy for her petite arms.
"You weren't saying that a couple minutes ago." He joked while he rolled over to his back. "And to think, I thought I had erectile dysfunction earlier."
"What?" Brooke snorted, rolling on her side to look at him.
"You don't want to know, and I probably shouldn't tell you because you'd just get mad." Lucas sighed, while rolling on his side.
"I won't care, I promise."
"Okay, but don't laugh," He took in a deep breath, trying to find the courage to tell her the story about the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to him. "Well, earlier, I was with Peyton…and well, you know, we were, you know, and I couldn't, you know." Brooke gave him a confused look. "I couldn't, you know." He nodded his head towards the area he was talking about. She gave him another confused look, even though she knew what he was trying to say, but wanted him to suffer through telling her. "I couldn't get it up," He finally mumbled. Brooke burst out laughing. "See, I shouldn't have told you. It's so embarrassing." He groaned.
"Lucas," She tried to control her laughing to speak, "It's okay." She burst out laughing again. Brooke regained her composure and took in a deep breath. "You've never had that problem with me."
"I know! I don't know what my problem was." He shook his head.
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, Chase turned me down earlier too." Lucas cringed at his name.
"Why? Is he dumb?" His contempt for her boyfriend was shown through by his words. "What guy in their right mind would turn down Brooke Davis? I mean, she is pretty sexy. Almost as sexy as I am." He joked while trailing his finger along her exposed chest.
"Obviously not every guy thinks so." She giggled. "Besides, who told you you were so sexy?"
"I think you have told me. You know, back when you used to like me."
"Oh right, way back then." She played along. The joking was a nice aversion from the reality of their circumstances. "That was a long time ago, you know, before we actually started speaking."
"Ha Ha, Brooke." Lucas tickled her side. After the laughter subsided, Lucas became serious, lost in deep thought. "So, are we just going to come to terms with the fact that we are always going to do this, or do we decide to stop and actually do it?"
"I'd rather not think about any of that right now." Brooke sighed, looking towards the ceiling. "If I can go just one night without the pain and regret and guilt of knowing what I am doing to other people I will be satisfied. So, just for tonight, let it go. Tomorrow we can deal with the rest." Lucas nodded his head, approving of the idea she had.
"Do you want to stay the night?" Lucas was nervous about asking her, but he wanted her to stay in his bed with him all night. "I know it's inappropriate, but I don't know. I guess, just for tonight, I would like it if you stayed."
"Yeah, I would like that too." Brooke smiled. Lucas leaned over and kissed her gently. She knew she shouldn't stay. She should have stood up and ran away as fast as she could, but there was something holding her back, keeping her glued to that bed. She started to get up, making herself stand.
"Where are you going?" Lucas became worried he had pushed to hard and now she was running away from him. It was wrong for her to stay, he knew that, but he wanted to be able to wake up in the morning to her. "You're not leaving are you, I mean, I'm sorry I asked you to-"
"No, Broody, I am just going to the bathroom." She cut him off, giving him a soft smile.
"Okay, hurry back, Pretty girl." Brooke's heart leapt at the sound of his once nickname for her. "Oh, and Brooke," She turned around, "I hate you."
"I hate you too, Broody."
Lucas smiled at the terms of endearment they had begun to use. He watched as she left in all of her naked glory. Thank-God his mom was out of town again. He started to grow restless waiting for Brooke to return. It seemed like forever since she had left. He went to see what she was doing in the bathroom. When he walked in to the bathroom, he saw a sight that was surprising. Brooke had her head hovered over the toilet, sticking her finger down her throat. She noticed him, and looked up at him with a guilty look.
And you're my obsession
I love you to the bones
And Ana wrecks your life
Like an Anorexic life
Open fire on my need desires
On my knees for you
Open fire on my need desires
What I need from you
Open fire on my needs desire
