Notes: This chapter begins shortly after the Not!Dream kiss upstairs in Luke's apartment. Buckle up; it gets bumpy from here!


It was fairly dark at the bottom of the stairs, but Lorelai had been standing there long enough that her eyes had become accustomed to the pale light filtering through the curtain. She could easily see the pattern in the ancient material. She could even make out the individual threads that had been woven into it.

Move, she told herself again, for probably the tenth time, but dread still kept her feet stuck behind the curtain.

She could hear Sookie's voice issuing orders to her cooking staff. She could hear Manny and Julio, and sometimes Caesar, answering her. She could hear one of the Faux Poes reciting the opening lines of "Annabelle Lee."

The people on the other side of the curtain were her responsibility. She couldn't keep hiding like this. She'd already taken as much time upstairs as possible, dawdling in the shower and primping excessively with her makeup. She'd even taken the time to straighten her hair. But now it was time to face the music―or probably the rant. She needed to push aside the curtain and step out there.

She drew in a deep breath and her shoulders straightened automatically. She went through her catalog of smiles and picked one out to stick on her face. Her hand went to the curtain and pushed it aside. Her feet took two steps and at last she was in the diner.

"Good morning," she started greeting her Inn refugees. "How was your home away from home? Are you ready for another fantastic breakfast? Good, good! Yes, I hope we can get you your stuff today. Thanks for being so patient!"

She worked her way through the tables like the professional hostess she was, charming and reassuring her guests, murmuring appreciation to the townspeople who'd come to her rescue. And all the while her eyes flitted back behind the counter, trying to meet Luke's. But he kept his jaw tense and his eyes firmly on anything that wasn't her.

Her heart was pounding. This was so not good. She made it to an empty table and sat with her back to the counter, sheltering herself from him.

How could she have been so stupid? It didn't matter if she'd been caught up in some dream. It didn't matter if it'd been his hands that had lulled her to sleep last night. This was not the way she did things, damn it! She didn't let her defenses down. She didn't build up some dream world that'd come crashing down the second she opened her eyes. She didn't squander friendships that had taken her years to solidify.

He hadn't kissed her back.

She pushed her fingertips hard against the underside of the table, trying to keep herself from running out the door in pure humiliation. She squeezed her eyes shut as her blood pounded out the words in her brain: He. Didn't. Kiss. You. Back. He. Didn't. Kiss. You. Back...

She knew she had no business kissing him. She knew there was Nicole. She knew he was taken. She knew he'd done the right thing.

But still…

He. Didn't. Kiss. You. Back. He. Didn't…

A hand on her shoulder triggered a shrill little-girl scream from deep inside her and she nearly leapt from the chair.

"Oh, Lorelai, sorry!" It was Jen, one of Inn's workers, rubbing her shoulder soothingly. "I didn't mean to startle you like that. I just figured you needed some coffee." She motioned to the mug she'd sat in front of her.

Lorelai placed a hand over her quick-stepping heart, trying to physically slow it down. "It's OK." She tried to smile brightly at Jen; tried to show her that she was perfectly fine. She was the capable and normal Lorelai. "If there was ever a day I needed coffee, it's today! Thanks, sweetie!"

Jen scurried away to help Sookie and Lorelai immediately raised the mug to her mouth, relieved to have something to do. Her taste buds instantly discovered that it was Sookie's coffee, not Luke's.

That's OK, she told herself dully, taking another sip. I don't deserve Luke's coffee today. She tried to push away the other thought that had piggybacked along with that one, but it clung on ferociously. I don't deserve Luke, either.

Thankfully the door opened and Rory skirted through the tables, dropping into a chair beside her.

"Ooh, coffee!" Rory said, zeroing in at once on the mug in front of Lorelai. She hurried up to the counter and soon returned with her own mug.

"Well, that seems to be going well," Rory commented, motioning towards the collaboration of Luke and Sookie behind the counter.

Lorelai cocked her head and listened to Sookie's sunny voice and Luke's deep one talk about ricotta fritters and Cajun eggs Benedict. The tension in her chest eased just a bit while she listened to the obvious pleasure in Luke's voice as he discussed creative cooking with Sookie. Maybe he wasn't as mad at her as she feared.

"There does seem to be a grudging respect there," she agreed, hearing him laugh. He did have a nice laugh.

Jess appeared, feeding Luke some story about having to be at school early to meet with his lab group. He was talking louder than what was necessary, she thought. Probably for her benefit.

