It was now five past five (pm) and the subject had still not crapped on his carpet. Deidara was happy.
It was at five past six when the annoying blonde commented again on the fact Shino had not crapped on the carpet, much to the fury of Shino, but he just kept quiet, holding it in.
It was at five past seven when Toby finished his breakfast.
"Un, How the hell can you eat so much food?" Deidara waved his arms exasperated as he saw the food seem to disappear under the cheerful Tobis mask.
"Tobi puts it in his mouth, and then chews!"
"...Forget it un," Deidara simply watched as he polished off another plate of fish-sticks and waffles, shuddering slightly in disgust. Then he looked at the subject. Well, he wasn't really a subject or anything like in a lab, but Deidara liked to mentally call him that because of the somewhat scientisty aura this guy gave off. The glasses were cool though, he thought nonchallantly, and then started as Tobi finally pushed away the plate, looking as if he was entirely satisfied.
"Tobi is finished!" He exclaimed gleefully, and then pointed to the table near Deidara, "Deidara-sempai, why do you not eat Tobis special fish stick waffles? Theyre your favourite!"
"Hmm, Tobi, if I wanted to eat this slop un, I would have eaten it right? And anyway, with your cooking un, its probably poisonous or something,"
"No it cant be!!!" Tobi looked genuinely shocked at this statement, "Tobi added LOVE!!!"
"Exactly my point," Deidara shrugged nonchallantly and lowered the plate to the ground, "Tell ya what hmm, your little captive here can have it," Shino gulped. If they were going to force that down his throat, he was sure he would die, the waffle looked that vile. The fishsticks still had eyes for petes sake! EYES!
"No!" Tobi pouted, making Shino sigh with relief, "Tobi is sick of Deidara-sempai always refusing Tobis food which Tobi slaves over a hot stove to make especially for Deidara-kun, and Deidara-sempai always hits Tobi and Tobi wants to hug Deidara-sempai but Deidara sempai always blows Tobi up and Tobi doesn't like it," Shino wondered if there was a point in there somewhere, "Fish are healthy," Apparently not.
"Ok, look, I haven't hit you in a REALLY long time un, because of Leaders orders hmm, its been SEVEN hours already," Deidara said, the tension now visible on his face, "But if you force me to eat that vile disgusting slop un, then I will not hesitate to kill you. You are dead if you so much as-" Deidara was cut off as Tobi jumped up into the air and started shoving the 'waffles' down his throat.
"Tobi wants you to at least try some! Try some LOVE!!!" Tobi exclaimed as he finally stopped with the shoving and left Deidara to struggle to either spit out or swallow them. From the way he was flailing about, Shino was guessing he'd prefer to spit them out, but was forced to swallow them due to the sheer force Tobi had applied in pushing them down his throat. Absentmindedly, Shino gulped. From the purplish tinge that was coming on to Deidaras face, he could tell it tasted the same, or possibly worse than it looked, if that was possible.
"AAAHRGH ACK UH GAAAAH!" Deidara slputtered as he continued flailing, and then lay still as he dropped to the floor, silent. All was quiet.
...
"Is Deidara-sempai dea-"
"YOU UN ARE SO DEAD!!!" Deidara yelled, as he jumped to his feet and launched himself towards the orange faced trouble maker, took out a kunai, then dropped it and decided to use his hands instead as he chased after his target. For a second, Tobi stood still, as if considering fighting him, then he screamed like a little girl and ran away, Deidara thundering after him.
Shino just stared after them. Okay... that was strange... he thought, and suddenly he noticed the dropped kunai that was sitting on the ground conviniently in front of his mouth. Now, normally, Shino was very cautious about little 'coincidences'¨like this, but after what he had just experienced today, he just wanted to get the hell out of the place, regardless of traps. He knew by the way that Tobis mask had glinted earlier, that if he was still here when the two of them got back, he was going to have to eat the fish waffles, he was sure of it.
Quickly and skillfully he sliced through the first few ropes with his mouth, then wriggling out his arms he proceeded to cut through the rest. Though it did a very good job of keeping him captive, he realized that there was an awful lot of wasted rope used to truss him up, which made him take a little longer than he normally would have to escape.
With speed that could dazzle others, he raced over to the window which Deidara had thrown the bunny out earlier and peered out only to be dissappointed. It was a closed off section of garden, surrounded by walls too high to be true and yet he realized they were in fact, real. And there were quite a lot of bunnies lounging around on the sunkissed lawn, all of which Shino suspected had once belonged to Tobi. From the looks of it, Deidara and Tobi had been doing the whole bunny thing for a long time.
Okay, Shino thought, his analytical mind motoring as fast as he could manage. So the windows out, I'll just have to go through the door then. And he rushed out of Deidaras bedroom, anxious to escape.
The first obstacle he met was: The hallway. Long and narrow, it was the definition of creepy, and Shino could not shake the feeling that each and every one of the doors lining it lead to someones room. The doors all had some form of customization on it, whether it was pictures of flowers painted on the door, or simply a great big sign on the door saying TOBI (with the 'b' backwards no less) and this made Shino feel very uncomfortable. If he made a wrong move, he could have one or all the akatsuki jumping for his throat at the same time. Shino jogged quietly along and glanced back quickly.
