The Feeling of Revenge: Chapter 4
A/N: katchile94, I was smiling when I read your review. Why? Because I already written Lily's part in this chapter. I do hope this chapter answers your questions about Lily. And thanks for reviewing and reading :)
Also, I accidently made this chapter really long. I hope you don't mind.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
Wednesday - November 3rd, 1976 - 7:10 PM
"That variance is wrong Lupin." I had been standing behind him a while now. Jemima urged me to pay him a visit since we spotted him. Finally I gathered my courage when I noticed his Arithmancy homework.
"Hmmmm—Oh hey Amelia!" Puzzled from which variant I was talking about, he glanced up with a hearty hello. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" His eyes were kind, clearly he welcomed my company. It was obvious from his voice and how he cleared his bag off the seat next to him for me.
I obliged, "Jemima and I were just leaving. We finished our Potions essay and I saw you." I pulled my attention away from him and went digging through my bag as I talked. Finally I found my Arithmancy book. "Here," I flipped through the pages till I found what I was looking for. "In the case you are using the letter U, it should be —" I scanned the page, but he found it first. Our fingers collided and I jumped away in surprise.
"Sorry," He said timidly, but unlike me kept his hand on the book. "It should be six. Good eye, Amelia."
"It's one of my favorite classes." I admitted, it was one of my favorites. I somehow had a hard time lying to Lupin. Black was so easy to lie to. He ate everything I said up, but Lupin it was just something about his aurora. I couldn't lie to those kind eyes.
"It's one of mine as well." The right side of his face, right where the scar traced tugged into a smile.
"Then why don't you borrow this for a bit of light reading?" I closed my book and pushed it towards him. "I find Starlights Guide to Advanced Arithmancy covers it better than the books Professor Klatcher has us use."
He stared at the book in disbelief. His eyes were twinkling though, he was interested. "Are you sure?" Finally after moments of what looked like internal struggle, he reached out and examined the binding. He seemed to be in awe over the beautiful black leather book.
"I have most of it mesmorized, why don't you just keep it." If I was letting him borrow it, why not just go the extra mile?
His face lit up and I knew I had pulled the right heart strings.
"I couldn't keep this." Lupin protested. Even though he protested, his hands were already flipping greedily through the pages. I could tell that look anywhere. He was excited for the knowledge he would find.
"Next Hogsmeade visit I plan on stopping at the book store." I leaned forward, my eyes focused into his blue eyes. "Starlights, the author of this book came out with a new one. I think I read in a magazine it was supposed to be over two thousand pages. We can read it together if you like."
He frowned, "The next visit isn't until the end of November." His face turned from sad to thoughtful. He suddenly grinned. "What if I got my hands on the book sooner?"
I made sure to look through my lashes, "I'd probably kiss you." I admitted sheepishly.
He blushed, I noticed it even before he busied himself with putting away his homework. Awkwardly he cleared his throat as if trying to make my comment disappear. "The other guys should be finishing up detention." He paused and shouldered both his bag and mine. Being the gentleman he was, he held out and a hand to help me up.
I couldn't help but hesitate, he really was nice. He was breaking ever law I knew. The enemies of my brothers shouldn't be so nice.
"Why don't we head to the Gryffindor Common room?" He suggested the minute my cold hand landed in his clammy one.
I bit my lip, that was easy. "Letting a snake in the den? Tsk tsk."
He smiled but didn't say anything more. If we made any noise as we were walking through the library we would probably get kicked out for a week. But the minute we were out he opened up.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. It had been a long time since I had an in depth conversation about different areas of magical studies with someone, let alone a boy. The last time I recalled was with Richmond, which was my first conversation ever with that boy. That was the whole reason I fell in love with Richmond, for his mind. I wouldn't go for that again, but I enjoyed this conversation. It was so real and a hundred times better with Lupin.
The conversation carried us all the way into the tower. It was there I cut off mid-sentence on the proper way to cast the Disillusionment Charm. I had stopped because the Gryffindor Common room was like nothing I had ever seen before. It was so warm and inviting, I couldn't help but take in every last bit. From the squashy red carpet to the comfy looking maroon arm chairs. Even in the moonlight it looked like a home compared to the dark and dreary Slytherin Common room. I stood there taking it all in till Lupin finally dragged me over to an empty table made for four students.
"Everyone is gapping." I commented as my eyes were still looking around at our surroundings. As I glanced over, it dawn on me. My Slytherin tie. Apparently because of the simplest fact that I was a Slytherin and they were Gryffindor's I was automatically a threat.
"Couple things will make this better. First is don't glare at anyone. Second, don't cast any spells. And third, once Sirius and James get here your name will be cleared." Lupin reassured me, but I still felt tense. Where he leaned back and made himself comfortable, I sat so straight that I would make even Jemima proud.
"If you don't mind me asking, how many O.W.L.'s did you receive?" He had picked up on my personality very well. I could tell by his questions. He was only trying to lighten my mood. He by discussing school, I would lighten up. And it did, I felt my back slouch.
"The highest you can get. Sadly my lowest was History of Magic. I only received an E."
He chucked, "Only an E she says." He kept staring at me. His eyes were a very piercing blue. I couldn't read them though. Was he trying to figure me out? Or was this how he talked, giving the person full attention? "I'm surprised you aren't a Perfect."
For some odd reason I blushed. Why would I do that? "I was supposed to be Head Girl this year." I nearly covered my mouth with my hand. How was it he could so easily gain the truth out of me? It was starting to drive me up the wall. What was it about him? Was it how genuine he was? He was going to spoil all my plans.
"But?" His blue eyes urged me on.
Again, all too easy I was crumbling. That's when I realized, he was a male version of Jemima. That's why it was so easy. "I declined for personal reasons." At least I found sense to end there, I couldn't tell him the real reason why I declined. It was as simple as it would ruin my revenge. By the time I had received the badge, my mind was made up. I wouldn't be Head Girl no matter how proud I was of the achievement. My brother always came first in my heart.
"Amelia," Both Lupin and I turned. Black, Potter and Pettigrew must have been done with detention because they stood in front of our table, all with smiles.
"What brings you here?" Black 's smile was the largest and I could tell he was pleasantly surprised.
I returned the smile as he and Potter sat down, leaving poor Pettigrew to pull up a chair.
