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Chapter 3: Chitty Chitty Death Bang

Opening Credits

It seems today that all ya see

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

But where are those good, old-fashioned values?

On which we used to rely

Lucky there's a Family Guy!

Lucky there's a man who positively can do

All the things that make us

Laugh 'n Cry!

He's

A

Fam

-ily

Guy!

End

Hey it me Frank hear to explain about my son Frank Jr and how he was born, its starts with Persephone writing a new recipe,

Flashback starts

"Persephone was sitting on the couch, thinking up a new recipe.

'Let's see...' he mused, stroking his chin. New recipe, new recipe... egg, who has it all...but then gets mix. Butter, and milk. Ok, we'll start to work with that.'

Suddenly, she heard noises from outside. She could hear Meg, and somebody unfamiliar.

'Go on, go home!' Meg was giggling. 'Be quiet, you'll wake my family. Now go on, leave!'

The unfamiliar voice spoke. It sounded male. Meg entered the house, a young man around her age behind her. He had long black spike hair, and blue eyes. He was quite handsome.

'See you later, Meg.' he said, kissing her on the cheek.

'See you, frank.' replied Meg, closing the door.

Persephone frowned at her. 'So...who was that?'

Meg immediately looked uncomfortable and guilty.

'Oh, that was Frank. He's my boyfriend.'

The two stared at each other for a long moment, before Meg faked a yawn and stretched.

'Well, it's about time for me to be hitting' the 'old dusty trail...'

The next day...

Persephone and Meg bumped into each other in the hall.

'Hey...' she said tentatively.

'Hey...' Persephone replied.

They looked at each other uncomfortably for a long moment, then Meg walked away. At that moment, Brian came out of his room.

'Wow. Dude that was painful.' he said to Persephone. 'God, I could practically see the icicles forming, it was that chilly.'

'It's not that bad.' snapped Lois, trying to walk past.

'Not that bad? For god sakes, you two used to be practically joined at the hip, but now, you're like Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt.'

Cutaway: Jennifer and Brad walk past one another on the street. They then stop and look at each other.

Brad: ...Hey, Jennifer.

Jennifer: ...Hey, Brad.

(They stare at each other for several seconds, then walk by.)

End Cutaway.

Anyway, back to the story.

'Well, anyway, Persephone, what happened with you and Meg?' Brian asked.

Persephone sighed and lowered his head to stare at his feet.

'She has a boyfriend.'

Brian winced. 'Ouch, man. Ouch. Did you say anything to her?'

'No. I doubt I've got the right to ask her to break up with him, and besides, he makes her happy. And if Meg's happy, I'm happy.'

Brian stared at him, incredulous.

'Bull. Shit. You want him to die, don't you?'

'Yeah.' Persephone admitted. 'Preferably slowly and painfully.'

Brian smiled at him. 'I like you today.'

Later that day...

The family, except for Meg, were watching the news.

Cutaway to TV: Tom Tucker and Joyce Kinney are sitting at the desk. Joyce looks the same, while half of Tom's moustache is missing.

'Good evening Quahog, I'm Tom Tucker. In local news, we mourn the death of my moustache, which was lost today in a tragic shaving accident. I'll miss you, Steve.'

'You call your moustache 'Steve'?' asked Dianna.

'Yeah. What do you call yours? I bet you call it Ugly Shouldn't be there.' retorted Tom.

Meg then walked in front of the TV. She turned the volume down.

'Eh, what-a the hell-a?' asked Peter in an Italian accent. 'We were watching that-a!'

'Anyway, I have something to tell you all. I met a boy. His name's Frank Mallque, and we're going out.'

'Well, congratulations, Meg ' said Lois.

Meg smiled. 'But that's not all. I'm-'

But she was interrupted by Chris yelling and pointing at the TV.

'Oh my god, a car crash!' he yelled.

On the TV, Tom was talking. There was a screen above his head with a car accident on it.

'Late-breaking news, folks. A car accident has occurred on the highway. Two men have been injured. The man was identified to be 22-year old Quahogian, Frank Mallque.'

The family gasped in horror. Meg burst into tears, and Lois took her in her arms.

'Oh, Meg, I'm so sorry. You must be devastated.'

Meg sniffed, trying to wipe away her tears.

'But that's not all. I-I'm pregnant!'

The others gasped, and Peter leapt to his feet.

'When I find the bastard who knocked up my daughter, I swear, I'll take my car and smash it into his, thus killing him!'

He then looked on innocently as the entire family turned their heads to glare at him.

'What?' he asked.

The rest of them just decided to let him bask in his own stupidity.

'Meg, I can't believe you're pregnant!' said Lois.

'Is that really the issue here?' Meg cried. 'I'm pregnant with a man in coma's child! Why do bad things always happen to ME?' with that, she ran upstairs and into the attic.

Lois stood, but Persephone stopped her.

'No, Mom. Let me talk to her.'

He walked upstairs and took a chair from Meg's room. He then stood on it to make him tall enough to knock on the trapdoor. When he received no reply, he pushed it open. Meg was face down on her bed, crying her eyes out. She looked up.

'G-go away, Persephone. I need to be alone right now.'

