Strangers start showing up to my new house and I know something isn't right.
They wear a lot of black and look serious and kind of mean. Mom keeps them away from me and refuses to let them ask me questions or even sit in the same room as me. She shoos me away with Ben. Sometimes Han charges out and pushes them out of the house and Ben helps while mom demands they both stop. I watch from the stairs and find it all kind of funny.
Leia is a state senator, so she's busy, but she finds time to argue with the intruders. She's on the phone a lot arguing with more people and trying to figure out where I'm from and who my real parents are. Months go by and she goes to the court a few times to fight more.
"Who are those people who keep coming to the house?"
It's a humid night and I'm on the back porch with Ben shoveling ice cream down my throat. It's on a cone and running down my fingers but as usual, I don't care. I lick all of it up like a dog and Ben watches with revulsion while he licks his chocolate cone.
"No one important," Ben says.
He's going away to college in a month or so. Against all odds, a girl likes him, too. Ick.
I lean over and engulf half of his cone in my mouth before he can stop me. He groans and scowls when I pull back with a huge grin and ice cream spilling out of my mouth. Revenge for my pop. I'll never forget.
"You're so gross," Ben snaps. "Quit doing stuff like that!"
"Why?" More of it dribbles down my chin and I cackle. I'm a mess and I love it.
"Come on, Rey! Fuck."
Ben doesn't have anything to clean me with, so he chucks his cone and mine into the dark backyard. I squeal when he scoops me up and throws me over his shoulder and wipe my mouth on the back of his shirt to make him madder. Fireflies dance around the pool and I struggle as he walks closer and closer but its no use. Somehow he's gotten even taller and stronger.
I expect him to throw me in like usual. Thankfully, he wades in instead and tries to clean my face off with the chlorine-laced water and I splutter and try to squirm away.
"Cut it out!" I hiss and try to bite his fingers.
Our fight goes on like normal. Ben tries to shove me underwater but I climb up him like a tree and cling to his shoulders until he gives up on throwing me off. He's the only man I trust, really. Han is okay. But Ben gets my fear, even if we don't talk about it.
The doorbell rings. I keep cackling like a witch and refuse to let go, so Ben has to carry me into the house on his back. He's really mad so I figure its his girlfriend or whatever. Blech.
I drop off as he opens the front door and my heart skips a beat at the sight of Phasma and Hux. They're both dressed in t-shirts and shorts and their eyes look vacant and creepy. I sidle behind Ben's leg and peer around it at them. Does college make everyone a weirdo? Ben is supposed to go in a month.
Hux's blue eyes zero in on me. "Hi, Rey."
"…Hi," I mutter. I tug Ben's wet jeans to get his attention. "Uncle Luke doesn't want him in our house."
Hux advances, anyway, and I shrink back, clinging to Ben's belt with sticky, chlorine-scented fingers. My spine prickles. His eyes are familiar…
Ben juts out an arm to block the doorway and scowls at his friend. "Are you deaf?"
There's weird tension in the air. I kind of want to go hide and change out of my wet clothes but I'm afraid to leave Ben's side. Phasma looks kind of bored and chews her gum, staring off into space. Hux is a lot shorter than Ben but he stares evenly up at my brother and smiles.
"You've been skipping therapy, Solo."
Ben tightens his grip on the doorframe. "What of it?"
Hux shrugs, pretending to be nice. "Nothing really. It's just…" He sighs, and his smile takes on a cruel twist. "Snoke misses your private sessions."
We suddenly lurch forward and Ben punches Hux square in the nose. I gasp and peek around his leg and burst out laughing when I see blood spilling down his pale skinny face. He grits his teeth and Phasma doesn't make a move to help him, just keeps smacking her gum and smiles a little bit. Cool, we're all happy to see Hux get punched.
I leap from Ben's leg, emboldened, and kick Hux in the shin. "And there's more where that came from!"
Ben drags me behind him by the back of my shirt when Hux shifts towards me. My brother looms over him but keeps one hand on me and the other clenched in a fist at his side. I wriggle in excitement—I wanna punch him next. Right in the throat.
"We should go," Phasma laughs, tugging Hux's sleeve. "Bet your nose is broken."
Hux covers his nose and storms off. Phasma waves vaguely and follows him, taking out her cell phone. Crickets chirp for a few moments before Ben yanks me inside and slams the front door shut.
He looks upset. But he throws me over his shoulder and carries me upstairs to drop me off in my bedroom. I wring my hands and nervously patter after him, peering out of my room to see him disappear into his with another angry door slam. I flinch when I hear loud music and yelling. Usually I don't investigate, but I'm excited about Ben finally punching his dumb friend in the face.
I slap my wet clothes in a pile on the floor and skitter downstairs to dry up the water we tracked inside. Then I tiptoe back to Ben's room and knock twice. I'm wearing a Nirvana t-shirt that he gave me and it sweeps down to my knees. I dunno who they are. It's a comfy shirt, though.
"What?!" he shouts over the music. His voice sounds shaky.
"I cleaned up the water," I call, setting my hands on the door like it'll help him hear me.
