So I am trying something new in this chapter where I bring Brittany's POV into this. Her POV is in italics while Santana's remains in regular. Let me know what you think about it and whether it adds or detracts to the story in any way. As always any type of review is greatly welcomed. Thanks for reading!
"Britt?" She knew it was. All she needed was a breath to know. That's what it was with Brittany, she knew her like well she knew herself. That's how it worked.
She could tell Brittany was biting her bottom lip, the way her breathing hitched every few seconds. "I think… Can you meet me somewhere? I think I want to see you. Can you come somewhere?"
"Where?"
"I have a photo shoot later. Come at two." Then she hung up without anything, simply a breath and then gone.
Brittany lay back on her bed and pulled her knees to her chest, the phone still resting on her ear. Even if she wanted to cry she couldn't. At some point she gave up crying over Santana. In the end she'd realized she never really lived without Santana, only those few months where she pretended that Artie meant more to her. It never was true though. And for many of those months she still found herself climbing up those mahogany stairs and into the darkness of Santana. Then those months were over and Santana was out and they were together and then those months were over and Santana was gone. Just gone. Her phone was disconnected, her e-mail disappeared, and of course the bedroom that she spent so many hours in was desolate, the house too. She applauded Santana's conviction in completely cutting her from her life.
She hadn't known what to do when she saw her again. Whenever she went out Puck made sure she didn't drink so much so she knew it wasn't the alcohol that made her veins pulse that way. No, there was only one person in the world who could do that and there she was, standing there with her palms slightly up and her face staring at her. It looked like she loved her. But the words of her friends reverberated in her head: you can't leave someone you love. She didn't know if that was right, but she knew that she would never leave Santana. It was hard enough when she dated Artie.
Not that she hadn't dated other guys or girls, mostly guys though for some reason. There had been the boyfriend here and there, the man to put on her arm when she was forced to step onto the uncomfortable red carpets and sit at obnoxiously large tables talking to other celebrities who had nothing interesting to talk about other than themselves. It was those times that she missed Santana most she thought. Santana always knew how to calm her nerves with a look, a touch, a word, anything. All she needed was her. She had needed her and Santana thought that she didn't. Well maybe time would make her bolder because she certainly was getting older.
As she turned onto her back her phone began to ring. She rolled her eyes and answered. "Yeah?"
"I heard about last night."
~Fall 2009
"I heard about last night," Santana almost whispered as she dropped herself into a chair next to Brittany. Sometimes Santana got angry when she made out with people and she knew she shouldn't have slept with Matt, but she kind of wanted to. That way he was really nice to her and danced with her at the party when Santana draped herself over Puck. She didn't get it, she'd slept with Puck, it wasn't that great. It wasn't like when they slept together. But that wasn't the same because they were girls and anyway sex wasn't dating that's what San told her so it must be true because she'd never lie to her. "Say something," she said taking a sip from her Cheerio bottle.
"I made out with Ashley last night."
Santana nearly spit out the water that was in her mouth. She could handle the guys. It wouldn't be fair to Brittany if she didn't let her sleep with other guys, but a girl. This hadn't happened before she only wanted to talk about Matt with her. Matt didn't even matter as a football player; he was a second rate player on a lowest of the low rate teams. Ashley on the other hand was an attractive cheerleader on a top rate team. She wanted to talk about Matt. And then Brittany made out with a girl. She had a pit in her stomach and her chest and her head ached and she felt like she was going to vomit.
"Are you ok San?" Santana looked green as Brittany worriedly placed her hand on her shoulder, which Santana nervously shook off. She'd never shook her off like that. Whenever Brittany touched her she usually folded into it responding at least with a pinkie link but this time she seemed to be trying to get as far from her as possible, even inching away in her chair. "Are you mad at me? For Matt?"
"You can do whatever you want. I'm not your mother," Santana snapped.
Brittany gulped. She'd never been at the receiving end of one of Santana's verbal insults and she didn't exactly want to be right now. People didn't give her much credit, but she could connect things together. She'd slept with Matt before and Santana hadn't gotten angry so this had something to do with something else. Or someone else. "You're mad about Ashley. I only kissed her because I wanted to see if it felt the same with all girls." That was true. She liked when Santana kissed her, she liked it a lot more than she did when any of the other boys kissed her and she wanted to see if she liked when all girls kissed her. It was a mathematical experiment. "It didn't. I like it best when you give me sweet lady kisses. Not all ladies kiss sweetly like you." Brittany looked down at Santana's hand, which was temping her at the edge of her chair. She moved her pinkie and linked it into San's. Santana smiled softly as she stared down at their hands. "Are you still mad?"
Santana leaned her head into Brittany's neck, inhaling all that Brittany: the bubble-gum, the watermelon children's shampoo, sweat from Cheerio practice, and that undeniable scent of herself on her. She bit her lip before pulling away. "Can I stay mad at you?"
"Never, I'm far too eggmactic."
"You mean enigmatic Britt."
"Did I?"
"Yeah."
"That's why you're my best friend forever. We'll never ever leave each other."
"Yeah." Santana looked out the window to see Rachel Berry happily walking with Finn. She should have that. She was supposed to be happy.
