It may not have been a solution, or a resolution, or even desirable, but Kotetsu thought he could live with the way things were. If he made Barnaby happy, and neither of them wanted to be alone, and their dependence on one another for that was mutual... did it really matter what they called it? If Barnaby thought it was love and said so, did it matter that it wasn't, as long as he had what he needed? And as for Kotetsu, he might not be getting everything he needed - but the things he wasn't getting, he wasn't likely to get anyway. So it didn't matter. He didn't have to feel like an asshole.

Most of the time, he could even believe that. When Barnaby wasn't actually kissing him, or saying the words. No matter how Kotetsu justified it in his mind, when confronted with Barnaby's honest feelings, he couldn't quite get past the fact that he was still living a lie. A lie that might not be hurting anyone, that it was possible no one would ever find out about, but a lie even so.

But good things were happening. Barnaby's partnership was one of them, their rankings at the end of the season and his newfound respect in the eyes of the public were another. Even Lloyds was complimenting him nowadays - and yes, arranging completely stupid appearances, but it was better than being complained at constantly. And even more amazing, Kotetsu's Hundred Power seemed to be getting stronger. Maybe it had to do with his improved mood and confidence, maybe it was because he trained better with Barnaby around, Kotetsu wasn't sure, but he was running faster, jumping higher, and just in general feeling way more powerful a few weeks into the new season.

Kotetsu's satisfaction with the new trajectory of his life only got better when his old boss called him up out of the blue, suggesting they get together for coffee soon. Ben hadn't done as well for himself since TopMag got rid of their hero division, true... but he was getting by, and that was the thing about Ben - even if he wasn't doing so hot, he was always glad to see Wild Tiger taking care of business. And Wild Tiger was really taking care of business nowadays. Kotetsu had plenty of good things to tell him about.

Or so he thought, until Ben told him why he'd gotten in contact.

"I'm not saying that's definitely what's happening," Ben added, seeing that Kotetsu was too stricken by the idea of losing his powers to respond. "I'm saying... be careful. Pay attention to what's happening with your powers - maybe it'll turn out to be nothing," he admitted with a shrug. "But if it's true, I didn't want it to take you by surprise. You're risking your life out there, and if your powers run out just a few seconds before you think they will..."

The effects could be deadly. Ben was right to let him know, but... Kotetsu shook his head, forced a smile. "You're right, it's probably nothing. I mean, I feel great! Better than ever!" he said, clenching a fist decisively. "There's no way my powers are declining."

Ben smiled back, but it was tight and worried. "That's the Wild Tiger I know. ...Kotetsu, I'll be looking into it, see if I can get more information - I've got connections that go way back. You just hold tight, don't take any unnecessary chances..." Ben broke off there, and chuckled more honestly. "Don't take unnecessary chances - who do I think I'm talking to?"

Kotetsu grinned sheepishly, more so when Ben called him out on yet another instance of property damage he'd witnessed a couple weeks ago. On to other subjects, then, since Ben had made his point.

Rather than the stories and happy memories, Ben's concern was what stayed with him, however, after they'd gone their separate ways. Kotetsu tried to remember - it seemed like he had lost a few seconds, that first time. But it was just a few seconds - he could have been off. And the last time they'd been in a fight, Barnaby's powers seemed to last longer than his, but maybe he'd just held back a little longer than Kotetsu before using them. He couldn't be sure. He'd just have to start paying attention, and until then, he wasn't going to get worked up.

When he met Barnaby at headquarters a couple of hours later, and Barnaby asked, Kotetsu brightened. He told Barnaby that it had been great to see Ben again, they'd had a great time. He didn't say a word about things that might not even be happening.

Later that night, they were called out in pursuit of a robber, however. Caught up in the moment, Kotetsu wasn't paying too much attention to the clock, but there was no mistake - his powers were gone before the countdown had ended. Too long before the end of the countdown to have been a synchronization error, too.

"You know," Barnaby remarked, flipping up the faceplate on his suit and heading back over with the subdued criminal in hand, "you don't need to let me go after them. Even if I didn't think I could still come in first, it wouldn't be bad for the two of us to be in second and third place. You should be more assertive."