A few moments pass before the music shuts off. Ben opens the door and I almost fall over into his creepy bedroom full of black crap and teenage boy stuff but he lifts me up and hugs me at the last second. I blink in surprise—he doesn't even like mom kissing his cheek—and he sinks down to the floor and sits there with me growling at his wet clothes. Change, you buffoon!
Then I can hear weird sniffling sounds and I realize he was crying. Oh. I get it. We don't really need to talk. I sink down into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck and his grip tightens. He buries his face in my neck and smears tears all over my skin, but I don't mind. Crying is easier than talking. I'm a little tempted to bite his neck as a prank. I settle for nuzzling into him instead. Ahh. Ben.
After a while his grip loosens. I lean back and wipe the tears off his cheeks with my palms, but his sad dark eyes stare right through me. I know why. I looked the same way in the mirror when—
My mind buzzes and snaps and I twitch a little. Ben stirs from the movement and smiles while I do my best to get the gross junk off his face. It takes a lot to gross me out, really. Then I get the brilliant idea of using his wet shirt to wipe the rest off and he grumbles as I yank it up from his stomach. I clean it all off and hold his cheeks in my hands, scrutinizing his puffy reddened eyes.
"Can I tell mom you punched Hux in the face?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows seriously.
Ben stares at me for a second before he starts laughing. I smile and tug on his cheeks to stretch his face out. Good. He's kind of ugly when he cries.
Someone rings the doorbell. Ben's dark eyes flicker past me and he stands up, carrying me under his arm like a ragdoll. I sway my arms back and forth and remind him that his clothes are wet while we go downstairs. Maybe it's Hux. Chomp, chomp—my teeth are ready for biting.
The door opens and I peer up to see a woman dressed in a black pantsuit. She has red hair. She glances down at me swinging under Ben's arm and her gaze shifts up to his face.
"Who are you?" Ben demands, not friendly at all.
She smiles and tries to shake his hand but he doesn't respond. "My name is Kim and I'm from Devon Research—"
And Ben slams the door shut. He huffs angrily and flicks the deadbolt over the door, then sets me down on the floor. I trail after him, hopping up the stairs two at a time.
"What's the research?" I chirp. I run on my hands and knees after him when we get to the second floor, tumbling around until I'm dizzy.
"…Nothing." Ben stops at his bedroom and gestures towards the stairs. "If anyone comes to our door and wants to talk to you—don't. Okay? And don't go anywhere with them."
I roll my eyes and flop on my back. "Uh, duh? Stranger danger. Hey, if Paige is coming over, so is Rose."
Rose's sister is my brother's boyfriend. Kind of gross. But they let Rose and I have sleepovers if we don't bug them so it works out. Rose warned me to stay far away when they're in his bedroom.
Ben waves me off and goes in his room to change. I roll over and jump to my feet to call Rose and tell her the good news.
Paige and Rose come over an hour or so later. Ben floofed up his hair and kisses Paige on the cheek when she comes inside and she smiles and leans up on her tiptoes to kiss him on the lips. She's pretty and nice. She runs her fingers through my hair before Rose wraps me up in a hug and we take off into the kitchen to make snacks, giggling to each other.
"Clean up your mess!" Ben calls, and I catch a glimpse of Paige pulling him upstairs.
Rose and me make huge sundaes and spill them all over the place. Maybe half an hour goes by and we're finishing up and considering jumping in the pool when we hear heavy footsteps on the stairs. Paige sweeps into the kitchen and she looks kind of upset. She motions to Rose that it's time to leave and Rose doesn't argue. My friend slips out of her chair and shrugs, then they're both gone.
Um… weird. I frown and clean up our ice cream before loping upstairs to see what's up with Ben. Usually we hear Paige giggling with him all night so it's not normal for her to storm out.
His bedroom door is open a sliver. I nudge it open and peek inside to see him sitting at the foot of his bed with his head in his hands, black hair like a curtain across his face. I haven't made any noise but we can almost sense each other; like a sixth sense—his dark eyes flicker to me. He doesn't have a shirt on and he's still a broad-shouldered giant but he seems… small. Fragile.
I finger the doorframe, lingering in the dark. I know the look on Ben's face again. He isn't crying but his eyes are empty, like he doesn't want to be in his own body anymore. It makes my heart hurt.
"I don't like being touched there, either," I whisper.
Ben tries to smile and tears start running down his long face. "I'm sorry."
No one understand me like Ben does: not Luke, or Rose, or Leia. We have an unspoken connection; bonded together by the same painful experiences. My lower lip trembles and I slip through the quiet darkness to him. His arms feel safe—the Man can't get me there.
But I don't understand what exactly a feral kid like me has to offer Ben when he can beat up or bite anyone who tries to hurt him. Yet he clings to me like I'm a raft in a raging river and cries into my neck again. Lots of crying from him lately.
I curl into his chest and listen to his heartbeat. I wish I could shrink myself and sink through his skin to his blood cells and remove whatever makes him hurt, but I'm too weak to be his cure.
