Hardly Able to Breathe
Chapter 5: Inscrutable
Wisdom stands at the turn of the road and calls upon us publicly, but we consider it false and despite its adherents.
- Kahlil Gibran
"What is wrong with me?" James murmured, rubbing his eyes furiously. His glasses fell off with a clatter and he swore violently, groping for them, cursing the horrid Potter eyesight that made him as blind as a bat without his glasses. A slender, calloused hand lightly touched his, making him start. He slowly looked up, his sight, no matter how weak it was, consumed by emerald eyes.
He almost cried out, Lily's name on his tongue, but something stopped him, forced him to look closer. Those eyes, Harry's eyes - it had to be Harry, only his eyes matched, surpassed, Lily's - were filled with knowledge and ancient wisdom, almost like Dumbledore, but dulled with something James couldn't identify. Whatever it was made James' heart clench painfully in his chest, and before he knew it, he was curling his fingers around Harry's hand.
"Were you looking for these?" Harry said, and those spellbinding eyes shut as he smiled, wrenching James out of his thoughts. The Chaser blinked, confused, until the tip of his folded glasses poked him gently inbetween his eyes.
"Ah, yeah." James accepted the glasses, snapping them open and putting them in place. They fit snugly, which was a little odd considering how often they slipped down when he was jogging from class to class, but he ignored them, more concerned with not looking at Harry, nervous that Harry would look at him with those eyes again. "Thanks."
Harry blushed, shrugging his shoulders sheepishly. "No problem. Do... Do you want to talk about it?"
"Talk about what?" James asked, honestly baffled.
"I was doing homework over there," Harry answered, pointing towards the Transfiguration section of the library, "When I heard you muttering about something wrong."
James grinned, leaning forward conspiratorily. "You wouldn't be stalking me now, right, Benedict?"
"You're not that interesting, James," Harry said, leaning against the oak table James sat at, idly tracing the smooth surface with his fingertips.
"How interesting am I then, if I'm not interesting enough?" James asked, leaning back in his chair, his hands behind his head.
"Well, I still haven't figured out if you are crazy or just pretending to be, so I guess you're interesting enough to spend a passing thought on." Harry smiled, and James didn't look away in time to stave off his blush. "Now, are we going to talk, or do I have to go to Sirius to get an answer?"
"No!" James shouted, wincing when everyone in the library turned to look at him oddly. Even Madame Pince was looking, vengence in her beady eyes. "No," James said softer, "we can talk."
"You're not going to explode on me, are you?" Harry asked, pulling out a chair and flopping down on it. "Your little outburst suggests either emotional repression or stress, or both, so speak before I summon Madame Pomfrey."
James looked at Harry in horror, but the green-eyed teen merely smiled. "You'd be surprised to find how effective that threat is."
"Not really," James replied. "Who wants to be forced to drink nasty potions that do Merlin knows what to your body?"
"Generally, Potions class can help with the whole 'I have no idea what I'm even taking' thing," Harry said, and James' smile grew brighter as amusement lit up Harry's eyes in an enthralling way.
"Nah, I leave the potions for Padfoot. Give me Transfiguration any day."
Harry's eyebrow rose questioningly. "Really now? You? An academic?"
James traced his wand along the tabletop, a beautiful white rose forming in its wake. With a flick of the wrist, he summoned it to his hand, holding it out for Harry to take.
"I'm impressed," Harry said truthfully, as if he never had a single doubt in James' skill. He took the rose gently, their fingers brushing together for the briefest of moments, holding it with care.
"It's just a piece of prettied up wood, Harry," James said lightly as he watched Harry conjure a thin vase to place it in, rubbing his oddly warm knuckles absently.
Harry hummed in agreement, smiling. "You gave it to me though, so I'll treasure it forever."
James inhaled sharply, eyes flitting to the side when Harry looked at him curiously. He adjusted his glasses, trying to calm down. You... You couldn't just say such strong things without warning...
"Now, I think you've distracted me enough, James. Want to actually tell me what's wrong?"
James sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's nothing; I was just getting stressed for no reason."