"Heh..." Kotetsu tried to shrug off his uneasiness. "I've gotten in trouble in the past for being too assertive."

"If you get too assertive, I'll be there to let you know," Barnaby said with a smirk. After handing the robber off to a waiting policeman, he turned back to Kotetsu, the look in his eyes subtly changed. "I know there are some areas of your life where you could stand to be more assertive."

...Kotetsu wasn't sure what to say to that.

"Whenever you're ready," Barnaby finished, turning away. The announcers moving in with their mics probably thought he meant for the post-arrest interview, but Kotetsu knew better.

The two of them gave the press some enthusiastic soundbites, but when Barnaby asked Kotetsu afterwards if he wanted to come back to his place for awhile, Kotetsu declined. He was tired, he said. It had been a long day, and he just wanted to head to bed.

That was exactly what he did when he got home - flopped back on his bed, and stared up at the pictures of his family. Of Tomoe. He wished she was there. She'd know what to tell him. For that matter, she'd have listened. She already knew all his faults - Kotetsu could have told her about this weakness, and the fear that was beginning to creep in that this could be the end. She was the only one who'd ever known just how much it meant to him to be a hero. He wished he had someone to talk to.

...All things considered, maybe he should have been thinking about talking to Barnaby. Even if they weren't really a couple, he was still closer to Barnaby than anyone else at the moment.

But no - he couldn't burden Barnaby with this, when Barnaby was still dealing with a lot of things. Barnaby was on track to break a bunch of records; his performance would suffer if he was spending the last thirty seconds of his power worrying about Kotetsu. Kotetsu could take care of himself. He definitely didn't need the kind of comfort Barnaby would probably try to offer - it would just make him feel worse. Besides, Barnaby wouldn't get it. For him, being a hero had been a means to an end. There were probably a million other things he could do with his life if he had to stop. For Kotetsu, being a hero was all he had. All he'd ever had, his only hope, the thing that kept him going through all the difficult years.

Kind of like Barnaby and finding his parents' killer, Kotetsu realized. HeroTV was his Jake Martinez.

He laughed faintly, pressing a hand against his face. It was an absurd thought, but it was true. Kotetsu wasn't going to let it get away from him, either. He was going to hold on just as tight as Barnaby had, and he'd win this fight too.

As Kotetsu was drifting off to sleep, the thought occurred to him that Barnaby had only been able to beat Jake with his help. ...Kotetsu tried to ignore it. The situations were entirely different.


Kotetsu may not have been best known for his intelligence, but he wasn't dumb. He seemed to have a problem on his hands, and he had to look into it, figure it out. No matter how painful it was to gather the evidence, it had to be done. He had plenty of time to do so, since now that the new season was in full swing, Barnaby was dominating the scoreboards. He was rushing headlong towards a new quarter-season record, on track to surpass the record that had been set by Legend himself, many years ago. With every new arrest, the media swarmed past him, straight to his partner.

Under other circumstances, Kotetsu might have been a little depressed over being overshadowed again so soon. Instead, mostly he was just glad they left him to himself, to look over the data he was gathering.

He'd started using a timer independent from the one in his suit; he wrote down the results in a notebook when he got home, along with any observations about his power, after every time he used it. It took only a week to confirm his fears. The timer indicated he was losing a second or two every time. After that, sometimes more. The bursts of extraordinary strength and speed that had first tipped him off had seemingly stopped as well. Everything pointed to Ben's theory being true.

Kotetsu thought about calling Ben. Maybe he'd found out something more. But if he'd found out anything good, he would have called Kotetsu right away. Since he hadn't... maybe no news was good news.

And Kotetsu didn't want to talk about it anyway. He didn't want to think about it any more than he had to. He kept a bottle close by the notebook, sitting there on his coffee table; as soon as he was done with one, he started on the other.

He was so wrapped up in his own concerns, he completely forgot to be concerned about the other big problem on his hands, which suddenly seemed a lot less important. Especially since he'd mostly come to terms with how things were. Ironic, then, that when he'd more or less made his peace, something came along that gave him the perfect excuse to bow out gracefully. If Kotetsu stopped being a hero, if he wasn't Barnaby's partner anymore, then they'd have to break up. Or at the very least, they'd begin to grow apart, and then Barnaby would realize that they had to break up.

