A/N: Hi, thanks for sticking around!
So, here we dig a bit more into the past. As to Aidan's story: I already warned you that I wouldn't stick to canon, thus his background is slightly different, too. Plus, I changed how he gets blood (for hopefully good reasons!), I hope it'll become clear later on as to why I did that.
In any case, enjoy and review, if you like... or don't like.
The two are over at Aidan's apartment again. The vampire is over his armchair, one leg dangling over the armrest, while he plays a few tunes on his guitar. Josh is busy devouring yet another book on medical issues. The brunet wanted to become a doctor before the wolf struck, after all. And while he dropped out of med school back then, the interest didn't die out at all.
Yet, to the day, Aidan wonders how that guy can read so much. Aidan himself is already a busy reader, though he mostly reads up on his own period of time. He just loves how they always get wrong the facts. He's friggin' lived it, so he should know. Yet, Josh is the type of reader who can read War and Peace within a single day – and then go on about every little detail. And that is surely no pleasure to listen to if you have only read it once, and mostly skimmed through the pages, but Josh just wants to go on analyzing every little detail and hear your opinion about each section… well, it's a bit cute, too. Josh usually gets pretty excited about it – and Aidan likes to see that.
Because Josh excited means Josh happy. And Aidan likes to have him happy.
"I was thinking…," the werewolf suddenly speaks up, putting the book aside… finished. That guy, Aidan thinks to himself. He started it only three hours ago!
"When exactly aren't you?" the vampire huffs. Josh is one broody fellow after all.
"I was just trying to swiftly lead to a conversation, but fine, screw up my plans," Josh snorts. He was actually trying to find a good moment to do it, and once he finished the book, he thought this would be the moment, but… well, Aidan seemingly didn't get that hint.
"What are you thinking about in particular, then?" the vampire exhales, resting his guitar on his stomach.
"How do you do it with the blood?" Josh asks, his voice a little softer now.
"What?" Aidan blinks at him. That is certainly a topic he didn't see coming.
"The blood. You need it, you said. How do you get it?" Josh asks simply.
"Wherever I can without causing too much chaos, I guess," Aidan shrugs, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. He doesn't like to talk about it. Especially to Josh. Obviously, he knows that Aidan needs blood, but the vampire would rather keep his friend out of harm's way, because that is what this business is: harm.
"Which means?" Josh tilts his head.
"What's it to you?" Aidan sighs.
You don't have to bother with this, Josh.
Trust me, it's not at all interesting.
"I'd just like to know… I… want to get to know you," Josh explains, biting his lower lip, lowering his gaze.
I want to know everything about you.
Aidan blinks a few times. That is the other thing that fascinates him about the werewolf: That guy really holds no judgment, at least when it comes to him and his vampirism. In fact, for the first time in a long time, Aidan feels like there is someone understanding his struggle.
"Well, as I said, it depends… sometimes we drink animals. It's not really… good, but it works if you need it badly. Well, and if you… like… make love… with someone… then some partners are actually… okay with… donating some…," Aidan explains, his voice trailing off. He really doesn't like to talk about it.
Especially the implication about former lovers is not exactly a good topic when in conversation with your current partner.
"Aha," Josh grimaces.
"They actually find it quite thrilling," Aidan adds quickly.
"Is that so?" Josh cocks an eyebrow at him.
"Stop giving me that dirty look," Aidan snorts. "That's my thing. It's just something that makes it a little easier for them… and in that sense, easier for us as well. Though we have to watch it that we don't end up taking too much."
"So when you take blood… you can easily… get… too hungry," Josh concludes.
"Yeah, kinda," Aidan shrugs. "Well, but you don't have to worry that I'll end up biting you. The werewolf smell keeps us vampires from doing it."
"Oh, so my smell actually turns you off? That's good to know," Josh chuckles.
"Nah, that's two different things. You know that you can turn me on – very much," Aidan smiles cheekily.
"Good save," Josh chuckles. "So do you turn them if you… bite them?"
"No. We technically can, but I'm like you. I try not to turn people," Aidan shrugs.
"Did you, though, in the past?" Josh questions.
"A few times. I was the one who turned Henry, actually," Aidan admits.
