Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I just make them darker.

Some more back story, plus a teaser for the next chapter. And yes, I passed my contained water class. I never want to see another pool again.

Sofia loves reviews more than an $11,000 Chanel lambskin jacket….

#######

Did you know that when Marie Antoinette gave birth, she did so with an audience?

It's true.

No privacy at all for that girl. Every move was scrutinized, every word rehashed and analyzed. Everyone in court knew her business. No privacy at all. She gave birth in her bed with a full house in the room so that the court would know that the kid was hers, and not the result of some girl down in the village who had had one too many rolls in the hay with her sheep herder squeeze.

Which gives you a fair indicator of life in a house of vampires.

Everybody knows what you're thinking. Well, maybe not everybody, but enough do. Somebody can influence your moods, anticipate your next move, knows how a particular situation will turn out. At times I think I should sell off some of our holdings, have Esme design me my own version of the Petit Trianon.

Yeah, it's a blast, sometimes, living in this house. But when it comes down to it, I really wouldn't have it any other way. Makes eternity a bit more interesting.

Which brings me to why I had an audience while I relaxed in the tub. My tub is not just something you pick up at Home Depot. No, my tub is much more than that. My tub is decadent. I'm talking Roman orgy-lets-get-the-whole-gang-in-the-tub decadent.

Rosie, Esme, Bella and I were watching HGTV. I love that channel. Edward does too, but he won't admit it to the guys; Emmett would never let him live it down if he knew that his favorite show is Divine Design. He thinks Candice is the Canadian Queen of Design. I think otherwise, but that's just my opinion. He's entitled to his, as long as his annoying voice doesn't permeate my brainpan while we're watching it.

Look at how she uses lighting to create a mood in one corner of the room. That's truly talent.

Yeah, I can set up one of those tripod work lights in the cottage one night for you, Cullen, see how you like having the sun in your bedroom. That'd set the mood all right. Maybe some of us can get some work done then, not have to listen to you two spawn until all hours.

Shut your mouth Sofia. Truly, for a woman of your taste and intellect, you can be so cruel.

Oh yeah? Well how's this one? Fuck you Cullen.

That's so lovely. Such a dirty mouth on someone so cultured. Did you pick that language up in the timber camps growing up Sofia? I bet you did. Such coarse language, sometimes you can be so filthy.

Like you'd know about work Cullen. You're so spoiled; you mope about and play that damned piano at all hours. How does Bella put up with you?

She loves me for myself.

She must not have attended that class in high school, the one titled "Putting up with Princess Prissy Pants".

And it just goes downhill from there.

Sometimes I think he missed his calling. He should have his own show – "Stuffy, Tight Assed Décor with Princess Cullen".

Emmett would luuuuuve that one. Jasper too, but he'd hide it better. And Rosie? Don't get me started. There's never been any love lost between those two. Esme just rolls her eyes and ignores it. It's like living with a never-ending series of "The Real World – Cullen".

So anyhow, we're watching some "Most Amazing Bathrooms" show, and I see it.

My tub.

Must. Have. This. Tub.

Ever see the Kohler ad were the elderly Italian woman is dying, says she regrets nothing, but then sees her neighbor across the way in that amazing soaking tub?

And then she dies.

That's the tub. I saw that and my eyes lit up with a Christmas tree, full of smoking candles and marzipan treats.

I looked at Esme.

"We need two. One for here, one for the North Shore house. I gotta have that tub Essie".

She sighed, and added it to her punch list for the house. The girls giggled, knowing my penchant for soaking tubs.

Because I never had a proper tub until I met Carlisle.

#####

Which brings me back to the audience I'm currently in the middle of.

I knew Alice was on her way up the stairs to see me before I heard her.

"Come on in Alice. The doors unlocked."

She peeks that black-capped noggin of hers around the door. A little Chickadee, that one. Hop hop hop. How she continuously moves like that is a mystery to me. It'd wear me out, if I were still human and constantly moved like that. It'd be like having Huntington's Chorea, but not as horrific.

"Hey Sofia, got a minute?"

A minute? Sister, I've got all eternity. What's a minute to me?

"Sure honey, come on in, pull up a chair. When's Rose joining us?"

"Uh, in about five minutes. Want me to get another chair?"

"Unless she intends on hovering, that's a great idea."

I don't mean to be so snarky, but sometimes I wonder if Alice is really living in the here and now, rather than the future.

She pulls up the really cushy wingback, the one Rose loves. The one with the really deep cushions, the one that you sink into like marshmallows. So comfy; you never want to get out of that chair once you're in it.

"Well Alice, how's life here in Chez Cullen these days? Everyone seems to be walking on eggs. What's the deal?"

She looks around, twists her tiny paws, and hesitates.

"Ah, well, you know Sof, sometimes I wonder about certain decisions that were made in the family."

"Really? What kind of decisions?"

She's really struggling here. I can see her thoughts twisting around, trying to be nice and not sound bitchy. Poor Alice. Such a big heart, it's too bad sometimes she doesn't think before throwing it out there like a life preserver.

"Personal decisions."

"Personal decisions."

"Yes. Personal decisions."

I stop for a moment. Stretch out. Think about my next move. Good thing she can't read my mind at this moment.

"And these, personal decisions. They involve more than one member of the family?"

"Yes." Totally conflicted now. Why did I do this? I feel like an idiot. But she's the only one that can help us.

"Are Carlisle and Esme involved in anyway?" I know they're not directly involved, but the problem touches all of us.

"To some extent, yes. They have a lot of emotion invested in this situation."

"We all do honey, we all do." Well some of us less than others, but still, family is family.

"Throw me that robe, would you Alice? Thanks. The Chenille one."

