Thanks for all the reviews! And a very big thank you to my editor, Alisa!
At first it was a gentle kiss. But it soon became more heated and each man was trying to be the one in control. Moans filled the dark alley as the redhead was pushed up against the wall. They stopped only seconds to catch their breaths before kissing again. It was hot! It was clear both men were in need of release and as the redhead's shirt was unbuttoned the situation was becoming even more heated. None of them caring if anyone could see them, they pushed their aroused bodies against each other.
Just as the other man started fumbling with the redhead's belt buckle he was pushed away roughly. He stopped and stared confused at his partner. The redhead was breathing heavily and his face was pale.
"Did I do something?" The man asked.
"I can't do this. It's-it's wrong." The redhead said with a shaky voice.
"We can move to a more comfortable location if you want." The man suggested.
"No, I need to go home. I've had too much to drink."
As Horatio buttoned up his shirt and started to leave the other man grabbed his arm gently. He was Horatio's almost-one-night-stand for the fourth time. They knew each other well enough to have been in this situation before. But not so well that Horatio could confide in him.
"Horatio. You always stop. Tell me what's wrong?"
"I can't Jamie."
Jamie sighed. He and Horatio had a history together. Jamie had once been beaten to an inch of his life by a group of homophobes. Horatio had rescued him and taken him to the hospital. That was two years ago. They were not that close in age and didn't meet very often, but Jamie was still a friend.
"You always say that. What happened to you to make you deny what you are?" Jamie asked.
"Nothing."
"That's bullshit and you know it. Please tell me Horatio." Jamie pleaded.
Horatio shook his head and turned to leave. Jamie sighed and went back in to the bar. He had called Horatio and asked him to come over to talk. They had talked for a few hours and while Horatio had gotten a bit more to drink than usual, Jamie had listened to his friend telling him about a horrible case the team had worked on.
Jamie knew he wasn't the closest friend Horatio had, but he was his only friend outside of work, well not counting Artie at Artie's adult playground of course. Jamie still had no idea how someone like Horatio and someone like Artie had become friends; they were pretty much complete opposites.
While Jamie was inside the bar wondering what had made Horatio live in denial. Horatio was in a taxi on his way home. He'd have to pick up his private car the next day as he couldn't drive home now; it would be too risky.
Once Horatio got home he showered for a long time; as if he had to wash the dirt off him. Jamie wasn't dirt. Horatio was the one that was disgusting. He wasn't gay! No matter how much Jamie tried to make him see it, Horatio refused to believe it. He couldn't be gay. He knew he was disgusting for even thinking about it.
You rotten little faggot! You're nothing but a mistake and miserable excuse of a son! You're not even worthy to be a Caine!
Horatio could literally feel the punches and kicks his father was giving him as his words sounded in his head. He found himself sitting on the floor in the shower, feeling as if he had just endured one hell of a beating from a man that should have been like any other father. Horatio knew that he shouldn't listen to anything his father had taught him. The man had been a monster. But Horatio had been a bad son. He had put shame on his family and he could never forgive himself for it.
That night he fell asleep dreaming of another time when his old man hit him with his belt. The lashes on his backs and legs were as real in the dream as they had been when he had been a boy. He didn't get many hours of sleep that night.
-I-
"Hey! Stop sneezing on my crime scene." Mac chided gently.
"Sorry Mac, I'm allergic to cats." Detective Don Flack said and sneezed again.
Mac chuckled lowly and made sure Don stayed as far away from the cat, or rather tiger, at the crime scene as possible. In fact Don made sure to leave the crime scene as he didn't want to contaminate any evidence. However, Danny had no problems with allergies was already at the crime scene when Mac got there.
Mac and Danny crouched down by the tiger. A big one. It had mauled a human. It would turn out eventually that the victim hadn't ended up in a tiger cage on purpose.
"Found anything?" Mac asked.
"Not yet, just got here. This is one big cat." Danny said and looked at the tiger from head to toe.
"Our victim didn't stand a chance. But what made him end up here?" Mac asked, "I doubt he felt like spending the night with a predator like this."
