A/N: Nickelodeon and Chris Savino own The Loud House and related characters. No copyright infringement intended. This story is merely a work of fiction and written under the fair use policy.
Chapter 4 - Heavy Meddle
Dear Spirits,
I had a strange dream last night. I was in a ghost-like state. Nobody could see, hear, or feel me. But there was one exception, Lincoln.
Lincoln could hear me, barely, at times, but when he turned toward me, he couldn't see or hear me either.
It was fun at first. I ran around spying on everybody, outside the confines of the ducts. I got to witness what I imagined everybody doing when I'm not around. Of course, it was all based on past experiences, and not necessarily what actually would have happened.
Eventually, though, I began to feel more than just isolated. I was lonely. Desperate for human contact and connection. So, I focused on Lincoln, as he was the only one who could sense my presence. However, the harder I tried to get his attention, the more he seemed not to notice.
In the end, he was utterly ignorant of me too. That's when I woke up in sweats.
Classes were dreadful as usual today. Mediocre people filled the halls, each trying in vain to stand out and be unique. Every once in a while, one could see somebody exceptional, all without trying. Nobody ever seems to notice me, though.
The halls of the dead,
Ensconced with dread,
devour life at every turn.
With books in hand,
and souls so bland,
it makes my stomach churn.
Oh hey, there seems to be a commotion near Lincoln's room. It's time to investigate.
Hell, fuck no! Lincoln seems to have an admirer! I shouldn't care, but I do. Why, though? When I first heard, my belly cramped up, badly. However, I squeed along with my sisters out of habit. Finding love is a good thing.
Oh shit! The girl punched him after he kissed her, as we suggested. Part of me is saddened. The other is smiling. My heart is racing like a wild skeletal steed.
Calm down, Lucy. There's still time. There's still hope. I have to step up my game, though, if I want — what is it that I want exactly?
Uhg! Why do feelings have to be so annoying! It would be nice if we could turn them off. But we can't, so I am going to have to deal with them.
Irrational, emotions are,
destructive, they can be,
passionate, on occasion,
but naught it seems, for me.
Sigh. Face it, Lucy. You're in love with Lincoln. But he's my brother. I guess I'll suffer in silence for now.
I almost forgot! I asked Lisa if there was any chance that I was adopted, but still part of the family tree. She told me that I was not adopted at all.
I wonder now what the message Great Grandma Harriet sent to me was supposed to mean.
Damnit Edwin, ever since I turned eight, it seems as if my life had started to fall apart. I can't even talk about it with anyone. That's what's so frustrating. Sure, some people might sit and listen, but they wouldn't truly understand. They'd have no real advice for me.
I have considered ending it all, but a little voice inside me keeps stopping me. When I try, Lincoln's crying face comes to mind, and I can't do it.
Speaking of crying, I better check on Lincoln. My sisters and I had him convinced that the girl outside liked him that he began to have feelings for this girl himself. He even tried to kiss her. That might've crushed his spirit, and I cannot have that.
Well, it seems that she sent an apology of sorts afterward, along with a steak for his eye. I guess she does like him after all. But why would she pretend not to? Bitch.
Wait. I'm pretending not to like Lincoln as well. Maybe I should tell him.
One day. Maybe.
If the only way I get to spend time with him is to ask him for help with my poetry or spook him, then so be it. I'll do it as often as I can. I may even flash a few smiles his way.
I'm not going to punch him, though.
What is he already knows, and doesn't feel the same! Oh shit! I hadn't thought about that. If so, I am not sure that I want to know. It would kill me.
And yet, I want him to be happy. Even if that means I am not in the picture. While I would generally accept this, I don't think I can in this case.
It's ok to be selfish every once in a while. Isn't it? I don't know.
He's so cute, compassionate, smart, and brave. Things I can't be. To use one of Lori's favorite word's, I, "literally," need him.
Two bodies, alone in the dark,
they come close, for an instant,
then quickly depart.
Two souls, perfectly mated,
they are one, but separate,
in a world conflated.
Well, I've had a stressful day — more-So than usual. I will dive into the dark depths of nocturnal despair now.
