Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight series; that right is reserved to Stephenie Meyer. I also don't own any musical pieces that may be presented in this story, unless I say otherwise. I do write my own song lyrics.
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R&R
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In Love and Music
Chapter Four: Unwanted
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"A rare genius whose innocent yearning for affection was expressed in music as pure as spring water."—Valerie Grove
September 1, 1890
A heavy, frustrated sigh echoed in the vacant practice room. Her eyes strayed towards the clock, yet the action only seemed to have given rise to her irritation. She had been waiting fifteen minutes for her partner to appear. As the first five minutes had passed, she had given him the benefit of the doubt, knowing Edward had private lessons with Instructor Rochford prior to their rehearsal. But after another five minutes had gone by, the consideration she held turned into fury.
Her fingers splayed upon the keys, caressing cool ivory beneath the tips, pushing them until a sound chimed in the room. She played each note alone until her hands found a familiar rhythm in E minor. A medium toned ballade spilled from the piano, isolated on its own, until higher notes followed the suit in their own manner. With her right hand, she continued with a soothing, yet piercing melody. Tragic, but hauntingly beautiful.
She closed her eyes, memories flooding into her vision, solemn and unforgettable. Her heart raced with a fierce tempo, the blood rushing in her veins, head throbbing as she relapsed. It was as if she were watching a play of her own life. Her own imperfections. Her greatest tragedy. The heat of the spotlight was almost tangible, and she could almost feel their intent stares. She could almost hear the announcement of a surprise composition for the recital, and the whispers that soon followed after the minutes passed.
A few tears escaped her eyes as the song slowly died away into the bitter chill of the practice room. They opened to her present life, lost and mournful, almost daring to turn back the hours of time. But even she knew she made the right choice. There was no turning back. Not anymore.
"Bella?"
She turned almost immediately to her right. "Alice?"
The lithe, dark-haired girl walked towards the pianoforte, taking a seat on the bench next to her friend. She pulled out a handkerchief, offering it. "That song you played was lovely."
"Thank you," Bella responded, to both gesture and comment. She dabbed at her eyes, making a sad attempt to stop the sniffling. "It is nothing really—"
Alice raised a hand, shaking her head before Bella could finish. "You need not explain. I understand." She pressed a finger to one of the piano keys, drawing out the octave, humming sweetly with the sound. "I saw the forlorn look in your eyes. There is no need to deny it." A bitter laugh escaped her lips as she pressed her hand upon the keys, disrupting the harmony. "I know that look far too well. I know what it is like to live a life that is not your own."
She picked up her head, staring deep into Bella's eyes, speaking once more. "Perhaps our situations are not the same. It is undeniable that you hold some sort of affection for the piano, but I did not misread what I saw. You held the same look, the same agony, as I do when singing. It is almost scary, to see your emotions, almost a reflection, evoked from another."
"Alice?"
"I like to dance. Ballet, specifically. I have always held a passion for the art. It began when I was a child. My mother would send me to Paris for the summer's to stay with my grandmother. You see, my grandmother was a strict but open-minded woman. She was more inclined to dancing than singing. In her eyes, I was born to be her little ballerina."
A soft look graced her eyes, brightening as she reminisced, and then absentmindedly, she began speaking. "This past winter was unforgettable. We attended the Imperial Mariinsky Theatre's debut showing of The Sleeping Beauty. It was just exquisite. Carlotta Brianza did a marvelous job as Aurora. I will never forget the way Pavel Gerdt blushed as he was about to perform the awakening kiss. I am sure that was not in the rehearsal for Prince Désiré to do so."
"Oh, Alice. You do not have to—" Bella started, reaching out to pat her friend's hand, witnessing the unshed tears in her eyes.
"I find it ironic, you know, how my grandmother became the epitome of The Sleeping Beauty…except a kiss will not awaken her. She left this world only a week after our venture. Pity, for we were to see a promising new ballet. Swan Lake, it is called." Slowly, Alice rose from the piano bench, fumbling with random objects, humming. "She died peacefully in her sleep. The doctors blame the cold weather of Russia."
"Do you still dance?"
She did not respond. Alice kicked off her shoes, and in one quick movement she began to rise like an angel ascending towards the heavens. Sinuously, her left leg lifted into a perfect angle, toes pointed, while her body seemed poised upon her right foot alone. Her left arm grasped towards the ceiling as her right glided behind her. Then, her body shot across the room in a graceful production, gliding through the air in a full split, arms extended in front of her.