"It's not nothing if it's bothering you," Harry reasoned. "I can understand if it's private, though. I'll leave you to your thoughts."
"It's the Quidditch team!" James blurted out. Harry froze, half in his chair and half out, and stared at him in confusion. "Robertson, our Seeker for the year, managed to get expelled before the year began, and I still haven't found a replacement. Our first game is right around the corner and if we don't have a Seeker, we might as well just throw in the towel, and I don't know what to do because, honestly, we have shitty Seekers in Gryffindor and Robertson was our best shot, and-"
"Calm down, James!" Harry laughed, eyes sparkling. "You'll kill yourself if you don't breathe, and then we'll be down two players."
James huffed, his cheeks bright red. "Sorry. Guess I needed to get that off my chest."
"Well, I'm glad you told me," Harry said firmly. "I'll be your Seeker."
"Wh- Wait, what?!" James exclaimed, looking terribly confused.
"I'll be your Seeker," Harry repeated, smiling hesitantly. "That is, if you want me to."
"Of course I want you." James blinked and shook away his thoughts. "But, um, are you any good?"
Harry chuckled, shaking his head. "I dunno. Got a few compliments here and there."
"Well then, you're on the team."
Harry stared at James, who was sporting a shit-eating grin and bouncing in his seat. "Just like that?"
"Just like that," James replied. "I wasn't kidding when I said Gryffindor has shitty Seekers. I could catch a Snitch better than some of those bums and I'm a Chaser!"
"Really? With how much you play around with that Snitch of yours, I though you'd be at least back-up," Harry mused.
"Nah," James said dismissively, leaning back in his chair. "Can't stand being Seeker. Don't have the patience or the eyesight for it."
"I see," Harry said simply, folding his hands together on the table. "So when's practice?"
"Our game is Tuesday," James answered, wincing at Harry's incredulous spluttering.
"Tuesday? As in, four days from now, Tuesday? How the hell do you expect me to get a broom by Tuesday?"
"Why are you looking at me?" James asked. "You're the one who offered! I wasn't even going to ask you to be on the team!"
"Why not?" Harry said, looking slightly offended.
"'Cause I didn't know if you even played Quidditch," James replied. "And even if you did, I didn't know if you were any good."
"You still don't," Harry said, looking over James' shoulder, his brow furrowed.
"Desparate times call for desparate measures," James said seriously, and Harry grinned at James' intense stare. "Besides I trust you. You're the kind of person who wouldn't offer to help if you couldn't do anything. If you say you're an okay Seeker, then you must be that at least."
Harry tensed, his eyes downcast. "So that's the kind of person you see me as," he muttered.
"Harry?" James asked, leaning closer.
"Hm?" Harry looked up, meeting James' gaze.
"What's wrong?" James said softly, and Harry looked away.
"Who said anything was wrong?"
James snorted. "When did we switch positions? I could just tell, Harry. Did I say something stupid? Quite a few people say I do that, and if I did, I didn't mean whatever I said."
Harry exhaled gently, peering at James inquisitively. "You... You're much more observant than people give you credit for."
"It's a useful skill to both have and hide," James said with a wink.
"Don't change, James," Harry said suddenly. "Don't ever change."
"Harry?" James murmured, starting as Harry rose from his seat, his rose clutched tightly in his hands.
"Sorry, James," Harry said with an apologetic smile. "Time for Ancient Runes. We'll talk later about getting me a broom, okay?"
James watched as Harry breezed out of the library, too stunned to say anything, and soon it was as if the mysterious young man had never been there at all.
Harry cursed as he sprinted around a corner, chancing a quick glance over his shoulder to see if James was following him. Someone must have been smiling down on him though, because the other boy was nowhere in sight.
What had he been thinking? Ancient Runes? He wasn't even enrolled in the class! The second James asked Remus about class, he'd be screwed. What was he supposed to do then? Blame it on a slip of the tongue? No, that might work on Sirius and Peter, considering he hadn't hung out with them too much, but James and Remus would still be suspicious. Would an obliviate be enough? Maybe, but it would be a temporary solution at best...