But that wasn't an excuse Kotetsu was going to use. No way. He was a hero, and he wasn't going to stop being a hero. He definitely wouldn't give up just because it was easy or convenient. He'd train harder, he'd work harder, whatever it took, but he was going to keep on being a hero. Even if it did mean also holding on to a messed up, confusing relationship that wasn't a relationship.

Besides, the relationship that wasn't a relationship was actually working out pretty well for him at the moment. Barnaby was so busy that he didn't have much free time to spend with Kotetsu, and so when the two of them were together? They were usually somewhere public - somewhere they were just partners. Something to do with business, and the one bright spot in Kotetsu's life at the moment was the fact that Barnaby was doing so well in that business. Even without Kotetsu's last-minute fades lending a hand, Barnaby was on a roll. The two of them were dominating over the rest of the heroes, and Kotetsu didn't actually have so much to do with that. He was just backing Barnaby up a lot of the time. It was amazing, watching the replays and seeing just how good his partner really was - almost like watching Legend when he was in his prime. No matter what other feelings he was having to deal with, when it came to Barnaby, the most overwhelming thing Kotetsu felt was gratitude. For the chance to work with him, for his talent helping to cover up Kotetsu's decline... for being so damn graceful about Kotetsu's difficulties.

Barnaby was so busy, though, that it wasn't surprising when he finally called Kotetsu from his car. On the way home from yet another interview, he said. "It's ridiculous," he declared with an amused sigh. "They've had me so busy I've hardly seen you for days, unless we're on the job. I miss you."

Kotetsu couldn't help smiling wistfully. "I miss you too."

"We need to schedule some time together."

"Hey, I'm wide open," Kotetsu pointed out. "You're the one who's Mr. Popular."

"And it's only going to get worse," Barnaby remarked. "I just had someone observe that if I make one more arrest within the next week, I'm going to beat Legend's quarter-season record."

"I think you can swing that."

"That depends on whether or not we're called out again in the next week," said Barnaby. "Anyway... if you're wide open, does that mean I can stop by tonight?"

"Sure, that's fine," Kotetsu told him, grabbing the notebook and shoving it underneath the couch.

The bottles were also mostly gone by the time Barnaby arrived, but Kotetsu left one out. He'd had an idea of something they could do tonight, and having drinks on hand could only make it more fun. "So what are you up to these days?" Barnaby asked, sitting down next to Kotetsu.

"Oh, not a lot, hanging out..." By himself, mostly, which wasn't normal for him. He'd been kind of depressed about everything - but no sense mentioning it now and worrying Barnaby, because now that Barnaby was there, Kotetsu's mood was already improving. "Had dinner yet?"

"No, I haven't. It's probably past time - especially if you're intending for us to drink that." Barnaby gestured towards the bottle and the two glasses on the coffee table.

"That was the plan," Kotetsu agreed with a grin. "Wanna order in?"

"I get the feeling you've got more planned than drinking," Barnaby observed, obviously bemused by the look on Kotetsu's face.

As a matter of fact, he did, and although Barnaby was a little embarrassed at first, Kotetsu's insistence that it would be inspiring won him over before long. An hour later, there were cartons of Chinese food sitting open and mostly empty before them on the table along with the bottle, and the television was in the middle of a particular HeroTV compilation from almost twenty years previous.

"And here we go... bam!" Kotetsu slurped up the last of his noodles and set down the empty carton. "Just one after another after another," he said, leaning back on the couch beside Barnaby, who'd finished eating a few minutes earlier. "And that's why they call him Legend."

"No, they call him Legend because he chose that as his hero name," Barnaby corrected him, amused. "He was called Legend before he'd done anything legendary - it's fortunate for him that he lived up to it."

"You just like being a spoilsport." It was a cheerful sort of complaint, and when Barnaby put an arm around Kotetsu's shoulders, Kotetsu leaned into it comfortably. "Obviously his hero name was Legend because they knew he was going to be that good."