"Really?" Josh looks at him. Neither man ever let him in on that, but that is the thing. While Aidan was open about his apparent vampirism, he doesn't address the topic much. Josh meant to ask him in the first place because Aidan seems so utterly normal to him that he feels so much more awkward as a result.
Aidan can blend in easily. Josh, by contrast, feels as though he either stands out in the wrong way or just bleaches out.
"If I say so? He and I fought in war together. By that time I was already a vampire in a few years. I got 'mortally' wounded, but I obviously came back… Henry's helped me, so that I wasn't discovered. Then he was attacked and on the verge of death, so I turned him to… save his life, or so I thought," Aidan explains. Josh is actually the first one he tells this, well, aside from Jake and Gabriel, obviously. Among vampires, you just tend to share these stories at some point.
Oh, so how have you been faring?
Good, good. Bit here, bit there.
Cool, look at this guy I just recently turned! He's totally giddy.
Oh yeah, I picture. How are the other kids?
Something like that… However, the thing is that Josh is the first person outside the realm of vampires he lets in on these things. And while Aidan would sometimes rather not, Josh makes it easy for him, or so he has to realize.
"Was that the first time you did?" Josh asks cautiously.
"Yeah. It was odd, you know? I guess it was just my instinct kicking in. Once again, all the things I knew, I told myself, because no one showed me the way," Aidan exhales. Josh grimaces. Yeah, he really knows that feeling all too well.
"Sometimes it seems to be some kind of coincidence that I was turned on the battlefield the same way Henry was," the vampire snorts. "The problem was that I was really inexperienced. I didn't know what to do to help Henry. I vaguely knew what I needed as a vampire and how to get it. I just made it through, but… well, gladly, Henry took it better than I thought. So we just went together from there."
To the day, he asks himself how Henry got over it so fast. Of course he was upset at first – and they have had their fair share of fights over the matter – but Henry, once he accustomed to the new lifestyle, seemingly found fulfillment in his vampirism.
He is fine being a monster, at least he says so credibly.
And while Aidan still fights for humanity, and thus something entirely different from Henry, he is glad that the other man never really blamed him for it.
"Does that make you his dad in a way?" Josh scrunches his nose.
"I tried to be a bit of a father figure once I knew more, you know, out of responsibility, but… Henry grew independent very fast," Aidan shrugs.
"I bet that was the time he turned out to be an idiot, too," Josh snorts, which makes Aidan chuckles softly, "I'd always claim so."
"And Jake and Gabriel?" Josh asks.
"We met only about… this life, let's say. They are little chaps compared to Henry and I. They are just like… fifty, or so," Aidan replies.
"Yeah, stuck in the bodies of twenty year olds. They are old people to most others, you know?" Josh huffs.
"Yeah, but time starts to blur away once you live so many years," Aidan exhales.
"I imagine…Or well, at some point I fear I can't," Josh grimaces. "I already fail to understand how it was like during your time. I mean, I've read the history books, but we both know that living something and reading about it are two different things."
Aidan smiles softly - they really think alike at times.
"Well, since I never met my creator in person, it was just something very... sudden. Just as everything was short before I got turned. One day, I was that close to taking over my father's firm, the next day Suzanna...," Aidan says, but then stops himself. The vampire nervously looks over to his partner, fearing that he'll be met by a wall of jealousy and hurt feelings over the mentioning of someone else, but... Josh just tilts his head at him curiously, "May I ask who Suzanna is?"
"She used to be my sweetheart back then," Aidan replies.
"Were you two married?" Josh asks. "I mean... I don't want to be nosy, but... you seem to be the age when you actually could have married already."
"We weren't married, no. She was the girl I met, but before it got really serious, I was called off to war," Aidan shrugs.
"When you were turned," Josh nods.
"Yeah," the vampire agrees. "I haven't seen her since. Once I realized that something was wrong with me, I stayed away from my hometown. And once I extended my fangs over some fresh chicken I sucked dry, I started to understand that I was a vampire... and made sure to never come back again."
"Wow," Josh mutters, then coughs lightly before carrying on, "Can I ask you about the blood another time?"
"Sure?" the vampire blinks at him.
"What is now, for instance? For you, I mean? Do you… see other people to have… a donation?" Josh bites his lower lip.