Harry slowed his frantic pacings, breathing deeply. He was panicking over nothing. Everything was still going according to plan; in fact, he had made headway that he hadn't expected to so fast. It was almost suspicious; the Map should not have been as easy as it was, but it wasn't like he was breaking into Gringotts again or anything. He was just being paranoid.
Harry grinned bitterly. Mad-Eye would be so proud.
"Padfoot!" James called, crossing the courtyard quickly, his hands stuffed into his robes. Sirius, his face in a book for once, grunted in acknowledgement. "Have you seen Benedict around?"
Sirius perked up, tossing his book to the side with a rougish grin. "My, my, what is this? James Evans'-Personal-Stalker Potter is searching not for her, but another man? Should I tell her now and let her down easy or wait until the gossip mill gets a hand on this?"
James growled, punching Sirius hard. "Ha ha, very funny; you're a bloody comedian."
Sirius smiled dreamily. "Oh, the look on The Bitch's face would be pricelss. Can you imagine it? 'Lady Black, did you know your eldest son is a comedian! Scandalous!'"
James snorted, shaking his head. "And a bad one at that."
Sirius frowned, holding a hand over his heart. "You know just how to break a man's heart."
"You'll get over it," James said simply. "Just go after whoever caught your eye this week."
"That's not a bad idea," Sirius mused, his long hair falling into his eyes as he leaned forward, staring at the ground. "Not a bad idea at all."
"Just don't bring them into the dorms this time," James ordered. "I saw more of you that day than I ever wanted to."
Sirius smirked cockily, leaning over James. The shorter man scowled; Sirius always did have too much fun holding the three inches that separated them literally over his head.
"Really, Jamie?" Sirius murmured, voice husky and low. "Because I think you didn't see enough."
"Whatever, loverboy," James muttered, edging away as Sirius leered at him. "Didn't you say you had someone to go after?"
"Well, let's just say I'm hoping to hit jackpot on this one," Sirius said mysteriously.
"Hm?" James blinked as Sirius jumped to his feet and started to walk away. "Where are you going?"
"To find him, of course," Sirius replied nonchalantly, waving over his shoulder as he left the courtyard.
James sat dumbstruck for a moment before getting to his feet and brushing the dirt off his pants. "Why am I the one who is always being left behind?" he asked no one, and he received no answer.
Harry paused on his way to the greenhouses, hearing someone call his name. Turning, a soft smile lit up his face instinctively, which was rewarded with a large grin from the other man.
"Sirius," Harry murmured, tilting his head to the side. "Is something wrong?"
Sirius shook his head. "I was just looking for you, Harry."
Harry blinked, pointing at himself. Sirius chuckled at how adorable he looked.
"I don't see any other Harrys around, so yes, you." Sirius' grin faded as he stared into Harry's eyes, and the messy-haired young man stood straighter under his perusal. "May I ask you a question?"
"Of course, Sirius; you can ask me anything," Harry said firmly, his eyes blazing. Sirius looked at him, and Harry was shocked as he realized that Sirius, the playboy of all playboys, was actually nervous. Sirius shook away his nerves though and took Harry's hands in his own, smirking charmingly.
"Harry, would you go on a date with me?"
Sirius, why do you always complicate everything? First it was just him play flirting with James and then with Harry, but actually asking Harry out? Very unexpected development.
Whatever. I can work it. It definitely does make for an interesting love triangle. Who knows? Maybe I'll end up making this a threesome fic...
Harry's being very mysterious though, isn't he? A mission? Something related to the Map? I wonder what's going on. Actually, you all probably do, considering I actually know what's gonna happen next, but that just makes for fun speculating!
Anyway, today is my birthday, so please be generous and leave a review. After all, I think we all know by now that genuine admiration towards something we put our hard works and souls into can be the most rewarding gift of all, and I would really appreciate it if you did. To those who have reviewed before though, thank you, and here's to hoping that the next chapter doesn't take so damn long next time!
Thanks, guys. You all rock, and I hope you all enjoyed the chapter.
Ariaeris~
Ps: Look for the next chapter of Ardent Argent coming out soon!