"I found out she was brilliant." Lupin beamed before I could even answer. "We were just going over this book she leant me." Which wasn't entirely true. We had gone over the book, but stopped a long time ago. Regardless he grabbed the thick book off the table and passed it over to Black.
When Lupin had looked at the book he was delighted, Black was however was much different. He merely passed over it without a smile. It made me giggle. How odd that the two were so unlike, but yet so close as friends.
Black raised an eyebrow at my giggle, "Amused?" He asked.
"No, not at all." My eyes twinkled. But I was amused. This was a great evening. Not only had I gotten Lupin's heart, I had also gained access into the Gryffindor Common room. I wanted nothing more than to run straight to Jemima and tell her that we can start phase 2 of our plan.
"You lot got out early." Taking back his book, Lupin filled the silence that had descended upon us. Yet at the same time he seemed to be looking down upon his friends. Not in a mean way, but in a parental.
"You know old Flitwick, he has a soft spot for me." James leaned back into his chair and ruffled his already disheveled hair.
"Still a detention is a detention." Lupin scolded his friends. He really was being parental to them. I wondered if this was normal for him? More and more he seemed like Jemima to me. Probably why he was a Perfect.
"Snape deserved it!" At Pettigrew's words my head snapped and my fist clenched. Right away I knew they weren't talking about me. I softened my grip on my hands when I noticed Potter watching me closely.
I had to make up for my clenched fist. I had to make it seem like it was a big deal, but not enough that I was upset. "I take it personally when you hex a house member. Unless it's Viktor Yaxely." I commented, thinking that would be good enough for Potter
"Why don't you like Yaxely?" Black questioned, leaving no room for Potter to interject. For the boy seemed ready to respond coldly to me. "Not that I do."
"One his head looks like he was attacked by Cornish Pixies. Two he harasses Jemima an awful lot."
"He is ugly, especially compared to me, isn't he?" Black winked, I snorted.
"Personally," I dared to step on a nerve I picked up on Halloween, when I left with Edwin. "I think Edwin Bowyer is better looking than you."
Black's eye twitched. He seemed to want to retort, but Lupin interjected. "How do you know Bowyer, by the way. Isn't he the top student in Seventh year?"
"Also the biggest womanizer." Black coughed under his breath.
I shook my head, ignoring Black's spluttering words. "Second to me, as of right now. We study a lot together and the top spot varies between the two of us. I wasn't a hat stall for no reason."
"Really?" Lupin mused.
But it was Potter who stole my attention away. I was shocked he even said anything. "What was the stalling for?" It was odd the way he asked it. Then I realized why, his eyes were focused on the other part of the room. My eyes traced his gaze to the familiar redhead that I knew oh to well. Lily Evans was huddled in the corner opposite of us and was laughing with two of her friends. Of course Potter would be eyeing her, the stupid git.
I tore my eyes away. Looking at her and knowing Potter was eyeing her as well made me angry. She couldn't forgive my bother for one slip of the tongue, which is why I avoided her all this year.
"The hat couldn't decide between Ravenclaw and Slytherin." I looked over to Black. "I'm sure you know how it is. My mum was banned from her pureblood family, but they keep in touch with me. Since, you know, even though I am a half-blood I am very promising."
Black seemed to swallow back words of regret, but nodded in agreement. "Then you keep in touch with your Pureblood grandpartents?" His words sounded disgusted. But at the same time, it was in a voice I couldn't put my finger on. It was one he used often when talking about family. It was a voice far from his cocky self.
"I try too. I usually visit them during holidays, unless my brother needs me." The truth came out so easily. I shouldn't have let it.
"Family is really important." Pettigrew squeaked. When I looked at him though, he quickly looked down feeling embarrassed. "That's what my mom says anyways."
"And she's right, Peter." Lupin reassured his friend.
I noticed Black shift next to me at these words. He seemed to feel uncomfortable. He shot up suddenly and held out his hand to me. "As nice as this chat is, I'd like a word with the lady." He gave his friends a nod. They seemed to know what he meant by it. Only Potter protested at the gesture.
"I am coming with." He announced and Black made a strong face. Obviously they had discussed this before and Black already said no. "I won't ruin this, not like with Kyla Kowlizick."
"You gave commentary any time one of us moved." Black glared harshly at his friend. I was close to giggling. Apparently Peter was too, he shoved his fist in his mouth, less he get wrath from his friends.
"You were young and foolish!"
"James, it was my first snog." Not Black's best counter, especially because Potter still looked determined.
So determined he reached out and patted Black's cheek. "It could have been your first shag had I not been there. You were so frisky."
Black had enough of the conversation. He grabbed on to my hand and pulled me up. "It would have been, had you not been a prat." Black glowered. The awkward conversation seemed to be done. Potter had sat back down with his friends. The two stared a moment longer. I just stood there, until finally Black lead me away to what I assumed to be the boys dorms.
I was proven right when Black opened the door. Books and clothing were strewn across the floor. The walls were plastered with muggle and wizarding posters alike. These included half-naked girls, Qudditch, and muggle gadgets that I knew oh to well.
There was so much going on it took me a while to decipher whose bed belonged to who. I gathered by the photo of Lily, that Potter's was closest to the door. Across from that bed seemed to be Lupins, if I was judging by the books.
My eyes followed Black to the bed next to Potter's, where a motorcycle poster hung right above the bed with a girl only wearing heels leaning against it. I tried not to giggle. That was so like Black.
"I usually don't do this, but," He paused and bent over his trunk. He rummaged for a moment before pulling out a red and gold Quddich shirt. My eyes widened and right away I noticed the number 9. Black's jersey. "It would be my honor if you would wear this to the game on Saturday."
I must have looked stupid because I felt like a troll just staring at the jersey. Never had I been asked to wear a jersey before. And the more I thought about it, the more my eyes widened. How could I wear Black's jersey? My friends — no my house would kill me.
Then again, I had to, for Severus. I smiled and grabbed the shirt out of his hands. On a whim, I pulled him into a hug. "I'd be honored to wear it, Black."
Saturday - November 6th, 1976 - 9:40 AM
You ever feel ready to slip into the floor? Disappear with the wind? I wish I could right now, but I settled for complaining to Jemima.
