"Hurt"
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: R
Author Notes: My disclaimer for Chapter One applies here too. In case you were lost in Chapter Three, Severus became rather distracted and delusional during detention, and instead of seeing Hermione he was seeing the Mrs. Potter. Chapter Four is mainly about their reactions that very same night. I'm sorry if you were expecting some kind of action, but I am trying my best not to rush through it.
Chapter Four: Something I Can Never Have, pt. 2
Hermione opened the door to her private room still feeling scared and confused. She placed her books on her desk and flopped onto her bed with a pillow tucked under her neck. Hot tears ran down her face as she cried to herself. "Why did he have to do such a thing?" she asked.
Her orange cat Crookshanks found his mistress on her bed and rubbed his head against her left shoulder. Hermione looked at her pet, smiled a little, and began to massage his fur. "I don't understand, Crooks," she said. "The bloody git kissed me because he thought I was someone else. I somehow don't believe it!"
"Don't believe what, 'Mione?" The young woman heard a familiar voice from the doorway only to find its owner. Ginny Weasley, one of the many Weasley children and Ron's sister, found her friend crying loudly while petting her cat. "What happened at detention?"
"Oh, Ginny, you do not want to know! It was a nightmare!"
"What did he do? Smack your ass one hundred times for being such a bad girl?" The thought of Severus Snape doing such a thing made the redhead giggle.
"Not funny, Ginerva Weasley," Hermione pouted. "It's far worse!"
"Try me."
"He kissed me!"
Ginny stopped her giggling and looked at her friend with suspicious eyes. "He what?"
"You heard me. His lips melted into mine! I have the taste of Professor Snape's tongue on mine! The Greasy Git, the Bat of the Dungeons, and the Snarky Snake of Slytherin himself kissed me!"
"And did you like it?
"Ginny, we're talking about Professor Snape, not… Viktor Krum or your brother! Snape is a teacher and a murderer that got off the hook from going to Azkaban thanks to that bloody Pensive and me! Why would he want to kiss me?"
"Don't yell too loud, 'Mione! You know the boys are going to get on your case about it, especially Ron!"
"Let them hear for all I care!" shouted Hermione. "Maybe Harry can hex our professor for me! If Snape dares to give me detention again, he can bloody well kiss my ass!"
"You know, I wouldn't blame him if he does."
"Does what? Give me detention?"
The redhead blushed and shook her head. "Nope. Kiss your ass. Literally."
The Head Girl fumed and pushed her best friend out of her room, locking the door after she slammed the wooden barrier shut. "I do not want to continue on with this discussion, Ginny! Unless you stop teasing me about my night with Professor Snape, you can forget about having breakfast with me tomorrow morning!"
Instead of the rattling of the doorknob or the pounding on the wood, Hermione heard nothing but silence on the other side of her door. She unlocked it and peaked out into the hallway. Ginny Weasley was nowhere in sight. In fact, the entire Gryffindor hall was quiet.
Hermione bit her lip as she scanned the area one more time. "Great," she muttered. "The entire school is going to hear about my interesting night tomorrow. Thanks a lot, Ginny." She shut the door and flopped onto her bed again with Crookshanks in her arms. "And thanks a lot, Granger, for telling Ginny in the first place," she added.
Meanwhile, Severus laid in his bed of green linens against his naked torso, recollecting his thoughts after a few good shots of firewhiskey. Still he was not drunk enough to get the young Gryffindor out of his head. He was very focused and very aware of his actions.
And his stupidity.
Why was I even thinking of Potter's mother in the first place, he thought. For the last seven years, I have been driven to the brink of insanity thanks to Miss Granger. And they are both intelligent women. No! Miss Granger is not a woman. She is a girl; a student, nevertheless. She is student, and I am her teacher. I should get fired for even kissing her.
But why did I do it? It is not that I find her attractive or anything. Sure, she had bushy hair when I first saw her, but she still appears to be incapable to tame the curls. It is still a mess. And she does not have the body of Narcissa Malfoy, but yet, I have never seen what the know-it-all looks like without… Okay, Severus, stop thinking like a perverted old man.
Try and think of getting even with Potter. No, wait, he is Miss Granger's best friend. Maybe speak with Minerva about the N.E.W.T.s. I take that back; she will be taking them in the spring.
Severus continued to think of anything that was not related or linked to Hermione Granger, but no matter how hard he tried he still had no luck. He sighed and shook his head reluctantly. How he hated this wretched and tormenting feeling! Admit it, Severus, he thought.
You are in love with her. And you have never known love in your entire life, aside from that interest in Lily Evans.
You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now
Yes, he had never experienced what love was all about. For the most part, he had found it to be disgusting, repulsive, and something that did not describe the man he was. No, he had never felt such thing until he had met Lily. But everything fell apart after that – her marriage to James Potter, the birth of her son Harry, and then her ultimate death in the hands of his master Lord Voldemort. For over eleven years, his wonderful feelings were sealed away, never to come back.
But they did, surely yet slowly, on the first day of Potions that one fateful day when Hermione Jane Granger arrived at Hogwarts. It was not until the previous night when it hit him like a golf club in the head. And now he could only see the beautiful Gryffindor witch he once knew in the eyes of the insufferable know-it-all student.
She will never love you, Severus, he thought before he finally drifted to sleep. You have no heart. You are a monster, a cold-hearted bastard, and a git.
This is slowly taking me apart
Grey would be the color if I had a heart
Breakfast was still the same but instead of biscuits and gravy, Minerva had the house elves cook some scrambled eggs and bacon. Yet, Severus had his "usual," and, luckily, no one else – with the exception of the headmistress – knew about it.
And again, he caught himself scanning over the Gryffindor table, primarily where Hermione was sitting. To him, at the present moment, she appeared to be the same girl he had known for a long time. He overheard her conversation with Harry and Ron, taking note that she was going to the library as soon as she was finished with her breakfast, and knew that it was no surprise she would be somewhere studying before her first class.
But after what happened in detention, she appeared to be a different person in his eyes, much like the woman haunting his life. Yet, he was also seeing her as another person – another person he remembered quite well.
In her brown eyes, he was seeing himself as a young wizard in his seventh year – a brilliant, young lad who would later come back to Hogwarts as the most dreaded Potions professor in the wizarding school. He had been an intelligent student, no doubt about it, but he had been led astray because of his trust in his "friends," primarily Lucius Malfoy.
He watched her leave her companions and walk out of the Great Hall. At that moment, he had thought of something that he had never thought before – if I hadn't join the Death Eaters, would I still be the person I could be today? A person with a great future ahead of them… Like Miss Granger?
In this place, it seems like such a shame
Though it all looks different now, I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look, you're all I see
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be
No, Severus thought with a frown, I don't deserve to be someone like Miss Granger, Death Eater or not. I have made too many mistakes in the past to achieve that dream.
He pushed his plate to the side and stood up, fixing his frock coat before leave the staff table. Minerva looked at Severus and asked, "Done already?"
"Yes," replied the Potions Master. "I need to look over my lesson plan for the day. I think I somehow screwed it up when I was writing it out last night." Before the Headmistress could reply, Severus was already strolling down the main aisle, his black robes billowing like black clouds behind him.
Minerva shook her head as Severus slammed the doors behind him. "What has that boy gotten himself into?" she muttered.
That's a wrap! Please review this chapter!
TheGoodWitchoftheNorth