'No, Meg. We need to talk. I know it's tough, and-'

'Tough?' Meg snorted sarcastically. 'TOUGH? You think it's tough, losing your boyfriend when you never even got to tell him that you were pregnant with his child? You think it's tough, having to raise a baby alone?'

Persephone stopped her.

'But that's just it. You won't be alone. You'll have the family.'

Meg stopped crying. 'WH-what?'

'You heard me. We'll be there for you. I'll help you raise this baby. I'll be there for my nephew, if you want me to be.'

Meg smiled gratefully at him. 'You would do that-for me?'

Persephone smiled back at her. 'Of course. I'd do anything for you, you're my twin sister Meg.'

Meg threw her arms around her. 'Oh, Persephone. Thank you. You're a better friend than I deserve. I love you.'

Persephone chuckled slightly as she put her arms around her.

'I love you too, kid.'

'Late-breaking news, folks. Frank G Mallque is awake. Said the TV in Megs room

"Frank Just woke up and is he happy to be alive back to you tom".

The family gasped in horror. Meg burst into tears of joy, and the family ran to the hospital.

The Griffin family and Menma (who saw the news and told him everything) were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital still waiting for the condition of frank. Meg was especially worried about him. The car crash wound was bleeding pretty badly by the time the ambulance got there, and she has been known to have such bad luck. If she lost him, then what? She would have to go back to her old life. Everyone would hate her and there would be no one to stand up for her like frank did. Thankfully, Lois and Persephone were there to comfort her.

"He'll be okay, sweetie," said Lois.

"Yeah, Meg. Frank's a strong guy," said Persephone, "He'll pull through."

"Thanks," said Meg.

"He saved my life," Chris said, "Even after I cost him his job at IHOP, he saved my life."

"Oh man, this is more depressing than that episode of Sesame Street I saw yesterday," said Stewie.

Flashback

"Today on Elmo's world," said Elmo, "Elmo wants to talk about depression. You see, Elmo is depressed. Why? Because Elmo gets hate mail from fans who think Elmo is dominating Sesame Street. Then Elmo went on forums and found topics that say 'Elmo Sux'.", Elmo then began crying, "That's why Elmo is going to show you what happens to depressed people," Elmo then pulls out a gun, "THEY BECOME SUICIDAL!"

"Elmo! No!" shouted Big Bird, "Not again!"

"You were supposed to take your medication!" shouted Telly.

"Get back!" shouted Elmo, "GET BACK!"

"Elmo, you need help," said Bert, "That's why we're going to take you somewhere where you can get all the help you need."

"NO! ELMO'S NOT GOING BACK TO THAT F#CKING PLACE!" Shouted Elmo as he shot Bert. He then shot all the other Muppets in the room and pointed the gun to his head, "NOW ALL I HAVE IS ONE LAST THING TO SAY TO ALL YOU HATERS; F#CK YOU!"

And with one pull of the trigger, the Elmo legacy was over.

End Flashback

"I have terrible news," said Dr. Hartman.

"Oh no! Frank is dead?!" cried Meg.

"No, he's fine," said Dr. Hartman, "It's just that I didn't get that PS3 I wanted. Someone outbid me on EBay."

"Oh I'm so sorry," said Peter as he placed his hand on Dr. Hartman's shoulder.

"Can we see him?" asked Lois.

"Oh, sure," said Dr. Hartman.

As the family walked to Frank's room, Chris heard a voice call his name. He then went to where the voice came from and there he saw Herbert lying in a hospital bed.

"Mr. Herbert?" asked Chris, "What are you doing here?"

"Well, Chris," he said in that soothing, yet creepy voice, "I was hiding out in the woods watching the little boy scouts camping when out of nowhere, a big old' bear attacked poor little old' me."

"That's horrible!" said Chris, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Well, you could stick around and give me a sponge bath," said Herbert.

"Isn't that the nurse's job?"

"Yeah... well you see I don't trust those nurses. They could try to take advantage of my old, weak body," he said, "But I can trust you, Chris. So what do you say?"

"Sorry, but I'm visiting my sister's boyfriend," said Chris, "I'll see you later."

"Just remember," said Herbert, "That offer's open anytime!"

Chris then made his way into Frank's hospital room, where he was lying down with his mid-section wrapped up.

"Thank god you're alive," said Meg as she hugged him tight.

"CAR CRASH WOUND! CAR CRASH WOUND!" he shouted in pain.

"Sorry."

"I'm thankful you're alive, bro," said Menma, "I brought you your favorite book so you won't get bored: 'Captain Underpants'!"

"Captain Underpants?" asked Frank, "I haven't read ' Captain Underpants ' since I was 5!"

"Your point being?" asked Menma.

"Um, you can have it," said Zack.

"Really!" asked Menma, "Oh thank you! It's just too bad I can never finish the book."

"Yeah, me neither," said Peter, "I always get stuck on page 3."

"Frank, I'm sorry I got you shot," said Chris, "And I'm sorry about the IHOP incident."

"Actually, I want to thank you for it," said Frank.

"Why?"

"If I didn't get fired, I would never have met Meg," said Frank, "So I'm not mad at you anymore."

"So when are you getting out of the hospital?" asked Meg.

"I've been shot so many times, I've started healing faster," he said, "I'll be out by tomorrow."

"That's great to hear," said Brian.

