I wonder why I chose bugle music as an alarm.

Nobody likes bugle music.

I better turn this off before all the other girls get upset with me.

Wait.

I don't have an alarm clock.

I fall face first onto the wood floor.

I really should have seen that one coming.


"What are we doing?"

We are all dressed in grey Camp Edwards t-shirts. They obviously haven't read A Guide to A Better You: Finding that Perfect Space. It seems to be a trend here. A variety of colors sparks interest and learning.

"Morning jog," Carmen answers.

Morning what?

"But, we haven't eaten."

And we've barely slept. And the grass still has dew on it. That has to be a hazard. And I doubt they've checked for air pollution levels this morning. They could be killing us.

Killing us.

"...fast. You know?"

No, I do not know.

"Diego, she's not listening to a word you say."

"Oh, no, no, no, no. I just, I had something on my mind."

Chelsea touches my arm and smiles. "It's not so bad. We just jog down to the mess hall."

"Yeah, Davies, this ones just a jog."

This one?

Why does that not make me feel any better?


"What is it?"

I stab my spoon into the substance the woman with the way too white apron handed me two minutes prior.

I'm still trying to catch my breath. The ken doll that ran the 'jog' to the mess hall claims it was only 5 or so minutes. Someone should get him a watch. It felt like an eternity. Plus 7. And a half. Maybe to the 5TH power.

"… so there's fruit if you need it," I hear Chelsea explaining.

"Huh?"

"It's oatmeal." Carmen points to the front of the mess hall. "Fruit there."

"You partially deaf, Davies?" Madison questions as she shovels oatmeal and banana into her open mouth.

"I don't think so."

I hope not.


So to sum it up, we are being trained by Ken, Military Ken and Rambo Ken. And, they are sadistic. And, we are running. And, I'm pretty sure it's all been uphill. Okay, so, I've been told it's another jog. But, jogs sound leisurely. This is so the opposite of leisure.

We don't need no chocolate, chips or cheese

Oh. Right. And they have us chanting lies. With double negatives may I add.

Bacon, eggs and all that grease.

Oh. Bacon.

These are things that we don't need.

Speak for yourselves.

We like things that come from seeds.

Seriously? Now it's just ridiculous.

That's it. I am not listening to them and their brain washing mantras.

Happy place. Happy place.

Fields made out of cotton candy flowers and the stream is coca cola and the trees have chocolate bark and and well, they don't need leaves because I hate the color green right now. No! It'll be fall and the leaves will be M&Ms. And then…

All of a sudden Rambo Ken is next to me staring holes into the side of my head.

"What's your name?"

"Ashley."

"Well, Ashley, I'm Bobby."

I extend my hand to him.

"It's nice to meet you."

He doesn't shake my hand.

That's rude.

"You have to keep up with the rest of the girls, Ashley, or you will all lose a privilege."

We have privileges?

They surely can't take away our indoor plumbing.

"But, I have sensitive bronchioles."

He looks puzzled. "You have what?"

"My bronchiole tubes are sensitive."

His eyebrows knit on his forehead. "You have asthma or something?"

"Well, no, not technically."

"Not technically?"

"Well, my doctor and I disagree on the definition…"

"Get moving. Now. Or we're going to double this jog."

I hear groaning from the girls in front me.

Quickest way to make enemies. Ever.


Spencer answers the doors and smiles. "Ashley! Come in, come in."

I scoot into the room seeing as my thighs will never work again and I've found out recently that you actually need them to walk.

"Are you alright?"

I shake my head. "I think I may have pulled or broke or sprained some part of my body that I am positive should not be pulled or broke or sprained."

She points to a couch pushed up against the right side of the room.

How is it fair that she has this much space for how little space she takes up? This camp completely discriminates.

I hear her giggling at my side. "So, are you going to sit? It'll feel better."

"Oh, yeah, sorry."

I walk to the couch and sit while she sits down, cross legged on her bed, facing me. Well, it's not a bad couch, but nowhere near Ms Parker's chairs.

"So, I take it you're not enjoying your first real day here?"

"They feed me like I'm a squirrel or a rabbit."

