I do not own Supernatural or Star Trek 2009.

This particular adventure was presented to me by the enthusiastic MarzBarz. I seized upon the idea and ran with it.


"From now on, this is war."

"Every man's hand turns against his friend."

"Cut-throat, you understand? Forget you ever drank with them, forget the fun."

"We are going to win this at all costs!"


Two blinking command crews stared at their respective captains aboard their individual ships.


"Eh? What's all this about, then capt'n?" Scotty asked in confusion aboard the Enterprise.


"I don't get it," Jo said baldly from her spot on the Impala's bridge.


Last night…

"And the cadets swear that there's no way to make Dad late for class. They've tried everything from swiping his train card to locking him out of the sparring gym. The man always gets in." Dean thudded down his beer and grinned. "Bet I could do it."

Jim Kirk chuckled and leaned back in his chair, supremely confident. "Bet I could do it faster."

"No way."

"Dude. Yes."

"I am the prank master."

"I invented pranks."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"So. You and me. Bridge crews assisting. First one to make John Winchester late for class can ask the loser for one thing. Any one thing."

Jim chugged the last of his beer and smirked. "You're on."


Enterprise

"So that's how it goes. We have nine days before the Enterprise leaves and your captain's honour is at stake."

The entire bridge crew stared blankly for a minute before wordlessly turning back to their work. If they ignored him, maybe he would go away.

"Oh come on," Kirk cajoled entreatingly. "Seriously, Dean said you lot wouldn't be any help at all, that you didn't have it in you."


Impala

"And that's when Kirk said even Spock would be able to out-prank all of you." Dean sat back in his chair, sighing sadly.

Clearly, Dean Winchester was an elder sibling, experienced in artful manipulation. Sam wasn't swayed (younger brother immunity). Unfortunately, the Impala's bridge crew were a little more gullible (having no elder siblings themselves). Ash, Castiel and Jo erupted in declarations of war.

Sam rolled his eyes.

Great.


Winchester House – Day 1

John was pretty sure he'd put his train card in his wallet last night. But he'd lost it before. Digging out the spare train fare, he exited the house as usual. He arrived at class on time.


Winchester House – Day 2

There were an inordinate number of obstacles in his way this morning. Construction crews who looked suspiciously like security alumni, oddly dressed little old ladies wanting help crossing the street, out of order street lights.

With a dint of careful ducking and a brisk stride, he was in his usual spot when class began.


Winchester House – Day 3

Unannounced train maintenance wasn't technically supposed to happen. A whole station full of frustrated people convinced John that he'd be better off if he ran to the Academy, took a quick shower and pulled out his spare uniform.

He was inordinately pleased with himself when half of his class was late and the other half gaped at their wizardly instructor, knowing John's train hadn't been on time at all.


Winchester House – Day 4

John was pretty sure he'd had an entire closet full of Starfleet uniforms last night when he went to bed. Checking his watch, he scowled.

This was starting to smack of boys being boys. And not the cadets, who would never dare to set foot in Commander Winchester's house unannounced. For some reason, his boys and their friends wanted him to be late to class.

Well. A challenge, was it?


Lurking…

"How the hell does he do it?" Ash wondered in amazement as Dean fumed beside him in the bushes, watching an impeccably attired John Winchester stride to class. "You know Kirk's next idea's going to be one of those stupidly crazy and effective Kirk-specials. The train-hacking one was pretty good, you have to admit."

Dean stared at his navigator. "Are you doubting our inevitable win?"

"Absolutely not. But if we're going to win this, you need to convince Sam to help us."

"Right."


Winchester House – Day 5

Stealing his alarm clock. It was a classic. Simple, often effective. Too bad John kept the thing only to remind him when it was bed time at night.


Winchester House – Day 6

They had been busy last night, John had to give them that. The carefully nailed shut doors and windows smacked of methodical Sam Winchester planning. He wondered what Dean had to sell/vow/threaten to get his experiment-adoring brother out of the lab.

Good thing John was officially feeling paranoid. Carefully popping the glass out of the sliding patio door was the work of a minute. Putting it back in was a bit trickier but would definitely be worth it when the security cameras caught the culprits' disbelieving expressions as they checked on their handiwork.


Lurking…

"Damn the man, he's like freaking Houdini!" Kirk cursed. "Back to the drawing board. And we need Bones to help us. That last plan of Winchester's was definitely drummed up by his brother. We need to take this seriously now."

The previously reluctant Enterprise crew was now fully engaged in the war. It was personal now, especially after Castiel had shaken his head in sad mockery of the train incident.

Chekov still vehemently maintained he hadn't bungled the train timing. Castiel had no room to laugh, not when John had almost made the pilot as a "little old lady."

Additionally, Enterprise was running out of time. She was scheduled for a two month hop out to the Neutral Zone in three days. They had to make it good and fast.


Winchester House – Day 7

Okay, drugging his beer was going a little far. If John hadn't noticed halfway through the first bottle, he would have definitely slept past his usual departure time.


Winchester House – Day 8

John Winchester woke up aboard the USS Impala. In the transporter room, to be precise.

Judging from the obdurate expression on his former friend's face, John wasn't leaving anytime soon and was going to be late for class.

But he did get the chance to try and right an old wrong with Bobby Singer, so he supposed it was worth it.


"Ha! We are geniuses!" Dean crowed as he skipped jauntily towards his father's classroom.

"Hey, you wouldn't have pulled it off if the Enterprise hadn't had a sudden, burning desire to practice low-orbit maneuvers and thus masking your illegal transporter signal," Kirk reminded.

Dean had to give him that. The result wasn't as good as if he'd beaten both his father and Kirk, but he'd take what he could get. There was always next time. Dean swore he'd manage both – work up to the final prize, as it were.

The two captains parked themselves merrily at the head of the class, prepared to gloat disgustingly when the clock ticked to 08:01 hours.

At 08:00, the door swung open and Admiral Pike rolled in. "Gentlemen? Aren't you on shore leave?"

Kirk and Winchester were very confused. "Yes sir, we are...can I ask why you're here?" Kirk asked curiously.

Pike raised an eyebrow. "I'm teaching this class today as a guest lecturer. Commander Winchester requested it. Now, could you please remove yourselves from my desk so I can get started?"

Mechanically, the two captains excused themselves, moving on autopilot until the realization finally sunk in.

They had been thoroughly thwarted.

Damn John Winchester.