Simon was considering revising his theory of what going mad must feel like.

"I don't want to go!' He insisted, turning to Mal earnestly as the Captain passed in front of him. Jayne and River turned from where they were seated on the big couch in the common area to frown at him. Mal chuckled and didn't so much as stop. Simon followed him hastily.

"I'm serious, I don't want to go!"

Mal frowned and turned around. "That aint funny, Simon. I got few things that cause me laughter if the humor is about a job I'm 'bout to pull. This aint one of 'em." With that said, he turned and started down the stairs to the cargo bay.

"I'm not kidding. I don't want to go!"

The Captain ground his teeth together and turned to Simon with narrowed eyes. "What?" He said incredulously. "You designed the job so that you could go in and take a bundle of cash while we were the distractions and now, you just don' feel like it?"

"River's sick."

"You plotted it so that she wouldn't have to do anything. She was set to stay on the ship anyway!" Mal shouted, completely infuriated.

Simon didn't back down. "I need to take care of her." He insisted.

"Jayne's here with her, she's fine."

"Jayne's sick too!"

"Then they can take care of each other, and all will be fine and dandy. I am not gonna stand for this fei-oo right before a job, Simon! You will get your skinny pigu down to the cargo bay in ten minutes, ready to pull this heist and I will hear nothing further about it." He said with absolute Captain finality and turned away, heading down the stairs.

Simon felt like stomping his foot on the floor like a child and whining until he got his way. But he figured that wouldn't do much good. So he let out a pained sigh and went to ready himself for the job ahead. On the way to his room he met Kaylee and stopped to give her a weary kiss on the cheek. She smiled happily and stroked his brow.

"Why the long face bao bei?"

Simon huffed like an injured child. "I don't like leaving River here while she's sick." Kaylee giggled a little bit and he frowned at her. That made her giggle a little bit more.

"Darlin', she's got a cold. Millions o' people every year survive colds. An' besides, I'm sure Jayne can help her if'n she needs anything."

Simon made a face of disgust. "Indeed, I'll bet he can. They're sitting together right now, and I think… I think they might be… enjoying each other's company."

Kaylee, ever the gossip, gasped loudly and slapped his arm. "No ruttin' way, are ya sure?" She said, as if scandalized, and ran quiet as a mouse to peek around the edge of the wall of the common area. She saw River sitting up against one end of the couch, a wealth of pillows behind her neck, reading a magazine, calm as ever while Jayne sat against the other end of the couch, reading a gun catalogue. A huge quilt that Kaylee had never seen before stretched out over both of them—their legs were presumably tangled somewhere between them and under the quilt. There was a large box of tissues between them.

Kaylee turned back to Simon with a dropped jaw and wide eyes. "They are!" She said in the same scandalized tone. Simon got the injured expression on his face again and she smiled widely at him. "This is fantastic!" She whispered excitedly.

Simon could only blink at her. "I'm sorry… I just hallucinated, what did you say?" Kaylee ignored the dazed look on his face and continued on.

"What if they fall in love?!" Simon choked on the air he was breathing and slammed his hands over his ears, choosing to hear no more.

Jayne yawned a bit as he heard the ramp seal closed and sipped the tall glass of water he had in his left hand. He'd read the gun catalogue in his lap maybe twenty times over. He was taking the opportunity to stare at River. And while he hated being "sick", his certainly not hard to look at partner under a blanket with him wasn't makin' it worse by any means. She was "sick" too.

They'd both sneezed a couple times around Simon and he had forced them both into tests. After he'd worried himself into quite the tizzy he'd insisted they both stay covered by blankets and drink lots of fluids. He felt perfectly fine. He wasn't even sneezing anymore. But, she'd fetched the quilt from his bunk and joined him on the couch. A bit, he suspected, to irk the good doctor, but mostly to have someone to keep her company.

After realizing it'd score him some one on one time with her, he feigned feeling a bit worse and got stuck with ship-sitting while the others went out on a job. He wasn't needed anyway so he didn't feel bad about it, really. Especially not now he was sittin' snuggled up with her and their legs was all sorts of tangled up under the nice warm quilt his Ma had sent him. He had a hunch the heat he felt was mostly from his legs mixed up with hers and not the blanket at all.

Jayne had been surreptitiously observing her since they'd sat down. It was easy to take a long time to check out River. Her hair was up in a messy bun just barely visible over the crown of her head, and from all her rollin' back and forth on the pillows a few long strands had been pulled loose around her face. Her tank top rode low and her skin was flushed prettily from the warmth of the blanket. Jayne thought he could spend all day just lookin' at her. She was engrossed in some article or whatnot.

His eyes flicked down to idly scan the cover, figuring it'd be some scientific journal she'd picked up at last port. His eyes widened tremendously when he read the cover. "Hot New Sex Trick! How to make him moan for more!" was in huge pink letters down the side. Not far away was "Men Speak: What gets them going, for real!" He could NOT miss this opportunity.

"Girl, what in the hell are you reading?" He asked, still a little stunned.

She looked up like a dear caught in the headlights. "Um, it's a fascinating… article about Physics. And mathematics." Jayne raised an eyebrow and lunged forward, snapping the magazine from her hand.

"No!" She cried. He glanced over the article and couldn't even contain his laughter. She struggled over their shared quilt to get it back from him. He began to read it out loud, slowly but surely.

"Are you look-ing for the… newest way to make… your man scream… in pleasure?"

He had to stop briefly as River had full out leaped on top of him and was trying to wrangle the paper from his hands. His arms were longer though and he lifted it easily above her. She elbowed him just hard enough to hurt in the stomach and his arms crumpled to his injured midsection. She snatched the paper form his hands and threw it across the room hastily. He frowned a little bit because the hit had hurt somewhat.