~Winter 2016
Santana climbed out of bed too close to 2:00, mumbling a healthy number of expletives as she pulled clothes on. She was jumping into a pair of boots as she moved into the kitchen to find Mia folding laundry. "Where are you off to?"
"Meeting Brittany." She tried to play it off like it wasn't anything by pouring herself a glass of water. Mia knew her well enough not to make a big deal about it and she continued to focus on the pair of underwear she was folding. Santana grabbed them from her. "Are you folding my delicates?"
"Someone has to."
"We're kind of an old married couple aren't we?"
"Since old married couples don't have sex and we don't have sex I'd say that's accurate."
"Do you want to have sex?" Santana purred jokingly into Mia's ear.
"Sorry Santana you may have a body to die for but the thing in between your thighs doesn't get me going."
"Whatever." Santana tossed the underwear back on the counter, interrupting Mia's current folding.
Mia sighed at Santana's obvious plea for attention. "First you make it seem like you don't want to talk about Brittany and now you're throwing lacy panties at me. What do you want?"
"I want you to tell me if I look good." She took a step back so that her body was fully in the light then struck a overly seductive pose.
Mia took a quick look then smiled as she returned to her laundry. "You always look great. You're positively glowing."
"I don't need to look good. I need to look panty droppingly gorgeous."
"That's more Ava's territory not mine."
"Don't be a spoil sport."
"What am I spoiling? A relationship that you've never told me anything about but means enough for you to cry alone in your bed last night. The walls are thin."
"I… Brittany… she's you know she's that one."
"Yeah. I know. But that one usually comes with that broken heart and I don't want to deal with that. Usually I have to deal with the girls whose heart you break. I don't think I'm ready for a broken Santana."
"Santana Lopez doesn't break."
"We'll see."
"Wish me luck mija."
"Good luck Satan."
"You love me."
"I love you."
Santana dropped her arms to her sides then skipped out the door leaving Mia shaking her head happily.
The address opened into an incredibly large studio apartment filled to the brim with busy people. "Name?" A burly man with too many tattoos held a list in front of Santana, barring her from the entrance.
"Um… Santana Lopez, I'm a friend of Brittany's."
A perky red head appeared from behind him. "Santana Lopez? It's so great to meet you. I'm one of Miss Pierce's assistants, Amber. She said if you came to bring you right to her." Right to her now that felt good. Brittany wanted to see her right away. It was mutual then. She had to rush to keep up with peppy la Amber who weaved her way through the rushing people expertly. "You and Miss Pierce went to high school together correct?"
"Yeah we were on the cheerleading team together… and glee club."
"You were on the New Directions? Oh my goodness how fantastic. I've met a bunch of your friends then. Noah, Quinn, Kurt, Mercedes, Tina, Rachel, Mike, and Artie of course." Of course? Why would Artie have been an of course? Her heart had that all to familiar in it when she heard Artie's name combined with Brittany's. "Artie wants Brittany to be in his first feature but she's not sure. I mean she's gotten him a good shot in the business but its risky for her career. Even though I think he's a great director I understand her concerns."
The way this chick was talking made it seem as if Artie was just her sort of guy. "Are you and Artie together?"
The redhead blushed deeper than her hair. "No no of course not. That would be weird he's one of Miss Pierce's best friends and they dated in high school, but you probably know that."
"I certainly do."
Then she saw Brittany. Her back was to them as a makeup artist circled her with a pouty lip and a tube of mascara. Brittany laughed at something the woman sitting next to her said, leaning her head back. Her whole body laughed when she did, like she was dancing. It was beautiful and Santana gulped.
When Brittany leaned her head back she saw Amber bantering at Santana who was frozen staring at her. She started to blush. "Look how red your cheeks are Brittany and I haven't even put the rouge on yet. Have you been drinking?" Laura her makeup artist joked with her.
Santana walked slowly up to her and gave her a little smile. "You came."
"Of course I did Britt. You asked me to." She asked her to stay with her that day and that hadn't mattered.
"Can you give us a second?" She asked the people flanking her who disappeared almost immediately. "You can sit down," she said, motioning to the chair next to her.
Santana pulled it close to Brittany so that their knees almost touched. "So you said you thought you wanted to see me."
"Did I?" Brittany couldn't look at her, instead staring down at her newly polished fingers, cursing herself for being unable to chew on her thumbnail.
"Yup." They both now were awkwardly looking at Brittany's hands. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say." Brittany turned her head further away from Santana. The desperation in Santana's voice made her want to simply reach out and touch her. She bit back the tears.
They both heard the first few chords. Brittany knew her assistant loved Fleetwood Mac and she had strictly made a playlist that omitted Songbird and Landslide but she had forgotten her ipod that day so one of them must have been playing theirs. Brittany turned toward Santana who smiled at her as the first few words of Landslide began to play. Brittany didn't know whether she was going to start weeping or smiling brilliantly. Before she could decide she stood abruptly up. "I can't do this. You should go." And with that she left Santana sitting in the chair, now looking at her own hands. It wasn't fair Santana had started it all. Santana had kissed her first and Santana had done everything and Santana had broken up with her and now Santana was making her remember how much she loved her and now Santana was making her cry and it was all about Santana.