"Nobody can know what's going to happen in the future, especially in the hero business," Barnaby replied, leaning on Kotetsu a little more in return. "What if in his first season, he'd been injured and had to drop out for a few months? Or if someone else was there from the start who happened to be just as skilled?"

"Someone like you?"

Barnaby made an exasperated noise, shaking his head. After a second, though, he spoke again, more quietly. "...It doesn't bother you, does it?"

"Bother me? What? No!" Kotetsu said immediately, giving Barnaby an incredulous look. "You're a brand new hero in your prime - I'm way past my chance to set any records."

"Legend was setting those records when he was older than you are," Barnaby reminded him. "But that's not what I meant. I meant... does it bother you that I'm breaking his records? I know Legend has been your idol ever since you were young."

"Oh. Well..." Kotetsu shook his head. It hadn't even occurred to him to be bothered by that. "It's not his scores that made him my idol. They didn't hurt, but as a hero, he was way more than just points. I idolized him because he was the whole deal, you know? Because he showed people what being a hero meant. He even told me himself."

"You're not going to tell the story again, are you?"

Kotetsu shoved an elbow into Barnaby's ribs. "Anyway, no, it doesn't bother me," he said. "And actually... it's kind of incredible. When I was a kid, I used to daydream about being a hero with Legend, helping him arrest criminals and save people. I was just a kid, so I was his sidekick, but that was enough for me. Becoming a hero myself was like a dream come true. But working with another hero, who's as good as he was?" It was a sobering thought, in a way. "It's like my dream come true. I get to work with the most amazing hero..."

"I'm not that amazing," Barnaby said dismissively.

"Then how are you breaking the records?" Kotetsu countered.

"I haven't actually broken them yet. Plus, I wouldn't be getting so many points if I didn't have you backing me up and then letting me make the arrests," he pointed out. "You're as responsible for my score as I am."

"And that's all I really wanted out of it," Kotetsu told him. "I just wanted to be there, fighting at his side." He tilted his head up, smiling at Barnaby. "Fighting at your side is closer than I ever thought I could come to my childhood dream."

Barnaby smiled back. "I can imagine you as a little kid," he remarked. "I bet you were really cute."

"Me? Nah. I was just a confused little brat."

"That hardly means you couldn't have been cute," said Barnaby. "Besides, the way your eyes light up when we're watching these reruns, or even when you're just talking about Legend... you look like a kid. And it's cute."

"Are you a couple drinks ahead of me or something?" Kotetsu chuckled. "I'm not cute."

"I think you are. Especially for an old man," Barnaby teased. "You're adorable."

The way Barnaby was smiling at him, Kotetsu couldn't do anything but smile back. And when Barnaby leaned in to kiss him, he didn't mind kissing back either. Kotetsu had spent so much time alone with his worries lately, he needed it. He needed the attention, he needed the affection - the feeling of being wanted, the reassurance that he wasn't losing everything. At least, not yet. He let himself forget everything else for the moment, even his concerns about where he and Barnaby might be headed, because Barnaby's kiss wasn't hungry or impatient this time. It was only sweet and fond and gentle, and that was pretty much how Kotetsu felt towards Barnaby at the moment too.

The video was all but forgotten, until the music from the current scene faded out, and a new, more urgent theme began playing. "Oh! Yeah! Here we go," Kotetsu said excitedly, turning back towards the TV a little, snuggling against Barnaby. "This was his final arrest of the quarter-season," he explained, "and he was a little below his old record, so no one really expected this job to be important. But turns out there were seven hijackers on board, and - well, just watch!"

Barnaby laughed, not the least bit offended by Kotetsu's distraction. "See? You really are like a kid," he observed, squeezing Kotetsu a little tighter.

To disprove that notion, Kotetsu stuck his tongue out at Barnaby. He was pretty sure he'd felt older than this a couple years ago, before Barnaby came along. Not to mention for most of the last few weeks, as he chronicled the decrease in his powers, a measurable sign of time catching up with him.

He wasn't thinking about that at the moment, though. Curling up on the couch with Barnaby, watching Legend's amazing feats while snuggled against someone warm and affectionate, certainly made him feel happier than he'd felt in a very long time.