"Maybe he wanted to pet it." Danny shrugged.
Mac shook his head amused, while Danny grabbed his kid and put on some gloves. Just then someone stopped next to him. He blinked and looked into the eyes of a woman. Someone he hadn't seen before. The woman asked where Mac was. She introduced herself to both Danny and Mac.
"Lindsay Monroe from Montana. I'm the new CSI." She smiled.
Danny liked her smile. Mac shook her hand and then asked her to get ready to process the scene. She put her kit down next to Danny's and grabbed a pair of gloves.
"I need you to hold the tiger's jaws so I can get a dental impression." Mac said to Lindsay from inside the cage.
Lindsay took a nervous breathe and Danny decided to have a little fun with her. After all, that was standard procedure with all newbies.
"Just take a deep breath and don't let him know that you're afraid. He can sense when you're nervous." Danny whispered so Mac wouldn't hear him.
"The tiger's been tranquilized. I think I can handle it." Lindsay said, not trying to show that she was in fact a little nervous.
Not about the tiger though. She was after all moving to a new city, starting her first day at a new lab where she didn't know anybody. Of course she was a little nervous, but mostly she was excited to get started.
"I'm talking about Mac." Danny said and turned to leave before stopping himself, "And make sure you call him Sir."
Lindsay nodded and joined Mac in the tiger cage. She knelt down next to him and held the tiger's jaws open. Mac made the dental impression.
"Good work." He praised the new CSI.
"Thank you, Sir."
"You don't have to call me Sir. You can call me Mac." Mac smiled and stood up.
Lindsay glanced over at Danny and shook her head amused. Danny looked oh-so innocent while avoiding to meet her eyes.
-I-
Horatio sighed. For weeks Frank had been on his back about talking to him. After Horatio's outburst in the men's room where he had hit the wall, his Texan friend had kept his eyes on him like a hawk. Clearly Frank had made his mind up about getting Horatio to open up to him. But after years and years of never opening up to anyone it wasn't going to be easy to break the habit.
"Frank, I know you're worried about me. But you don't have to be." Horatio said.
"I think I do." Frank said, "Just tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing is wrong."
Frank rolled his eyes; typical Horatio answer. Horatio was always "fine" and nothing was ever wrong. Even Alexx had started asking Frank if Horatio was depressed or if something else was wrong. She knew as well as the Texan did that the redhead wasn't going to tell them anything.
"You're not yourself." Frank said.
"How so?"
"You're always in a bad mood, you don't want to talk and you don't tell me how you feel." Frank said.
"How is that different?" Alexx asked.
Both men jumped as they hadn't heard her join them at the dock.
"He's worse than he usually is." Frank said.
"Horatio honey, you can talk to us. Both of us." Alexx said, "Whatever it is you're going through you don't have to do it alone."
"I know. Thank you, but nothing is wrong." Horatio said; the tone of his voice made it clear that he wasn't going to talk about it anymore.
Frank and Alexx let the matter drop for now. They had a dead body and a young boy to find. He had been kidnapped and his father killed over some jewelry. As Alexx and Frank left Horatio alone at the dock, he had time to think about what they had said. He knew he could open up to them, but he had tried to do that to others before and he had ended up without friends. He couldn't risk it again. He couldn't tell them what a rotten son he was, what a disgusting man he was. He knew deep down that he shouldn't think like that, but his feelings of shame were so strong.
You'll never become anything. You'll live and die alone just like you deserve. What kind of a woman or man would want to know someone like you?
Horatio shook his head to clear his mind from his father's voice. He had a case to focus on. He couldn't let himself get distracted.
-I-
"Danny is a bit smitten with her." Stella remarked.
She and Mac were observing the new girl Lindsay and Danny, as they worked together in the crime lab. It was only Lindsay's first day, but she was already becoming popular. Mac knew he had made a good choice when hiring her. The team had of course all been sad to see Aiden leave. But she had assured them that it was for the best. They had all promised to keep in touch; of course work often got in the way of that.
