Well, ladies and gents, here we are at CH4. Some people like the story and some don't, but I appreciate all the comments and reviews either way! You guys are awesome and I love every review!
I need to go ahead and warn you that I will be out of town for a few weeks with absolutely NO internet access. I am trying to rectify that, but I can't make any promises about the next chapter. I am not abandoning you, though, I swear! Also, if I don't get a chance to respond to reviews, I apologize in advance. Why doesn't everyone have internet? They should!
After that epically long A/N, on with the story! And as always, I do not own Twilight!
Chapter 4
BPOV
Alice,
This has to be done quickly as I don't know when he will be back. I just want you to know that I am alive and unharmed. Nothing that I receive is undeserved. Edward meant everything to me and without him I am nothing. I will always love all of you, but it would not be fair for you to have a constant reminder of the reason that you lost your brother. Just please could you tell the family a few things?
Tell Jasper that he tried his best and he is my warrior. He should never feel guilt about any of this. Let him know how good he is and that there was nothing more that he could have done.
Tell Rosalie that I now understand exactly why she hates me. I am a plague that kills everything I touch. But I love her anyway.
Tell Emmett that he is the best big brother a girl could ever ask for. I will miss his bear hugs, his booming laugh, and his dimpled smile. Hug him for me, and Alice, let him bear hug you without worrying about your hair.
To Carlisle and Esme, I am so sorry for the loss of their son. All of their grief rests on my shoulders and what I do now is my penance. No better, or more loving parents have ever existed. I will miss them for the rest of my days and I will love them for even longer.
Alice, please take care of Charlie for as long as it is possible for you to do. We may not say it as much as we should but I love him. Could you somehow let him know that? And hug him for me.
Tell everyone just how much I love them. You are all my family and I am so sorry for all that you have suffered because of me.
And you, my dearest friend and sister; my confidante and partner in crime, I will miss you more than words can express, but this is something that I have to do. I hope that you still love me after all the pain that I have caused. If not, I understand, but either way I love you and hope that with me gone you and your family can find peace and happiness. Edward loved you all, and his memory is better left with the people who actually deserve it. I love you, Alice. Don't look for me.
All my love,
Bella
With the letter done, I cried. I decided that I would allow myself that one moment of weakness. One moment of feeling the pleasure of releasing my emotions. I cried for the loss of Edward, the love of my life. I cried for the loss of my quiet father who I never got enough time with. I cried for Jake, who would continue to fight for me even when there was nothing left of me to fight for. And I cried for the family that I would never be a part of again. It was like this that Sam found me. He said nothing as he walked by me, but that changed when he saw the letter that I was too careless to get rid of. Good, maybe he will end me.
"What the hell is this?" He yelled and I could practically feel him vibrating across the room.
"It's my goodbye," I whispered.
He was silent for a moment, trying to decide if there were any hidden messages in the letter. He must have decided that there weren't because he nodded his head and threw the letter into the fire. I said one last silent goodbye and wiped the tears from my face, preparing for what Sam would order me to do today.
"Look at me," he ordered and I did, but my eyes were met with Emily's Sam. He felt remorse and I couldn't have that. My punishment would not continue of he felt any guilt for his actions.
"Sam, it's my fault that they're dead. Never feel guilty about treating me like the garbage that I am." My voice was firm and he looked taken back; surprised.
"Jake is threatening to overthrow me as Alpha if I don't bring you back."
"No! He can't do that! It's my fault! Let me talk to him and I will tell him! The pack needs you and when I am gone, you will all go back to normal!" I was hysterical. Sam didn't deserve to lose his position because of me.
Sam just stood, shocked; his mouth opening and closing like a fish.
Finally he spoke. "Jake said you were good with weird, personally I think you're just crazy."
"Possibly," was all I could think to say.
Sam looked as if he was battling with himself; an internal war raged behind his eyes.
"Sam?" I asked, taking a hesitant step in his direction.
"I don't get you! You should be angry with me! You should hate me! Stop being so damn understanding and fight back!" He tugged at his hair and paced the room.
"Would it make it easier for you to harm me if I fought with you? Tell me what to do! I know that this is all my fault! I'm the reason that Emily and your baby are dead! I'm the reason that my Edward is gone! Me! I deserve it all!" I dropped to my knees and allowed all the sorrow and guilt I was feeling to wash over me. Sam stood over me, looking unsure as to what he wanted to do.
Once my sobs had subsided I looked up at him. "Could you phase so I can talk to Jake? Maybe I can talk some sense into him."
Sam cocked his head to the side and eventually nodded before walking out of the cabin. I followed him out and stood on the porch. He emerged from the woods as the large, black wolf I had come to associate with him. I missed Jake in that moment, so much.
SPOV
This girl was making my head swim at every turn. I knew that I had no will to be Alpha anymore; not really. When you lose your reason for existing what else is there to live for. Not to mention the fact that I knew I was mentally unstable. But I would at least give Jake some peace of mind that Bella was alive.
"Shit, Sam, it's really hitting the fan here." I was thankful for Paul, but I really just wanted to get this over with.
"Look, she wants to talk to Jake. Can you get him?"
"Yeah… that's… are you letting her say goodbye or something? You're not going to…" I knew when even Paul couldn't agree with my choices I was wrong. He didn't really have much of a moral compass to begin with. He was gone for a few moments before my mind was flooded with yelling. Jake was barely even forming coherent thought. I walked out of the woods and my eyes fell on Bella, who was standing on the porch looking tired.