Happiness couldn't last forever. One good peaceful night, a night spent thinking about things other than his problems, didn't make those problems go away. The problems reasserted themselves again a couple nights later, when they were called out to go after another criminal - and although Barnaby arrested the man, surpassing Legend's old quarter-season record, Lunatic finally appeared again, and Kotetsu almosthad him... only to have his powers fade away a few seconds too soon.

Of course Barnaby credited Kotetsu's help for his success, and privately thanked him for volunteering to lure Lunatic away, allowing Barnaby alone to take care of the arrest. It didn't make Kotetsu feel any better, and though he was ashamed of himself for it, he just wasn't in the mood to celebrate. He was happy for Barnaby, sure, but he'd been hopeful - the last time he'd used his power, he hadn't lost any time at all, and though he'd tried not to get his hopes up too high, he'd thought it was possible his powers were stabilizing. This time, though, he'd lost three more seconds.

After spending most of his time at the reception afterwards either at the buffet or out on the balcony so he could brood without bothering anyone - which didn't work, when Barnaby insisted on following him out - he left early. He didn't want to distract Barnaby from his party, but he just couldn't get into it when he felt old and tired and useless... and also worried. Why had Lunatic shown up again now? Was he planning on dispensing more of his sick 'justice'? There might be nothing he could do about it if he was.

Kotetsu jotted down the latest info in his notebook, then told his brain to shut up, and gave it a helping hand by putting on the video of Legend's highest scoring season again. That at least let him smile, and after a little while, his determination returned. He was a hero, like Legend - he'd defeat this evil just like any other. Tomorrow, he'd get some extra workout time in at the gym.

That was the plan, anyway, until his workout the next afternoon was interrupted by a call from Ben. At least Ben didn't sound especially depressed when he told Kotetsu he'd gathered some more info, and wanted to get together to discuss it.

...It wasn't the worst news he could have gotten, finding out that Legend had gone through the same thing, that the last few seasons had been staged, messy arrest records had been sanitized, and Legend had been drowning himself in alcohol the whole time. But considering that the man had been Kotetsu's role model, his inspiration, and watching those reruns had been giving him the strength to stand up to the challenge facing him? It was still devastating.

And when Ben dared to suggest that maybe he needed to find something else to do with his life - before he wound up like Legend, no less, which was just what Kotetsu had always thought he wanted - Kotetsu couldn't stand it any more. He walked out. It was better than raging at Ben for telling him the truth.

Then, though he'd been trying to head off anything worse, the drive home took a nasty turn, and the night quickly became worse than he'd ever imagined it could be.

The next morning, he woke up with the cold rain pouring down on him, not doing a thing for the filthy sensation he had from having spent the night unconscious in a dumpster. The morning news was being broadcast on one of the giant screens installed nearby, informing everyone that the night before, Lunatic had killed again - the same man that he'd encountered on the rooftop and failed to arrest, at that - and also that Barnaby had racked up even more points for the quarter-season. Kotetsu closed his eyes, let himself sink into the chill and the filth, and wished the garbage truck would just come by already and finish the damn job.

But it didn't. Eventually he lifted a hand, as there was a beep from his wrist; he'd missed several calls. Probably about Lunatic... but as much as the thought tempted him to just lie there forever, he supposed he couldn't.

No one walking past in the street seemed to notice anything amiss about a man lying cold and sore and miserable in the trash, and no one noticed as he pulled himself up, careful and stiff, and climbed down into the alleyway. Just another resident of Sternbild who was down on his luck. There were plenty of others, he was nothing to take note of. He was better off than some, in fact, since he had a vehicle. After a little while, he managed to find his way back to it.

Straight to the shower when he got home, and he just stood there under the hot water, running it until it started getting cold. It didn't seem to warm him at all, and he had no will to actually wash. Or move, or do anything. He didn't even bother getting dressed again before he fell into bed, and also didn't sleep.

It wasn't that long anyway until he heard his wristband going off again from where he'd left it in the bathroom. He closed his eyes; there was no point picking up, he was in no shape to be a hero today, maybe ever. It was only when his actual phone downstairs started ringing just after his wristband finally stopped that he opened his eyes again. They didn't generally call that number to get in touch with him.