"Mom, dad, Chris, Brian, Menma" said Persephone, "I think we should leave those two alone for a minute."

"What?" asked Peter, "But I wanna hear every mushy thing they're gonna say and laugh at them."

"Now!" said Lois as she and the others left the room.

"I thought I lost you, today," said Meg.

"I thought I was gonna lose me," said Frank, "What the hell was I thinking, coming to that car like that? I was almost killed!"

"I was worried, okay! In fact I always worry about you when you left work!" said Meg as she started to cry, "Everyday there's either a robbery or an angry customer and you just shrug it off! I always get scared that someday, you'll be dead and I'll be alone again."

This little explanation sunk into Frank.

"Is that how you feel?" said Frank. Meg slowly nodded her head. Frank then sighed heavily and said, "Then I'm going to quit my job. No point in worrying you half to death."

"But what will you do?" asked Meg.

"Who knows," said Frank, "Personally, I want to be a writer. They make good money."

"Well, as long as you don't get shot at on a daily basis," said Meg as she held onto Frank's hand, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll see you too," said Frank as Meg was leaving the room. When she opened the door she saw Peter stumbling about with a glass cup.

"Were you eavesdropping on us?" Meg asked.

"...Maybe," said Peter.

"Well, it doesn't matter," said Lois, "What's important is that Frank's alive and we can all go back to living like we did before he got shot."

"Well, since he won't be at home..." said Menma.

"DON'T TOUCH MY N64!" shouted Frank, "OR MEG!"

"Crap!" he said as he snapped his fingers.

The next day, Peter picked up Frank from the hospital and brought him to the house. Frank was still pretty injured but was well enough to walk on his own. He was then greeted by the rest of the family.

"It's good to have you back," said Lois.

"Welcome back," said Chris.

"It's good to have you back," said Stewie who was holding a sign that said "Sorry for Your Loss, Meg." When he realized what the sign said he quickly flipped it over to say "It's good to have you back."

"Thanks. All of you," said Frank, "It's good to be back. And here's hoping that no more sudden surprises like that happens again."

"Speaking of surprises, Frank. There's Meg wants to tell you," said Lois.

"Are you ready?" Meg asked.

"What is it?" said Frank.

"I'm pregnant!" said Meg, "We're going to have a baby!"

Frank and Peter then stood there dumbfounded. Their eyes then rolled over and they both fell over backwards making a thud sound.

"Frank?" she asked.

Moments later, Frank wakes up and to see Meg looking at him.

"Meg? I had the most horrible dream," said Frank, "I dreamt that you told me you were having a baby."

"Frank! That wasn't a dream!" said Meg, "I'm REALLY pregnant! I took a pregnancy test this morning and it said that I'm pregnant."

"AAAAHHHH!" screamed Frank as he went unconscious again. Moments later, Frank wakes up and to see Meg looking at him.

"Meg? I had the most horrible dream," said Frank, "I dreamt that you-"

"FRANK STOP DOING THAT! I'M PREGNANT FOR REAL!" shouted Meg as she shook Frank.

Frank was about to go unconscious again, but Meg slapped him.

"Sorry," said Frank.

"Did you hear that, Peter?" asked Lois, "We're going to be grandparents!"

"Grandparent?!" said Peter as he was coming to, "But that makes me old!"

"Peter, you're 43!" said Lois, "You're already old."

"I don't know what to say," said Frank as he stood up, "I mean, I'm going to be a dad!"

"I know," said Meg, "At first I was scared at the thought of us being parents, but I think we can do it."

"You really want to have this baby?" asked Frank.

"Frank, it's not just a baby," said Meg, "This is the start of a family. OUR family."

"A family, huh? Alright, let's do it!" said Frank.

"Meg, I know that I said I became pro-choice when you were born, but I'm proud that you're willing to take responsibility in having a child," said Lois.

"Thanks," said Meg "But you know, I'm kind of scared though."

"Well, of course you should be scared," said Peter, "I mean, when you get to the 6th month of pregnancy you start to look like a balloon."

"Then you're ankles start to swell up," said Lois.

"And then you start getting stretch marks in your stomached and then there's the morning sickness," said Peter.

"And then there's the actual childbirth," said Lois, "Oh my god, it'll be THE single most painful experience in your entire life."

"I DON'T WANNA HAVE A BABY ANYMORE!" shouted Meg as she hugged Frank tightly, "I WANT AN ABORTION!"

"CAR CRASH WOUND! CAR CRASH WOUND!" shouted Frank as Meg let go of him, "Now, calm down! Like you said, we can go through this."

"But I'm scared!" cried Meg.

"Look, I'll be here with you when the time comes. I promise," said Frank.

"Thank you," said Meg.

"I almost forgot to tell you about-," said Peter before Frank gave him an angry look, "I'll be quiet."

"Oh, great another baby in the house," said Stewie, "This is gonna be suck so hard."

"Yeah, this'll be worse than the time I was Dr. Robotnik," said Peter.

Flashback.

Peter is at Green Hill Zone in Eggman/Robotnik's hovercraft. Keep in mind that Peter is dressed up as current day Eggman and not as old School Eggman or those gay AoSTH/SatAM Robotnik costumes.

