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Chapter Four: Intimate Feelings

I finally woke up, in what seemed like forever, and I checked Phil's watch. The

time read 6:10. SHIT! I immediately jumped up and I grabbed my shoes and I

threw it on. Phil jumped and woke up and he said "What time is it?"

"6:10, I'm screwed if Randall sees me" I said and Phil got up, grabbed the

blanket, and we both ran into the hotel. We ran up the stairs and ran up to our

floor and into our rooms. Before we went into our rooms, Phil grabbed my hand,

pulled me into his harms, and he kissed me. Whoa! It wasn't expected from him at

all. And yet, it felt amazing. It was like experiancing something completely

new, and actually liking it. After we kissed, he pulled back and he smiled at

me. I smiled back at him and we walked into our rooms. I slowly closed the door

and I leaned on the door, and I slid down on it and sat on the floor. I couldn't

stop smiling and my heart couldn't stop racing. I stood up, and I skipped to my

suitcase. I opened it, and I grabbed my Batman tshirt, black sweats, and black

Addidas sandals. I threw my new read hair in a high ponytail, and left my bangs

hanging off my face. I looked in the mirror and I saw this beautiful image in

there where my reflection should be. I was confused. Why is she there? I mean,

I'm not beautiful at all. Then, I saw my arm. I'm so glad Phil didn't see the 15

scars up my arm. 14 across, and 1 all the way down and through the other cut

marks. They were fresh. I sighed, and then I walked to the couch and I sat down

on it. Then, I remembered that I brought a dirty and old bag with me. I've had

that bag since I was 6. It holds so much memories for me. I grabbed it and I

went through the bag, and I found my pocketknife. I washed the dry blood off of

it and I wiped it clean. Then, I stood infront of the floor mirror, and I

started cutting again, opening up the cuts marks again. What I didn't know is

that Phil had snuck back into my room and saw the whole thing. As I continued to

cut, I didn't know that he was standing over me. Then, I seen a hand grab my

knife and take it out of my hand. I looked behind me and I saw him standing over

me, and holding my knife. I felt tears coming out of my eyes, but I'm trying to

not cry. He sat down on the floor close to me and he hugged me, as he said "You

can cry, I'm here for you"

Then, I just cried in his arms. He just held me in my arms and just hugged me.

He wasn't going anywhere or anything. He wasn't looking at me differently, he

wasn't asking me different questions on why I was cutting, he just hugged me. As

I continued to cry, he hugged me tighter and he kept saying saying softly "It's

going to be ok, I'm not leaving you, no matter what" After what seemed like

hours, I pulled out of his arms and he wiped the tears away from my eyes. He

kissed my forehead and then he looked into the mirror. After a moment he said

"Do you know what I see?"

"What?" I sniffed. Then, I looked into the mirror with him. He held my hand and

he said "I see a beautiful, smart, and sexy young woman who shouldn't be hurting

herself. She has the most beautiful smile I have ever seen, she has an amazing

personality, and she's turned my life upside in the best possible way"

I smiled saying "I'm glad you think that because I don't"

He looked at me and he said "Why?"

I lowered my head and then, he pulled me into his arms and he looked into my

eyes and he said "Look at me, I promise you, I will never leave your side. I

will never abandon you, and I will never hurt you"

I saw in his eyes that he meant it. And for once I felt safe. With him. Then, he

pulled me closer to him, and we kissed again. It felt so right, and I felt so

secure with him and him alone.