In those movements alone, Bella could see the apparent thrill that ballet gave Alice. She seemed free, like a bird soaring through endless blue skies. Witnessing the intensity and concentration was breathtakingly beautiful. The conviction was irrefutable. Clearly, as demonstrated by Alice, singing did not provide the adrenaline she needed.
Bella watched as the dark-haired girl landed on one foot, tilting her lithe frame towards the floor, right leg pointed towards the ceiling, her weight supported on the left. "That was magnificent."
"Thank you." Alice straightened her posture, perching herself upon an instructor's desk. "And as far as anyone is concerned, no, I no longer dance."
"Why is that?"
Irritation fixated upon her face, lips curling with anger. "My cousin attended The Bolshoi Academy for ballet."
"Pardon. I did not mean to pry."
"I know that," she said, softly. "But I feel as though I can trust you, Bella. Call me a fool, but I do not trust so easily." With a deep breath, she continued. "As I was saying, my cousin attended the academy. You see, I am not close to many of my kin. They are quite vicious with their idealisms and such. Needless to say, I was at odds with my cousin. She was always selfish. She did not care much of others nor their well-being.
She was like us, in a way, but we would never take it to her extent. What others thought did not sway her in the least bit. While in Russia, she became quite the flirt, despite her betrothal. Eventually her vices led to disdainful repercussions. She was with child the last time I saw her." Her hand clenched, scrunching the fabric of her skirt, trembling with anger. "And it is because of her that I am no longer allowed to dance. It is because of her carelessness, that I am to suffer. My mother and father saw it unfit for me to participate in such salacious conduct."
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"As am I." A triumphant grin traced Alice's lips, defiance in her expression. "But I am not so submissive. I refuse to have my dream snatched away before my very eyes. I will not allow it. You may think me selfish, Bella, but that I am not. If doing what makes me happy is immoral, then the world is indeed a cruel place. We all have our indiscretions, our secrets; a certain thing we must hide from the world, but it is just a matter of time until all is known."
Bella nodded, silently wishing she had the same confidence as her friend. "You are very brave, Alice."
"No, I am not brave at all. Bravery implies courage, and that I do not have. Not yet. I am merely building character." Her eyebrow rose inquisitively. "But I am sure that you know the process. It is brave to pursue the one dream which causes you the most pain. Are you not quite the masochist?"
"Alice, I—"
The slamming of a door interrupted the girl's conversation. Both jumped at the noise, staring at the intruder. He breathed heavily, both hands placed upon his knees, frame hunched over to catch his breath.
"You are late," Bella said, icily.
Edward leaned back against the door, pressing a finger to his lips. "Not so loud."
"Why is that?"
"If anyone is suspicious, I have been here the whole time."
"I will not lie for you, Mr. Cullen." She huffed angrily.
"Very well. It seems as though my misfortunes are a blessing in disguise since you will be keeping your mouth shut."
Alice groaned, resting her head against the desk. The past week had been non-stop bickering between the two. At first she had found it endearing, the way Edward gently tugged on Bella's hair, how she would rave continuously about his arrogance, and so on. "Give it a rest."
Edward blinked. "Oh, Alice, I did not realize that you were present."
"Unfortunately, it is my day to watch over you two. I would like to leave unscathed."
"You will, but I am not so sure about a certain someone."
He sauntered towards the piano, leaning over its base. "Ah, Miss Swan. You speak as though you wish to inflict pain upon me."
"I do not rest my hopes upon idle wishing, Mr. Cullen."
"Well are you not just a fierce lady to behold," he whispered. "Like Beethoven's Symphony No. 5." Edward bent his head to her level, smirking. "Obstinate, powerful, and passionate."
Shooting a fleeting look towards Alice, she sighed in relief as she noticed her friend did not hear a word of the conversation. Bella narrowed her eyes, cheeks burning with embarrassment. "Please, do mind your tongue, Mr. Cullen. If people were to hear, one might think you were courting me."
"And what if I am courting you, Miss Swan? Would that be so unfortunate for you?"
"When it comes from the mouth of London's most insidious flirt, I find it most unfortunate."
"You wound me, Miss Swan. I was under the impression that I was the world's most insidious flirt!"
"Are you so blinded by your conceit to see the pessimism in my statements?" Bella nearly growled, her annoyance growing at Edward's lighthearted nature.
"I will have you know that my vision is perfect, I thank you."
