((Before we begin this chapter, I would firstly like to thank all of the peoples who have been reviewing my story, motivating me to continue it. Secondly, I would like to warn you about this chapter in particular. This chapter is going to be possibly the most insane one I've done yet. The plot is loosely based on a few well known movies (I won't tell you which ones).

After I finish this particular plot, my other chapters should be considerably less weird…. Unless I think of another crazily insane plotline :evil grin:

And sorry it took so long to get this one finished, but school's about to start here. I've been busy busy busy….))

Chapter Four: Swedish Giant Carnivorous Eggplants (Part-1)

Professor Pomona Sprout was taking inventory of all the plants in the greenhouse. She walked up and down rows of potentially dangerous plant life, checking off names and numbers on a piece of parchment at she did so.

I don't understand just why Dumbledore makes me to these inventory checks. Who in this school is suicidal enough to try and steal one of these things…besides Severus..?

After narrowly missing being bitten by a particularly nasty tempered shrub, Pomona came to an empty spot in the aisles of plants. Actually, it was more like a few empty spots. In front of the empty spots was a label,

"Swedish Giant Carnivorous Eggplants. Danger level XXXXX (As in, we suggest you not attempt to keep these at all!)"

The eggplants had been a Christmas present from Hagrid a few years back.

Why does everything Hagrid get cause problems?

Pomona was suddenly hit by the harsh reality of the situation. Giant…eggplants…that…are…carnivorous…As in… they eat people!

Pomona dropped the checklist and went as fast as she could to Dumbledore's office. This could get really serious, she had no idea how long it had been since they escaped, but she had a hunch where they could be. Most of the school was currently at the Quidditch pitch watching a game, but Dumbledore had stayed behind in his office to finish some paperwork.

Pomona practically shouted the password to the gargoyle guarding the spiral staircase, and ran up to the door. Panting, she banged on the door with her fist.

"Albus! We have a situation here!" she almost yelled.

Albus opened the door swiftly and looked at Pomona for a second.

"Come in and explain it, then." He said calmly.

How the hell can this clown be calm, ALL THE TIME!

Pomona rushed in and sat down in the chair in front of the headmaster's desk, while Dumbledore resumed his own seat.

"Do you remember the freakish eggplants Hagrid gave me at Christmastime?"

"Yes"

"Well, they've escaped, and I don't know how to get them back."

"Explain to me what exactly these things are capable of."

Pomona had read up on the Swedish Giant Carnivorous Eggplant species the afternoon Hagrid had handed the thing to her. "In nature, they burrow under the ground and dig tunnels and such. While underground, they can sense movement above them and can pop out of the ground to capture their prey. Though they prefer being underground, they can also fair well above land too, using a few choice roots for legs. These things are some of the most dangerous plants around."

"This is quite a predicament….How you figure Hagrid got his hands on these?"

"I'm not sure I want to find out."

"How many are there?"

"Four. And I'll bet they're over at the Quidditch field, what with all the commotion there."

"We should get down there immediately and get the staff together. This calls for serious action."

Well I could've told you that!

The two staff members went down to the Quidditch pitch as fast they could without running. Professors aren't supposed to run. It looks undignified. Their best friend could be dying and they wouldn't run.

Upon reaching the Quidditch pitch, Albus and Pomona went to the stands where the other staff members sat.

Minerva looked up from the game. "Albus..? I thought you had lots of work to do."

"It seems that a most unusual situation has come to my attention." He said quickly, "Professor McGonagall, Professor Snape, Professor Flitwick, please come with Professor Sprout and I downstairs so we can discuss this without distractions."

Wordlessly, the professors stood up and followed the headmaster down from the stands. The only sheltered places down there were the locker-rooms, so they turned the Hufflepuff locker-room into an impromptu staff room.

Albus left the staff members in the locker-room and walked out into the field. Waving over Madam Hooch from her refereeing duties, he forced her to attend the meeting also.

"What the hell is going on that is so important as to pull me out of a Quidditch game?" fumed an angry Rolanda Hooch as she sat down on one of the benches.