"I'm going to die." I pulled my cloak tighter around me. I was getting way to warm for some reason. As we neared the Great Hall I realized why. For November it was incredibly warm out. It was never suppose to be this warm.
The gods were against me today. I thought I could get away with my cloak at the Qudditch match, but they had other plans. I'd eventually grow too hot for it and have to shed some layers. When that happened everyone would see Black's jersey.
At least we planned it right. If I could get breakfast at the last dreads before the match, less people would see me. The match would most likely be too crowded for anyone to care about my supporting.
"I can officially say you are the only Slytherin supporting Gryffindor." Jemima chuckled under her breath, just as we sat in our spot.
I had half a mind to throw the blueberry muffin I just starting eating at her. I settled for taking a bite and frowning at her. "I lost a bet, yes, a very serious bet."
"You lost a bet, eh?" I jumped at Prewitt, who found it fit to sneak up behind us. Eyed me curiously as to what I meant and then took a seat. "Took you two long enough to get down here."
"Blame Amelia, she's having a wardrobe crisis." Jemima laughed. With intrusion only a best friend could have, she pulled off my cloak revealing Black's Qudditch jersey.
At that very moment I felt like I was as red as the shirt on my back. I was so scared of his reaction. More than anything, I wanted the floor to swallow me whole. Maybe I would fall through to the kitchens by sheer dumb luck.
Prewitt kept looking at me. He frowned at the red then glanced at my back. "Is this what you meant by you lost a bet?"
"In short, yes." I gritted my teeth. There was no hiding now. "Not a word from you."
"Your brother is going to flip." Was all Prewitt said, but it was enough. I turned red once more.
This was for Severus. Everything would work out for the better and I would get my revenge for him.
"Severus is the whole reason she is in this mess in the first place." Jemima pointed out after a bite from her eggs.
"I don't want to know." He held his hands up. "Just wanted to say good morning to my favorite friends before the game." He stood up with a smirk only a Slytherin could pull off. "Tell Black I say hi and do tell me if he is as good as a kisser as the girls say."
"OY!" This time I did throw my muffin. It hit him right in the back as he stalked off. "You would want to know!" Jemima pulled my arm down and in a silent way told me to hush. I caught her eye and followed her gaze. Several Slytherin's were gapping at me, not because of my behavior but the Gryffindor jersey. The sad part was that, the stares weren't even the coldest. All around us girls were staring more than just daggers at me. It felt like I should brace myself for a round of crucio.
"Let's go," I muttered through the now emerging gossip.
Jemima nodded and followed me up. We nearly escaped the clutches of the Great Hall, when Black's perfect fact appeared in front of us. Next to him was Potter, looking mildly surprised. Both had their brooms in their hands and were ready for the second match of the year.
"Ordinarily I would ask for a good luck kiss," Black reached up with his soft hands and tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ears. His touch lingered just a bit. A smile formed and his eyes were locked upon me. "But seeing you in my jersey is all the luck I need."
My eyes did an awkward twitch that was halfway between an eye roll and protest.
"Promise me you will see me after we win the game." His hand that was lingering still by my face landing on my cheek. A distant part of me knew to lean in, but I wanted to punch him. My hate was bubbling forward, but I kept it in check.
"Of course you will." I promised right away with a smile that didn't meet my eyes. "I'll wish you both good luck." I nodded to Potter, who patiently stood waiting while his best friend finished flirting.
"Thanks Amelia." Potter smiled back, just as Black kissed my hand.
"Enjoy the game girls!" The two boys waved to us in unison then left.
Jemima blanched, "Foul Blood-traitors." She spat, but we both knew she didn't mean it. She wasn't prejudice, but the name would upset the boys if they heard her say it and that's what matter to her. She was funny like that. She would always say whatever would insult the person she was making fun of the most. Her favorite insult for me was tart. I hated being called a tart, it was something that wounded my pride more than once. But that was Jemima for you and I am not proud to say, that habit has rubbed off on me as well. Regardless if I think it's true about that person or not, I say what hurts them the most. Maybe it's a Slytherin thing.
As we walked out of the Great Hall, I held my head high. Ignoring the hisses and cold stares, I walked out holding Jemima's hand. She was the one who grabbed onto my hand first. She seemed to understand my discomfort. That was like Jemima, she always knew what I needed and not a moment too soon.
Naturally Jemima and I headed to our normal spot on the stands. They were filling fast with an array of blue and red. As we waited, I couldn't help realizing we stood out. Our normal spot was always by other Slytherin's and all the other Slytherin's supported Blue today. Jemima and I were both wearing red. We stuck out greatly in our little corner. With that and me wearing a Blood-Traitors jersey, I was ready for the game to start. The faster it started the faster it was over with. The faster it was over with the quicker I could get out of this jersey. I wasn't happy to say I felt like my skin was burning. I couldn't decide if it was the idea of wearing a jersey of Blacks, or the fact that it was Gryffindor's. Either way it was making my skin burn in hatred.
The time was passing slowly as people filed around us. The stands were almost full by the fifth time I glanced at my watch. Jemima ended up nudging me, her way of calming my nerves. "It's starting soon." She promised.
Just as I looked over at my best friend, my brother and his friends began to file behind us. For no reason other than I felt paranoid, I ducked down. It didn't do any good, my timing was too late. Rosier went up behind us mid-duck, and put his arm around my shoulders.
"We heard rumors you were supporting Gryffindor." He pulled me close, "And not just Gryffindor, but Black." He carried on, but I wasn't minding him any attention.
My eyes were on my brother who looked sick at the sight of me. My hand twitched to rip the shirt off, but his expression quickly changed just as soon as it had come. He was becoming increasingly good at masking his emotions, especially from me.
"It looks like they are true." Rosier plucked at the shirt. He held up the back and smoothed it out so everyone could see the words 'Black'.
My mouth turned up in a very unpleasant smile. "I lost a bet with Black." I kept the face up. I had no idea what the rest of my lie would be, but I had to make it up. Jemima gave me subtle thumbs up. I shook, despite the warm breeze.
"How the hell did you get in a bet with Black?" Severus growled. He took the open spot to Rosier's right. Mulicber took the next open seat. The three of them all turned to me coldly, but still with interest. I swallowed back a lump of pressure.