"Now, Sonic the Hedgehog," Said Peter, "You will face the wrath of my new and improved Checker Wrecker Ball, now metal plated and completely covered with spikes!"

"You, um, you don't see anything wrong with this plan, do you?" asked Sonic.

"No. This plan is freakin' awesome," said Peter. As he lowered the ball, it plopped to the ground and pulled the Eggmobile down with it. Peter then rolled right out, all bloodied and stuff, "Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhh! Oh Christ! DAMN GRAVITY!"

Sonic then proceeds to kick Peter in the balls and runs away at high speed laughing.

"OWWWWW! YOU C#NT! NO WONDER EGGMAN HATES YOU!" shouted Peter as he clutched his groin.

End Flashback.

"This'll be easy," said Frank, "I can be a dad. I can do it!"

(Five minutes later in the backyard...)

"I CAN'T DO IT MAN!" sobbed Frank as he downed another beer, "I CAN'T!"

"Frank, calm down" said Brian, "You're just overwhelmed with so many emotions at once over the news that you're breaking down."

"Damn cheapass condoms!" said Frank as he threw his beer across the yard.

"Are you telling me that you don't want to be a father?" asked Brian.

"I do, but I'm not ready!" said Frank, "I don't even have a job anymore! How the hell am I gonna support this baby?"

"Have you ever thought about starting your own Book store?" asked Brian, "I mean, you do know a lot about books. Maybe you should open an auto shop."

"Hey, you're right!" said Frank, "I should start my own business! I CAN do this! I CAN be a father! I CAN take care of my family! Thanks for the build of confidence, Brian."

"You're welcome," said Brian as Frank walked back into the house. He then notices that Frank left a few beer bottles, "Frank wait! You forgot your bee- ah forget it!" said Brian as he started to down the rest of Frank's beer.

"Frank, are you okay?" asked Meg.

"I'm fine," said Frank as he walked over to the phone and dialed a number, "I just need to call someone."

"Who?" asked Lois?

"My stepdad from my half older brother side of the family," said Frank as he waited for him to pick up. Sure enough, his father answered, "Hello, Dad? It's me Frank... Why didn't I come into work today? I quit! I told you yesterday! No I quit! You can't fire me because I quit! Anyway just shut up for a moment! I need to tell you something. Remember that girl that came over that one day? The one that needed to use the phone? Yes the 'moneyless ugly fat porker bitch!' Anyway, 2 weeks after that, we got together and then... SHUT UP! Anyway, and then 5 months after that we had sex and... DAD! SHUT UP! The point is, she's pregnant and I'm the dad... Uh huh... WHAT?! IT'S MY DESCISION! NO F#CK YOU!" And Frank harshly slammed the phone on the hook.

"What happened?" asked Peter.

"My stepfather just disowned me," said Frank.

"I'm so sorry," said Meg as she put a hand on his back.

"No, this is great!" said Frank upbeat, "Now I don't have to talk to that jackass ever again!"

(1 months later)

Frank had come home from the bookstore looking stressed and tired. Meg had come into the room. Now 1 months pregnant, her stomach had gotten a bit bigger and she wore maternity clothing.

"How was work today?" she asked.

"Terrible," said Frank, "I got shot after a customer complaint."

Flashback

At the bookstore, Frank is having a conversation with a black man who wore the stereotypical gangster attire (i.e. Doo rag, backwards baseball cap, saggy pants, etc.)

"We were able to give up is harry potter vol 7," said Frank, "But I needed to a resift."

"Say what?" said the black man.

"You see, vol 8 is not out yet. They have not arrive."

"Oh, that ain't right!"

"Sir, if you want, I can reserve vol 8 free of charge."

"That ain't gonna cut it, so I've got somethin' for ya," said the black man who reached into his shirt and pulled out... a ballpoint pen, "I'm gonna file a complaint."

The man calmly wrote on a piece of paper and placed it into the complaints' box.

"I'm sorry, man, but I'm just unsatisfied, you know?" he said.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you," said Frank, "Take care."

"Yeah you too," said the man as he drove off.

End Flashback

"Then seconds later, some white guy ran up, shot me, and then stole all Steven kings books," said Frank, "Luckily I was wearing my bullet proof vest."

"Anyway, it's about time you got home," said Meg, "I need you to go to the store to get me some ice cream."

"But I just got home, and I was shot at!" said Frank, "I 'm exhausted. Make someone else do it."

"You don't have to yell at me!" said Meg as she was about to cry, "All I wanted you to do was buy me ice cream, but you have to be an ass about it. I'm pregnant and this is how you treat me? I thought you loved me!"

"Meg, stop crying," said Frank.

"Who's crying," asked Meg irritated, "Just because I'm a girl and you shout at me, I'm supposed to cry!?"

"But you were crying just a min-"

"SHUT UP! And why the hell are you still here?! Get me my ice cream already!"

"Okay, okay! Just don't yell at me anymore!"

"I'm sorry, honey," she said in a now calm manner, "I didn't mean to get mad like that. I'm just so emotionally and all. I love you."

"I love you too-"

"What the hell are you standing there for?!" she asked angrily, "I TOLD YOU TO GET MY F#CKING ICE CREAM! DON'T MAKE ME F#CK YOU UP!"