"Hey," he said, nervously, to her. He leaned in to Rory, kissing her quickly.

The phone tucked in her pocket rang and as she answered it, she informed Rory, "Your boyfriend snores."

"Didn't need to know that," Rory said peevishly.

For once, the voice she was hearing inside her head was giving her good news. Really good news.

"It is?" she asked happily. "I love you! I love you!" She palmed shut the phone and looked at Rory. "We're open," she revealed to her, standing instantly to announce the good news to everyone else.

"That was Chief Baker, and he just told me in that deep, sexy voice of his that the Inn is back open!" She hastened to add, as a small cheer erupted, "It's just me and the staffers for now, but we'll get your stuff out soon and have you all on your way home in no time!"

Fred Larson, Tampa dentist, stood. "Lorelai, we'd like to give this to you, to thank you for all of your hard work." He handed her the raven and she put aside her revulsion and accepted it.

"Thank you, Fred," she said, as graciously as possible.

"It's from all of us," the other Poe muttered darkly.

She turned, gracing everyone with her smile of acceptance. "Thank you, Poe Society," she said with emphasis. She tried not to get creeped out by the stuffed, dead bird she was holding. "You coming?" she turned to ask Sookie.

Before she could stop them, her eyes moved from Sookie to Luke. He looked deliberately at the dead bird in her hands, glanced at her, and then rolled his eyes. Her poor battered heart soared with hope. If he was willing to mock with her, maybe he was starting to forgive her.

Sookie clattered around the end of the counter, pointing at Luke while she listed his duties. "Caramelize the hazelnuts for the brioche French toast. Add the Madeira to the pear-poaching liquid. Don't forget the chives and the cream for the shirred eggs."

"Don't burn anything. Got it," Luke said sardonically. His gaze landed on her again, very briefly, but there was just a touch of a smile in it.

Lorelai stepped briskly to the door, her attitude suddenly as sunny as the day outside. Her Inn was back open, and possibly Luke wasn't as mad at her as she thought. Maybe there'd be something good in this day yet.


Sookie's coral sweater and bright headscarf caught Luke's attention when he stepped out of the kitchen with the first luncheon sandwich. It had been hours since the Inn's workers had left to go meet Chief Baker. Luke served the sandwich quickly and then hurried over to check in with Sookie.

She was staring down at the counter somberly.

"How'd it go?" he asked, immediately apprehensive because of her downcast face.

"Oh, Luke," she sighed. "It's not good." She shook her head emphatically and Luke thought she looked very pale. He remembered with a jolt that she was pregnant, and he took her arm and urged her over to a chair.

"What's not good?" he asked her, sitting down himself in the chair next to her.

She ran her hand over the top of her head, pulling off the flowered silk scarf that had been covering her hair. She concentrated on wrapping the material around her fingers instead of looking at Luke. "Everything," she said sadly. She took a deep breath and he could hear the little catch in it. "It's ruined. It's…" Her voice trailed off as her hands tried to describe the mess she'd seen. "It's going to be a very long time before I can cook anything there again. If I ever do," she admitted, her eyes filling with tears.

Luke hadn't expected to hear that. Kitchen fires happened occasionally. The damage was repaired and the place reopened. He hoped that Sookie was just being overly dramatic, but her quiet depression told him otherwise.

"Are you OK?" he asked. "Do you want me to call Jackson? Do you want some orange juice?" He wasn't sure what you should offer pregnant women, but orange juice seemed a safe bet.

She shook her head, giving him a sad smile. "I'm fine," she told him. "I called Jackson already, and he's going to meet me at home in a little bit."

"Is Lorelai still there?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah. She says she's 'in charge,'" Sookie tried to chuckle, but it fell flat. "We got everybody their stuff and they're headed home. She told me to come back here and get everything cleared out so we weren't bothering you anymore." She glanced over at the kitchen, sighing again. "You might as well keep any ingredients that are left over. I'm certainly not going to be using them."

"I've got everything boxed up," he said, pointing back behind the counter. "Why don't you let me drive you home?" He was still worried about how sad and pale she looked.

She smiled at him and patted his shoulder as she stood up. "Thanks, Luke, but I'm fine. You keep the leftovers, though, OK? I really don't want to see them right now, you know?" She pushed in the chair and hesitated a moment, running her hands over the top of it. "It was fun cooking with you. If you ever need another cook, I'm your gal. I have a feeling I'm going to be looking for another job." Her voice was grim.

