VICIOUS

Chapter Three

I woke up early like I did every morning, only an hour before the circulation bell would ring. That would be enough time, I reasoned as I scrubbed my face and put on my clean clothes. I didn't bother with my hat, just snuck out of the Lodging House and headed down the street towards the line between Brooklyn and Manhattan.

I reached a familiar house and shuffled up the steps, knocking on the door nervously, quietly. I felt like my knocking would disturb the quiet New York morning. I smiled up into dark eyes as Mr. MacLean answered the door.

"Miss Lissa O'Rourke. A was hoping ye'd stop back tae see us," he said and ushered me inside. "Won't ye have breakfast with us, dear?"

Since getting back with Spot, I frequented Nightshade's house with Silver when we sold together. Night and I got to talk more, and we actually became pretty close friends. She knew everything about me, and I felt safe telling her because she was practically a doctor anyways, even sixteen as she was.

I blushed. "I would hate to impose upon you, sir," I said shyly.

"Sir, eh?" Mr. MacLean grinned.

I sighed. "Fine, I will have breakfast. Only if you stop teasing me."

"Never!" He laughed and shoved me towards the kitchen playfully. It was like having a father. Well, a good father.

"Nightshade!"

"Angel!"

She and I hugged and then she leaned back and beamed at me. "Have ye come for breakfast?"

I nodded and her violet eyes danced delightfully. I knew how Silver could be smitten with her. She was just so sweet, and that adorable Scottish accent of hers just cemented the deal. Always would. Her freckles had gotten darker from the last time I saw her. I wondered if she'd been out in the sun.

I sat down with Night and her parents at their kitchen table and we ate and chatted about silly things, laughing. It was actually pretty nice. The MacLeans were very nice people. And Lara was quickly becoming one of my best friends.

Eventually, Night and I excused ourselves from the table to go and talk upstairs on her roof. In addition to being one of the most popular doctors in all of New York City, Mr. MacLean also had a large green thumb, thus the rooftop garden he had on top of his townhouse. It was beautiful. Night and I sat down on the swinging chair together.

"So, what's happened since A spoke tae ye last?" Lara asked.

I had been seeing Nightshade twice a week, without Silver, to talk about things going on in my life. It felt kind of funny, but it was better than writing in a diary for someone to read.

Like Spot.

Sometimes I couldn't talk to him about the things going on in my head. He had Brooklyn to worry about, not my trivial girl things. That's where Lara came in. She knew everything I couldn't tell Spot about, and I was glad.

"Well, I left Brooklyn yesterday," I said, frowning.

Night smiled knowingly. "Yeah, ye mentioned that last time. How are ye doin' with it?"

I sighed. "I'm all right, I guess."

"Ye miss him all ready," she decided and I smiled.

"Of course. I love Brooklyn. But I also love Manhattan. I could never pick between them. It would be too hard," I said, frowning at my hands.

"Ye know either way would be hard. If ye stayed in Brooklyn all the time, ye'd miss yer friends. If ye stayed in Manhattan, then ye'd miss Spot," Nightshade rationalized. "It's a Morton's Fork."

I blinked. "Ya can't talk Psych mumbo jumbo to me, Night."

Lara smiled. "It means having tae decided between two equally undesirable things. Being without yer friends, or bein' without Spot. Dividing yeself between them is prob'ly nae good for ye."

I nodded. "I know that. I just don't know what I would do if I had to pick. Is that wrong?"

Lara shook her head. "Nae at all, Lissa. It's perfectly normal nae tae know what ye would do."

"I mean, Spot's never made me pick between him and Manhattan. He told me just yesterday he wouldn't. But I wonder if he wants to," I said, thinking. "You'd think I'd pick Spot, though, since I'm his girl and all. But I really don't know what I would pick," I admitted. "I hope I never have to make that choice," I said quietly.

Lara took my hand in hers. "Yer fear is normal, Lissa," she said gently. "It makes ye human. Honestly, A'd be more worried if ye knew exactly what ye'd chose if Spot made ye."

I smiled at her. "So it's all right to… not know?"

Lara nodded. "Perfectly all right."

"Okay," I said, taking that in with a sigh.

"Have ye thought any more about yer father?" Night asked gently.

My father was something Nightshade and I talked about a lot. I never talked to Sean about my father because he knew everything my father did to me. But talking about it to Lara made things easier to deal with.

"Always," I murmured. "Sometimes I can't sleep at night because I just get so scared. I thought that was over with. I want the terror to stop."

Lara squeezed my hand. "These things take time, Lissa. It doesn't make ye any less healed because ye still get scared at night. Ye have a right. He hurt ye when it was nighttime."

I nodded. "But I thought I was over the nightmares, the fear. Sometimes I get scared of Sean for no reason. I don't want to be afraid anymore, Lara. I really just… don't." I looked away, afraid of crying. "I don't like these feelings, Lara. I hate it."

"What feelings are they?"

I pressed my lips together. "Helpless, sometimes. I can't stop myself from feeling scared. Surreal, because sometimes I'm just so blindingly happy with him and I never thought I'd feel so happy. Guilt, because I'm with him and every girl in New York wants him. And sometimes shame."

"Why shame?"