"Jesus, Meg! I hate it when you get on these mood swings!" said Frank, "You seem to get scary all of a sudden."

Flashback.

At the dinner table, everyone's having dinner when suddenly Peter spills salt on the table.

"DAMMIT DAD!" shouted Meg as she smashed her dinner plate on him making him fall unconscious.

End Flashback.

"Anyway, did you decide on what we're gonna name the baby?" asked Frank

"Well, if it's going- Wait? Didn't I ask you to get something for me?" asked Meg.

"No!" said Frank rather quickly.

"Oh, okay then. If it's going to be a boy, we'll call him Mickey," she said, "If it's a girl, we'll call her Nancy."

"Mickey? I'm not naming my son Mickey!"

"What's wrong with Mickey? I like Mickey!"

"Only if he's a mouse! I mean, who the hell names their kid Mickey nowadays? The bullies will probably just make him wear stupid red pants with bright yellow buttons and mouse and then make him dance and laugh like a retard. Also, I'm not so keen on Nancy either! Not sure why?"

"Fine! I'll just get a phonebook and we'll just pick the names by random," said Meg as she left the room. At the same moment, Peter came in.

"Hey, what are you guys doing?" asked Peter.

"We're coming up with names for the new baby," said Frank, "One for a boy and one for a girl."

"What's up with that whole boy/girl thing?" asked Peter, "I mean you should just pick the boy's name first and if it does turn out to be a girl, you just get mad and pick the stupidest name you can think of and hate her for the rest of your life. That's what I did."

"Actually, it doesn't matter what the baby turns out to be," said Frank, "If it's a girl, I'm gonna love her just the same."

"Love her just the same?" asked Peter, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOIS! Lois c'mere! You've gotta hear this!"

"What is it, Peter?" asked Lois as she walked into the room.

"Frank, tell Lois what you just told me," said Peter.

"I said that it doesn't matter if the baby's a boy or girl," he said, "If it is a girl, I'll love her just the same."

Lois and Peter then broke into laughter after that.

"Is he serious?!" laughed Lois, "You're a man! No real man wants a girl for his first child! HAHAHAHA!"

Frank then rolled his eyes and left the room looking for Meg. Meanwhile Stewie's room, Stewie is getting frustrated over the lack of attention he's gotten for the last 6 months and is talking to Brian.

"Dammit! Dammit all to hell!" said Stewie, "Why the hell won't anyone pay attention to me?! It's always Meg's baby this and Meg's baby that! They're supposed to be listening to me rambling on about my evil plans for world domination and my quasi-homosexual lifestyle! Where's my attention?!"

"Stewie, you get enough attention already!" said Brian.

"Explain," said Stewie.

"You're the most popular character on Family Guy, you have your face plastered everywhere on Hot Topic and on Family Guy merchandise you're not even on saying 'Victory Shall Be Mine!', you always come up number one in fan polls, you have a DVD dedicated to you, your profile comes up first in the Family Guy video game instruction manual, you have so many episodes about you, you always get a lot of screen time because the audience is easily amused by an evil baby who cusses and Meg always gets screwed over because the writers focus most character development on you! You're just mad because the author is giving Meg time to shine and not you and it's bugging you because you always get what you want, but not now. End rant!" said Brian as he left the living room.

(AN: I actually think Stewie's funny. Sorry if this insulted Stewie fans.)

Stewie blinked for a moment before saying: "What the hell is a 'Family Guy?' That was just weird. Even weirder then the time I tried to pay a prostitute."

Flashback

Stewie is in a street corner with a prostitute.

"Say, how much for a hand job and a spanking. Oh and can I call you Brian while you're doing it?"

End Flashback.

At that very moment, Lois and Peter walks into the room.

"Stewie, you're becoming a big boy now," said Lois, "So that is why we're going to give you a new bed to sleep on. You're going to have to stop sleeping on the crib."

"What the deuce?" Stewie asked, "You can't take away my crib. My domain! My... how do hip hop people put it? Oh yes! My crib... yo!"

"Sorry Stewie, but the baby will be sleeping in the crib when HE'S born," said Peter.

"I HEARD THAT!" shouted Frank from the other room.

"Also, you and the baby will be sharing this room," said Lois, "So please try to be nice."

She and Peter then left the room.

"Has she gone mad? First that baby steals all the attention away from me, then it steals my crib and now I have to share a room with it?!" said Stewie angrily, "Oh you have just made a powerful enemy, my friend. From the day after you are born, I shall make your life a living hell! Hmm hmm hmm! Ha ha ha ha ha! HAHAHAHAH! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! MWAHAHAHAH... Hack! Cough! Cough! Oh god! I think I just choked on my own saliva!

Eight months later...

The family were in the living room. Meg was now nine months pregnant.

Meg looked at herself. She seemed to realize what would happen soon, as did the rest of them. They all waited. Then, a dark patch of wet appeared on Meg's crotch.

Meg suddenly noticed that her family was giving her funny looks, as if they were confused about something.

"What are you looking at me like that?" asked Meg, a bit pissed.

"Meg…you…you're glowing!" said Frank.

"What?" said Meg before looking at her hand, which, indeed, were glowing with a pale blue shine? Then she felt a sharp pain in her pelvic region, and how her clothes wetted. "Oh my, my water broke!" shouted Meg.