Luke stood up too, and rubbed his forehead, trying to process the Inn's bleak future. "Does Lorelai know how bad it is? How is she handling…I mean, is she OK?"

Sookie's sharp eyes tracked over his face swiftly. She shrugged. "Lorelai's being the cheerleader. She's trying to make everybody think it's going to be OK. You know how positive she can be about absolutely anything."

"Yeah," Luke agreed.

"But she's doing that thing. You know, where she's smiling, but you look in her eyes, and her eyes are…" Sookie's hands flitted about wildly.

"Yeah," Luke said again, grimacing. He hated when she did that.

"Well, that's how she is. Trust me, she knows the truth," Sookie said gloomily.

Luke watched a downcast Sookie leave the diner. Eventually he became aware that he had a room full of hungry diners who didn't care that other people in town were having their lives torn apart at this moment.

He went back to the kitchen and convinced Caesar to let him cook. His brain functioned better when his hands were occupied with some other task.

Feeling the warmth of the grill on his hands made him remember early this morning, when he'd sat down on the edge of the bed to whisper to Lorelai about the alarm clock. He'd locked his arms as prevention against doing something totally inappropriate. He knew there was no reserve source of strength any longer when it came to her. He'd been shocked to see his own traitorous hand reach out to brush back her hair.

He'd snatched it back and thought he was in the clear, but then her arms had suddenly encircled themselves around his neck. Her soft warmth had been completely overwhelming when she'd pressed herself against him. Time stopped when her mouth covered his and she slowly tasted him. She'd tried so hard to pull him into whatever dream she'd been having, and he'd been so close to agreeing to go with her.

And that was dangerous. So dangerous. Dreams weren't real. He'd learned to guard against dreams a very long time ago.

He'd watched his dad never quite heal after his mom died. He saw the dangers of loving someone too much. He told himself he'd never put himself in that position. He'd never be in danger of losing someone so important that his heart couldn't recover.

But eventually he'd met Rachel. And all of his careful observations flew out the window when he welcomed what he thought was the love of his life. Even now the thought made him scoff while he flipped two burgers and started a new basket of fries. What an idiot he was! He'd tried, over the years, to ease up on the self-recrimination by reminding himself that he was young, just a kid really, when he'd first fallen for Rachel. But that didn't excuse the mess that had erupted the last time she was in town. He was old enough to know better by then. He knew then that although Rachel was many thing, she definitely wasn't the love of his life.

Actually, that was one of the more attractive aspects of dating Nicole. She was completely safe.

Lorelai was not safe. Lorelai was as dangerous as they come. Lorelai was sitting-on-top- of-a-keg-of-dynamite-playing-with-matches dangerous. Lorelai was a Mythbusters 'Let's blow it up with C-4!' level of dangerous.

He realized that Lorelai probably thought he was mad at her about this morning, but he was mad at himself, not her. He understood completely why she'd gone for the lighthearted humor to get them out of that perilous situation. All he knew was that he had to get away from her before he stopped her goofy, nervous comments by pushing her down on his bed and joining her in that dream world she lived in.

For a moment he smiled darkly, picturing the look on Jess' face if his nephew would have awakened to such a sight.

He realized he needed to find a new balance with her. Something other than the physical, precarious thing she was apparently dreaming about. But something that still kept her in his life. He'd found out during the previous gray, dismal summer that he couldn't cope without her around him.

"Need a chicken salad sandwich, Boss, and some fries," Caesar told him, making him jump. "That's probably the last of the lunch rush."

"OK." Luke scooped the burgers onto their buns, nodding his confirmation at the order. Then with a futile sigh, he started two more burgers for a to-go order that hadn't even been placed.


If there was one thing Lorelai knew how to do, it was to adapt. She'd learned early on how to read a room. She knew how to cut bits loose if they weren't working. She'd learned how to keep a smile on her face and her head held high, no matter how awful the circumstances were.

And today was undoubtedly one of the worst nightmares she'd ever faced. Every person she spoke to gave her worse news than the one before. Each corner she turned presented a scarier vision. Every estimate was higher. Each downtime guess stretched out longer.

But still, every staff member kept looking to her for hope. They all had eyes; they could all see the destruction in front of them. But yet she could tell they were all hoping they were wrong. They were all hoping she'd tell them things really weren't that bad.

So she tried, within reason. She tried to keep smiling. She tried to flirt. She tried to be encouraging. She tried to be upbeat.

Eventually what did her in was the pity. All of them―all of them ―started looking at her with pity. Sookie, Manny, Jen, Julio―even Michel ―they all looked at her with such pity.