"Some cheeky mudblood called me a tart." I started, the wheels were already turning. I wouldn't give myself away just yet. I managed to slither our on Halloween, I could manage now. "Black over heard and tried to comfort me, figuring I was upset. He reassured me over and over again it wasn't true. Not like it mattered anyways." I had to stop to throw a glare at Jemima. She was giggling and they were growing louder and louder. Knowing her the way I did, she thought this lie was incredibly stupid. Half-way through my dark glare she stuffed her hand in her mouth. "I bet him I was a tart and that I could find a snog faster than him."
"And you lost." Rosier supplied with a chuckle.
"He bet he could find one faster and said that if I did I had to wear his jersey on Saturday." My eyes caught my brothers at this point. He was staring deeply into my eyes, but I didn't break contact. I wanted him to believe my lie. I knew that at this point, only Jemima could know my plan against the boys, less rumors spread. "He cheated of course. Leaned down and began to snog me."
Jemima lost it. Her fist was out of her mouth and she was laughing with Rosier. They both found it highly funny. Jemima was laughing for reasons much different than Rosier.
Mulicber on the other hand gave me a look I could fully read. "And you let him. Amelia, that's disgusting." That's what that look was, disgust.
I acted my part and shuttered. "Trust me, after the kiss I used a purifying spell on myself." It was something I would do. Just thinking about snogging Black grossed me out. "But there is more to this bet." I groaned.
Severus looked as if he wanted to retort, but he didn't get the chance.
McClang, the announcer for the Qudditch match, started to announce that the game was on. I edged forward and watched. The minute the whistle blew, Potter obtained the quaffle. He passed it to Starin, who scored.
I crossed my fingers and still hoped for a short game. Judging by the first five minutes, it appeared it would be a short game. How wrong I was. Two hours later, there was still no sign of the Snitch. Gryffindor was 150, Ravenclaw was 100. It was an incredibly tight game. Everyone was on the edge of the seat rooting for either team.
"Well aimed bludger by Black. And now it's Potter with the quaffle." McClang's voice rang out. My eyes darted and followed as they zoomed by to the Ravenclaw goals. "Potter to Starin, Starin still with the quaffle, passes it to — oh what's this?!" Heads turned, just as another goal was passed for Gryffindor. Nobody paid that any attention though. Ravenclaw Seeker, Larson, had spotted the snitch. Breath was held. It looked like she almost had it, but right before she reached it the Gryffindor Seeker snatched it with aim and precision. Screams erupted all around us. Whether they were groans or cheers the stadium filled with a roar. I was in a daze as the group around us groaned.
It took Rosier, who tapped me on my back to bring me back to earth. "Guessing you have to meet up with Black now?" He asked over the screams.
I nodded with a gulp. I got up almost automatically and made sure not to find Severus' black eyes. Darting around fans, I made my way down to the pitch. It was hard for me to keep a smile up. I was struggling in fact as I made my way to the outskirt of screaming Gryffindor's. I thought about giving up and heading back to my friends. One day wouldn't make the difference. They already liked me as it is. I could plan for another day.
I began to turn around, giving up. I had convinced myself another day would work just as well. But as I turned around a hand gently took my wrist and guided me through. I could barely keep up as the crowd parted for us, just barely. It took some time till my eyes were able to identify the owner of the hand to be Lupin. The only reason I realized it was him was because he was glancing back every so often with a grin. He seemed excited for me to be there. I couldn't figure out why, but he did.
"Sirius will want to see you!" He screamed over the cheers. Somehow, because of the way he looked at me and the happiness in his eyes, I smiled as well.
We made our way to the giggling girls around Black. Lupin's words rang true as Black broke away the minute he saw me. From the distant we were at, I could see sweat glisten on his brow, the heat that traced his cheeks and the way his lips were curving into a bigger smile. I tried not to cringe as he grabbed me his sweaty body. He threw me up and twirled me around, the happiness radiating off of him as he pulled me into a hug. As we twirled, I felt an odd feeling surfacing. For some reason, I was happy too. I wanted to scream and cheer for their win as well. What was wrong with me?
Finally he set me down. "It's all thanks to you, love. My very own beautiful and intelligent good luck charm." Black gave me wink, then reached down and kissed my nose.
He makes you feel special, like you are the only one.
My eye twitched. "Oh non-sense," I argued, but Black didn't hear me. Potter was screaming to any Gryffindor that would listen that there would be a part at 7 pm sharp. Black gave Lupin a nodded, something that seemed like a compromise. The two stared a moment longer, commutating in silence before Black slipped back to the cheering Gryffindor's.
It was Lupin's turn to look at me with a grin. No words were exchange, not like I would be able to hear him. The cheers were loud and I was still grinning. The grin fell short when, not of my own free will, he led me away. I felt my lips twitch, ready to growl in protest. I grit my teeth instead and remained calm. Even if it meant I had to ball up my anger.
We had walked a great distance in silence. Lupin waited till we were out of range and mixed in with other students heading to the castle before he spoke.
"Sorry, Sirius wants you to party with us tonight." He admitted in kindness.
I blinked back surprise that he was apologizing to me. Regardless, I still held onto my anger. The one feeling I had to break them apart. "It's fine Lupin. I figured it was something like that."
"We do have a surprise for you before the party." His eyes glanced down at his feet. For some reason, he didn't want to look me in the eye. The more I watched him, the more I realized he was shy. He wasn't as shy as Pettigrew, but he wasn't as outgoing as Black.
I grinned, if Lupin was shy with me, I could really shake him up. Hopefully by next week I could. "We have a surprise?" I raised my eyebrow, pushing my thoughts aside. I needed to stay focused. "That means you were included with the surprise?"
"We all worked hard on it." He flipped his hair out of his eyes, but the warm breeze blew it right back. "James really likes you now since you said you'd help him with Lily. It's good really. He wasn't too fond of you before. He knows your surname, seems to hold it against you."
I bit my tongue. Why did I ever agree to help Potter with Evans? I guess in my mind I hoped he would forget, but now I would have to help him. I knew that it would get in the way of my revenge. I couldn't let that happen, I'd have to figure something out.
"The rest of you don't know? My surname that is," I finally questioned after surfacing from my thoughts.
"You could be a Malfoy for all I care." He held his hand out and like a true gentleman he guided me up the steps.
