Chapter Four

Jane was sure that the universe was conspiring against her. Maura's conference was in Las Vegas, and between the time difference and the three homicides during what was supposed to be her weekend off, Jane and Maura had only managed to talk to each other's voice mail.

Jane thought about texting but what would she say?

Hey, QT… had a gr8 time other nite… wished we would have kissed…

Jane splashed some water on her face from her bathroom sink and took in her sullen appearance in the mirror. At least the voice mails weren't entirely uncomfortable… It sounded like Maura was enjoying the conference and that her lecture was well received.

It wasn't enough, though. Jane needed to see Maura. She needed to talk to her about what had happened. But it was only Tuesday, and it would be days before Maura returned. Jane still wasn't sure what it meant when Maura left the apartment so quickly and then refused the pre-arranged ride to the airport.

Jane's heart ached. She had worked so hard to keep her feelings for Maura in check. She valued the friendship and didn't want to jeopardize it. Yet during all of the cases over the last year, she found an underlying and growing tension between the two of them. And then there were the sleepovers… the night Maura had all but thrust her breasts in Jane's face at Merch… and of course Maura's constant attention after Jane had been shot.

Jane swore that she would tell Maura how she felt when she woke up from her coma, but she was never able to gather the courage. Days went by; opportunities came and went with Jane opening her mouth and no words coming forth. And then Maura started dating Dr. Slucky, and then Derrick… Jane had all but given up.

But when Jane thought she was going to lose Maura over something like not remembering the first day they had met… of course Jane had remembered! It was that she didn't think Maura would.

So, Jane pulled out all the stops, coming just short of telling Maura that she was in… telling Maura that she liked her, as more than just friends. Then it was as if all the stars aligned… Maura responded. She was certain Maura had initiated that near-kiss. That Maura had leaned in first…

Jane crawled into bed and rolled over to face the empty side Maura would often occupy.

As Jo Friday jumped into the bed and got settled by Jane's knees, she turned to her dog and grumbled, "It's going to be a long night…" before punching her pillow a few times in an effort to become more comfortable and to relieve some stress.


Maura was making her way back to her hotel room when she decided she needed a glass of wine to relax before settling in for the night. She had missed Jane's call… again. She wanted to call her back, but Jane had said that she was going to bed because she had worked nearly all of the last 48 hours.

Maura made her way to the lounge, ordered a glass of red wine, and started to review her notes from the various symposiums that day.

"Excuse me… is this seat taken?" Maura turned to see a woman wearing a name badge indicating she was attending Maura's conference.

"Oh, no. Please have a seat."

Dr. Candace Monroe took her seat and introduced herself to Maura. "I loved your lecture on rigor mortis yesterday."

"Oh, thank you." Maura perked up at the compliment and catalogued the woman's features as she did with every new individual she met. Dr. Candace Monroe was in her mid-forties, had stunning red hair that swept around her shoulders, slightly messy since it had been released from its tight bun, fair skin with freckles that danced over the bridge of her nose and on her cheek bones, and vibrant green eyes that exuded joy.

The doctors ordered more wine and shared what they had enjoyed most over the last three days and began talking a little about their lives back home.

"Iowa now, but Florida originally," was Dr. Monroe's answer when Maura asked where she was from. "It's not where I thought I would end up, but my wife got a great job offer that we couldn't pass up, so we decided, what the heck?" Candace laughed heartily at some memory that she had gotten lost in for a moment. "The 'Sunshine State' to Iowa's winters was hard at first; nearly broke my tailbone the first time I tried to shovel the snow from our driveway, but it was worth it. When she's happy, I'm happy… And at least gay marriage is legal there. Here, this is her picture." Candace opened the wallet from her purse to reveal a picture from her wedding day.

"She's lovely." Maura replied.

"Thank you. What about you?"

"Oh… Boston is my home now…" Candace already knew most of the facts that Maura shared since a small biography of all the guest lecturers was given to all conference attendees. That was, until Maura started sharing stories of all the crazy cases she had worked with Jane over the last year.

"So, how long have you two been dating?" Candace asked, enjoying listening to Maura's stories.

The question took Maura aback. She sat a little more upright in her seat, took a sip of her wine, and stared ahead lost in thought for a moment. "Oh… Jane and I… we're not dating."

"Oh… I'm sorry. I just assumed… well, you didn't mention any other detectives that you worked with…" Candace was trying to back pedal.

"Please don't misunderstand. I'm not offended. Jane and I… we're… well, I'm not sure what we are."

"Uh-oh… not sure? That must be a hard place to be in." Candace rested a hand on Maura's shoulder.

"Yes it is…" Maura's brain was on near-overload trying to avoid figuring out what to do about Jane. Candace waited in silence for Maura to continue. Maura took the last sip of wine from her glass and ordered another. If she was going to spill her guts to a total stranger, she was going to need liquid courage.

The bartender placed another glass down.

"I just don't know, Candace. I work with Jane, I consider her to be my best friend. I've never had a best friend before, and I don't want to ruin that." Maura took another gulp of wine.

"Hmm… that is tough. But if you're best friends, surely you've weathered tougher things than this…"

Suddenly Dr. Monroe sounded like the forensic psychologist that she was. Her open body posture, the reassuring hand on Maura's shoulder, open ended questions and silence at the appropriate times… Candace knew her interview techniques well and it appeared to Maura that she had the same gut instinct that Jane had.

"Well, it's not the only thing that is troubling me…" Maura's voice dropped several levels to a whisper. "I've never been with a woman before."

"Is that all?" Candace laughed. "So what? This woman is your best friend right?"

"Yes."

"And you're pretty confident that she has feelings for you too?"

"Yes, however…"

"And here you are nearly 2000 miles away from her, in a hotel bar, talking about her to a total stranger, and the thing you're most concerned about is the sex? Listen, Maura. You are an insanely bright woman. Bright enough to know what you want, what you really want, despite all efforts to run from it. If this woman really is your best friend, she'll be flattered by your feelings, and if she doesn't return them, I'm sure she'll still love you as her best friend." Candace nodded affirmatively at her own line of logic.

Maura was startled by the woman's frankness sitting next to her. "Well, that's not all that I'm worried about. In fact, I'm certain that I could quickly become quite adept at making love to a woman. I am more concerned about the social ramifications of being with Jane, and whether or not she could handle them."

Maura leaned back and allowed herself to become lost in thought. It was late, she had had too much wine, and her head was spinning with all things Jane. Maura decided to call it a night before Candace could begin another line of reasoning that would inevitably mean accepting the conclusion that she knew her heart had already accepted. The two doctors exchanged contact information and went their separate ways after agreeing to have lunch together the next day.

Maura went through her normal nighttime routine even though she was exhausted because she knew she would feel better for it once in bed. She crawled into bed 45 minutes later and turned to face the empty side. She placed her outstretched hand on the cool, vacant surface, knowing sleep would not come easily to her tonight.

"It's going to be a long night."


Note: A huge thank you to Googlemouth for helping me figure out some publishing properties! If you haven't read any of her stories yet, you're missing out. Check them out!