Chapter 4 – Lonely
Mornings were the same for Loki lately, and today was no exception to that rule. The same sun burned through his eyelids, the same neighbours were playing the same racket next door, and he was still alone in the same bed. He quite liked living by himself after his time in prison while he was on Asgard, but he would be lying if he said that he didn't want some company.
He didn't want to open his eyes, because he knew that all he would see were the same plain walls surrounding his uncomfortable single bed, along with the two wooden doors opposite him leading to the bathroom and the hallway and the window to his right letting in that annoying sunlight. The only interesting things in the bedroom were two large bookshelves stacked with various novels, and he'd read almost every book in them. They were all terrible books, obviously, because the previous owners had just left them there.
If he squeezed his eyes shut hard enough and imagined with all his might, he could almost convince himself that he was lying in his giant bed, in his lavishly decorated room, back in Asgard. He made himself believe that Thor would come bounding through the door any second now to tell him to wake up before he missed breakfast and that mother would be annoyed with him if he wasn't present, trying to act exasperated but failing badly, like always. Loki would grumble a half-hearted threat at his brother, who would laugh and tell him that he'd miss breakfast with him, and then Thor would sit at the trickster's feet and tickle him until he finally slumped out of bed and off to the dining hall.
Mother would tell them off for being late, but she would do it with a soft smile on her face as she gave them both a breakfast fit for a king (or two princes, in this case). Thor would end up eating all of his food and most of Loki's, but by the time Thor started on his brother's plate, Loki was too full to care. The brothers would talk about the people of Asgard and what everyone was doing until they felt less sick and ran off to play Tag in the vast castle and its gardens. Thor would be the faster runner, but he always slowed down a bit for his younger brother to catch up, and ended up almost falling over from laughing too much. Loki would be laughing too, because he felt so carefree and grateful that he was blessed with a life where all his work was just playing games with his beloved big brother.
When it got into early afternoon, though, Thor would go off to adventure with his best friends, leaving his brother alone. Loki never missed the way they looked down on him, like he was a freak, and laughed at the younger prince when he begged Thor to stay with him for the day instead. He had stopped crying about it long ago, but he still felt a bit downtrodden over his daily loneliness.
Loki remembered when he was hit by his own father for practicing magic instead of wanting to fight battles like Thor. He remembered when Odin told the two brothers that they'd both have an equal chance of being the next king, but it was never actually going to be anyone but the favorite thunder-god. The memories came flooding back within seconds, removing the warmth the god felt when he remembered home. He remembered finding out that he was adopted and a Frost Giant – a monster, falling from the Bifrost when he wanted nothing more than to die; being tortured and mind controlled by the Chitauri so that he'd get them the Tesseract; seeing the disappointment that bordered hate in his own brother's eyes when they were reunited; wanting to scream out that he was still the same person as before but not being in control of his own actions; seeing the way the Avengers despised him, seeing how Stark despised him...
Loki had always told himself that he'd end up being left alone, so he wasn't disappointed when it actually happened.
He opened his eyes to see the plain, grimy room, his bitter reminder that he'd lost everything. With a sigh, he trudged over to the bathroom to shower, thankful that the water hadn't been cut off yet. He turned the water to the coldest it would go – as a Frost Giant it didn't feel any different to lukewarm water and that was possibly only thing that had ever made him thankful that he was a freak of nature. He dressed in grey tracksuit bottoms and a baggy black jumper – he had been forced to sell quite a bit of the stuff that was left in the apartment, like the television and radio, so that he had a small amount of money to clothe himself and purchase food.
Before leaving his room, he picked up a large, leather-bound book from the shelf by the door, turning it around a few times in his hands as he walked down the hallway and entered the living room. His still damp hair had left a trail of water drops behind him as he walked over to the sofa, hoping that the book he had chosen was good enough to make him forget his own miserable life for a while.
The trickster nearly sat on Stark before he heard the soft purring coming from the kitten, and mentally slapped himself for almost crushing the cute little cat. Trying to not disturb Stark, Loki sat on the seat next to him and took a minute to examine the kitten's little pink nose, his soft brown fur, the perfect circle on his chest only just visible behind his paws, as he opened the book in his hand to the first chapter.
He had called the kitten Stark not just because of the circle on its chest, but also because he kind of wanted it to be the real Stark. He couldn't help the way he felt when he first met the man, when he saw billboards around the city with his face on them, when he saw the way that metal suit hugged his body... But a billionaire wouldn't like someone like himself, and since Tony was also one of the Avengers, it made him practically off limits. Why did he have to like the one man he couldn't have?
Even though it was meant to be good, the book was the most platitudinous thing he had ever read in his many years of immortal life, and he had to stop reading after two pages so that he didn't fall asleep again. The story was about two brothers who were different but worked well together to overcome problems – kind of like himself and Thor. No. He did not stop reading it because it reminded him of his 'brother'. He did not stop reading it because it reminded him of the family he lost through his selfishness.
Stark seemed to know that Loki was on the verge of falling back into the depression he had only recently escaped, because he woke up with a loud yawn that broke the god's train of thought. Loki looked down to see the kitten roll around, stretching for a bit, and only narrowly stopping himself from stroking that soft fur because it might startle Stark. If this was the real Stark, he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off of him.
He really needed to learn the billionaire's first name. He was annoyed with his memory, yet too arrogant to look it up, so it would probably take some time before he found it out.
"Good morning, Stark," he said as softly as he could when he felt that the kitten was fully awake. He was quickly disappointed when the cat froze, warily looked up at him, and then ran off in a hurry like it was terrified of the god.
The happiness from seeing possibly the cutest cat in the nine realms wake up was quickly replaced with sorrow, a familiar feeling that Loki was used to after a lifetime of never being allowed to be truly happy.
His own family didn't want him, and now he was sure that even his cat hated him; he was lonely yet again.
