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Hera felt even more exhausted when she woke up than when she went to bed.
For the most part, she slept through the night. Some nights, she was woken by nightmares, but last night was one of her more peaceful evenings.
It was still early, she could easily fall back to sleep. She wanted to sleep, but instead, she untangled herself from Kanan's arms, dressed, and walked to the kitchen. She always woke up early and either made breakfast or did repairs, that morning, however, none of those things held any appeal.
She made herself some caf and moved almost in slow motion around the kitchen. It was easy for her mind to wander when she was this tired, but she knew Kanan could be awake any second. He would either sleep for another few hours or wake up from a nightmare. She knew he would be able to tell how she felt and confront her about it. She wouldn't be able to keep it from him.
She finished making breakfast and almost jumped out of her skin. When she'd turned around, Ezra had been standing behind her. She didn't know how long he'd been standing there or if he could sense her despair, but she plastered a smile on her face.
"Good morning," she greeted. "Breakfast?"
He only nodded and sat at the table. The boy wouldn't look her in the eye, which set off a warning bell in side her head. She relax a bit when she sat the bags under his eyes, he'd probably just not slept well. She could relate to that.
She placed a plate in front of him and sat down across from him with her own plate. She asked "Did you not sleep well?"
"Something like that," he murmured, nibbling at his food.
She didn't have much of an appetite either, she hadn't for a while, but she stomached what she could. "I don't sleep much anymore, to be honest," she told him.
"I know," he answered, "I can sense when you're awake."
She wondered if he could also sense what had been going through her mind these last few days or what she felt.
"I think Kanan wants to start training again soon," she broke the silence. It never used to be like this between her and Ezra, they used to always be able to find something to talk about. "He's so bored, you know, but he's getting better at using the Force. You should talk to him about it, he feels like he never sees you."
Ezra nodded and then said, "I might. I'm going to go through some drills." With that, he got up and left the table. She looked across at his plate and saw that'd he'd barely eaten two bites. She debated calling him back, but when she looked down at her own plate, she saw that she'd barely eaten more than him.
And so, she got up and started her day. It was all normal until shortly after lunch. Her and Kanan were just sitting around talking when he started to complain about a headache. She was practically sitting in his lap and gently messaging his temples to relieve some of the pressure.
"Can I get you something?" She asked. Ever since he lost his sight, he got really bad headaches that left him barely able to function.
"I think I may go lie down, actually," he said rubbing his brow. She helped him up, if it were anyone else, he wouldn't have accepted the help. Or told them he was in pain, for that matter. He had so much trouble being vulnerable. "Can you get me some pain killers too?"
She did as he asked, but once she had the bottle in her hand, she hesitated. This could be her chance to go ahead with what she had been planning. Knock him out and he'd never know what she was up to.
Once he was fast asleep in their bed, she snuck out of the Ghost. She made her way to medical and did the one thing she'd been dreading. She asked for a test to determine if she was pregnant.
A droid administered the test. She waited not so patiently as it analyzed the results.
She'd been feeling ill for the last few weeks, but has chalked it up to exhaustion and stress. She didn't track her cycle, but knew it had been over two months.
A week ago, when the thought had occurred to her, it was late at night. Kanan was fast asleep, but she was awake with a churning stomach. She'd almost started bawling right there at the thought. They'd never talked about kids, it had always seemed like something for after the rebellion. She didn't know how he would take it, the timing was all wrong and he'd only just gotten used to their new situation.
"Congratulations, you are thirteen weeks pregnant," the droid informed her in a mechanical voice. "Everything seems to be running smoothly."
She started to cry. She'd sworn she would wait until she got to the Ghost, she couldn't walk through the base with tears streaming down her face. She tried to compose herself, but her it was useless.
So, she got up and walked back to the Ghost. She kept her head down and hoped no one would see her.
She didn't know if she was supposed to be happy or upset. This was supposed to be a good thing, a baby, half her and half Kanan. They'd created a new life. Yet she couldn't help it, she felt like her world was ending.
When she reached the ramp and looked up, she saw Sabine and Zeb. She wanted nothing more than to run from her crew mates, but she just brushed past them. She knew that Zeb said something, but to her it was all jumbled together.
She sat down in the cockpit, one hand resting in her belly. There was a baby in there. She had to protect it, keep it safe, kept it away from the rebellion. She and Kanan would have to raise it, which meant she would have to tell him.
