Probably the angsiest chapter, so read at your own risk!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

WARNINGS: SUICIDE ATTEMPT, BLOOD, MISCARRIAGE, NON CANON CHARACTER DEATH


"Ben Wheeler, you are so conceited!"

It was the first real fight we'd ever had. We'd had arguments, of course, but this was a full out screaming match.

I honestly don't remember how it started or what we were fighting about. All I remember is how it ended up being the biggest mistake of my entire life.

"If you think I'm so conceited, maybe I shouldn't be raising a baby with you," I yelled.

That stopped her in her tracks. Tears filled her eyes, and she stared at me in horror.

"Ben, you don't mean that…"

She was right. I didn't mean it, but that didn't mean I would admit that at the moment when I was filled with so much rage.

I stormed out the door, leaving my eight month pregnant fiancée alone.


I don't know how long I wandered the streets; it was raining cats and dogs when I stormed out, and by the time I cooled down, it had become a soft drizzle.

It was early in the morning, so other than a few cars and homeless people, the streets were empty. My hood shielded my face, hiding my tears from passerby.

How could she call me conceited after I had given up so much for our family? I worked overtime at the restaurant; sometimes I worked for two days straight (which my boss didn't recommend, and he told me if I didn't go home and get some sleep, he'd be forced to kick me out to have a day off). I had to make enough money to pay the bills, to put food on the table, to purchase baby items. Elizabeth's parents helped, particularly with the rent, but Elizabeth and I still had to make it on our own most of the time. She was a college art student, and I was a kid who barely finished high school (Ben didn't know that he didn't technically get his diploma at this time) and didn't attend college with a job at a small restaurant. I wasn't exactly on the path to becoming rich.

But that didn't matter because I had Elizabeth and soon, I would have Michael.

Without my family, I had nothing. My parents and brother didn't live in New York; Tucker was barely in town; I didn't have many friends other than Tucker either.

I had just walked out on the best thing in my life.

I sighed and turned on my heel to return home.

I couldn't just keep walking. I loved Elizabeth and I would love my child with every beat of my heart. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't make amends with her.

I never got the chance to.

I opened the front door and called, "Beth, I'm really sorry. I was a jerk. Can we talk?"

Nothing.

"Beth!" I repeated, walking into the kitchen.

A horrified scream was torn from my throat when I saw my beautiful, lively soul mate lying on the kitchen floor.

Blood poured out of the area between her legs, soaking her thighs and skirt. Her green eyes were open, but they wandered in confusion and no matter how much I waved my hand in front of her face or shouted her name, she didn't react. She barely blinked.

I was no doctor, but even I knew that she'd lost too much blood. She was going into shock, if she wasn't in shock already.

I didn't hesitate before scooping her off of the floor. I sagged under her weight as I carried my heavily pregnant fiancée out the door and hailed a taxi.

"Drive us to the nearest hospital," I ordered as I slid inside with Elizabeth in my arms.

The taxi driver blinked before turning around and speeding down the street. I vaguely wondered how often he picked up people with medical emergencies. Probably not often, but by the expression on his face, it had happened before.

"Beth," I whimpered, terrified that I may be losing the love of my life and my baby boy.

The tires squealed to a stop outside the emergency room, and I picked Beth up, struggling to carry her through the doors.

"Help!" I cried. "My.. My… help her!"

A doctor took Elizabeth from me and rushed her away on a gurney while a nurse tried to calm me down because hysterical didn't even begin to describe me in that moment.

Ten minutes passed, and my hysteria finally overwhelmed me to the point of making me feel numb. I sat in a chair and stared blankly ahead, awaiting an update on Elizabeth's condition.

"Family of Elizabeth Sheridan?" a doctor said, approaching me.

I nodded. "I'm her fiancé."

"I'm sorry, sir, but your fiancée didn't make it."

I took a deep breath. "What about the baby?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer. I just didn't want to admit it.

"We lost the baby, as well," the doctor told me.

That was when I broke down. I started sobbing, wailing. I couldn't live without Elizabeth, not to mention the child I lost. I grabbed a pen off a nearby desk and jabbed into the collection of veins in my wrist.

Blood gushed down my forearm, and I was rushed into a hospital room, where I was 'saved,' although that wasn't the word that came to my mind at the time. I spent three days with restraints binding me to the bed and constant supervision. I was on suicide watch for three days before I was released into the custody of Elizabeth's parents, who watched out for me for nearly two months.

I couldn't live with myself. I couldn't stop seeing Elizabeth covered in blood on the kitchen floor, all because I stormed out and no one was there to rush her to the hospital.

I stopped going to work and lost my job. I went days without eating or showering or even getting out of bed. I would drink until I forgot my own name; I would sleep around almost nonstop (that was actually how Emma was made, although I didn't find that out until later).

January bled into February, which became March. March turned into June, and June morphed into July.

Tucker moved back to town permanently on July 3rd, and that was when I finally started to get my life back together.

I moved in with Tucker to escape the constant reminders of Elizabeth that came with living with her parents. I stopped drinking so much, although I still slept around quite often (I'm not proud of my coping mechanisms, but I won't deny them either). I got a job at a bar (which ironically helped me stop drinking. I guess being around alcohol so often kind of put me off it for a while). I called my parents and Danny in an attempt to reconnect with them. Danny moved in with me and Tucker, and then Emma came.

My life isn't bad. I love my family, my best friend, and my daughter so much. I wouldn't trade them for the world.

But that doesn't stop me from thinking about the day I made the greatest mistake of my entire life. The day I lost everything because of one mistake.

And after nearly a year without Elizabeth, I still can't live with myself today.


Like I said, angsty chapter. Thanks for reading!

Goodbye, everyone!