(A/N: This time is not a dream, to make thing clear)

"Quickly, we must take her to a hospital!" said Frank.

"To a hospital?" said Brian. "Look at her! We can't let anybody out of this house to see her in this state!"

"And what are we going to do!?" said Frank.

"I guess that we must help Meg to give birth right here" said Lois. "Chris, heat up some water! Brian, bring clean towels! Matt, stay with Meg no matter what and support her!"

"What about me?" asked Peter?

"Peter, avoid doing anything stupid!" said Lois.

"I guess that's a challenge I can take" said Peter. "Hey, I have a crazy idea!" said Peter before grabbing an iron and pressed it against his hand "AAAAHHHHHHH!" screamed Peter in pain. "Man, I must stop doing this stupid and probably self-destructive crap" said Peter before looking at the iron, and pressing it against his other hand. "AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Meg's shine was each time more intense.

"Meg, keep breathing!" said Matt.

"It hurts!" complained Meg.

"Meg, I know that it hurts, but you must be strong!" encouraged Lois. "Come on, sweetie, tonight the Griffin family will have a new member! Now, push when I told you to!" said Lois. "Now, push!"

"AAAAHHHHH!" screamed Meg.

Meg's shine was now so intense that looking at her was like looking directly into the sun. She also gave off heat. Frank and Lois were forced to step backwards.

"Frank! Mom!" cried Meg. "Don't leave me! I can't do this alone! AAAAAAHHHHHH!" screamed Meg again.

Then a huge flash of light filled the room, and a shockwave of light came from Meg, knocking backwards everybody, shattering the glasses of the windows. And after that, silence. But soon the silence was interrupted by a faint cry.

Lois then could stood up, gathering her remaining energies, and walked to Meg. She stopped form shining. She also saw something between her daughter's knees. It was the baby she just gave birth. Lois held it and wrapped it in a blanket.

'Come,' said Brian, in the same tones. 'We must drive to the hospital immediately.'

'No problem there!' yelled Peter, standing up. 'We'll take the Petanic!'

Het then ran outside and began to drive an enormous cruise ship with his face superimposed on the front down the street. There was then a loud crash and an 'OH MY GOD!' from Joe.

'Joe, I am so, so sorry. For the third time.' said Peter.

'Dammit, Peter! How can you pay for these ridiculous vehicles!' shrieked Joe.

Peter then walked back into the house.

'How about we just take the car?'

A while later, Meg was lying on a bed in the delivery ward, panting through a contraction. Frank was beside her, holding her hand.

'Congratulations, Mr. and Miss Mallque. It's a boy.'

The doctor wrapped the baby boy up in a red blanket and handed him to Meg. He wasn't crying anymore, just lying there with a happy expression. He had his father's spike black hair and blue eyes.

Meg looked at his son, his eyes watering. 'He looks just like you.' he said to Frank.

.'I know. He's so beautiful...I can't believe I have a son'.

"You gave birth to a hermaphrodite?" asked Peter, "That's just sick."

"That's the umbilical cord, stupid," said Frank.

It's a boy," said Peter, "And that is one hell of a Wang. Yep, my grandson will be getting laid a lot."

"Yeah, Dad, it's a boy," said Meg.

"He looks so cute," said Lois.

"Can you believe it?" asked Meg, "Our love created this. The most precious thing on Earth."

"He is something, isn't he?" asked Frank as he kissed Meg on her forehead.

"Have you decided what you're gonna name him?" asked Lois.

"I want to call her, Frank G Mallque Jr," said Meg, "If that's alright with you, Frank."

"Of course," said Frank, "It's a very good name. Frank G Mallque Jr Griffin."

"Don't you mean, Frank G Mallque Jr?" asked Meg.

"Oh, right," said Frank, "We got married yesterday in Vegas. I keep forgetting."

"Anyway, Frank Jr," said Lois, "I want you to meet someone when we get home..."

Frank and Meg then looked at each other uncertainly. They knew how Stewie was mad at Frank G Mallque Jr before he was born. They were afraid of how he would act now.

Flashback ends!

Now back to the my brothers birthday chapter

Today was a special day in the Griffin household. Peter, Frank, Chris, Brian, John and Tyler were in the living watching TV, when Lois walks into the room.

"Well, everything's all set for Stewie's birthday party." Lois said, "I can't believe he's almost a year old."

"Cool." Tyler said, "Seems like only yesterday that we were here."

Tyler then thinks back to a clip of the pilot, was cut off.

"Tyler, that was a few weeks ago." John informed Tyler.

"Oh." Tyler responded.

"Yeah, I'll never forget the day he was born."

"What was it like, Mr. Griffin?" Tyler asked.

It flashes back to the day of Stewie's birth. Peter was with Lois, who was in labor. He was in hospital attire while wearing a mask like the doctors.

"One more push, Lois." The doctor said. Lois groaned in pain from giving birth.

"This is quite a miracle, Mr. Griffin." The doctor informed Peter, "Would you like to have a look?"

"Yeah, you know, I've never actually seen a live baby... Oh, God!" Peter said in horror of what he saw and ran out of the room.

"Congratulations, Mrs. Griffin. It's a boy." The doctor announced as he handed Stewie to the nurse beside him, "Oh, wait a minute. I don't think we're through here."

