Here it is! Part four of 'Stupid School Games'! I hope you have all enjoyed it so far! Sorry this chapter is over a week late. My brother from the Navy was in town, and I hung out with him a lot. But anyway, to those of you who have reviewed, thank you very much! And for those of you who haven't: PLEASE do so! Writers really look forward to seeing the reviews for what they have written. But anyway, read, review, and enjoy!
South Park Middle School: Stupid School Games!
Chapter 4
(We see a cluster of bushes outside of South Park Elementary School. Suddenly, Cartman's head pops up. He is looking over into the playground)
Cartman: Where is he? He's supposed to be here!
(The back door opens up leading to the playground. Kids are coming out, and Ike is among them. He makes his way to the bushes)
Ike: Eric? You here?
Cartman: Yes I'm here! Waiting for you with all these stupid bugs crawling over me!
Ike: Sorry it took a minute. I was eating first.
Cartman: Wow, thanks dipwad! But whatever. Anyway, where's miss prissy pants at?
Ike: Valarie is right over there.
(Ike points over to Valarie, the girl he's trying to woo)
Cartman: Sweet. Ok, time for our next plan of action since you royally screwed up the last one.
Ike: Screwed it up? It was a crappy plan to begin with!
Cartman: Whatever, dude. You just don't know how to be a playa. Otherwise I wouldn't be having to help you (*see last THREE chapters to know what's going on lol*)
Ike: Ok, what's the next plan, dammit?!
Cartman: Don't get smart with me! But anyways, here.
(He reaches and gets a boombox CD player. He hands it to Ike)
Cartman: You'll need this.
Ike: I already don't like where this is going.
Cartman: And you'll need…
(He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a CD)
Cartman: THIS.
(He hands it to Ike. Ike looks at it)
Ike: What the…
Cartman: Yes. KISS Unplugged.
Ike: I probably don't want to ask, but what do I do with this?
Cartman: Ok, go up to her. Put the CD in the boombox and play it. Turn up the volume not too too loud, but loud enough. Dance appropriatley to the song.
Ike: Um, I don't really listen to KISS.
Cartman: I figured that. Just play track 2. And here's the lyrics. Look over them before you go over there.
(He hands Ike a print out paper. They have the lyrics to the song on the CD, which is called "Plaster Caster". *Go listen to the song on Youtube and you'll see why it's so inappropriate but funny lol*)
Ike: Look, I really really REALLY don't think this is a good idea.
Cartman: Ok, who's older here?
Ike: You.
Cartman: Who's got the experience?
Ike: You.
Cartman: Who's got the better grades in school?
Ike: Um…me.
Cartman: Which means YOU are a dork and you NEED my help! Now go do what I told you too, young padawan!
(Ike rolls his eyes and takes the boombox and CD. Cartman crouches back down but watches everything. He sees Ike approach Valarie. Ike puts the CD in and turns the boombox in. He turns up the song pretty loud. He starts dancing rather "provocativley" to the music)
Cartman: Yes! That's it! He's got it!
(Valarie looks on with a look of shock. While Ike is dancing, she gets up and stomps off)
Cartman: What the?! What did he do wrong now?
(Ike stops and turns off the music and picks up the boombox. He comes back to Cartman)
Cartman: Dude, what did you do?
(Ike has a look of disbelief)
Ike: It wasn't me! It was this stupid idea of YOURS!
(He throws the boombox down)
Cartman: Hey, that's my boombox, you stupid butt hole!
Ike: Man, I'm NEVER going to get her!
Cartman: Don't give up just yet! Listen, I gotta rush back to school myself, so I'll meet you back here tomorrow morning. I promise you, you will have her yet. I got another idea.
Ike: Oh brother.
Cartman: Just be ready.
(Cartman gets up and leaves. Ike rolls his eyes and walks slowly back to the playground)
(We go South Park Middle School. Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Craig, and Clyde are sitting at their table at lunch. They are looking over at the table in the far back where Butters is sitting with his girlfriend, Kristall)
Stan: Dude, he CAN'T be the best we can do.
Kyle: We have all talked to everyone else the whole day, man! Who else is there?
Kenny: Kyle's right, dude. Butters is about all that's left.
Clyde: That's a sad statement.
Craig: And I don't want to play on the same team as him anyway. We have some unfinished business (*check out the first SP middle school fic to see what Craig is talking about*)
Stan: You have to lay that aside for now! There are more important things we have to focus on right now.
Craig: I still don't see how HE got the hottest girl in school…
Stan: Dude, now is not the time for that! I'm going over there to see what he says.
(Stan gets up and heads over to the table. The others sit and watch him. Stan reaches the table that Butters and Kristall are at. They look at him)
Kristall: Hmm? Oh, hey Stan!
Butters: Hey!
Stan: Hey, uh, can I talk with you for just a minute Butters? Just you and me?
Butters: Well sure! I guess.
(He gets up and he and Stan go over to a corner from Kristall)
Stan: Ok, uh, I don't know if you heard about the games against Middle Park, but we, well, lost a member of the team.
