The Scientist
Nobody Said it you be easy
Nobody said it would be this hard
A few weeks later…
Derek was worried. It was almost 11 and Meredith hadn't chatted him in. He tried her cell phone and got nothing, he also rang her video call and still nothing. He was about to call Christina, Meredith's best friend when a video call popped up on his screen and he felt relief.
"Hey Mer" Derek smiled only to frown when he saw Meredith's appearance. It was obvious she was tired but he could tell she had been crying "Oh Mer what's wrong" Derek asked concerned
"I'm a terrible mother" she cried, "Emma is upset and I just don't know…" She began to ramble
"Mer, Mer slow down. Take a deep breath" Derek said trying to calm her down "Tell me what happened"
"First Emma was being difficult this morning so it took us forever to get out the door. After dropping her off I got a ticket for speeding to school. I was already late so I got a horrible parking spot. While trying to rush into class I spill my coffee all over my shirt, of course I was wearing white. The professor points be out and everybody was looking at poor disheveled Meredith. As if that was enough I got my term paper back I made a B that means I'm going to need an A plus on the final to pull off an A in the class. I pick up Emma and we get home and I give her a snack and we both sit down at the table so I could study and she can do her pre school take home papers. She spills her juice on the table and it soaks all my study papers. She started to cry and I told her it was okay but she wouldn't calm down. She eventually did when I put on a movie. We had dinner and I don't know what it is lately but she's been acting out. Tonight when I told her I couldn't play tea party she said that I didn't like playing with her, that all the other mommies come to pre school and visit but I haven't. I felt so bad Derek. I think I need to just drop this semester…"
"No" Derek said firmly "Meredith you are not stopping school. This is the tough part. I know it sucks but you can't stop school Meredith. You are a great mother and Emma doesn't quite understand yet but when she's older she is going to realize how much you love her because of all things you had to juggle to make sure she had a secure future. I'll have a talk with Emma, help her understand things. Meredith you are one of the brightest people I know and you can make an A in that class." He said watching her wipe the tears off with a kleenex wanting nothing more than to be in Seattle to comfort her and help her through some of the toughest times of medical school just as she did for him when he was struggling being a full time surgical intern while being a parent to a young infant.
Flashback
Derek groaned as the cries of a baby woke him up.
"Make her stop" Derek groaned into his pillow as he heard the cries get louder and closer
"I'm trying" Meredith snapped
"take her back in the other room" he snapped back "I'm tired"
"..and I'm not?!" Meredith snapped again "I'm a full time mom and primary care taker of OUR child" she yelled regretting as soon as she did when the baby in her arms began to wail louder
"I help too" he said sitting up from the bed. All he wanted to do was sleep he had been working all day with a heavy trauma ER
"really because you are either working or asleep. I always let you nap after your shifts and take her out for a walk meanwhile I have a big exam in a few hours and I have yet to get any shut eye" Meredith said in a harsh whisper as she walked out of their bedroom and into the living room.
Derek laid back down on the bed and ran his fingers through his hair. She was right. He knew Meredith always went out of her way to make sure he got enough rest before long shifts and got to nap after long shifts from the hospital. When he had to study up on surgeries and Emma was being fussy she always took her out for a walk so that he could have some peace. Meanwhile she had a big exam tomorrow he wasn't sure how much time she had to study and now it looks like she wasn't going to get any sleep with a fussy Emma. Emma was usually a calm baby but lately she has been fussier than ever and part of him felt like Emma sensed the tension between her parents. He sighed as he heard Meredith's voice on the baby monitor. It was shaky and it was clear she was crying and upset.
"Hey little one, I'm sorry we scared you. You know mommy and daddy love each other and more importantly we love you. Things will get better, it might be a few years but it'll get better and one day you'll understand. Everybody thinks I'm crazy being a full time medical student and being a mommy but I wouldn't change anything for the world. You are perfect miss Emma and you are the best thing that has ever happened. Daddy is just busy, he's an intern so one day he can be a doctor a save lives, mommy wants to do that too but I'm not sure if I'll get there but I promise you regardless of what happens I'll make sure you grow up happy and safe" Meredith said softly to the baby who was drifting off to sleep
It broke Derek's heart to hear Meredith saying she might not make it as a doctor. She had talked about it multiple times, stopping medical school and settle for nursing or something that wasn't as rigorous so she could give Emma a secure future without suffering a long a difficult schooling while trying to parent a young child. Meredith was one of the smartest people he knew and knew she was sacrificing so much for him and their daughter. He slowly got up and padded his way to the living room and the sight he saw took his breath away. Meredith was cradling a sleeping Emma as was she. Meredith's snores filled the silent apartment and Derek little out a slight chuckle. He gently lifted Emma from her mother's embrace causing Meredith to stir and open her eyes.
