A/N: I have finally decided to come back to this story a whole year later. I found my old chapters and notes the other day and just couldn't stay away especially since it's summer. I am realizing how truly angsty this fanfic is going to be, so I guess just prep yourself lots of that.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these wonderful characters or the wizarding world. All credit must be given to my hero J.K. Rowling.
Chapter 4
James was uncomfortable. The floor beneath him was rough and was pressing forcefully into his shoulder blade. He blinked sleep out of his eyes and looked at his watch. 1:12. He sighed, picking up his cloak and slowly standing up, attempting to stretch the sleep from his body. The hidden passage he was in was pitch black around him. James lit up his wand and began walking. His sleep deprived mind guided his body towards the astronomy towers, not far away from his current location. He took his time as he wandered there with no concern about being caught. His invisibility cloak was slung uselessly over his shoulder. However, James had always been a lucky boy and reached the tower with no problems.
James dragged his feet across the tower until he was facing the forest. His eyes were glazed over as he looked out on the grounds. His mind had never been so clouded. His father was dead and he was alone. His hands shook as he placed them on the crenel to steady himself. He had never felt so abandoned. No one could understand the weight of his father's death. Not even Sirius. His whole life his father had been his support. His mother was always disapproving, nagging him to be a gentleman. His father, on the other hand, had nurtured the undeniable trickster in James, teaching him everything he knew. He had been there in letters for every prank and every detention, silently approving while his mother scolded. He had also been the only one who had ever encouraged him to talk to Lily, reassuring him every time he got rejected that one day she would say yes. He was everything to James and now he was gone.
Suddenly, James was startled out of his reverie by the piercing cry of a wolf. James's head snapped to the direction of the howl, his eyes clearing. He had forgotten the fool moon. After everything he had done to try to help Moony, from figuring out his secret to devising a plan to help make the transformation less awful, he had forgotten. Not even Peter had ever forgotten the full moon. He cursed himself under his breath and turned to leave the tower. However, he stopped midway and slowly sank to the ground.
"It's too late." He whispered and began to sob. "I'm too late."
James sat there for a few minutes until he heard a new sound. An annoying mewing came from behind him. "Fuck." He whispered as he jumped to his feet. He had been up in the astronomy tower for too long. He was pressing his luck. And now the caretaker's cat was beside him sounding the alarm. He quickly wiped the tears from his eyes and swung his cloak around his shoulders. He knew just where to go.
He rushed down the stairs as quickly and as quietly as he could, which for all of his experience pranking was quite fast and quite quiet. He rushed to the seventh floor, paying little attention to his surroundings. His only thought was getting away from that damned cat. He hurried down the left corridor in the darkness. As he neared his destination, his wand fell out of his pocket with a loud clunk. He cursed under his breath for the second time that night and bent down slowly to pick it up.
While he was bent over, Lily Evans rounded the corner. Although her wand lit her path she had no way of seeing the invisible James in her path. As James slowly straightened his back, the unknowing Lily walked straight into him, sending them both sprawling across the floor.
"What the hell!" She shouted.
James looked up, realizing that he had inadvertently revealed himself to the last person he wanted to see. "Fuck. Me." He said, breathing heavily in frustration.
"Excuse me?"
James quickly composed himself. He knew he had to get away quickly if he didn't want to end up in detention. "Sorry Evans, but I've gotta run," he mumbled as he jumped up and ran around the corner of the corridor.
"Wait… No! Ugh!" Lily hurriedly got up to run after her enemy. "You can't be out roaming the halls at this time of night Potter!" She ran down the hallway with her wand held high lighting her way. "You're going to get at least a week of detention for this!" She saw his cloak whip around the next corner. Unbeknownst to her, he was nearing his destination. She sprinted to catch up with him, but as she came around to the next part of the corridor, he was gone. The long stretch was lit by torches and she couldn't see Potter anywhere.
"Seriously?" She muttered as she paced back and forth. "I just want to find that prat and give him detention for the rest of the year." She leaned against the wall behind her and slowly sank to the ground. However, as her head bowed towards the ground in disappointment, she began to hear the walls around her shift. Slowly, but surely, she could feel the hinges of a door begin to press into her spine.
She got up quickly to look behind her. "Bloody hell." She whispered to herself. The wall she had been leaning on was now gone and in its place a large wooden door had been erected magically. She chuckled. James was never going to know what hit him.
She turned the door handle and entered the room. She was suddenly enveloped by the strong scent of lily flowers, but at the time thought nothing of it. The room was reminiscent of the Gryffindor common room only smaller and in one corner was a bed on which her enemy now sat head in his hands, sobbing.
The sounds of his weeping stopped her in her tracks. The door slammed behind her. James looked up startled, pulling out his wand. Seeing it was only Lily, he dropped it next to him on the bed.
"Well congrats Evans, you got me." He said, attempting malice but choking on tears.
"James…"
"Just go. You seeing me like this is punishment enough."
But she didn't leave. She stood and stared at him for a moment before walking across to sit next to him on the bed. "No. I'm not going to just leave you here not knowing if you're okay or not. Even though I hate you, I could never do that."
"I don't need your pity."
"It's not pity Potter. I'm genuinely concerned."
"I don't believe you."
"Well I'm not leaving until you tell me why you're crying. I wouldn't leave my worst enemy if he looked like you do right now."
"Aren't I you're worst enemy?"
"James. I'm serious."
He sighed. "I can't tell you. Part of it… well part of it has to do with a secret that's not mine to tell. Remus actually… it's, it's difficult."
"Is it that he's a werewolf? Because I figured that out when we were in fourth year."
"Does anyone else know?" James implored her?
"No! No of course not. I'm not daft."
"Well, I can't believe I'm telling you this, but we always help him… before he transforms," he lied, "and I completely forgot that it was a full moon tonight. I fell asleep in a fucking secret passage."
"James, we all make mistakes."
"Not me Lily! Not when it comes to my friends. I know I'm some sort of devil, but I would do anything for them. Hell, I do do anything for them. All because of my fucking dad."
"James, it's not your fault. I know how hard it is, but-"
"No you don't!" he yelled cutting her off. "I highly doubt you lost you understand what I'm going through. My father was murdered for being the kindest, best wizard out there. Lily, he was my best friend and now I'm never going to see him again. He's gone just like that and I never got to say goodbye! So don't fucking tell me you know how hard it is."
"I'm just trying to help."
"I'm a failure. I'll never be able to be as good of a man as he was. I won't ever be able to make him proud. I'll always just be James the prankster to him. Never James the responsible adult, James the auror, James the father, just funny James. I just hate myself so much right now Lily and I don't know what to do." He dropped his head in his hands and resumed his crying.
Moving his wand to the side, Lily closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around his shaking body. And there they sat. It could have been a few minutes, hours, or days, but to James it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. The skin on her shoulder was pressed into his sniffling nose and he inhaled her scent. So sweet and real, he instantly felt better. He relaxed into her soothing arms. And then James said something he would regret for a very long time.
"I love you Lily."
Her arms stiffened around him and she pulled away. Looking deeply into his hazel eyes, she shook her head, "you don't even know me."
"But I want to know you. Will you please go out with me?"
She got up from the bed. "For a second there, I thought you were a real person. I guess I was wrong, Potter. I won't give you detention tonight, but don't let me see you in the halls after hours again. I'm sorry for your loss, but that doesn't mean I'm going to like you now. Goodnight." With that, she turned on her heel and left the room, slamming the heavy door behind her. All poor James could do was fall back on the bed in resignation and attempt to get some sleep that night.