"If I were a Malfoy, you'd know. Besides, I'm a half-blood." I laughed. Out of instinct, I let go of his hand the second we made it to the top and were in the castle.
"There's that too." Lupin looked at me oddly. I wondered if it was how quickly I let go of his hand. I took the time as we walked to glance at my hand. It didn't die from his touch. I took a deep breath as we neared another stair case. Cautiously I held out my hand for him to take. He didn't hesitate to guide me up another flight. The touch of his hand was so gentle and kind. It made me nauseated.
How can someone so kind be so mean?
Thursday – June 17th 1976
"Severus?" I had already knocked three times. Said his name four, but he wasn't answering his door. I knew he was in there. This was the third week in a row he had found it fit to lock himself in. I left out a hefty sigh. He couldn't very well stay in here forever. School had only been out for a short time and he was already a wreck.
I opened the door with a flick of my wand. It was good to be of age.
Sure enough, he was sitting on the floor with several of my 6th year books scattered across the floor. He was currently bent of my Potions Grade 6 with much intent.
"Are you writing in my books?" I gasped in horror realizing he had a quill and ink out.
He barely even lifted his head, despite my loud protest. "I am," He drawled.
I nearly flipped all his books shut with my wand. I settled for rubbing my hand across my forehead. "Mom is too tired to go to the store. You know how she gets." I explained, he didn't move. His sullen eyes were still fixed upon the potion he was studying. When he didn't respond after several moments I went on. "I need you to come with me."
"No you don't. Go by yourself, Lia." This time he did look up. I felt my heart shatter at the empty shell that stared back at me; the empty shell of a broken heart.
"Severus, father won't let me go alone." I protested with the truth.
He gave me one last look then dipped his quill back in the ink. In his neat hand writing he began to write notes upon the perfect, unstained page. I cringed at the sight, but said nothing to him defiling my book.
"He's at work don't tell him you went alone." Severus droned on and kept writing while talking. "Besides you are of age in the Wizarding world. You can take care of yourself."
"What are you working on that's so important anyways?" I had the audacity to ask.
He had even greater audacity. He grabbed the Charms Grade 6 and threw it at me. I ducked down just in time for it to hit the wall behind me. I heard the binding spilt. That was my cue. I knew better than to stay. I quickly walked out the door before another book could be sent at me. I tightly shut the door and leaned up against the frame.
Faintly I could hear Severus mumbling. They grew louder though and turned into tiny sobs. "Those bastards will pay." I heard even louder, then a rack of sobs went through him. "It's all their fault I lost Lily." He cried.
My heart spilt.
"Amelia, are you alright?" Lupin's voice rang through and sprang me back. My eyes glanced at him. He was several steps ahead of me. Somewhere along the line our hands dropped. "You stopped walking." He pointed out what I had just realized.
A sickly sweet smile twisted on my lips, despite Severus' cries that continued to play in my head. "Just exhausted, there was way too much excitement for today." I lied. Once again I started to climb up the stairs. My steps remaining in stride with Lupin, despite his long legs.
"Then your fourth ever Qudditch match was worth it?" He stopped walking again, but this time he picked me up and placed me over a trick step.
My stomach lurched at his kindness, but my face flushed red. "Possibly, I mean I couldn't study with Edwin, him being in Ravenclaw and all. What else was I to do?" I let out a dramatic shy.
Lupin shook his head. "Sometimes you are way too studious."
I actually let out a real laugh, not one I forced. "This coming from a perfect," I pointed out needlessly.
Lupin's eyes sparkled. "Everyone needs some fun now and again. You just need to relax more."
"If you only knew what I was really like." I whispered under my breath. I knew he still heard me, because he looked at me very curiously indeed. But he didn't press. He let the matter slide and we fell into a silence.
Since not many Gryffindor's were heading up to the tower, the hallways were silent. We could hear our own footsteps and the muttering of portraits but that was about it. It was a nice silence though. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something about it put me at ease. It wasn't often I got to walk silently with someone. Especially in the corridors, since there was always noise. Save for two in the morning after sneaking back from a snog.
Finally we made it to the Fat Lady. "Honor," Lupin said and she swung open. A smile tugged upon my lips, I was glad to hear the password had not changed. "Amelia, do you trust me?" We stood in the entrance of the common room. I wasn't focused on him, my eyes were wondering around. I was surprised it looked even friendlier in the sunlight.
I tried to take it all in before I spoke. A couple moments passed and my smile still remained. "How do you mean?" I questioned, my eyes unwillingly focused on him.
The scar on his lip twitched up as he smiled. I could see mischief in his poster and eyes. Mischief didn't always mean harm. He had good intentions behind that devious look. "Do you trust me enough to take you to our dorm in a blind fold?"
That was new. In all my years of Hogwarts and my different rendezvous with boys —Pure-blood and half —I had never once been asked that questioned. I found myself laughing at the situation. Once I started though, I couldn't stop. My mind found this way to hilarious. Here I had worked my way into the lair of my brother's sworn enemies and they were letting. I barely had to use my charm or half of the outlined plan. It was all too simple.
"Odd question to ask Lupin." I admitted once my laughter died down. He looked sheepishly at me, obviously catching my drift within the innuendo. "Alright, I trust you." I didn't thought. A part of me worried this was a trap.
Even if it was, I wouldn't let them get to me. I would win and I would fight for Severus. The only reason why I let Lupin blind fold me and sit in me a chair, with what seemed like a dimly lit room was for my bother.
I was thrown off completely. It was too dark to be a dorm. Lupin had promised it was the dorm. It smelt too clean. In fact, I smelt lavender, roses, and food. My brain was so muddled, but after sitting there for a while and not feeling any pain, I began to trust my surroundings. I began to trust Lupin.
He kept trying to hold a steady conversation, but I was distracted. My mind was busy paying attention to any shift in the atmosphere. I felt like a coward. In a way though, I felt bad for not trusting Lupin a hundred percent. But could you blame me? I was the enemy. I was planning to create a downfall for them. If I got hurt, I only had myself to blame. My foolish self…
About an hour passed. Lupin still kept up the conversation. He resorted to telling me how he brewed the perfect Calming Drought in Potions the other day. He scored so high, Profess Slughorn said he even beat Severus. I nodded and acknowledge the conversation at the right times, but the minute I heard the door open I jumped and stopped listening to Lupin altogether.
