Disclaimer; I do not own any characters. They belong to Stephenie Meyers.
Authors Notes; Hope you enjoy
I couldn't sleep that night. I kept tossing and turning. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Carlisle…I thought how his lips would feel on mine…what his hands would feel like on my body. I felt awful for the thoughts occurring in my mind, the guilty conscious was creeping up on me. I shouldn't be thinking of Edward's dad like that…but I just couldn't help it. It was the only think running through my mind…and worst still, I think I felt something for him. Maybe it was just the hormones from the pregnancy but he was just so…so breath taking…mesmerizing even. Why was I feeling like this? It was driving me crazy.
'I've brought you breakfast in bed. You deserve it after all' Edward grinned walking into my bedroom. He lay a tray down on my bed. On the tray was a glass of water, my pain relief, a gorgeous red rose, toast which was in the shape of love hearts, a cute cupcake and a folded up note. I smiled, he was romantic when he wanted to be but I couldn't understand why he had made me breakfast in bed? Was this his way of apologising for the way he acted about the pregnancy? I thought we'd already sorted that out?
'What's this all in aid of?' I questioned accusingly as if he had done something wrong.
'Nothing baby, I just wanted to show you how much I love you and to make up for how much of a jerk I've been lately and to prove to you I'm changing. I'm not the man I used to be. Now read the note…please?' He asked with his cute puppy dog eyes. I picked up the note curiously and began to read it.
'Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars –points of light and reason….And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty.
No marriage is made easily, and there have been times when I've been so angry or so hurt that I thought my love for you would never recover. And then in the midst of near despair, something has happened beneath the surface. A bright little flashing fish of hope has flicked silver fins and the water is bright and suddenly I am returned to a state of love again – till next time. I've learned that there will always be a next time, and that I will submerge in darkness and misery, but that I won't stay submerged.
I loved you yesterday. I love you still. I always have…I always will. I promise to be there whenever you need me, because my love for you will never fail.
I'm sorry for everything I've put you through, done to you and said to you.
I love you Isabella Marie Cullen and I can't wait for our jellybean to arrive.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses from
Your husband,
Edward Anthony Masen Cullen'
I burst into tears. The guilt was taking over completely now. He wouldn't be saying any of this if he knew what had happened last night and my thoughts since. He would never forgive me. He would hit the roof even worse than usual…no matter who was in the house. I moved the tray and got up out of bed. I changed from my, my little pony pyjamas into a black and white jumpsuit with some sparkly black flat shoes. I took a suitcase from under the bed, and began opening all the drawers which contained my clothes, and accessories. I started taking everything out and throwing it all in the suitcase, not caring whether they were in neatly or not. I couldn't stay there; I couldn't constantly be around Carlisle, not after my thoughts for him. I could hardly look Edward in the eyes, I fancied his father for god sake…even worse I had seen him naked and stared. I didn't even want to look away…I had to force myself too. How could I trust myself to be around Carlisle all of the time, especially when we would be alone whilst Esme and Edward went to work?
'Bella, what are you doing? Where are you going?' Edward demanded angrily.
'I'm sorry. I can't stay here. I need to get out of here.' I spoke quickly without breathing. Edward ran over to me, grabbed me, and pulled me away from the suitcase. He was trying to stop me from leaving. I was only going back to the cottage but I think he believed I was leaving him for good. His grip was getting tighter around my hands, and I began to panic, not able to breathe.
'You're not going anywhere' he growled.
'Ed…Edward stop' I softly spoke. I began to feel faint; the room was spinning around me. I tried to get out of Edwards grip to sit down on the bed but he kept thinking I was trying to go back to pack. My breathing began to get shorter; I started to shake uncontrollably and began to sweat with tears falling from my eyes.
'Please' I whimpered like a child. Edward let go of my hands and I began to walk backwards and sat in the corner of the room shaking like a child who had just been told off. Edward walked towards me, and I began to panic more. What was he going to do? He bent down in front of me, and I flinched away from him, my whole body still shaking.
'I..I'm sorry' I cried. Apologising so he wouldn't hurt me and for what happened last night. My breathing began to get heavier, and I began rocking back and forth where I sat.
'Dad! Dad, something is wrong with Bella' Edward ran outside to the top of the stairs to get help. Within seconds Carlisle was in the room, watching me gasp for breath and shaking. He quickly walked towards me, and crouched down beside me, gently moving a strand of hair out of my eyes.
'Bella, listen to me you're having a panic attack. You need to try and stay calm and I need you to cup your hands like this, and breathe slowly and steadily into your hands so we can steady your breathing' he demonstrated on himself giving me his full attention with worry in his eyes. I suddenly didn't want him near me; I feared Edward would find out what I thought about his dad. I couldn't risk it. I couldn't risk another argument. I couldn't risk his temper.
'Get…Away…From…Me' I spoke gasping for breath after every word. I pushed Carlisle's chest, to get him to move away from me. Where was Esme? Why wasn't Esme here? I needed Esme to be here.
'Please, do what I asked?' he pleaded gently. I looked up into his eyes, as I felt my heart rate quicken, and the need to vomit. We locked eyes with each other, and I quickly looked away towards Edward who was staring angrily at me. Did he know? At this thought my breathing began to quicken even more, and the pain in my ribs was increasing more and more.