Butters: Oh yeah! I hope Kevin is ok!
Stan: Yeah, I'm sure he is. But anyway, we need another player.
Butters: Ok! Cool!
(They stand there silent for a few seconds. Butters is, of course, oblivious to what Stan is implying)
Butters: Is that all you wanted to tell me, Stan?
Stan: Uh, no. I mean, we were looking for someone all day. Didn't find anyone, you know? No one at all….
(They stand there for a few more seconds looking at each other)
Butters: Is…is that it?
Stan: Dammit, Butters! Can you take a hint?! We want to know if you want to be on the team!
(Butters has an amazed look on his face)
Butters: Muh….me? Really?
Stan: You are all we got left, dude. No one else wants to be on the team.
Butters: But why…why do you come to me last? You..you don't think I can do good at sports?
Stan: Butters, don't be an ass. Now's not the time. What do you say?
(Butters looks at Kristall. She just gives him a funny smile and a little wave)
Butters: I think…uh…yes.
Stan: So it's a yes?! Good! Ok, meet us this afternoon right after school for practice! We only have two more days until the games and you gotta get some practice in!
Butters: Well, ok!
Stan: See you later, dude.
(Stan walks back to the table the other guys are at and sits down)
Kyle: So? What did he say?
Stan: Dudes…we have our replacement for Kevin.
(They all sit there silently for a few seconds)
Kyle: Why does this news NOT excite me?
Craig: Because Butters sucks?
Stan: Look, I think at practice today we can whip Butters into shape. We still have two days. We just have to let Coach Beer rip into him. Try to build him up.
Kenny: Dude, it's only two days!
Stan: I know. We just gotta hope this works.
LATER THAT DAY….
(The boys, including Butters, are out at the field. Craig is keeping his distance from Butters)
Butters: So…uh..where's the Coach at, fellas?
Kyle: He's coming. You better be ready, dude.
(Just about two hundred yards away, you can see a big, muscled man with a high and tight haircut stomping up towards them)
Butters: Is…is…is that him?!
Stan: Yep.
Coach Beer: ALRIGHT YOU TURD BANDITS! We ready for another intense, and I mean INTENSE session of exercise?!
All (except Butters): YES SIR!
Coach Beer (looking at Butters): Who the hell is this?
Butters: I'm Bu..But…Butters, sir.
Coach Beer: What the HELL kind of name is BUTTERS?! You know what, I like margerine better! From now on, you are margerine! Got that?!
Butters: But sir…
Coach Beer: YOU. ARE. MARGERINE! GOT THAT?!
Butters: Yes sir!
(Craig starts snickering)
Coach Beer: What's that laughing?! You think this is funny, TUCKER?!
Craig: No sir!
Coach Beer: Sounded like it to me! Just for that, we'll start off with TWO HOURS of sprints! Get on the field and get on line RIGHT NOW!
(They do what he says and start their sprints. Butters is not doing as good as the others)
Butters: I cant…I cant do this!!!
(Kristall appears on the other side of the gate outside of the field)
Kristall: Butters! Baby! Keep going! I'm here for you! WHOO!!
(Craig rolls his eyes while he's running. Butters sees her and smiles)
Butters (thinking): I can't let her down!
(Butters starts sprinting faster and doing much better with her cheers)
Kyle (to Stan): Dude, look at him go!
(The boys all pick up the pace and are doing really good)
Coach Beer: Now THIS is what I'm talking about! But we still have A LOT of practice to go!
(The boys have determined looks on their faces. We see a close up of each one as the song "Montage" from the "Asspen" episode starts playing)
Song (playing as the boys go through the training): The hours approaching, to give it your best
You've got to reach your prime.
That's when you need to put yourself to the test
And show us a passage of time
Were going to need a montage (montage)
Ooh it takes a montage (montage)
(The boys are going through all sorts of exercises while Coach Beer looks on. We see them running, throwing a heavy ball at each other, with Butters almost getting knocked over. Coach Beer looks annoyed at that)
Song:
Show a lot of things happing at once,
Remind everyone what's going on (what's going on)
And when every shot you show a little improvement
Just show it all or it will take too long
That's called a montage (montage)
Ooh we want montage (montage)
(We then see a nonsensical scene of the boys playing beach volleyball with bikini clad girls. We then see them resting at the same beach in beach chairs, with the girls laying around them. Coach Beer is standing there with an outraged expression and yells something at them. They jump up and start running)
Song: Anything that we want to know
From just a beginner to a pro,
You need a montage (montage)
Ooh it takes a montage (montage)
(We see them back at the field at the school. The practice is over, and the boys stand side by side looking at the setting sun while the screen fades to black)
Song: Always fade out in a montage,
If you fade out
It seem like more time has passed in a montage
Montage…..
END of chapter 4! Hope you all enjoyed! Oh, by the way, "Plaster Caster" is copyright KISS, and "Montage" is copyright Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Just to get that outta the way! Anyway, stay tuned for the next chapter. I'll be wrapping this particular story up in a chapter or two! Please read and review! Note the REVIEW part! Until next time!