"I'm afraid the game will have to be cancelled." Said Albus.

"Do WHAT?" yelled Rolanda, standing up again.

"Let me explain out current situation before you get excited." Stated Albus, pointing Rolanda back to her seat. "It seems that a few highly dangerous plants have escaped from the greenhouse."

"You're gonna cancel a game because someone nicked a flower from the greenhouse!"

"Firstly, no one stole it. It escaped on it's own power. And secondly what we're dealing with is no flower. Four Swedish Giant Carnivorous Eggplants are loose on the grounds."

"EGGPLANTS? WHAT THE HECK IS DANGEROUS ABOUT AN EGGPLANT!"

"Rolanda will you shut up!" said Minerva, who was two second away from placing the flying instructor under a full body bind.

"These things are extremely dangerous plants, it is documented that they can attack and kill a human. The game will have to be called off, but the students would be safest waiting in the stands while we try and get rid of these things." Said Albus firmly.

"Well what are you suggesting we do to get rid of them?" Severus interjected

"There isn't much known about this kind of plant." Pomona informed the staff, "It is known, however, that they are immune to almost all practical jinxes and hexes, which is one reason they're so dangerous."

"Wonderful. We can't use magic against them. So what's left, muggle artillery? You must be kidding!"

Filius Flitwick decided to join the conversation here, "Every animal or plant has a weakness. There's got to be a practical way to get rid of them!" he said as he conjured himself a sandwich and a bottle of orange soda.

"Filius, how can you possibly eat at a time like this." Asked a dumbfounded Minerva.

"What? I'm hungry!"

Suddenly the staff could feel a slight tremor underneath their feet. Then it became more pronounced. Soon the all the people present were searching the floor, confused.

Pomona looked around fearful, "Nobody…move…Stay… quiet…" she whispered.

"What?" asked Filius in a very loud voice, "Speak up! I can't hear you!"

The entire company made hand gestures trying to get the short professor to shut up. Rolanda made a few wildly extravagant movements which ended with a gesture that looked like her wringing someone's neck.

Filius took a sip of his orange soda, "You guys are kooky."

The floor gave a few very violent shudders. "What the-" Filius turned around and stared at the floor. Suddenly a giant purple eggplant as big as a hippo with two rows of teeth and red eyes burst out of the floorboards. Its aim was a bit off, so instead of eating the short charms professors, it swallowed the nearby broom closet whole.

Filius gave out a high pitched scream, threw his sandwich and drink into the air, and ran to hide behind Minerva.

The eggplant looked as if it was about to try and eat the entire company, but then was hit by Filius' orange soda. As the carbonated drink splashed over its purple skin, the monster let out a roar of pain.

Had it been human it would have said, "Ahh! Help me! The orange soda is melting me! Ahhh! Help!" but since it was an eggplant monster all it could say was "GWAP!"

"I think I've got an idea." Said Severus suddenly. He aimed his wand at the eggplant and made a spout of orange soda flow out. It covered the monster as it let out another roar of rage and pain. It melted down back into the hole Wizard of Oz style.

"That was weird." Said Minerva slowly, "How many of these did you say there are?"

Pomona looked down into the hole. At the bottom the only proof the eggplant had been there was a puddle of purple goo. "If we trust that this one's dead, three more."

Minerva looked at her dumfounded, "Where did you get four of these things?"

"Hagrid."

"And I suppose you have no clue where he got it?"

"Nope."

All while this conversation was going on, Rolanda was stared transfixed at where the broom closet used to be.

"It ate the broom closet…The WHIOLE broom closet!" she said slowly.

The rest of the company looked at her for a second, they knew all two well how attached to the many broomsticks Rolanda was. They had a feeling this would be a relapse of February 12, 1983 when a few troublesome Hufflepuffs set fire to half the locker-rooms.

"It's okay, Ro'. We can get some new brooms." Said Albus.

"New brooms..?" said Rolanda in an unusually high voice, "I don't want new brooms," suddenly she turned around to face the others with an insane gleam in her eyes, "I WANT REVENGE!"