"Shhh" Derek whispered "I'm putting her back in her room and you are going to bed" he said as he reassured her. He looked at the peaceful baby in his arms. She may have been the spitting image of him but when he really looked at her he could see Meredith. He hoped she would inherit so much from her mother, her giggle, her strong will and determination, everything that Meredith different from every woman he had ever been with. The baby's eyes fluttered open as he shifted her in his arms wanting to hold her a bit more. Blue eyes met blue eyes almost as a reassurance that everything would turn out to be okay. "Here comes the sun doo doo doo doo" Derek started to softly sing rocking the baby slightly as she gently closed her eyes and drifted back into a slumber "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me Emma" he said softly as he kissed the baby's forehead before placing her in her crib. He gently closed the door before making his way to the living room chuckling at Meredith's sleeping position. She had all but rolled over onto her stomach before returning to sleep as he heard soft snores. He gently scooped her up and brought her back to their bedroom where he placed her on the bed before climbing in himself. He nestled closer to her and almost like a natural response she turned into him nestling her head on his chest.
"I miss you" he heard her mumble.
"I'm right here" Derek said "I promise things will get better"
"I'm sorry I yelled" She whispered
"No, you're right. Tomorrow I have the morning off, if Emma wakes you stay in bed and sleep in or study I'll watch Emma until you have to go. I'll bring her to the daycare, you focus on your test. I love you Mer, more than you will ever know" he said dropping a kiss on the top of her head
"I love you too" She said before drifting off to sleep.
Present Day
"Hi daddy" Emma said as she came onto the screen
"Hey princess, I heard you and mommy had a bad day" Derek said looking intently at his daughter, just like the both Meredith and himself her eyes said everything
"Mommy doesn't like to play with me anymore" Emma said quietly
"Emma Grace you know that is not true. Remember, just like you mommy has to go to school. But her school is really hard and her teacher gives her test that are really hard and if she doesn't do good he sends her to the dungeon with the dragon" Derek said
"Daddy you're silly teachers are nice" Emma giggled "Her teachers won't feed her to the dragons"
"No but Emma remember how Daddy has to live far away because he has to work that's why I can't spend time with you" Derek explained on a more serious note
"Yes" Emma nodded
"Well right the school mommy goes to is like a job so sometimes she gets busy but it doesn't mean she loves you any less. If anything it means she loves you more because she's trying to finish school early so she can spend more time with you."
"Okay Daddy" Emma said as Meredith came into the view giving him a smile acknowledging that she heard everything he told Emma
"I'm sorry for being a turn mommy" Emma said giving her mother a kiss
"Emma where did you learn that word" Meredith asked their daughter
"Aunt Christina. She said that sometimes people can act like turds" Emma said innocently "Can I have ice cream?"
"Yes baby, go wait in the kitchen. Say bye to daddy" Meredith said
"Night daddy" Emma said blowing Derek a kiss
"By Em" Derek smiled
"Thanks" Meredith breathed
"One day she'll understand. She's not even four yet but I think she kids of gets it" Derek said "You need to have some ice cream yourself. Spend tonight relaxing with Em. I found that it was good to take a break and clear your head, it makes studying easier later if you're not so high strung. Think about it, in a week in a half you guys will be here in New York"
"I cannot wait" Meredith smiled "Well I better get the princess her ice cream and perhaps sit and watch a movie with her before bed"
"You can do this Mer" Derek said reassuring her
"Thanks, goodnight" she smiled
"Night Mer" Derek said as they both signed off
They both knew this wasn't going to be easy. When Emma was born they had both discussed all their options, to continue school, have both of them stop school and find decent paying jobs, to have Meredith be a stay at home mom while Derek finished his education—they had thought of all the possibilities. But they knew the best thing in the long run was for both of them to finish their higher education and get stable well paying jobs to ensure Emma would have a stable future. They knew if was going to be tough and require a lot of sacrifices but they knew that they wanted to provide their daughter the best they could.
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Don't speak as loud as my heart
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Well what do you think?