"She's becoming popular." Mac said and ate a slice of his lunch; pizza.
Stella grabbed one of his pizza slices. They were sitting in his office.
"She's nice and very good at her job." Stella said, "I think she'll fit in great."
Mac smiled and nodded. He and Stella talked some more about their cases while eating. Then Stella switched the subject to one that Mac had tried to avoid for several weeks.
"So, have you thought about calling Lieutenant Caine?" Stella asked.
"No."
"Mac, you could just call and have a friendly chat." Stella said.
"After almost six months you think I should call to have a friendly chat?" Mac asked, "That wouldn't seem weird at all, right?" He added sarcastically.
"Sarcasm isn't your thing, Mac." Stella chuckled, "All I'm saying is that you're obviously crazy about the guy so why not make a move?"
"Because I am not crazy about him and you didn't get the vibes that I did from him." Mac sighed.
"Elaborate that please." Stella said gently.
"Well, first of all; I'm interested. He intrigues me, but I'm not crazy about him. I don't know him well enough for that." Mac said, "And second... he seems almost afraid of getting to know me or anyone else. He's a loner for sure. He probably has friends, but no girlfriends."
"Or boyfriends?"
"That's the thing... I think... I think he might be confused about his sexual orientation." Mac said, "I've been thinking more about it, ever since he left. At first I wasn't so sure, but now I am quite sure."
"That he's afraid because he doesn't want to get close to a man?" Stella asked.
"What if he's living in denial?" Mac asked, "His parents died when he was young. The article didn't say how and the report about it is classified."
"That's strange." Stella said confused.
"Yeah, I'm thinking he was a minor and that his family history is a violent one. So to protect him from future trouble, the police classified everything about him as a child." Mac sighed.
After a moment of silence and when the all the pizza was gone Stella stood up.
"I still think you should call him." Stella smiled, "You should get to know him. Who knows, it might be good for both of you."
-I-
Horatio looked down at his CSI's face. Just minutes earlier he had yelled his name to warn him. Now he was lying on the floor of jewelry store. Blood had gushed out of his chest and in seconds he had been dead.
"I'm sorry Speed." Horatio whispered.
He was sorry for not being able to save him. Not getting the gunman before he had had a chance to shoot Speed. Horatio should have kept a better eye out for his CSI. He should have made sure he was safe. He should have saved him!
He had failed. He had failed his team and more importantly his friend; Timothy Speedle. As he heard sirens approaching the Lieutenant of the crime lab blinked back his tears and took a deep breath. He felt strange... sad, confused, angry. God, he was so angry. His friend had died! His friend, whom he should have protected. He didn't know if he was more angry at himself or at the gunman that had shot Speed.
He handed Calleigh his gun when she showed up. He could see how shocked she was. Who wouldn't be if they heard a call over the radio that an officer was down at the place her two friends had gone too and then when she gets there she finds one of her friends dead. Her usually bright and happy eyes were filled with tears that threatened to fall. For most people it wouldn't register to them, but Horatio could see it.
He dismissed Rick Stetler with only the words "See Calleigh" and walked outside to the squad car where the shop owner was sitting. Yelina was there too. Horatio roughly grabbed the man and shook him. He looked scared; Horatio was glad about it. The man should be scared. If it wasn't for Yelina helping Horatio to keep control and reminding him about the news reporters and camera crews present he might have hurt the man... badly.
He managed to focus enough to address the man forcefully, but steadily and as gently as he could. The man was shaking with fear as he told Horatio what he knew. Horatio closed the door and looked at Yelina.
"There are no other crime scenes today." He said fiercely.
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Editor's Note: Once again, I'd like to THANK everyone for their reviews...it makes US happy, that you are ENJOYING this story as MUCH as we are...This Eppie, has always gotten to me...because of how CLOSE the team was...and how it seemed to effect Hortatio, almost as MUCH as it did Eric...Any How, we hope you had a WONDERFUL christmas and that you have a GOOD new year...i'd also like THANK my wonderful friend and author, for allowing me to work with her again... Alisa123
