FIC THE FOURTH
In Which Orochimaru Makes out With an Erlenmeyer Flask

Description: AthanatosOra (of "To Be Lost on the Road of Life" fame) said she shipped Orochimaru with science. So naturally this was the only sensible outcome of that conversation.


"Oh, Erlenmeyer flask - how I love you so," Orochimaru cooed, as Kabuto readjusted his glasses in the shadows of the doorframe behind his master, one hand clasped gently around a small brown clipboard.

"Ehem," the bespectacled man coughed, slightly embarrassed, before he shrank back in fear as the snake Sannin turned and glared at him with the intensity of several dying stars.

"WHAT? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY?"

"I… erm… You got a package. The delivery guy needs you to sign for it, Lord Orochimaru."

"O-oh. Must be those piranha eggs I bought off of eBay. Just… just leave it over there by the shrunken heads and toenail clippings. I'll get to it in a second."

"Ehh… right. Do you need a pen?"

"OF COURSE I NEED A PEN, YOU INSOLENT FOOL! NOW LEAVE MY SIGHT BEFORE I PUT YOUR HEAD IN A GLASS JAR NEXT!"

A faint dust cloud was all that remained of his faithful assistant, as the sounds of his pattering feet echoed off down the corridor outside. Begrudgingly, he emblazoned the shipping form with his John Hancock, dotting the "i" with a little atom symbol.

"Now then…" he sighed wistfully, his task complete. "Where were we, Mr. Erlenmeyer?"

Many dozens of feet away, Kabuto shivered, trying to force the image of the flask covered in large, bright-red lipstick kisses out of his mind.

The Uchiha kid was bad enough as it was.