Chapter 4: This World Sucks!
"Anyway, this whole concept of the Naruto fandom is quite a lot to take in, especially for someone in your position. I'll show you some more of it later but for now perhaps you should try settling in since you'll be staying here."
"Hn."
Well, at least he's in character.
"Okay, so it seems you already know where the kitchen is. The bathroom is down the end of the hall and there are a few spare bedrooms so you can choose whatever one you want."
Damn, I sounded like a flight attendant.
"Is there a training grounds?" That broke about five painstaking seconds of awkward silence.
"The backyard is kinda small and I suggest you don't blow anything up. That means no fire or lightening jutsu."
"What the hell am I supposed to practise then?"
"Taijutsu, Kenjutsu?"
"You need a sparring partner for those."
"I'm a blackbelt, that's about a close as you can get to ninja in this world."
"Hn."
He was clearly in his kinda irked mode. No surprise though, to Sasuke training means business.
"You know, you don't really have anything to be training for. Ninja in this world don't have chakra abilities. The only competition you have are other fictional character units."
That only pissed him off even more.
"Then how am I supposed to get my revenge?!"he sneered.
He activated his Sharingan, ready to tear my soul apart with his crimson glare. I couldn't say I didn't see it coming. If I show any sign of submission now, I will never win his respect.
I stared down his gaze, unmoved.
"Are you forgetting? You are not entirely who you think you are. Vengeance isn't your duty, it was the fictional Sasuke's, and he regretted it in the end" I said as monotone as ever. "Sasuke's" eyes returned to their usual onyx.
"Show me."
Oh, great. Back to the computer we go.
As I searched for the Sasuke Uchiha page on Narutopedia I asked,
"What exactly is your most recent memory in the Naruto Universe?"
"Waking up to Karin watching me sleep" He said as if it happened on a regular basis.
"I didn't mean in that much detail, but I assume it was after you have killed Orochimaru and formed Team Taka?"
"Taka?"
"I mean Hebi." Well, there's one spoiler already revealed.
"Hn."
"Is that a yes or a no?"
"...Yes" he practically sighed in annoyance.
"Okay, well this web page summarises all of your activity up until the most recent chapter of the Naruto manga. Just sit down and read the entire thing from after you killed Orochimaru up until the end."
He spent about five minutes sitting at the desk reading until he called me over.
"The page ended, where does it continue?"
I mentally face-palmed. Of course, he didn't know how to use a computer. He didn't know about the scroll function."
I then gestured towards the mouse and scrolled down the page using the wheel-thingy. He should get it after only seeing it once. I kinda hoped he felt like a dumbass for needing my assistance. There's nothing more amusing than breaking an Uchiha's pride.
The page was quite long, so I decided to leave him to his reading for a while, but I couldn't wait to see his reaction afterwards. I went to the kitchen to make some tea in silence, the only sounds being the boiling kettle and the sound of the scrolling mouse coming from the computing area. Ten minutes into my quiet teatime the scrolling stopped, permanently.
I crept back into the computing area to find "Sasuke" reading the last few paragraphs of the Narutopedia article. He was glaring at the screen in pure contempt. Instead of worrying for my safety in the presence of a pissed-off Uchiha, I was instead thinking about how fun it would be the glomp him from behind as he sat hunched over the desk. Tempting.
He leaned back in the chair and let his face sink beneath his fringe, his eyes no longer visible and an invisible dark aura emitted from him. My thoughts of glomping him dissolved, replaced by thoughts of crucifixes and holy water.
"So you mean to tell me that all this time I have been psychologically abused, seen my entire family get slaughtered, devoted my life to killing my own brother for no good reason and have been repetitively pursued by a paedophile and a blond moron only to somehow overcome the "Uchiha Curse"? And after all that I just come running back to Konoha? All these years of being screwed around with just for the mere entertainment of others?"
That's probably the most I've ever heard him speak in one turn.
"You're not the only one. Other characters have had it worse, and not just ones from Naruto for that matter. Besides, at least you got to unlock your Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan and Rinnegan. Also you're not an antagonist anymore, you just magically appeared and insisted on becoming Hokage. At least if you die in this war you would die as a hero; a troubled, delusional hero."
He just glared at me, Sharingan activated. I wanted to push him a little further for my own amusement, but it was still only his first day here.
"Are you actually going to use those or are you just trying to intimidate me?" I glared back into those eyes with equal intensity. It looked a lot like a scene from Twilight (A/N: *groan*). Could I beat an Uchiha at his own game?
"Why am I even here? What were your intentions for purchasing me?!" He was going to crack any minute.
"You were on sale."
"Hnnnnnnnnn."
I think I broke him.
NEXT TIME ON THE UCHIHA SASUKE UNIT AND ME:
We had a bit of a rough start to this pet character-owner relationship. Let's try again! Take-two of Sasuke settling in and trying to get along with his equally as cocky, closet-fangirl of an owner. It's hard to outwit someone when they've been watching you on TV.