"Bella," Jake mentally sighed. "She's alive! Thank God!"
"Can he hear me?" Bella asked and I nodded.
"Jake, I know this must be hard for you, but you should know that all this is my fault. Sam is only doing what he feels like he must to avenge Emily."
Jake's growl reverberated through my mind.
"I love you, Jake. You need to know that." She swallowed thickly and a few tears escaped her eyes.
"I know you think you're doing the best thing by overthrowing Sam, but he doesn't deserve that. When this is all over, you will all need one another. Please don't punish him because I brought this down on all of us."
"Bella! I am coming for you! Sam, you tell her that! I won't give up until she's back where she belongs! The Cullens aren't giving up either! And when we find you… Sam, I'll kill you if you touch a hair on her head." I almost took her home right then so that he could, but then I couldn't get revenge for my Emily.
"It's not her fault, you sick fuck! Bella tried to stop Victoria! She told Emily to leave, but Emily wouldn't go!" Jake's mental tirade was grating on my nerves and my inner wolf growled loudly.
"Jake, I need you to listen to me!" Bella cried when it was apparent that I wasn't paying attention to her any longer. Jake was immediately silent. "I love you, Jake. I wish it could have been enough, but it was always Edward for me. Now he's gone, and with me around you could never have a chance at your own happiness. You are always so busy trying to save me that you haven't been able to have a life of your own."
Jake was shouting in my head that she was wrong. That she was enough for him and that he would get her through the pain. He would heal her like he did before.
"You have to let me go now, Jake. Please, don't be angry with Sam. He's only doing what he feels like he has to. I don't blame him and neither should you. Just…" she wiped away the tears that were rolling down her face, "just live your life. Move on. Fall in love with a girl that will love only you."
She walked back into the house without another word and I stood in complete shock. Had I been wrong about her all along?
"Of course you've been wrong about her you sick fuck! She is the kindest person I have ever known and you are using that to relieve your own pain by hurting her! I will kill you, Sam!"
I phased back to human form before Jake could say another word. A war waged on in my head between what I thought and what I knew. My wolf was determined that Bella Swan was the cause of all our troubles, but the man in me… Emily's man, told me that the recent events were inevitable. With the Cullens living in Forks, other vampires were bound to come around. They could have found another reason to want to destroy. Bella was just a girl that fell in love.
No, she chose to be a part of that life. She chose to align herself with a family of leeches. Her death could have saved my Emily. Better yet, if she had never been with the bloodsucker to begin with none of this ever would have happened.
But was it really right to punish her? To treat her like a damn animal? Emily loved Bella, viewed her as a friend regardless of the company she kept. She was the first person she went to after finding out about our baby. No, Emily wouldn't want this life for me. She would want me to have compassion on Bella for losing her own love. She would want us to lean on one another.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't help her. Hell, I couldn't even be civil to her. Even if she didn't mean to she was a disease that infected every life that she touched. Yet people willingly gave their lives for her. A literal war was fought for her. Jake and the Cullens would still die for her. Even Paul had become almost tolerant of her. Was I the only one who could see that she wasn't as selfless as she wanted us to believe. If she had been truly selfless she would have told the Cullens to stay away. She could have fucking left with them for all I cared. Jake would have been hurt, but eventually he would have imprinted and moved on. Or even found a nice girl who would be what he needed. But no, she had to fucking stick around and rip his heart out, bit by bit.
"Sam," Emily's sweet voice was a whisper on the wind.
"Em?" I looked around hoping to catch a glimpse of her. I could smell her, even feel her light touch on my cheek, but she was nowhere to be seen.
"Sam, this isn't you, my love. Be the man you were with me. Don't let your hate rule you. Your son and I are safe here, happy even. I miss you, but I can't stand seeing you like this." Her scent swirled around me as the wind whipped at my face.
"I can't so this without you, Em. She took everything from me! You were my everything and you just expect me to forgive and move on? I can't, Em!" I cried as I sunk to my knees. It was raining now. The force of the heavy drops hit my face and as I looked up I could almost see an outline in the fog. Emily's face came into focus and she smiled kindly at me. Then I looked down to see a small baby swaddled in her arms. I was speechless due to all the breath leaving my body.
"I don't have long, Sam, but know this… Bella blames herself more than you ever could. She lives in a world of pain. Edward watches her and it kills him."
"The leech is where you are?" My hatred bled into my tone and Emily's image faded slightly.
"Your hate overshadows our love now. I can't hold live around those kinds of emotions. I have to go now, but I ask that you reconsider the path that you are on. For me. I love you, Sam." Emily's image faded away and I cried my final "I love you" to her. I thought I caught a glimpse of Bella's leech, but didn't care enough to really focus.
Could I give up on my plan for revenge? Could I give up the one thing I had that kept me tied to Emily? I didn't know, but I was about to find out as I felt a small, trembling hand on my shoulder.
"It's okay, Sam. Let it all out." I trembled with a mix of hate and loss, not knowing which emotion was stronger in that moment. So I cried. I laid on the forest floor and cried as Bella Swan curled herself around me to shield me from the rain.
Hmmm… so is Sam coming to his senses or is it the calm before the storm?