"Moony, you're boring her to death. I told you not to talk about school." I recognized Black's voice. I itched to take the blind fold off now. All around me I could hear foots steps as the other boys walked in. I counted four people, meaning it was Black, Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew.
I swallowed a way a lump of worry. "He —he wasn't boring me." My voice cracked. Why was I so scared? They wouldn't hurt me, right? Maybe they would. Like I said before, little be known to them, I am the enemy. I'm sitting here as the easy prey, blindfolded. Gods know what could happen.
"You don't have to flatter Remus." Potter spoke this time, with a chuckle. He was somewhere to my right. I felt the tension fill right back up as I clenched my wand hand. I didn't reach for it though. I tried to remain as stoic as possible.
"Can she take off her blind fold yet?" Pettigrew's voice interjected. He sounded farther away. Somewhere near the door. He also sounded excited, what could get the little boy excited?
"One second," Black responded almost immediately. I felt magic tingle around me. I couldn't help but shiver in anticipation. Once again, no pain came. My body ceased up, still waiting. "Perfect, okay Amelia. You can take off the blind fold now."
I didn't. I sat there for a while. I sensed my surroundings better first. Potter was to my left. I could tell by the way the figure was bouncing up and down. He was excited. Potter was the one I had to worry about and if he was excited this could either be good or bad.
I felt around with my mind a little bit more. Black was to my left, I figured this out by the gentle hand that found its way on my back. He was encouraging me on. I was still frozen. I couldn't pick up where exactly Pettigrew and Lupin were.
I breathed a little easier as the hand continued to rub my back. Taking a chance, I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled off the blind fold. Breathing in and out very slowly, I readied myself. But nothing happened. They obviously meant no harm. I was being paranoid. I took a chance and peaked through my left eye. A gasped escaped my lips and both eyes widened.
What fear I had was gone, it was replaced with awe. Somehow the boys had managed to block out all natural sunlight, the source of light I saw was floating fairylights. The more I looked at the lights, the more I realized they were lined up like tiny constellations. Never once had I mentioned my passion for the stars, but they had managed to litter the ceiling with my favorites.
It was beautiful.
I had a hard time pulling my eyes off the ceiling. It was perfect, romantic even. But I knew there was more to the room. My eyes fell off Hercules, to the pure white table in front of me. I was surprised that in the bouquet of not just pink and white roses, but lavender within it, which explains the smell. Again, I never vocalized that my favorite flower was lavender, but here it was. It led me to want to cry. I choked back the tears.
He makes you feel special, like you are the only one.
It's all their fault I lost Lily.
Bile started to force its way. I forced a smile. "This — Black, Potter, Pettigrew, and Lupin — you boys out did yourself." I gushed. My eyes couldn't greet them. I was still busy taking everything in and hoping that they didn't notice my tears of frustration in the magical room.
"It was Sirius' idea. He just worked us like —" Pettigrew started, but Black threw a pillow at his head with a flick of his wand.
"Oy, I just cleaned that!" Potter whined.
It was then I realized the room was truly spotless. I laughed at the boy. I flicked my own wand and set it back. "Better?" I raised an eyebrow.
He nodded approval to me. Then he smiled and surprising even me he threw his arms around me into a tight awkward hug. "Be good," He told me. Then he went on in a whisper that only I could hear, "I mean it Snape."
I felt the color drain out of my face. A shiver spilled right down to the tip of my toes. Fear of being caught surfaced and it made my head swim. Several times over I opened up to say something, but his words left me at a loss.
I watched as Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew gathered by the door. They seemed ready to leave. That snapped me to attention. "Aren't you guys staying?" The fear still sounded raw in my voice. I hope they didn't notice.
"No, we have other things to attend to." Pettigrew answered, he wasn't looking at me though. His gaze was fixed steadily on the ground.
"Too right you are, Pete!" Potter clapped a hand on the smaller boys shoulder. "We have a party to supply." He saluted Black, Pettigrew mirrored the movements. This left Lupin to roll his eyes and shove his hands in his pockets.
The three gave us one last grin before leaving Black and I alone. With them gone, I felt like they took my courage with me. Don't get me wrong, I had been alone with boys several times in dark rooms, but something about this made me feel tense. I felt like I was wrapped in devil's snare. The only way I knew I wasn't was due to Black's smiling face, the sweet aroma that filled the air and…my ears pricked, was that the violin I heard…?
I turned my head to where the noise was emitting. There it was a violin magiking itself to play. A sincere smile fell upon my lips as I turned back to Black.
"Is the music over the top?" He was just about to sit down, but stopped and pulled out his wand with a frown. "It is, isn—"
I quickly cut him off, "No, I love the violin." For the first time with Black, I spoke the truth. I really did love the way the violin sounded. It was soft, tranquil and at times filled with melancholy. It reminded me of harder times and kept me down to earth. I smiled as the melody filled my ears and played to my heart.
"Amelia, can I be honest with you?" Black's voice that was very smooth and soft, cut through the melody. I couldn't help but focus on him. This lighting seemed to be doing wonders for him. His fair skin shown like the moon and his beautiful grey eyes danced like the stars.
As he leaned forward to get a better look at me, his luscious black hair cascaded down perfectly around his face. "I cannot figure you out at all. Maybe it's because you are a Slytherin. I really have no idea, but you are hard to read."
I broke my eye contact with him. It was becoming too hard to remain stoic. I instead focused on the food that they had prepared on the table. Everything looked so good, down to the last sandwich. I could feel my stomach gnawing at itself for one.
"For instance," The shadows that he was casting on the table shifted. I looked up curiously just as he pulled out one of the lavender flowers. "Your favorite flower isn't a pink rose, its lavender." Standing up Black reached forward and with delicate hands, wove the lavender into my hair. He carefully clipped my hair back, with a hair clip he produced with his wand. I was amazed, absolutely floored. I thought the lavender was luck at first, but now I knew he was starting to know me better than I thought. Was there a time when I slipped up and said too much?
"You also said you love tea. That's another lie, never once have I seen you drink any tea." Once he sat back down, he fixed his white button down shirt, then grabbed the pitcher that was full of pumpkin juice. "Instead, you drink tons of pumpkin juice." He poured a hefty amount into my goblet.