I wrap the robe around me, losing myself in its softness, the smell of Jasmine and Cinnamon.

Venice.

"So Alice, what would you do if you were involved in this, personal decision?" I always like to get others thoughts. Helps to see a problem from all angles.

"I, uh, I'd have put a little more thought into it before I made the decision I did."

You're not the only one thinking that. It's practically a billboard in front of the house "Please put brain in motion before thoughts in action."

"Umm, that's a very succinct thought Allie. Come on in Rosie, Alice has your favorite chair all set up." I go over to the dressing table, start brushing my hair.

"It never should have been allowed to happen Sofia. We stand to lose more than just the house if this continues. We're so screwed."

That's my Rosie. Calling a spade a spade. Direct, to-the-point. No wonder Emmett worships her. Gives as good as she gets. The perfect compliment to his boyhood-of-the-eternal-mind mentality.

She comes over, takes the brush from my hand, leans down and whispers, "Please make this problem go away. I love it here, I don't want to move again." Starts to brush my hair in long, gentle strokes.

Just like mama used to do.

"How would you go about solving this dilemma Rosie girl?"

"I'd never let it get started, much less go as far as it has. It's been a frigging disaster from the get-go."

Don't hold back girlfriend. Tell us how you really feel.

"Hmmm…that seems to be the family consensus. I still have to get the boys' thoughts, plus Bella's. I haven't seen her at all. Where's she hiding? Back in the love shack?"

They both laugh. "She's suspicious of you Sofia. She thinks you want Edward", snorts Rose, the president of the "We Love Edward Cullen Club". "Plus she's jealous of how much the baby adores you. Whenever Nessie brings up your name, Bella looks like she's been sucking on a lemon. It's the funniest thing."

Is that high school or what? Might as well post some crap about me in my Facebook profile.

I mean, I could be his mother, for cripes sake, if we were both human and still alive.

That's just creepy. Just like standing in a corner watching some human sleep. That one got me. I know that Jasper and Emmett rode him hard over that one. He defended himself, but no to avail. Even Bella thought that was spooky, at first. Until she decided that having a vampire for a boyfriend was exciting and cool. She learned though, didn't she? It's all not roses and whispers and fast drives in expensive foreign cars. Well, maybe not as well as she should have. While being one of us does have its advantages, there are more disadvantages than one might think of.

Including boredom.

"Huh. Well, I think the three of us know that I am not a member of that club Rose. I really wish she'd get over that high school, slash, first love, mentality. Like I'd want Edward. Please. I have better than Mr. Wound Up So Tight He's Ready to Pop." They both laugh at that one.

Speaking of which. Somebody sent me an email saying they might be in Seattle this Saturday. Maybe I can catch a lift up there, take care of some business at the same time – blow off a little steam. I'm feeling a bit peckish anyway. That Texan was greasy – way too much fat on that one. Need just a little snack, take the edge off. I'm not interested in elk or deer right now. Need something a little more fun to hunt…

"Well girls, thanks for the chat. I appreciate your input. And yes, I intend to have this problem resolved after the family meeting next week. Carlisle and I have a boatload of work ahead of us preparing for that. But that doesn't mean we can't get a little shopping in. How does a girls weekend sound? Your choice of city, as long as it isn't LA or Seattle."

They both make that 'squeee' sound. It's hilarious. You'd think we were 15-years old again, and daddy gave us the Amex Black card for the weekend, with no spending limit. Which it pretty much is, come to think of it.

Alice is jumping up and down. "Oh Soffie, that's wonderful. We'll get Bella to come around; she needs some time away from here. She's either in the cottage or at Charlie's or down at the Rez with Nessie, and Jake."

Oh goody. More wet dog scent.

######

I spent the rest of the day up on the bed, reviewing investment opportunities, pieces of art that I thought would interest Esme and Carlisle, and finally pushing it away to pick up my knitting. A pair of socks for Nessie, made out of Dream In Color Smooshy in a pinky pink that screamed her name. She'd love them, Edward would be polite and thank me, and Bella would glare at me. I wish she'd get over that already. Just because Edward and I danced three times at their wedding, and she overheard him saying during the last one "Remember us dancing like this at your wedding Sofia? This reminds me of that night." I mean, that was over 50 years ago, way before you were born kid. We have a history together, even if we fight all the time and annoy each other endlessly. I just want to get along with you for the baby's sake.

Teenagers.

#####

Later that night, I wander over to the pool table, watch Emmett working on his game.

"Say Emmett", I murmur, dragging my index finger across the green felt, Have any plans this Saturday?"

"Other than punching a few holes in the walls of our room with Rosie, no. Why?"

Please. I do not need to know this.

"I need a lift to Seattle."

A/N – Thanks for the suggestions on the quality footwear. Hopefully this gives you a little insight into the problem the Cullen family is facing. And, Sofia's love for huge tubs? You grow up in a timber camp, sleeping in a tent. You'd love them as well. All that dirt and dampness….

The next chapter will be published on Friday, I promise. I started writing it Saturday night, have a lot to edit and change. It's the one you've been waiting for…Mike gets his. It's graphic and gruesome. Consider yourself warned.

On the iPod for this chapter:

Bela Lugosi's Dead – Bauhaus

Sister Europe – Psychedelic Furs

Dizzy – Throwing Muses

Influenza (Relapse) – Gene Loves Jezebel

Nemesis – Shriekback

Freedome of Choice – Devo

The Hungry Wolf – X

Favorite Shirts (Boy Meets Girl) – Haircut 100

Girl U Want – Devo

There's No Other Way – Blur

Supermassive Black Hole – Muse

Groovy Train – The Farm