"What was that fer?" He grumbled.

"You were teasing. Was not nice."

"I aint nice, Riv."

"You didn't have to make fun of me!" She insisted. He cracked a smile.

"You were sittin 'cross from me reading about how to sex someone up. I think I did have to make fun a' ya. Where'd ya even pick up that luh suh?"

She pouted at him. "Not trash. Learning material." She replied sullenly. His jaw nearly hit his chest.

"You plannin' on ruttin' wit someone?"

She looked shocked. "No, not… not really. I just…" she drifted off.

"Yeah?" He said, almost impatiently. She better not want to sex someone up. He'd have to kill 'em. Less, o' course, by some miracle, it was him, and he wanted to know that kinda stuff. She sighed and tried to form words, valiantly tamping down a blush.

"I was curious."

"Ya was curious… 'bout sex?" He said incredulously.

She glared him angrily. "Yes Jayne. Contrary to the accepted gospel of this ship, followed by all save Inara, I am no longer a fourteen year old. It's my prerogative to be inquisitive about that part of life I may never access." She bit out tersely.

Jayne scoffed and rolled his eyes. When River looked at him angrily he smirked a bit and gathered her up in his lap. She was still laying next to him from their wrestling match and all he really had to do was shift her around a bit. River felt like she was buzzing inside and couldn't decide if she was angry at his dismissal of her or pleased that he was holding her close.

"Never access? My muscular buttocks, you'll ne'er access that part o' life. Yer a damn fine lookin' female. Boy don't wanna rut with you, he's blind, deaf and dumber than go se." He insisted, looking her dead in the eye. She shifted on top of him, a little taken aback. He'd said it so matter of fact, stated as if his word was the unequivocal truth.

"But… I'm… I'm…"

"Don' wanna hear it, Riv. Ya done lost the argument. Best loose gracefully while ya still can."

She smiled at him. "Lost the battle, not the war. Because while we may have established that I have a chance at actual experience, I may still need to be prepared. Therefore, literature on the subject would be helpful." She finished triumphantly.

And once more Jayne scoffed. "You aint gon' learn nothin' useful from words on paper, darlin'. 'Sperience like that comes from long nights in back seats and hours o' practice." He said, a heart stoppingly sexy smirk working its way onto his face. And there was that heat again. That slow burn between them. River breathed it in and leaned in closer, snuggling up to him and pulling the blanket around both of them.

"So… a male, such as yourself, would not find it arousing if I were to lick whipped cream off him?" She asked, staring up at him with obviously insincere innocence.

Jayne's eyebrows shot up to his hairline and he stayed silent for a moment. "Well, uh… might be the magazines are onto somethin'. But ya still get more from actu'lly doin' it." He replied, boldly slipping his arms around her hips and shifting her closer still to him. He tiny hands rested firmly on his chest and her ass settled nicely into his lap. She inhaled sharply and Jayne suppressed his crow of victory.

"Where would you suggest I garner such experience?"

He faked consideration. "Well, ya gotta pick a person who ya wanna sex with first. Gotta think they're right sexy and would treat ya right, give as good as they got."

She hummed in agreement, and shot him a look. "Any proposals as to a specific individual?"

"Hmmm, not off the top o' my head, caint rush into these things ya know." River considered then man in front of her. Her partner.

She smiled slowly and delicately tilted her head up to suck on his adam's apple. She swirled her tongue around it and ran her teeth over it lightly. Jayne made a throaty noise that she equally felt and heard. She leaned back and gazed at him with hooded eyes.

"Is that rushing?"

He looked like he might gobble her up right there. Big bad wolf and little lost girl. River was content to admit that she would intensely enjoy the gobbling process. "Nah, aint rushing. That's jus' 'bout the right speed, way I see it. This might be considered rushing though." He growled, swooping in to capture her lips in their first kiss.

River felt her body temperature spike several degrees. He burned her right up and his lips moved against hers in amazingly soft friction. He was right, literature had prepared her poorly for finally being in his arms. He licked the seam of her lips and she parted them on a gasp. Jayne took that as an invitation and slipped his tongue into her mouth. He tasted like sinful thoughts. She swooned in his arms, hoping beyond reason that the moment would never end. She explored his mouth, committing to memory every sensory experience of kissing Jayne. The smell of leather and sweat, the sound of his low rumbling and the feel of his hands along her hips. The rub of his hands against her shot sparks through her to her heart and much lower places.

They broke away breathing heavily and staring at each other with lust glazed eyes. Jayne had fully intended to say something. Maybe about how hot she was or even how much he wanted to be with her. But then he saw her lips all swollen up from his kisses and it wasn't a matter of choice, he had to kiss her again. He pulled her close and held on tight, which she didn't appear to mind him doing. He couldn't contain himself around her. She just made him feel all open and willing. Maybe she was a witch. But he couldn't right care because her hips had started rocking against his and it held him spellbound for real.

He broke away to nibble at her long neck and her skin tasted just as lovely as her mouth had. She sighed and his name left her lips all breathy and perfect. "Jayne."

It pulled him to a stop in his travel across her neck and made him look careful like at his partner. She stared at him with glazed over eyes. Jayne realized this was the awkward part that he always hated. Any second he expected to feel caged in and irritated and uncomfortable

He waited.

And waited.

Any second now… well… maybe… not.

Didn't come. Didn't happen. He still wanted to kiss her and sex her and give her cover fire when she rushed ahead to take a hill and all those other things. He chuckled into the long and graceful column of her neck. "River."

She shivered. He was so gone. That was when Simon and Mal came jogging back in. River and Jayne went completely still. The two men who just entered the room looked at them with wide eyes and dropped jaws. River closed her eyes and let out an immensely frustrated sigh.

"Fuck." She whispered.