"Oh, my God! Is it twins?" Lois asked in surprise.

"No, it's, um, a map of Europe." The doctor responded, folding the scroll to reveal a full map of Europe with X's on a few countries. While they were distracted, the newborn Stewie shifts his narrowed eyes suspiciously back and forth.

Cut backs to the present.

"I've just confirmed everything with the birthday party planner down at Cheese E. Charlie's." Lois informed Peter.

(A/N: I know it was pronounced as "Cheese Charlie's," but if you've seen a few episodes of The Cleveland Show, you can see that they pronounced it as "Cheese E. Charlie's" instead. That way, it's more like the restaurant it's parodying. Hope you guys understand.)

"What's Cheese E. Charlie's?" John asked.

"Yeah, I don't think I've ever heard of a place like that before." Tyler said.

"It's cool, guys." Chris told John and Tyler, "They have this game where you put in a dollar and you win four quarters! I win every time!"

"Chris, I think that might've been the change machine." Tyler informed Chris.

"Oh." Chris replied, "I get to go, right?"

"Why can't we have the same kind of party we always do?" Peter asked Lois.

"Yeah, what's the problem at having the party here?" John agreed with Peter.

"Boys, this could be our last first birthday ever." Lois explained, "You know, when Meg and Chris turned one, I had so much to do, I missed everything."

It goes to another flashback, this time with a younger Lois preparing a cake for Meg's first birthday exhausted.

As she puts on the finishing touches on Meg's cake and pours punch in the cups, Peter barges in.

"Lois, you're not gonna believe this!" Peter announced in excitement, "Meg just said 'da-da!'"

"Her first words?" Lois exclaimed in surprise.

"Then she stood up all by herself and started walking'!" Peter also told her.

"Her first steps?" Lois exclaimed again, this time with joy.

"Yeah." Peter replied, before looking around the kitchen, "What the hell are you doing in here, anyway?"

Peter went back to where the party was thrown, leaving Lois alone in the kitchen. She looks down in disappointment at how she missed seeing what could've been one of the best things in her life as a parent.

Suddenly, drums are played in the other room, catching Lois' attention.

"Alright!" Peter exclaimed, "Her first drum solo." Everyone in there applauded.

"Oh, that's so sad, Mrs. Griffin." Tyler said.

"Hey, are you being a smartass to my Mom, Tyler?" Frank asked Tyler offended.

"What? No. My ass isn't smart." Tyler responded, "If it was, it would do Chris's homework for him."

"Well, thanks to Cheese E. Charlie's, I'm not gonna miss a moment of Stewie's party." Lois said as Stewie in his diaper walked in.

"I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces?" Stewie questioned, then clapped, "A little service here!"

"Hey, Stinky." Peter greeted Stewie, "Hey, have we got some big plans for you."

"Plans?" Stewie replied in confusion, "The devil are you talking about?"

"It's your birthday, dude." Chris told Stewie.

"Saturday's gonna be real special, honey." Lois said to Stewie, "I've hired a professional to make sure everything goes just right."

"A professional?" Stewie remarked, then gasped in horror, "There's treachery afoot." Stewie then scoured off.

"Huh, that's weird." John said.

"What?" Tyler asked.

"Sounded to me like he thought we meant something else." John theorized, "Oh, well."

Later in the evening, Peter, Frank and John were sitting on the front porch. Peter was having a slice of pie when Meg soon ran back home from school in tears.

"Meg, you're home late." Frank said.

"Yeah, what kept ya?" John asked Meg.

"I stayed after school to try out for cheerleading." Meg sobbed.

"Well, don't keep us in suspense." Peter responded in excitement, "How'd you do?"

"I'll give you a hint." Meg said, "I S-U-C-K-E-D! Sucked! Sucked!"

"Yay!" Peter hoorayed before realizing what she said, "Uh... Oh, I mean, sorry, honey."

"God, I hate high school." Meg lamented, "I don't fit in with anyone."

"Is it that bad?" John asked.

"Oh, boy, you have no idea." Frank informed him.

Cutaway #1

Frank was in a street gang, whom was finger-snapping, ala West Side Story. Unfortunately, Peter wasn't able to keep up with the others.

"Okay, man. Okay, you are really throwing me off." The head dancer said to Frank annoyed, "its step-kick, and step-twirl. Got it?"

"Aw, I thought we were just gonna rumble with those greasy Sharks." Frank said.

"Not without seven years of ballet and two of jazz tap, we're not." The head dancer replied, "From the top, people! Look, why don't you just hang back and stretch?"

Frank looked down in disappointment.

End

"I don't get it." Meg said, "The harder I try to make friends, the more people hate me."

"Listen, Meg, you're a one-of-a-kind girl with a mind of her own." Frank comforted Meg.

"What you should do is stop being someone you're not." Tyler advised.

"Really?" Meg asked.

"Yep." Tyler informed, "If people don't like you for who you are, then that's their problem."

"Yeah. I mean, besides, you and I are already friends, right?" John said.

"Yeah." Meg replied.

"Well, that's a start." John.

"Wow, it's so obvious." Meg exclaimed in realization.

"Thanks, daddy, Frank." Meg thanked Peter and gave a kiss on Frank's cheek.