Deidaras door, as he had expected, mainly had pictures of Tobi being blown up, and a great big 'NO TOBI ALLOWED' with a silhouette of the man himself with a furiously scribbled in x. There was also something about art being a bang or something, but Shino didn't pay much attention as he again turned his head back to the hallway and again ran furiously, making sure to run especially fast past what he assumed could only be Tobis room.
When he reached the end of the corridor, he turned right, on instinct and rushed into the first non-decorated door he saw. It appeared to be a kitchen. Damn, was the only thought that ran through his mind as he scanned the room, looking for any alternative exits (Or weapons, whichever he saw first). Suddenly he heard footsteps. He froze, and then thinking quickly, jumped under the table. It was a good choice, as the next thing he heard was the footsteps coming into the kitchen. For a second he thought about bolting, after all, one pursuer wasn't too bad, when suddenly another pair of footsteps could be heard, and Shino stayed put as both anonymous people sat at the table. All he could see was their feet.
It wouldn't have been too hard to deal with the vision of two sets of feet under the tablecloth, except for two things.
One: he could tell they were eating something, which meant they'd probably be there for ages, and
Two: One set of feet was... blue. Shino didn't know why this disturbed him so much, but it just did. He couldn't help but wonder about what this persons (presumably) blue face looked like, and all he kept coming back to him was... smurf. Somehow he knew that putting the happy face of a smurf to two big blue feet was not good if he wanted to remain sane, but he couldn't help it. He decided to distract himself by listening to their conversation.
"Hey, what do you think of Deidara?" Smurf asked, not in the high happy voice Shino had pictured but a deep rumbling voice that could make your enemies fear you. Under the table he twiddled his (utterly ridiculous) purple painted toes.
"You know what I think," The cold emotionless voice of his pale companion answered, sounding smooth as velvet. He also, from what Shino could see, had his toenails painted the same shade of purple. Shino normally could jump to alot of ideas, but the only thought that he thought was rational was it was some kind of dress code or something, ridiculous as that may be. Either that or these two liked to paint eachothers nails at slumber parties.
"Yeah, well, Somethings up with him. I seriously think something is very wrong with him," The smurf sounded kind of worried, but pale feet just seemed to shake it off.
"What, you mean apart from the fact he has mouths on his hands and stomach?" The sarcasm rang clearly even though his tone didn't change. He could see the smurfs feet move a little, and he could tell the smurf was chuckling. But then he became serious.
"Yeah, thats not what I mean, though that is strange as well, I must admit," Suddenly, the smurf shifted in his seat, and leaned forward, as if to say something confidential. He lowered his voice, "Yeah, well, anyway this morning, I went to the Konoha early market right, " His voice lowered more as he toned it down to a whisper, "And I saw him, chatting to this girl, selling flowers,"
Apparently, this got the attention of pale feet, as Shino could see he sat straighter.
"Flowers?" He said, almost incredulously, "He was selling... flowers?"
"Well yeah!" Smurf leaned back, the important part of the story told.
"...How do you know it was him?"
"Well, he was wearing this baggy apron thing that threw me off for a second, but the blue eyes and the blond hair combo... you couldn't miss that, and the hairstyle... dead on. The only diference was he took off some of the make-up, and the hair seemed brighter for some reason, but it was a really sunny day," The smurf gossiped easily and confidently, and Shino couldn't help but smirk. They'd obviously just made the same mistake he had the minute he'd woken up in this nightmare. Even though he was amazed at how two people could look so much alike if you just glanced at them, he knew that if you really looked at them you'd see the difference. The smurf had obviously just had a passing glance.
"...weird..." It was almost even harder to believe that pale feet was actually buying it, "Something really is wrong with him..."
Then pale feets feet shuddered dramatically.
"Maybe hes a little too feminine..." He continued as the smurf, still oblivious simply sank back further in his chair.
"Whaddya mean?" He asked suspiciously.
"Well, it seems like theres only two resons for this, don't you think? Either Deidaras actually a girl..." Shino would have choked on something if he had been drinking or eating anything. The smurf, unfortunately, was, and did. He burst out laughing.
"If Deidaras a girl, he has like, no rack at all!!"
"Okay then, so he's not a girl. That leaves just one possible reason then. Hes gay," Shino was expecting some kind of a 'what the hell' response because of all that build up, but surprisingly, the impact of that statement was not so great.
"... Sooo?" Shino too, was wondering why this statement brought such fear into pale foot.
"So, he likes guys!" Ahh, that was the reason.
"And?" Shino had to resist the urge of whacking the blue feet because of his stupidness.
"We're guys!!" The velvety voice was not so velvet as he resorted to shouting to get through to the smurfs rather thick skull. Shino could immediately see that it had the desired effect.
"OH!" Smurf realized, and then added in a confused voice, "Hey but, didn't you two go to that hotspring toge-"
"HEY GUYS!!!" Deidaras voice interuppted them in their gossip session, and everyone screamed, including Shino.
Hehehe do you think maybe Itatchi and Deidara had a 'moment'? lol XD. I dunno. Yeah, I'll put up another chapter cause I feel like it today. :)
.... and thats all I think I really have to say.... Except for THANK YOU TO YOU REVIEWERS OUT THERE!!! And thank you to all those silent people who favourited it! And READ ON!!!!!