"Are you subtly asking me if I have sex with other people?" Aidan knits his eyebrows.
"Don't get me wrong, I'd really understand that," Josh shrugs.
"Huh?" Aidan grimaces. If he was confused before, he is totally irritated now.
Josh shrugs, "Blood is something you need. And if that is the only way you get it… and anyways, if you want to be with other people, I'm fine with that. I am not delusional or anything, people have varying sexual partners. Actually, monogamy is evolutionally not a trait humans used to inherit. It's more of a societal phenomenon."
"You really come me with evolutionary theory right now?" Aidan makes a face. Josh shrugs again. The vampire lets out a sigh, sitting up properly. He puts the guitar away and looks his partner deep in the eyes, suddenly very serious, "I'm not seeing anyone, Josh. Ever since you stumbled into my life… there's just you."
"But really, I would understand that," Josh assures him.
"You are the first guy I met who ever said that to me," Aidan shakes his head with a small smile.
"I don't know, I'm just not a very jealous type of a guy, I guess," Josh shrugs his shoulders. "I mean, that I understand it doesn't necessarily mean that I wouldn't bitch about it, but… well, for you it's a different situation, coz you need the blood to survive. Other people just must fight the urge not to spread their legs."
"Do you see someone else?" Aidan asks.
Are they really having that conversation now?
"What? No, I'm actually very… monogamous," Josh shrugs.
He was never the type of guy to have many partners. Even when he was still uncertain about his sexuality, Josh never met more than one person at a time. Though he always pushed it to the fact that no one but this one would be even interested in him.
"Sometimes I don't understand you," Aidan exhales. He says that he is fine if Aidan had other relationships, but he wouldn't see anyone else? Really?
"Most of the time I don't understand myself either, so that makes two," Josh chuckles. "It's as I said, though. For you, there are different rules in my opinion. Because you are a vampire. Since I am a werewolf, the rules don't apply to me the same way. I can just as well not spread my legs, easy as that. One thing is about needing something, the other about wanting. And those are two totally different things, obviously."
"Obviously? I think half of the population never bothered about the distinction," Aidan huffs.
"Well, I do," Josh replies. "So yeah… it'd be fine, just so that you know."
"I'm not seeing someone else. And I wouldn't want to either," Aidan tells him again, in all earnest. While there was a time when he had more than one partner at a time, Aidan never even considered having someone beside Josh.
With you by my side, there is nothing to hide. For as long as I got you, I don't need anything but you. I do. I do.
"Then how do you get the blood? Or do you drink deer without inviting your werewolf friend over for dinner? Because that is surely impolite," Josh teases, though he would honestly like to know.
"No, no deer… Well, the good thing is that we help each other out, the four of us," Aidan shrugs. It's far from perfect, this arrangement, but the best he can do at this point. The game always changes. While there were certain options in the past, there may not be in the present day. And what is possible in the present day was way out of reach in the past.
Society changes.
And with that flow he has to go as well, if he wants to survive, or no, not just survive.
Live.
Be human.
"So they take a pint more while they are having their adventures?" Josh grimaces. "Tupperware?
"In a way, yeah, but no Tupperware… it's not really perfect, but… well, we gotta take what we get," Aidan admits now almost sheepishly.
"And do they always ask for consent?" Josh asks the pressing question Aidan hoped the werewolf would just miraculously not get, but who is he kidding, huh?
"… I would have to lie to answer that question with yes," he replies mutely.
"Do you…?" Josh means to ask, but Aidan gets it and replies before he even has to say it, "I did, a few times, but I am trying to stay away from that."
"It's hard, isn't it?" Josh then says, with so much empathy in his voice that for a moment, Aidan can't catch his breath.
Really, that guy understands him.
Doesn't judge him.
It's so nice for once not to be judged.
That someone doesn't just look at you, but looks after you.
"Every day a new battle," Aidan exhales, sporting a sad smile.
"Do you sometimes feel like giving up?" Josh asks mutely.
"Yeah," Aidan sighs. "But then again… I don't."
"Why?" Josh asks, looking at him. Aidan flashes a small but honest smile, "Because I keep finding reasons worth fighting for."
It's you. Fighting for you is all I want to do. Because you are the treasure I want to find every day anew. It is and will hopefully be you, always you.