That phone had stopped ringing too by the time he'd stumbled his way down the stairs, but now his cell phone was ringing instead, from inside the pocket of his pants, also still in the bathroom. He dug it out, and given the determination of whoever was trying to get through to him, he wasn't surprised at all that it was Barnaby.

He couldn't deal with Barnaby. Not now. Not like this. Barnaby would be all concerned about him if he knew how miserable Kotetsu was, and Kotetsu didn't want that. He didn't deserve Barnaby's concern. So he'd have to suck it up and pretend everything was fine, and although he was pretty good at that by now, he just wasn't up to it at the moment. He dropped the phone on the coffee table on the way back to bed.

He didn't even make it all the way there before the wristband went off again. ...Looked like he didn't have any choice. Kotetsu grabbed a pair of boxers to put on, sat down on the couch, and took a few deep breaths, waiting. If it didn't pan out, that was fine by him too.

But sure enough, after the wristband stopped beeping, his home phone rang again. Another deep breath, and he picked up. "Hey."

The response was a sigh. "Kotetsu..."

Kotetsu waited, for either an outpouring of relief or demands for an explanation. Neither came. "What?" he asked finally.

"It's not your fault."

"...Huh?"

"It's not your fault," Barnaby repeated. "None of us got there until Lunatic was already gone, and Depardieu was already dead. It was an eyewitness from the club that called the authorities, after Lunatic showed up and everyone ran - so we probably didn't even find out that Lunatic was after him until it was too late. You couldn't have stopped him any more than we could."

No kidding. He'd had a better chance than any of them, and he'd failed to arrest Depardieu or save him from Lunatic. He was useless as a hero, his powers fading...

"Kotetsu?"

"Yeah?" At least Barnaby had decided Kotetsu had a pretty good excuse to be depressed, so he didn't have to ask why. And Kotetsu didn't have to pretend he wasn't. That was nice.

"Can I come over?"

Kotetsu really didn't want company. "Don't you have a bunch of interviews or a book signing or something like that?"

"I told Lloyds I'm taking the day off - last night was rough for me, and since no one had heard from you, I wanted to make sure you were okay. It's unlikely he'll fire me for it."

Kotetsu scoffed quietly. That was the truth.

"Will you let me come over?"

Kotetsu sighed. "I'm not really good company right now, Bunny... lousy mood."

"I know, that's why I want to come over," said Barnaby. "You always tried to be there for me when I was hurting, or even when you just thought I was... Even when we were just partners. It seems like I should be doing at least that much now that we're more."

Great, now Kotetsu felt even worse. Worse in a way that made him not particularly want to say no to Barnaby, though. "Fine..."

"Thanks, Kotetsu... I'll see you in a little while."

"Sure. Seeya." Kotetsu hung up, and just sat there, waiting. He didn't feel like getting up to make himself presentable, or to tidy up, or anything. On second thought, after ten minutes or so had passed, it occurred to him to shove the notebook on the coffee table underneath the couch again before Barnaby showed up.

He'd managed to muster up enough willpower to throw on a shirt and longer pants before Barnaby arrived as well, mostly because Barnaby took longer than Kotetsu was expecting. When the knock finally came on his door, Kotetsu answered - and couldn't help but smile a little. "I thought you hated that stuff."

"I do," Barnaby replied, coming in and heading for the fridge, so he could put away the six-pack dangling from his left hand. "But you like it. For some reason."

Kotetsu just watched Barnaby, charmed in spite of himself as Barnaby just breezed in like he owned the place, and found a spot on the counter to set down the small brown paper bag he was also carrying. "What's in the bag?"

"Bagels and cream cheese," said Barnaby, unfolding the top. "I know it's a little late for breakfast, but considering how long it took you to get to the phone this time, and the fact you hadn't answered any of the previous times, I suspected you hadn't eaten yet."

Kotetsu scratched his head thoughtfully. Barnaby was... pretty smart that way. "Nope... but I'm not really hungry either," he admitted.

"That's fine, I'll just put this away then," Barnaby told him. "Relax... I'll join you in a moment. I think both of us could use a day to decompress."