He was good. Damn good. "Is there a problem?" I arched my eyebrow, urging him forward.
"Only that I am beginning to wonder if you really are a Pureblood and not a Half-blood like you said."
My lips curled into a smile then before I knew it, I was laughing at what he had said. "I wouldn't lie about that."
"Yet you lie about simple things, like your favorite flower." He pointed out. I could tell by the way he said it, he wasn't mad. He was the opposite, he was amused.
"I prefer it for guys not to know me." But yet, you've got me figured out. It left a bitter and cold taste in my mouth. I hadn't been this easy to understand since Richmond. Was I falling apart or was Black just that good?
I busied myself with the goblet. I downed a good half of it, Black waiting the whole time. His infamous smirk never left his lips. "I plan to figure you out."
I leaned forward, he mirrored me. "You should never tickle a sleeping dragon."
He easily gathered what I meant. "I doubt you are too much for me, Sirius Black to handle." He leaned even closer to me. Both of us remained grounded, waiting for the other to cave in because of the close proximity.
"When the dragon wakes up and tries to burn you Black, you better fight." We were so close now. I could feel my breath mingle with his as I spoke. It sent a tingle down my neck.
The brave and the sly.
His head tilted to the side. I knew that look, he was going to lean in and kiss me. We grew even closer. I felt an even stronger tingle. His grey eyes found mine. They were beautiful and stormy like the sky. I breathed out preparing for impact, but he stopped. His arms crossed and he leaned back in his chair. Amused by his antics, I was left to emulate his movements. "Wentworth," He said with confidence.
"What?" I spluttered completely caught off guard.
"Amelia Wentworth, that's your surname. Your mom was Faith Harris, the biggest fall out in the Harris family. She married a muggle." His confidence was over powering. He seemed so sure this time. But he was wrong.
I wondered how he could change the topic so quickly or was that on the tip of his tongue all day. "You're thinking of Annabelle Wentworth, not Amelia."
He frowned, "Right, I was so close."
"Not even, my last name does not start with a W." I informed him. I watched him closely. He looked down at his hands, deep in thought and holding a frown on his face. He seemed to be figuring something out. His face was cold and nearly unreadable. It worried me to some degree.
Finally he looked up after a couple minutes of silence. "No matter," He said, the smile back at full force. "Let's eat!"
Saturday - November 6th, 1976 - 8:03 PM
My eyes didn't want to open. I rolled over again feeling warm and cozy. Vaguely I could hear the thudding of music. It seemed to tingle my senses.
"Jemima," I muttered and reached for my wand. After moments of groping at the air and not my night stand my heart started to race. My body shut up at once as my brain registered the situation. I was not in the Slytherin dorms at all. Blinking and trying to stay calm, I realized I was in the Gryffindor dorms. I breathed in, my mind was struggling to recall how I got on this mattress on the floor.
I put my hand on my forehead and rubbed the dregs of a headache that takes place from a nap.
Black and I ate, I remember that clearly. We laughed I took the liberty to lie to him some more. After we ate, he vanished the table and set his mattress on the floor. From there I remember talking to him and actually enjoying myself as we watched the fairy lights, but I don't remember falling asleep. A sigh passed over my lips. The least he could have done was wake me up before they left.
I stood up and flicked the curtains open with my wand. I peeked out the windows and judging by the moon it was night time, probably around eight. Which was much later than I had expected.
The party.
Stumbling off the mattress, in a fog that only happens when you take a nap, I headed to the bathroom. How long had I been asleep?
Flipping on the lights I lead myself to the nearest marble sink. I turned on the tab and let the water run out till it was the perfect temperature. When it was, I splashed my face a couple of times. The feeling of warm water rushed forward and I felt the headache subside for just a bit.
With the water dripping down my face, I took in my appearance. My hair was a dilapidated mess, mixed with crushed lavender. On my left cheek I bore a line from sleeping on my watch. The more I looked the more I realized how badly the sleep must have thrown me off because I was even more pale than usual.
I glanced back at the red shower curtains, then down to the Qudditch shirt that was sticking to me. I very well could not go down to the party like this. Double checking no one else was here, I tripped my clothing and stepped in. A groan passed over my lips as the warm water hit my head. It soothed my throbbing temples.
After approximately five minutes of washing my hair and body, I called it quits. I shut off the water and grabbed the towel on the rack. I took another deep breath, cologne filled body wash tingled through. Whose ever toiletries I used, they smelt heavenly.
I indulged myself with another five minutes to finish up. When I felt satisfied, I headed back to the dorm and cleaned up the rest of our mess. I smiled then headed down to the party.
Each step down the staircase brought me closer to the thudding of music, loud chatter filled with celebration and the smell of alcoholic beverages. I grinned, how I longed for some fire whiskey and a smoke. Glancing around quickly the minute I entered the common room, I saw both Potter and Black entertaining a crowd by the food and beverages. Pettigrew stood nearby, seeming to at points to whatever story they were telling when needed. Lupin however wasn't near that group. He sat by the fireplace, that was dimly glowing, by another circle of people.
I decided to skim around the dance floor over to the punch and food. I really was parched from sleeping and if I wanted to make it through tonight I would need a strong drink. I only made it half way there before someone stopped me. It startled me because I didn't know too many Gryffindor's. I turned to the own over the arm and locked on with a set of emerald eyes I would recognize anywhere.
"Lily," Over the loud music I doubt she heard my whisper. Regardless if she did or didn't she pulled me aside without even a word to a quiet corner. At least, as quiet as it could get in the common room right now.
"It's lovely to see you, Amelia." She gushed, still holding my hand within her as we sat down.
"You as well, Lily." I said curtly, though I didn't fully mean it. Lily of course meant her words, she always did and was always so kind. I couldn't find kindness in my heart right now though.
"Sorry if this is rude, but —" She cut herself off, apparently thought it was rude.
I knew her well enough to know what she wanted to say. I had known her as long as my brother. "What am I doing here? Not snogging Kingston, though I wouldn't mind that right about now." She made a face. Lily kept my secrets from my brother, even if she hated me snogging varies guys. She disapproved of my behavior. I disapproved of her ignoring my brother.