'Stop being so fucking stupid!' Edward shouted. I watched as Carlisle turned to give him a death stare for shouting at me, and next thing I knew Edward was in front of me grabbing at my wrists again, forcefully trying to pull me up.
'No…no…please…get off…no…Edward' I whimpered, feeling like I couldn't breathe.
'Get the hell off of her!' Carlisle shouted protectively, grabbing at Edward trying to get him to let go of me. Edward let go, as soon as Carlisle started pulling at him…but he turned on him. He pushed him against the wall, as they stared angrily at him.
'What the fuck has it got to do with you?' Edward asked crossly.
'Because you don't deserve that woman. She's a wonderful and very beautiful young lady, and look what you've done to her. You've broken her Edward. She deserves so much better than you…she deserves someone who won't speak to her like a piece of dirt, and won't treat her like it either. She needs a man not a boy, and that's what you are you're a fucking boy' Carlisle spat back. I couldn't believe what Carlisle had just said about me. Did he really think I was 'wonderful and very beautiful' or was he just saying that? I watched as Edward went to punch his own dad but miss.
'EDWARD' I screamed, running over, and pulling at his top, trying to stop him. I know he would regret it later, and it would be too late. He let go of Carlisle, and turned on me. He back handed my face, causing me to instantly grab my cheek in shock and pain before he threw me against the wall, my back hitting the wall, as I crumpled on the floor. Screaming as soon as my rib touched the floor. I heard a gasp, and looked up just in time to watch Carlisle punching Edward. I sat up steadily, and closing my eyes began to take deep and calming breaths like Carlisle asked me too until my breathing had returned to normal, and my heart beat felt normal again. As soon as I managed to get over the panic attack, I stood up and ran. Ran as fast as I could, I couldn't believe how Edward had lied to me. He told me he would change. I ran down there driveway, not sure where to go. I didn't have my car because Carlisle brought me here. The only way I was going to get away from here, was to walk or run…and so that's what I started to do. I ran down there drive, towards the woods. Somewhere I could sit and think everything through without someone finding me. I stumbled over a tree trunk and lay on the soft grass beneath me, with my eyes closed and tears running down my face. How could I have been so stupid?
'Bella! Bella' I heard Carlisle's voice near by.
'Bella, its okay. I'm here. I'm right here' he whispered, helping me to stand up from the floor.
'I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I can't stay in your house…not after last night…not after today…I'm sorry' I apologised.
'Bella, it was an accident you didn't know I was in the shower. We can't go on like this. If you don't feel comfortable living with me anymore just because of that, then it is fine I understand but over something so stupid? Yes, it must have been embarrassing for us both, but who cares it happens to people all the time…and tonight wasn't your fault'
'It was…I shouldn't have flipped out like that. I shouldn't have let you try to defend me…then…then none of this would have happened' I hurriedly spoke, looking into his bright blue eyes.
'Edward shouldn't treat you like he does. He doesn't deserve you. You can do a million times better. You need to think of both yourself and your baby now Isabella. Do you understand what I'm saying? I don't care if he is my son'
'I can't…I can't leave him…he won't let me…' I cried, stumbling over, luckily Carlisle managed to catch me, and I collapsed into his embrace and burying my face into his chest, and gripping his shirt tightly as I let the tears flow.
'I'll help you through this. You won't be alone. I promise you' Carlisle whispered, kissing my forehead softly.
'No…No…I can't…No…' I began to whimper, my knees buckling beneath me, as I began to kneel on the floor, as Carlisle did the same still holding me. I raised my head, and looked up at Carlisle. Tears were falling down his face too as he looked down into my eyes, he looked so lost…so broken.
'Carlisle…' I whispered, but he just shook his head slowly, before both our heads simultaneously inched towards each other.
'Carlisle…' I whispered again, before our lips touched. A jolt of electricity running through me, as our mouths moved in rhythm. Tears still running down our faces, as our mouths fought for dominance, before my hands found there way into his golden hair.
'Bella…' Carlisle breathed, pulling away to catch his breath.
'You're…you're sorry right?' I questioned, looking away from him. He was married…of course he would be sorry for kissing me. I should be sorry too…but I wasn't. I felt something for him. There was chemistry between us.
'No…no' he smiled, shaking his head and touching my cheek. 'I never meant to ignore you all this time Bella. We used to speak a lot…but the night on your 18th birthday…the night I had to help you…was the night I realised how I felt for you. I thought if I distanced myself from you that the feelings would go away…but they just grew stronger and then…and then watching you crash your car, and seeing you in that hospital bed broke my heart. I thought you had gone'
'I'm right here Carlisle' I whispered, shaking him gently to get him out of thinking about what he witnessed.
'…and then seeing Edward do what he did to you tonight. I couldn't take it. I flipped. I couldn't watch him do that to you, and then you ran. I thought you hated me. I didn't know what to do. So I left Edward, and went after you. Please…please…just tell me you don't hate me?'
'I don't hate you. Thank you for what you did for me. I don't know how far he would have gone if you weren't there to stop him. Thank you' I whispered, leaning in to kiss his soft lips again.