"Oh, how I wish Saint Peter would call my name at this very moment," Alice moaned, gripping her head. "The both of you are getting absolutely no where!"
"Breath, Alice. The recital is far from now."
"Four months, Edward. Four months of putting aside your vanity and pride to collaborate with Bella. Now, either the two of you actually get something done, or the next time I will have to speak with Instructor Rochford himself."
"You wouldn't!"
"Continue to test my patience, Edward, and you will see the ramifications of your actions."
Like a spoilt child, he obliged with Alice's threats and sat on the piano bench. He cracked his knuckles in a boastful manner, running his hands down the piano keys to play glissando. With an intake of breath, Edward closed his eyes and began with a tune, carried out by his left hand. A medium tone elicited from the instrument, repetitious until the second verse, when the same melody carried out in a higher key. In unison, the medium and high keys clashed to produce a jubilant, upbeat harmony, one overpowering the other. The song then relapsed to its original medium tune, followed by a frenzy of sweet sounding notes, played with such urgency.
Bella could not help but gasp quietly to herself at Edward's passionate composition. She watched as he continued to play the array of keys with fervency, ranging from a high to low pitch. It was as if the melody had forced out of her memories from the past. Betrayal stung deep as she inwardly cursed the piano for doing her wrong, but every rose had its thorns. As he continued with playing, she reverted to that day only mere months ago.
Her heart beat erratically though sounded like the slow pounding of drums. She remembered how she stood alone behind the curtain waiting for the principal to call out her fate. The room had been submerged in darkness with the exception of the beautiful piano that remained untouched even after her cue had been announced thrice. For the first time in her life, Bella's physical and mental state coincided with one another and allowed her to run away. She ran from the stage. She ran from the auditorium. She ran from the voices that called her name: the principal's, her parents, his…She ran from it all.
And she did not turn back.
Almost immediately, Edward's song returned to a slower pace of the original, medium tone, but it held more power. The medium fell into a softer melody until it eventually faded away. He opened his eyes, smiling as he noticed Bella's were closed. "Have I bored you to slumber or death, Miss Swan?"
Blushing, she opened her eyes, a softness in her gaze. "Neither. I must commend you on your playing, Mr. Cullen. Absolutely breathtaking."
"Yes, I know that I am breathtaking, but what about my song?"
"Unbelievable!"
"Miss Swan, I thank you for your comments about my demeanor, but I would like some feedback if you do not mind." He smirked, flashing a small wink. "Careful. One might mistake your words for courting." Edward feigned deep thought, standing up as he held a finger to his chin. "Although that may debase my masculinity—"
"You are horrible! Every word I say you twist to your advantage!"
"Well—"
"Edward, I cannot believe how lazy you are!" Alice interrupted, her lips pursed with irritation. "You know very well that score you just played was useless for your practicing."
"I was merely showing Miss Swan that I was capable of a collaboration."
"Of course you are perfectly capable! You are, after all, in a music academy. Playing the same song you performed at our Christmas ball almost two winters ago! For shame, Edward. You are getting poor Bella nowhere fast." She sighed, a sympathetic expression upon her face. "I apologize, Bella, for Edward's idiocy."
"It is not your fault that he is a fool. One cannot help what another is."
"It seems as though you will have to wait yet another day to slander my name." He pointed at the clock right as it chimed another hour's time. "We must vacate the room. Our session is over."
Glaring one last time in his direction, Alice marched out of the room, bidding a farewell to the both of them.
Bella frowned. "She is right, you know. We accomplished nothing. Her Majesty will be most impressed."
"I am sure Her Majesty has many more fascinating stories to hear about than of our unproductive endeavors, Miss Swan."
"You may keep your snide remarks, Mr. Cullen. I am sure everyone has more interesting things to hear than of your foolish behavior."
"I applaud you, Miss Swan, for using my own insult against me."
"Well, I thought it would be better to take advantage of the moment," she said dryly. "Usually, the world is cursed with your half-witted, bold statements."
"Ah. How I adore that sharp tongue of yours," Edward mused, circling the piano, an intensive stare corresponding to his approach.
"Then I beseech you to listen when I say that we must get something done. I would rather not make a fool of myself nor will I let you take credit for an independent composition."
"I would never dream of you doing this alone, Miss Swan." Stopping his predatory movements, he sat upon the piano bench once more, taking her hand in his, placing a quick kiss upon it. "I am just that chivalrous."