"Amelia," Her eyes flashed down to the jersey, then back up to my eyes. She clearly recognized the small number 9 on the front. "Sirius Black, honestly?" She scowled. Something about the way her eyes rested upon me, I knew she was serious. "You can do so much better than him."
If she only knew. "You and I both know I stopped doing any for love after Richmond..." I trailed off, there was no need to go on. She knew, she knew so well. Maybe that's why I hated her so much now. She just dropped off from my life the minute Severus called her a mudblood. It hurt.
"I won't press." She gave my hand a loving squeeze. "I did want to talk to you though." This perked my interest. I leaned in a little closer and completely blocked out the background noise. What could she possibly want to talk to me about? "I owe you an apology for what happened between Severus and I." My breath caught. I was not expecting this, maybe hoping, but not expecting. "I, it's just, Amelia it was bound to happen! His friends are against my kind. I was waiting for an outburst like that."
"Oh Lily," I whispered as her body shook. Tears were trying to force their way up, but Lily was fighting them.
"No, I loved Severus. I really did. I mean—I do, just not that part of him." She looked down at her hands. "We both know he won't change." A tear finally slipped down her cheek.
My hand pulled away. "There is still time to forgive him! He can change. He just needs guidance, from you." I pleaded for his shake and maybe for mine. I didn't want him to walk down the path of a Death Eater.
Her emerald green eyes glazed over, I knew she couldn't And I knew why. Maybe if Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew didn't intervene it would have turned out better. He would have never of called her a mudblood and maybe he would be with her. Maybe he wouldn't be going down the path he is going on now.
I swallowed, it wasn't Lily's fault, why was I so mad at her? She has a right to be upset at this situation. She was looking out for herself.
"Amelia, I still want to remain in touch with you." She broke our silent, but loud thoughts.
"What if I follow my brother? What if I become just as prejudice?" Wildly I snapped.
"You'd be doing it to protect him."
My temper began to bubble. She wouldn't forgive him. A part of me knew this all along. Severus was changing for the worse. I guess I blame her because she left and when she left he fell apart. The last bit that was holding him to the light was gone from his life. He was left to turn to the dark side. That's why my mind picked up calling her a mudblood. She left him when he needed her the most. I could only call her vile things in my anger. But she really did nothing wrong, she was always there for him. But Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew were never there for him. They took his light away by pushing him too far.
I concluded she was right, I would do anything to protect my brother. Even if right now I wanted to call her a mudblood to her face. The lowest insult I could think of. As I opened my mouth to spew the insult, someone threw their arm around my shoulder. I smelt a mixer of cologne and alcohol.
"Amelia, what are you doing here with my Lily?" Potter meant it as something friendly, but something in me snapped. It was the raw anger I felt just thinking that it was their fault. My temper finally broke and before Lily could comment that she wasn't his, I turned coldly to her.
A part of me did it to upset Potter, but a part of me wanted to make something clear. I wasn't happy with her just giving up. Running away is easy, trying to fix the pieces takes time, but in the end isn't it beautiful?
"Mudblood, not another word from you." I growled. Potter shifted in surprised. I looked up at him, without a second though I grabbed his drink and downed it. It burned the whole way down, then it hit my stomach. It was then my veins felt on fire and it spread through every inch of me. It was potent and magical. I'd be buzzed in no time. "Things are getting dark Lily. This is only the tip and you broke him. You left him to turn towards the dark. He cried every night for you." My words stung her. Through the dim light, I realized her cheeks were becoming stained with tears.
"Amelia, please stop. You don't mean any of this." She was openly crying now.
"Neither did he." I hissed.
She nearly collapsed at those words, but she stayed strong. Her eyes still focused on me.
Potter and Black stook a step in. Even if they were slightly drunk they still had common sense. They were worried I would say more or worse her and I would fight.
"Amelia, your upsetting Lily." Potter pointed out, but I just rolled my eyes.
"It's fine, I was just leaving." This time I grabbed Black's drink and swallowed as much as I could before he took it away. "Now where is Kingston?" The alcohol burned even more. It was tingling through me and made me yearn for physical touch.
"Amelia don't!" Lily's words made me stop moving. Even after everything I said she was till calling back to me. But why? She didn't give Severus the same opportunity. Why do I deserve better? "Don't do this! There is no—Potter for Merlin's sake do not let her find Kingston." I was just turning to leave, I only made it two steps and the redhead grabbed on to Potter. For the first time ever it was not out of anger, but for help.
Potter looked startled, his eyes turned to Black. The two compromised and Black grabbed onto my waist, stopping me from going anywhere. "I got her, she'll stay with me." Black told the frantic girl, but she shook her head.
"No, you aren't much better." Her eyes pulled away from Black and looked to me. I had never seen so much concern within her eyes. "Amelia stop being so destructive. You are worth so much more. Please, stop running." She was still clinging to Potter as more tears fell down her face. My stomach twisted, I hated to see her on Potter. That should be my brother she was clinging too.
It occurred to me at that moment, I could still run. Black was holding me tight, which meant I could get my snog after all. But why was Lily still yelling at me? I tried my hardest to tune it out, but she was so close to me. I tittered on my toes.
"Just because Richmond left you to pick up the pieces doesn't mean you can go around destroying what's left of you." Her words stung.
My cheeks grew wet. I was confused. I was crying, really crying. "Fuck you, Evans." My body shook in Black's arms, but he held on tightly.
"Come on Lily, let's give Amelia some space." Potter advised. HE tried to lead her away, but she wouldn't let him.
Her eyes were so fierce and fixed right upon me. I flinched. She was too head strong.
"It's time you stop protecting your brother and protect yourself. He chose his path, you haven't. You can still be someone. I know you have it in you."
Her words rung and played over and over again in my head. I looked from her, to Potter, then lastly to Black. I couldn't handle this right now. I just wanted a smoke and a snog. I wanted everything to be normal. Severus to be happy, Lily by his side. I wanted the brother who protected me, who loved me, and laughed with me back. Not someone who was angry and turning towards Death Eaters for help.
I did the one thing I knew how to do. I elbowed Black in the ribs. He dropped his guard and I ran.
A/N: I realize it was long, but all the information was needed. I hope that answered some questions. Let me know if you have anymore. Thanks for reading! Comments are greatly appreciated.