Finally she found ways to send them all home. It was so much easier to work with the anonymous insurance guys and the unknown firemen and the electrician whose name she'd already forgotten. None of them knew that the fifth stair, currently blocked with a pile of wet plaster, was where Rory used to sit and watch the goings-on in the lobby every afternoon. None of them knew that the brass sconce now hanging upside down and broken on the wall was 'the wishing candle' and that she'd lift Rory up to it every night before bed to make a wish. None of them knew that she still saw Mia standing at the darkened door to what was now her own office, her arms open to give her a hug, telling her over and over again what a special girl she was.

They didn't know the heartache that surrounded her here today, looking at the ruins of what had been her life.

She felt her shoulders starting to scream with tension again, so she paused, clinging to the check-in counter for a moment. She needed to go call Mia again and give her the latest update. She rubbed at her eyes and took some deep breaths. She knew she was capable of getting through this day. She just needed a way to camouflage the despair she feared would come out in her voice.

"Why are you still here?"

Luke's voice, suddenly right next to her, startled her. She stared at his seemingly angry face. "Why are you here?" she asked in turn, bewildered. She'd been breathing in the smoky air all day and her voice sounded cracked and raw. She cleared her throat and tried again. "How did you get in here?"

He rattled the Luke's Diner bag in her face. "Told 'em I had a delivery for you," he said, his voice clipped. He grabbed her arm with his other hand. "You need to get out of here," he stated bossily.

"What?" She felt so confused. She'd found a ponytail holder for her hair earlier, but strands were now coming loose and she pushed them back, out of her face. "Luke, you really shouldn't be in here," she pointed out.

"You shouldn't be in here!" he insisted. "This can't be safe for you in here! Look at you! Your face is all covered in soot, and you can barely talk. Let's go! Now!"

"Luke," she sighed. She motioned for him to follow her into her office. She collapsed with a grateful groan down into her chair. "So you brought me food, huh? That was a nice thing to do." She reached thankfully for the bag. "Nero fiddles and Lorelai eats."

He handed it to her but then crossed his arms and looked quickly around the room. "Seriously, is it safe for you to be working in here? You look like hell," he added on in a mutter.

"You are such a sweet talker," she mumbled, pulling a cup of coffee out of the bag. "Got your wings, though," she decreed, after taking a deep sip. She rubbed at her throat. "I didn't realize how much I needed that."

"Let's get out of here," he urged.

She shook her head. "I can't, and you know it. This is my business. It's my responsibility to be here and find out about the damage. It's my job to call for estimates and to contact people who had reservations for the upcoming weeks. I need to be Mia's eyes and ears and let her know what's going on. You know if something like this had happened to the diner, you'd never leave before it was fixed."

She watched the stubborn look settle over his face. He pointed up at the discolored ceiling, where water still dripped in the corners. "This is not good, Lorelai. You can make these calls from anywhere. You don't need to risk yourself by being here."

"It's not a risk," she argued. "They've looked it over, and while they're not letting us upstairs or in the kitchen, we're OK down here."

"Right," he scoffed. "Come on. Let's go. Now," he ordered.

That's when it happened. His eyes fell on her beloved picture of Mia standing in front of the Inn. She'd always kept it on the wall across from her desk, so that she could see it every time she sat down. It had been knocked down during the fire and now it lay on her desk, the cracked glass streaked with dirt. A couple of paper towels and a bottle of Windex sat on top of it, mutely showing she'd already tried to save it. His eyes reached out to hers, full of pity.

She couldn't handle that. Not from him. Not today.

"Look," she said curtly, making sure her voice was hard enough to withstand his sympathy, "if this attitude from you is because of the kiss this morning, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it, and I know it. I know you're taken, and I was poaching. So I'm sorry, OK? I'm sorry! But just because I kissed you, it doesn't mean you get to tell me anything about how to run my life! This is still my life, and I am the only one allowed to make decisions about it! You got that?"

"Oh, I got that!" he fumed, starting to stomp towards the door. He paused long enough to glare back at her. "Do you really think I didn't already know that?" he sneered. "Why do you think I've never tried to kiss you?"

Then he was gone, but his words echoed through her, over and over again. She swallowed hard, swiveling back and forth in her chair. At least her chair still worked.

She reached out for the coffee cup with her shaky fingers and tried to take another gulp, but it choked her. She leaned her head down on the pile of paper towels, and for a few brief minutes she let tears chase the soot off of her cheeks.