"I want to… sleep with him," I admitted in a small voice.

"Then why don't ye?" Lara smiled at me. "Ye deserve happiness, Lissa O'Rourke."

"I see the way he looks at me sometimes," I said softly, staring at my hands. "It worries me. I can't do it. Twice, we've come so close but… I just couldn't. It felt wrong. But I want to. So badly."

"Has he ever pushed ye for it? Ye said ye have tried twice. Did ye do it because he asked ye tae?" Nightshade asked.

"No. He's never asked me to do it," I admitted.

"Then why worry aboot it?"

"I just…" I sighed. "I want to be like every other girl. Any girl in New York would jump at the chance to bed Spot Conlon. So why is it that I'm the only girl that can't?"

"Are ye afraid of him, Lissa?"

I shook my head. "Of course not. I've never been afraid of Spot. I'm just afraid that when it does happen… something will go wrong."

"Like what? Are ye afraid ye won't like it?"

I shook my head, bashful. "I don't think that'd be possible," I admitted. "I'm just afraid that he'll get caught up in it and push too hard, or maybe he'll ignore me if I suddenly can't do it, you know?"

"Just like your… father."

I blinked a few times and then covered my mouth with my hand, tears in my eyes. "Oh, God, Lara, I am afraid. You're right."

Nightshade looked up at me with her strange violet eyes. "Who's fault is it that ye feel this way, Lissa?"

"My father's," I said faintly.

The first thing Lara ever taught me was to quit blaming myself for the things that happened to me when I was younger. I did nothing wrong. I was a child. I did not flirt or dress inappropriately. I did not asked to be touched, penetrated, broken. I deserved love. I deserved Sean. I deserved happiness.

And I almost believed that.

"Ye done good taday, Lissa. Go an' sell some papes. An' if ye need anythin', come and find me. A'll always be here."

We hugged and then I was out of there, shuffling back to Duane Street just in time to hear the circulation bell ring. I jogged to catch up with Jack and David, who were walking together towards the Distribution yard. I wiggled in between the two of them and hooked one arm through each of theirs, beaming when Jack grinned at me and Dave blushed.

"Top o' the mornin', boys," I said sweetly, applying my native accent to the words, just to be a cliché Irish girl.

"Mornin', Angelface," Jack said and leaned down to kiss my cheek.

I grinned up at Jack. "I bet ya don't kiss Davey like that in the morning, Jacky," I teased him and then nudged Dave. "Ain't that right, Dave?"

"What? Oh, uh huh," David said, distracted. His eyes darted around us nervously and I felt embarrassed.

"He ain't here, Dave. Ya can talk to me," I informed him. Dave looked down at me nervously and I grinned.

I felt bad for him. I wondered how badly His Highness had frightened the poor boy. I made a mental note to give the King a swift kick in the pants when I saw him next. I walked with the boys to get papes and once I'd gotten mine, I hung back and fished for a cigarette and a match in my pocket. Couldn't smoke on the job. It was bad for business. And nobody was going to buy a pape from a smoking newsgirl.

I looked up when a lit cigarette was produced before me. I wondered what it was with people and giving me cigarettes when I couldn't find one.

"Consider it a peace offering," an English accent informed me and I looked up at Pirate, taking the cigarette from her fingers. "Didn't mean to give you a fright the other day."

I stuck the cigarette between my lips, frowning. "I ain't scared of nothin'." I said gruffly. Liar, a voice whispered in my head, menacing, but I ignored it.

"Course not," Pirate agreed easily. "So you and Brooklyn, huh? Hear it's a big deal 'round these parts."

I shrugged. "Ain't a big deal to me. I've known Spot forever. It was only a matter of time before he wised up and we got together." Okay, so it wasn't a total lie, but it wasn't the truth either. "Ya heard about it?"

Pirate nodded. "Yep. The boys told me the first night I got here not to get any ideas 'cause it's a big deal and all that."

I shrugged again. It wasn't a big deal to me, but who was I to judge? I was the girl that didn't feel she deserved the bastard anyways.

"Heard that bitch Desiree still comes 'round for him," Pirate continued. "Least that's what Jack said."

I nodded, inhaling smoke. "Yeah. She's real annoying and trampy. But he doesn't want her," I said softly, thinking. "Dunno if he ever did."

How do you know? Maybe he does want her, the menacing voice was back and I shoved it away, once more.

"Good. From what I hear, seems like you and Brooklyn would be a better match. He don't seem the type to go with whores," Pirate said. "Besides, she sounds like a complete bitch."

I smiled in spite of myself. "You know, Pirate, I think this could become something real beautiful."

Pirate smirked, but it didn't weird me out this time. I just figured being a pirate captain meant you didn't actually full on smile.

"Should we spit-shake or something then?"

"Damn straight we should."

So we did. And it felt good.


Sorry for the mix up last chapter! Forgive me!

Yikes! Angel! Don't be friends with Pirate! She's a bad egg! xDD

Long chapter that (hopefully) explains some things about Angel. Casting call is still open, kiddies! View my profile to join! :) Most of your characters will debut in chapter five. C: Squee!

Nope. Still not mine. 'Cept for my Spot!muse. He's all mine. -snuggle-

CTB!

xx Wicked/Sara