Without giving his words a single moment of her time, Bella ripped her hand away from his grasp. "As if you know the meaning of the act of chivalry. Now if you do not mind, I must be off."
"Until tonight, my beloved betrothed." Edward grinned, waggling his eyebrows. "Shall I bring the ring?"
"Alcohol at this time of the day, Mr. Cullen?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. "Surely you have not forgotten what day it is."
"Why of course I know what day it is. Thursday."
"It is Friday."
"Really? Oh, well, that is a relief indeed. This means that I have already had my appointed lunch with Miss Ismay. How fortunate I am."
"I will not even comment on that," Bella said, gathering her papers, and rising from the piano bench. "As I said, today is Friday, as in, parental visitation."
Edward shrugged and rose from the bench. "Ah, I see. Well, I wish you a jolly ol' time." Before she could respond, he walked out of the room without another word.
"How very odd," she whispered to herself. Looking at the time, Bella sighed with sheer loathing. Her mother would arrive within the hour. It were days like these where she would rather endure the pain from the monthly curse.
Although in her own way, Mrs. Swan was a curse.
"Isabella, sit up straight. A lady never slouches."
Time quickly passed, and Bella found herself sitting in front of her mother for almost an hour. She straightened her posture, suppressing the imminent frown from appearing on her face. "Sorry, Mother."
"The Lord only knows what I am paying for," Renée said, idly drinking her tea. "Such a waste. What a pity."
"Pierce is a lovely academy, Mother. I have learned a great deal from my instructors."
"From what I have witnessed, I am not impressed."
Are you ever? Bella thought bitterly.
"It is almost your birthday."
"Yes, it is."
"And you are to be seventeen."
"Yes."
"Isabella. By your age, I had my debut and first season, for goodness sakes, I was betrothed by midsummer of my first season!" Her lips pursed into a thin line with disappointment.
"It is not as if I am past my prime, Mother."
"You may as well be. We should be so lucky that it was not announced. No one would have you then." Her eyes landed upon her daughter, worry reflecting upon her aging face. "Think of the scandal."
"Well, as you said, we were lucky," she stated bluntly.
"Dear, it is not uncommon to be nervous."
Bella rose abruptly from her chair, livid. "Mother, I have already asked for you not to bring that up, and yet here you are in complete and utter disregard of my request!"
"Isabella, do not act like a petulant child." Renée said calmly. "I should take you from this infernal academy and back to Italy. Your defiance has not wavered in the least bit but has only grown. I am not pleased, not at all."
"Mother, I am staying at Pierce. Italy has nothing to offer me." Bella smiled, almost smirked, as she continued. "I am to do a collaboration with another pianist for Pierce's winter recital. Her Majesty will be attending."
Mildly impressed, Renée nodded her head. "Perhaps Pierce does have an incentive."
"Many," she mused, thinking of her extracurricular activities.
"Well, my dear, I must be off. I need to prepare the manor for your father's arrival."
"You will be residing in England?"
"But of course, Isabella. Your father has some business to attend to, and we have prior engagements."
"I see." They both stood, exiting the room.
"We will see you on your birthday. I have already asked for you to be excused for the night so you can come home for a proper celebration dinner."
"That really is not necessary—"
"It was not an offer, Isabella. The carriage will be waiting for you at six sharp, and you will be at home for your birthday dinner. Understood?"
"Yes."
"I will see you on your birthday. Goodbye."
"Goodbye, Mother." As she turned back to her room, Bella could not help the overwhelming grief that consumed her heart. Even though she may have ran from many things in the past, there were some things she could not hide from, no matter how unwanted those things were.
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Authoress Note: I really do deserve the guillotine now, don't I? Eheheheh….sorry? What can I say? School was a major killer. I had half this chapter done since September but week after week I had either a quiz, an exam, or a major paper due. Let's just say that I will not force myself to endure such a course load again. At least I got you this new chapter! And I am working on the preceding one as we speak. Now, you may have some questions for me about certain parts of the chapter, and as always questions or welcomed, but if it spoils the plot, I cannot say.
But I do have one question. Why is it that I have so many hits for this story...so many visitors, and yet the reviews are lacking? Please do show some common decency and leave a review. They are my motivation. Perhaps if I have more feedback, I can update faster. Add fuel to the fire.
On another note, I would like to thank my fantastic beta, Leiahlaloa who hasn't given up on me yet. She is also planning her return, so you must check out her stories!
Much love!
