Thanks for the reviews so far. I hope you like this chapter. Please review. Thanks Jodie xxx


Chapter Four

She walked into his living room and smiled as he sat talking to the tiny baby. It had been eight days since she had Charlie and she knew now more than ever what an amazing man Smithy was. He hadnt noticed her yet as he sat telling Charlie how all of his friends would fancy his Mum, how amazing she was and how lucky he was to have her as a mum. "And I am always gunna be around too little man... even when you Mum realises how much better she can do.. I will still be here for you.." she cut him off and he smiled up at her "I think that is a matter of opinion Smithy..." she moved over and rested down next to him on the sofa, gently stroking her sons head before placing a kiss to Smithys lips "You have a good sleep?" he asked and she nodded "I feel much better.. thanks". He grinned "Good cause Charlie is waiting for a cuddle from his Mummy". She smiled "Erm.. I will just stick the kettle on first... and he looks so comfatable there... you want one?". He nodded slightly as she disapeared towards the kitchen. He rose from the sofa and placed Charlie into the moses basket in the corner of the room before making his way out to her "You know I am back at work on Monday..." she interupted "Yeah.. I was thinking you are entilted to two weeks parternity leave..." he smiled "Im not entilted to anything Stevie... and I have pushed my luck taking what I have... I need to go back... and I think it will do you and Charlie good to have some time alone". She sighed "Yeah I guess". He smiled "And besides... you can bring him to show him off at the station.." she interupted "I dont think a new born baby should be hanging out in a police station". She glanced up at the clock hanging on the wall "The midwife is coming in about an hour so can you give him his feed?". He smiled "Why dont you try breast feeding again?" he smiled and she cut in "Because the midwife is coming Smithy". He nodded "Yeah I heard you but I am sure she is used to it.." she interupted "Can you please just give him his feed... Im going for a bath". He sighed as she walked from the kitchen, Stevie had spent the last week in pain and it was plain for anyone to see she was struggling but Smithy was starting to worry now, he couldnt remember the last time she had fed her son or cuddled him off to sleep. He smiled as he glanced at a photo of her and him on the fridge, it was taken long before she was even pregnant and she looked so happy, now all she seemed to do was be exahasted and he respected that it wasnt easy but he was starting to think she regretted having Charlie and he needed to help her as best he could to snap out of it.

Stevie opened the door and smiled to the older lady, she hadnt been to visit Stevie at home before and she was slightly upset it wasnt her usual midwife but she smiled a polite "Hello..." which the lady took the opputunity to introduce herself "Hi, I am Sarah Jameson.." Stevie gestured into the house and the lady stepped inside, she had thick black hair styled much like Stevies own, she was much taller than Stevie and slightly plumpier. "So where is little Charlie?" she asked as Stevie led her through to the living room "My partner has just taken him to the shop.. he will be back any second". Sarah nodded "How are you feeling?". Stevie nodded "I am fine.. Im still a bit sore but I guess thats to be expected". Stevie felt nervous as the lady read over her notes. "How is Charlie feeding?" she asked and Stevie smiled "Fine.. he is being bottle fed but he is ok". She nodded once again "And sleeping?". Stevie smiled, were these trick questions, she didnt know the answers "Erm ok.. he wakes once at night but erm.." she paused as the door banged "That will be my partner..." she rose to her feet and headed into the hall leaving Sarah alone. "Ok?" he asked softly as he lifted Charlie from his pram. She nodded "Yeah the midwife is here..." he smiled as she led him into the living room, Sarah rose to her feet as he held his hand out "Dale Smith.." he introduced himself and she smiled "Sarah Jameson... and I am guessing this is little Charlie". Stevie smiled as she glanced over the baby "I will stick the kettle on..". Smithy shook his head "No.. sit down.. I will do it.." she rested into the seat and he went to pass Charlie to her "Why dont you put him in his basket?" she asked and Smithy smiled "Sarah will want to check him over in a minute..." he paused as he held Charlie out to her "Hold your son Stevie". She reluctantly took the baby into her arms and he smiled at her "Tea?". She nodded and he turned to Sarah "Would you like a tea or coffee?". She nodded "Tea.. two sugars please". He nodded turning and smiling sweetly at Stevie before heading out of the door. "Ok.. I will just give Charlie a quick check over now.." she moved over and took him from Stevies arms, she had held him for less than two minutes but the sense of relief that ran through her body was enormous as she watched the lady talking to her son.