She nods. "What did you have for lunch?"

"More chicken." And more green things that look like weeds.

"You don't like chicken? I thought everyone liked chicken."

I sigh. "That is not real chicken."

She laughs, "What makes something real chicken?"

"Flavor."

"Oh. I see. I'll see what I can do for you."

I'm skeptical.

"So, why don't you tell me a little about your day so far?"

"Well, Ram…Bobby was mean to me during the run."

"Bobby?"

"Yeah. Do you know him?"

She quietly laughs and plays with a string from her sheets. I wonder if she wants to borrow my sewing scissors to take care of that.

"Oh, he's my boyfriend."

I should have seen that coming. It's like something out of 90210. Original and reboot. Though, the original on Soapnet really is the superior product.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry he was mean to you. What did he do?"

"He was just being mean about my sensitive bronchioles."

"You have asthma?" She looks concerned.

"Oh, no, I just think my bronchioles are sensitive."

She laughs. "So, you just hate running?"

Well, yes, there is that.

"It's medical."

She smiles and looks up to the ceiling, "And what usually cures the condition?"

To stop running. Obviously.

"I try to just avoid the condition."

"I see. Do you want to lose weight?"

Well, it's nice that someone has finally asked me my thoughts on the matter.

"I don't know."

"Maybe you should think about that."

"Easy for you to say."

She bites her bottom lip and looks at me skeptically. "Why?"

"Because people like you, you, you, you don't have sensitive bronchioles."

"I have asthma."

Oh.

Well. Point one goes to the alien.

"Exercise helps it. It's why I joined the swim team. My asthmas hasn't acted up in a year or two."

"Oh."

She smiles at me, "Maybe you just got to give it a chance. You might feel better."

But, I already did feel good. Didn't I?

"Yeah."

"Why don't you come talk to me tomorrow? I think I'll have a present for you."

I do like presents…

"Sure."


Madison flops down on her bed and grabs another discarded magazine. "I hate this place."

Carmen swings her legs over the side of the bed. "Well, I don't know about you three but this is the year. I'm coming out of this with taut abs."

I scratch my head. Is it like taunt? Like her abs are going to taunt people?

"Is that a real word?"

"What?" She sounds surprised.

"Taut? I've never heard it before."

And I got a very respectable score on my SAT verbal. I admit I was aiming for a bit higher but the stupid test is much too long.

Madison snorts, "No normal human has."

"Excuse me?" Carmen jumps down from the bed.

I'm impressed. That's at least a 3 foot drop.

"You heard me, Diego."

Chelsea rolls over from where she is tucked into bed. "Come on, guys, I'm trying to sleep."

That's probably not a bad idea. 6:30am comes unbelievably early.

"Whatever. Come here, Ashley."

She reaches under the beds and pulls out a clear rubber maid case. How organized. I should really compliment this. She unlatches the lid and lined in perfect rows seem to be millions of pieces of papers randomly stapled. Maybe not so organized.

"What is this?"

"This is fanfiction."

"What?"

"Oh God. She's trying to brainwash you, Davies."

It seems to be a pattern of late.

"Shut the fuck up, Madison. She asked."

"Actually, I think she just asked or a definition."

Carmen decides to ignore Madison, "It's sorted from fluffy to angsty."

Should I ask? No no. There are more important issues afoot.

"What does this have to do with taut?"

"Oh, you'll see." She picks a manuscript from somewhere near the middle of the container. "Here, this one will be perfect for a beginner."

"A beginner?"

"I think the term in their community is baby…"

"Don't finish that sentence," Carmen seethes. Madison shrugs and turns back to her magazine. Carmen turns back to me. "Think of it as something new to read."

I take the papers from her. It looks to be about one-hundred pages printed on both back and front. But, I have already read through most of my collection. I was planning a Barnes and Noble trip sometime this week. Beginning of summer the best inspirational novels come out. But, you see how that ended up.

"Okay. Why not."

Carmen gives Madison a triumphant look and Madison flicks her off.

I climb into bed and turn on the little reading lamp next to the bed.

I always did like something new.