~~Chapter 4
"None of us are getting any younger," said Kitty.
I rolled unto my back and folded my arm across my face. "I'm not that old," I said.
"You're just tired."
"I've been tired before."
"Maybe Doc could..."
"I'm not talking to Doc about this."
"It's the second time in a week. There might be –."
"Drop it, Kitty."
She moved away from me a fraction of an inch. I should've taken her into my arms then but I didn't.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you," I said.
She clutched the sheet to her breasts. "Is it me? Have I done something? Is it something that I ... haven't done?" she asked.
I gazed at her. Her face was bare and her hair fell in waves about her shoulders. I stroked my fingers along her jaw. She was beautiful. I pulled her to me.
"It's not you, Kitten. You're right, I'm tired." I settled her in my arms. "I'm better in the mornings anyway."
I felt her smile against my chest.
"That you are, cowboy," she said.
I lay awake, purposely waiting to wake her after the sun rose so I could pretend to have overslept and leave in a hurry.
I walked toward Delmonico's instead of the jail because I didn't feel up to Chester's morning effusiveness. Halfway to the restaurant, I realized that I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts, either. Fortunately, Doc pulled up alongside me in his buggy.
"You look as tired as I feel," he said.
"You hungry?"
"I could eat."
"I'm buying."
"Hop in."
I vaulted into his buggy and rode with him to the stable. As we walked back to Delmonico's, we passed by Lemieux's office. He and his son placed a placard with the War Department seal on it in the window and raised a flag on the pole outside every morning. The flag was up and waving listlessly in the damp breeze. Doc slowed but I kept going. When he caught up with me, he stopped me with a hand on my arm.
"What's wrong with you?" he asked.
"I'm all right," I said.
"You haven't been right for two weeks. Not since that…" He followed my gaze.
Jimmy was out sweeping the boardwalk in front of the office.
"You got a problem with them?" asked Doc, pointing with his thumb.
"Nope."
"You told Honeyman you'd keep a look out."
"I can keep my eye on them from a distance."
He stared at me, alarmed. "Matt! You're not saying you –."
"You know me better than that."
"Then what in thunder is wrong with you?"
"I don't know. You're right. I might be coming down with something. Look, I got to get to the office."
"We haven't had breakfast yet."
"You go on. I'm not hungry anymore."
"God damn it, Matt."
I watched Jimmy laugh at a chicken that circled his feet, pecking in the small pile of trash he pushed with his broom.
"That boy is thin as a twig," I said - realizing too late that I'd said it out loud.
"He's wispy but he's fine. It's just taking him a little time to bounce back from his typhus."
"Typhus?"
"Whole family came down with it last year when they were ministering to the poor in Cairo. Lost his mother andhis twin."
"I didn't know that."
"Well, you would if you talked to them from time to time." Doc gave a small shake of his head. "Terrible thing to lose your twin. It cuts you in half. That more than anything is slowing his recovery."
I took off my hat and ran my fingers through my hair. "Listen, Doc. I – ." I glanced around. The streets were empty of traffic but would fill as people finished their morning chores. "What would cause a man to uh, to... I was with Kitty last night and I -." I took a deep breath. "I couldn't," I said, quietly.
"That happens to every man from time to time, Matt. You're not getting any younger, you know."
"It happened twice this week."
"Eh, you're tired. You need to try to keep some regular hours. Get yourself a real deputy. Take those Thursday afternoons off like I told you."
"All the sudden everybody thinks I'm old and tired."
Doc leaned back and looked me over. "Everything else coming out okay? Any irregularities?"
"Not that I could see."
"Anything hurt or feel tender down there? Does your back ache?"
"No."
Doc shrugged. "I could take you back to my office and examine you more thoroughly but I don't think there's anything wrong with you that a vacation couldn't cure."
"I'll be in Abilene next week. Maybe I'll stay an extra day."
"Make it two days." His eyes roamed my face. "That's not the only thing bothering you."
"Isn't that enough?" I snapped. I couldn't resist another glance at Jimmy.
Doc looked where I was looking. He looked back at me. His eyes widened. Comprehension dawned on his face. He tried to hide a grin with a brush of his hand over his mustache. He hooked his thumbs into his waistcoat pockets and rocked back on his heels.
"You got something to say?" I asked.
"Only that there's nothing new under the sun."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
He pursed his lips and twitched his mustache. "Let's get breakfast," he said.
xxxXXXxxx