Sarah had drank her tea, checked Stevie and Charlie over and was just leaving. Smithy smiled "I will show you out". Stevie glanced to Charlie as he slept soundly in his basket before the lady shook her hand and left. "Thank you" Smithy smiled as he pulled the door open to let her out. She smiled "Take care.." she smiled as she headed down the path. He glanced into the house before moving out and pulling the door to, jogging to catch up with her "Sarah... sorry" he smiled as she turned back to him "Did Stevie say anything to you?". She smiled "What she says is confidentual.." he cut in "She isnt coping". Sarah nodded "It is common for a first time Mum to find it difficult". He shook his head "No.. I think she is really struggling.. I do all the feeds.. I bath him.. I put him to bed... I struggle to get her to hold him and when she does I have to take him back after a few minutes...". Sarah smiled "I noticed a few signs of post natal depression..." she smiled as she dug into her bag and pulled out some leaflets "I didnt realise it was quite as bad as it is but if you are very concerned then you need to try and get her to open up.. if not to you there are proffesionals that can help... or a friend". He smiled "Thanks I will pass these on". He turned back to his house and seeing her staring out the window he sighed as she just glared at him. He pushed the leaflets into his back pocket before heading back up the path towards her.

He walked into the living room and smiled "Im just gunna go for a quick shower.." she cut in "What was you saying?" he sighed "I just asked her for some advice on feeding.." she shook her head "No you didnt... dont lie to me Smithy". He smiled "I am going for a shower... we will talk when you have calmed down". She glared at him as he disapeared off towards the stairs. She glanced at her son before following him. "What did you say to her?" she stressed as she walked into the bedroom, he was stood in only black boxers and she felt herself eye his body slightly "I just asked her for some advice..." she smiled "On what?" she all but shouted at him. "I am worried Stevie... you arent bonding..." she interupted "I am doing just fine.. I am not a bad Mum". He nodded "And I am not saying that you are.. Im saying you are just struggling a little". She grabbed for his jeans from the bed and pulled the leaflets out "So whats this?" she shouted as she eyed them "Post natal depression..." she glanced up at him "You think Im depressed?". He smiled "I dont know... Im not a doctor... I just dont think you are you". She glared at him "I love Charlie.." he interupted "And that is good... but you arent bonding". She picked up a photo of the day he was born in the hospital from Smithys bed side table "So what... this is nothing?" she asked as she waved the metal frame at him. "No.. but how many photos have you had taken since that one..." she shook her head "I dont like having my photo taken you know that". He sighed "You wont see your friends and family... the only reason you are keeping me round is because you wont look after him Stevie" he shouted, he hadnt ment to shout at her but he was angry. "I can cope.." he smiled slightly "If you can cope so well on your own why wont you go home?". She laughed "You said you wanted me here... what you changed your mind and this is you trying to get me out?". He shook his head "No I love having you here... both of you.. but you need to snap out of this... you are ment to be his Mum". She wanted to scream at him but instead she rose the photo frame and chucked it accross the room at him. He ducked and glanced at where it had smashed to the floor, he stared at her and he could see the shame in her eyes as she realised what she had done "And this is you coping..." he stressed "You need help and until you can get it... I dont think I can be around you" he paused as tears streamed down her face "And I dont think Charlie should be either". He gestured to the ensuite bathroom "Im going to have a shower.. if you want me to help you then we can talk when Im done... if not I want you to go until you are prepaired to let me help you".

She headed back down the stairs, was Smithy right? maybe she wasnt coping. How had she thrown a photo frame at him, she would never forgive herself if she hurt him, she loved him. She glanced in at Charlies moses basket, maybe it was best all round if she just left, maybe Charlie was better off without her. It wasnt that she didnt love him, cause she did, he was such a lovely little boy and she would do anything for him but she couldnt do this, she was a useless mother and she wanted the best for her son. She jumped at the voice behind her "I dont want you to go". She turned to face him, he was dripping wet and had on only a towel, she smiled slightly "I didnt mean what I said... I just want the old Stevie back... and I know this hasnt been easy on you but I know you are capable of being an amazing Mummy and I know you adore that little boy". She sighed "He deserves better Smithy.. when I hold him.. he crys.. if I give him his milk he wont take it.. I cant get him to sleep.. he only wants you". He shook his head "Thats not true Stevie... he loves you.. and he wants you.. but you need to try.. I want to help you... to get you through this so we can start doing normal things... but.. Im not sure how to if you wont help yourself?". She smiled "I dont know how to be a Mum.." he interupted "And you think I have a clue what I am doing.. you just have to do what you think is best... you will make mistakes.. I have... but together we can get through this... cause you are amazing Stevie... and we both love you" he moved over and wrapped his wet arms round her as she sobbed. He smiled as Charlie started to cry "He wants a feed... get him out.. I will get you a milk.. and we will do it together". She felt the nerves run through her body as he walked from the room. She lent into the basket and lifted him out and moved to the sofa and rested down with him. When Smithy returned a few moments later he smiled "Here" he passed the milk to her and grabbed for a cushion "Put this under your arm.. he is heavier than he looks.. her will give you a dead arm" he pushed the cushion between her arm a and the arm of the sofa. He rested down next to her and she shook her head "I cant do this Smithy". He nodded "Yes you can.. we can do it together.." he placed his hand over hers round the bottle and helped her to ease it into her sons mouth he placed his other arm round her shouler and gently played with her hair.