Severus moved a few feet away from her. "Okay, she's cracked. Can we use her as bait for those things?"

Minerva gave him a dirty look. "No!"

Pomona looked out the door of the locker-room down the path to the castle. "Uh guys..? I think we have a problem…"

"I think we've already realized that, imbecile." Said Severus.

"No, I mean a bigger one. Look here, " she pointed to some spots in the grass leaded to the door of the castle. "those would be tunnels left by those plants. They must've gone inside the castle."

"Great. Just great."

"At least now we know they have a weakness for orange soda."

Pomona conjured up a few contraptions. They looked about like muggle vacuum cleaners only they that straps so one could carry it on their back. Also unlike a vacuum cleaner, they shot orange soda instead of sucking up dirt.

"And what do you expect me to do with this?" asked Severus picking up of the contraptions.

"Unless you'd rather get eaten, I'd suggest you wear it." Said Pomona.

All the professors put one of the strange objects on their backs before turning to Pomona again.

"All we have to do it spray 'em and that should kill 'em."

"And how do you suggest we find them?" asked Minerva.

"Once we go in they should be attracted to us. We're a food source for them."

"Let's get this over with then…"

The professors walked up the path and opened the castle door in a paranoid fashion. The inside of the school was very dark.

"Do we have to turn all the lights off whenever we leave?" asked Minerva. She clapped her hands and the all the lights in that part of the castle flickered on. "I'm so glad I talked Filch into installing the clapper."

They walked on through the castle, still in a paranoid fashion. Soon, they decided to walk in a straight line, Albus in the lead, followed by Minerva, then Severus, Rolanda, Pomona, and finally Filius in the rear.

Suddenly, they heard a loud banging behind them. They turned around to see what it was. The sound was coming from further down the hallway.

"Ok, don't run. Stand together. Fire when I say to,…" said Albus softly.

The company stood in a line facing the darkened hallway. They aimed their orange soda blasters at the noise.

After a few tense seconds, a giant eggplant monster shuffled out from around the corner. This one was much, much bigger then the last one, the top of it's head almost touched the ceiling of the room and it had not two, but three rows of teeth.

"Okay, new plan!" said Albus, "RUN!"

The company turned around and ran through the corridor, the eggplant hot of their heels. Soon, they turned into a large room and slammed the door shut. The eggplant started beating on the door and the entire company had to lean on it to hold it shut.

"We can't keep this up for long!" yelled Severus over the noise. "We've got to do something!"

"Get away from the door." Said Rolanda.

"Are you crazy!" yelled Minerva.

"I said, get away from the door! Then go out the other door over there!" she pointed to the door at the opposite end of the room.

"There's no way we'll make it!"

"Yes there is! Now do it before I'm forced to jinx you all!"

"Fine…On the count of three….1…..2…..3!"

At once the company let go of the door and made to sprint across the room.

Once they reached the middle, Rolanda stopped and faced the door where the eggplant was about to come in.

"What are you doing!" yelled Pomona, who was nearly at the other door.

"You guys go on, and make sure you keep that door closed!" said Rolanda calmly.

"But-"

"You heard her! Leave her!" said Severus, who was about to close the door on the other two. Pomona ran out the door and they slammed it shut and leaned against it.

"This is it." Said Rolanda, "It ends here." She took off her orange soda blaster and started shaking it violently as the eggplant broke through the door. "This is for all the brooms back in the closet. The Cleansweep 260. The Silver Arrow. The two Shooting Stars. And you two, Cleansweep 11!"

The giant eggplant starting walked towards the flying instructor as she stopped shaking the orange soda blaster at last. She threw the contraption at it and yelled, "TAKE THAT YOU UGLY, SON OF A-" before she could get out the last word,. The blaster exploded, covering all around it with orange soda.

The company outside the room heard the creatures roars of anger as it melted down to the floor. Orange soda pooled beneath their feet as it flowed from underneath the door.

Minerva looked around. "Now what?"

END OF PART ONE.

((Author's Note—SooOoooO….. enjoying this plot? This was the product of being loaded up on Pop Rocks and cola. Please excuse the weirdness.))