Barnaby probably more than him, what with his celebrity persona being so in demand. Kotetsu was under a lot of pressure, sure, but it wasn't imposed on him by other people, and it wasn't something that would go away just because he took a day off. Even so, he didn't have any inclination to do anything today other than lie around and feel awful, so he did as Barnaby suggested and settled back down on the couch.

As promised, Barnaby joined him shortly afterwards, and frowned, reaching out to touch the corner of Kotetsu's mouth, making him flinch. "How'd you get this?"

"Eh, the other night, when I was chasing Lunatic." Kotetsu shrugged it off. "I just barely dodged some of his fire. I thought I'd gotten off easy, then the blister was there the next morning."

Barnaby paused, and Kotetsu wondered if Barnaby was going to question it. One reason he'd decided to put on clothes before Barnaby had gotten there was because he had plenty of other bruises and minor burns all over that couldn't be so easily explained.

But Barnaby didn't ask. "Kotetsu... if I'm doing something wrong, let me know," Barnaby said. "I don't really know how to comfort anyone. I've never tried before - but you... make me want to try."

Comforting someone was hardly about what the comforter wanted at the moment, but Kotetsu didn't bother saying it. If it would make Barnaby feel better... That's what his life had been about for awhile anyway, making Barnaby feel better. Without so much as a look, he reached over and took Barnaby's hand. "You don't really have to do anything," he said. And strangely enough, it was the truth. "It kinda makes things a little better just to know someone cares." Enough to bring him some breakfast and cheap beer, even.

"Good, because I have no idea what I'm doing." Barnaby reached for the remote. "Maybe something's on TV that would take your mind off it..."

Or not. "-reach the scene before the damage was done. As in past incidents involving Lunatic, aside from the single fatality, no one was-"

The TV clicked off as quickly as it had clicked on, Kotetsu having grabbed for the remote. Not before he'd seen the picture flash up on the screen next to the old standby news media shot of Lunatic - two men who had taunted him and mocked him. And Kotetsu still somehow felt guilty.

"...Sorry," Barnaby murmured.

"Not your fault," Kotetsu muttered. He was the one who'd left it on that channel anyway.

"It's not your fault either." Barnaby sighed heavily. "Kotetsu... don't blame yourself. None of us who did respond got there in time either. And besides... I know you hate it whenever we can't save anyone - but Benoit Depardieu was a serial killer, Kotetsu. Hardly an innocent citizen."

"He was still a human being!" Kotetsu snapped, turning to glare at Barnaby. "Heroes can't pick and choose who lives and who dies." Actually, what made Kotetsu feel the most guilt was the fact that in light of his own encounter with Depardieu, a part of him wanted to agree. But he had to be better than that, he was a hero... at least, for the moment. He had no idea how long that would last, and he slumped forward, resting his head in his hands.

Barnaby didn't say anything for what seemed like a long time. "...I'm sorry. I don't seem to be very good at this comforting business."

"That's not your fault either," Kotetsu muttered. Barnaby hadn't had any experience with it, and besides, he was a rational kind of guy. He weighed things objectively - of course he'd be able to justify the heroes' failures with logic like that. Kotetsu just... couldn't.

"I don't know what to say," Barnaby admitted. "I don't know what I can say or do that won't make it worse. I don't know... Is there anything I can do to help? Or should I just go...?"

Barnaby was trying. That had to count for something. Kotetsu sighed, and straightened up to look at Barnaby. "Tell me about how you got those seajackers," he suggested, and forced a little smile. "I missed it."

Barnaby paused, then nodded, giving Kotetsu a little helpless smile of his own in return. "All right, well... They were headed out to sea by the time we caught up - they had to drop most of us from above. Not Keith or Karina, obviously, so they got a little bit of a head start. But once we were aboard..."

Kotetsu leaned back, resting his head on the back of the couch, and closed his eyes to let himself imagine the scene as Barnaby described it. He could just picture it - chill wind blowing in as they bounded over the waves in the harbor at night, the city behind them all lit up like it was already decorated for the upcoming holiday season. He may have been a country boy, but you couldn't defend a city like Sternbild for ten years without developing a certain fondness and familiarity with it. Same as his fellow heroes; he could imagine Nathan's fire flaring up, Pao-lin's lightning flashing, the heavy thud and the way the deck must have shaken as Antonio landed in his heavy armor. And of course, Barnaby zooming through the whole mess at nearly impossible speeds, the indicators on his power suit leaving trails of light in his wake.

And that had pretty much been the end of it. Kotetsu's smile was more authentic by the time Barnaby finished relating the story, but a little bitter. "I wish I could've been there," he murmured, his eyes still closed. "But I guess you didn't need my help, huh..."

"I doubt I would have arrested them if you had been there, unless you let me," Barnaby remarked, his own voice also sounding lighter after the retelling of his victory. "You could have used those wires of yours before I got close enough to capture them by hand, and the points would have gone to you."

...That was true. It also had nothing to do with his powers or how long they were lasting nowadays - the Hundred Power wasn't the only thing that made him a hero, Kotetsu thought. It had just taken Barnaby to remind him.

"...What is it?" Barnaby asked, curious and slightly wary when Kotetsu leaned forward, covering his face with his hands as he laughed helplessly. "Kotetsu...?"

"Nothing," Kotetsu chuckled, and looked up to Barnaby with a smile that was completely authentic. "Nothing at all..." He still didn't know what to do, but at least he knew that Barnaby believed in him. More than he probably should have, but at the moment it felt good. "You know... I think maybe it is about time I had some breakfast."

Because all of a sudden, Kotetsu was the one who found himself wanting to kiss Barnaby. That was... pretty confusing, and he'd have to think about it later. In the meantime, he could occupy his mouth with something else - and he was feeling better now than he had been.

Barnaby's bagels and cream cheese tasted better than Kotetsu expected, and by that time, it was late afternoon - late enough he could have a beer. Barnaby wouldn't drink the stuff unless he was either out of something better, or had enough of something better that it didn't matter what he drank anymore, so Kotetsu pulled out a fresh bottle from his cupboard, clearing the nearly empty bottles from the coffee table. They turned on a crappy movie, laughed at it and argued over it, and finished off the bagels for their dinner just because they had leftovers, and they'd tasted good.

Neither of them was completely sober by late evening, but neither were they especially drunk, so Kotetsu supposed it was safe to take a chance. After he'd caught Barnaby up on a bunch of gossip from the gym, since Barnaby had been out making appearances too often to join the rest of the heroes, Kotetsu made a suggestion he hadn't expected himself to make. "Hey, Bunny-chan... if you wouldn't mind..."

"Mmm?"

"Want to stay over tonight?"

Barnaby smiled, soft and pleased. "I'd be glad to."

"Just to sleep, though, you know?" Kotetsu added, just in case Barnaby had gotten the wrong idea. "I just... don't really want to be alone right now."

"Whatever you want," Barnaby agreed with a small nod.

That was the question - what did Kotetsu want? He wasn't sure anymore. There were things he wanted that he couldn't tell if he really wanted, or if it was just that he wanted something else he couldn't have, or if he'd just gotten too used to what he could have.

He considered changing his mind, when Barnaby curled up against him in the dark. It felt too comfortable, too right, and he found himself wanting more. Another good-night kiss, maybe kisses that would put off the good-nights a little longer. His body ached for many reasons, but for attention just as much, and he knew Barnaby would have been willing to provide it if he so much as asked. But was it because of Barnaby, or just because of his own situation? Barnaby had been good to him, and maybe that was why Kotetsu was having these kinds of thoughts. That, combined with loneliness and confusion and frustration...

But although Barnaby had cheered him up more than he'd expected, Kotetsu's main problems hadn't gone away. Whether his feelings for Barnaby were changing or not, it might not matter. He had a decision to make, and if he decided against continuing on as a hero, it would be best to just... let this die quietly. No matter what either of them felt. If he could still be a hero - and the fact Barnaby believed in his ability to do so even without his powers might have factored into how he was feeling at the moment - then there would be a point to thinking about it. Then he could let himself consider it.

In the meantime, he held Barnaby tight, reminding himself he wasn't alone. Not tonight.