"And thanks, guys." Meg then thanked John and Tyler as she hugged them.

"Hi, mom. Bye, mom." Meg greeted Lois, who was stepping outside, as she, John and Tyler walked into the house.

"Wow, I haven't seen Meg this happy since that bus broke down in front of our house." Lois acknowledged after seeing Meg's attitude.

Cutaway #2

Meg and Peter were sitting on the front porch when a bus reading "Hanson" suddenly stopped right in front of their house. Meg quickly stood up in excitement.

Three tan, blonde boys came out of the broken-down bus.

"Hi, can we use your phone?" One of them asked.

"Holy crap!" Peter exclaimed in horror as he also quickly stood up, "It's The Children of the Corn!"

Peter then got out a shotgun and began firing.

End

"Meg and I just had a little father-daughter talk, along with some talk from her friends." Peter told Lois.

"Well, it seems to have worked." Lois said.

"Hey, I wasn't just blowing smoke when we bought this t-shirts." Frank responded as he and peter lifted their shirt to reveal another shirt underneath reading, "#1 Dad. And "#1 husband."

"Well, you're the number-one husband, too." Lois replied.

"I know. That's why I bought this other t-shirt." Peter said as he lifted his other shirt to reveal yet another t-shirt underneath, this time reading, "No Fat Chicks." Frank looks peter shirt and quickly pulls it down when he realizes what it says. "Whoops."

Later that night, Frank Jr was asleep and Stewie was still up and was writing in his diary.

"'Dear Diary, it seems the domestic overseers are plotting against me." Stewie wrote in his diary, "Their plans somehow relate to the anniversary of my escape from the womb. I'm still haunted by the memories of how I was incarcerated in that amniotic Attica.'"

We go to yet another flashback of Stewie back when he was simply a sperm. However, the sperm portrayed here are actually a type of spacecraft, piloted by babies wearing helmets.

"'As I recall, it was every potential man for himself.'" Stewie wrote.

The sperm were heading straight for an egg cell. Stewie then began taking them out one by one.

"'I alone had reached the target objective, thanks to the peerless intrepidity I developed at testicular boot camp." Stewie wrote as his sperm then entered the egg, "But it was a trap! I was imprisoned in that uterine gulag for nine grueling months.'"

Then it flashes forward to Stewie's developing fetus, writing something in his journal.

"'Day 171. I've sprouted another finger, counting the one from yesterday." Fetus Stewie wrote, then looked down at his feet, "I'm up to 11.'"

Then fast-forwards to a fully-developed Stewie in fetal position.

"'As the months of solitude passed, I began to go insane." Stewie narrated, "It seemed my prison cell was getting smaller and smaller. I was quite sure that soon I would be dead.'"

Just then, an exit opens sideways, emitting light from outside.

"'But then, a miracle! There was a light at the end of the tunnel.'" Stewie wrote, "'I rushed to freedom, but suddenly I was ambushed by a mysterious man in white!'"

Stewie soon realized something as he snapped out of his writing.

"The man in white." Stewie acknowledged in realization, "Of course. He must be the hired professional of whom they spoke. He failed to thwart my escape into the outside world and now, one year hence, he's returning to rectify his mistake and..." Stewie gasped at what he thought up, "...put me back in the womb!"

"What?" Frank Jr said woke up

The next day at James Woods High, Meg was putting her stuff in her locker when all of a sudden.

"Boy, it sure is great being thin and popular." One of the cheerleaders said, who were just walking by.

"Let's go throw up." Another cheerleader suggested.

The others agreed with her.

"Hey, I love throwing up." Meg told them, hoping they'll let her in.

The cheerleaders then laugh and leave. Meg sighs in disappointment and closes her locker, only to get caught surprise by an unfamiliar face.

"Hi. I'm Jennifer." The girl introduced herself.

"Uhh, I'm Meg." Meg responded at first a little uneasy.

"Oh, my God. Your hair is so beautiful, I just want to brush it." Jennifer said gleefully admiring Meg's haircut.

"Really?" Meg asked. Jennifer gave a disturbingly big smile. "You wanna go throw up?"

Meanwhile, Peter, Frank, John, Tyler and Chris are at Cheese E. Charlie's.

"Hey, guys." Chris said to John and Tyler, "Let's go wack some moles!"

"Yeah!" John and Tyler said in unison.

"Now, now, boys, we're not here to have fun." Frank informed the boys as he soon turned his attention to the ball pit. John also had his attention to the same thing. Frank shrugs it off.

"Now your mom is counting on us to drop off the deposit." Peter explained as he, Frank and John took another gaze at the ball pit.

"So, uh, let's just deliver the check and, uh..." Peter said again, but gazes the ball pit yet again.

He, Frank and John then looked at each other, wondering about it.

"Go for it!" Tyler shouted.

The three then dashed toward the pit. John jumped in first.

"Hong Kong Phooey!" Peter shouted as he jumped in the ball pit last, splashing all the balls out and crushing John and Frank underneath.

"Where?" Tyler responded to Peter's phrase.

"Right here." An anonymous source to Tyler's left said. The camera turned to who said it and, sure enough, Hong Kong Phooey was actually there, much to Tyler's surprise. Hong Kong Phooey then, for no reason, karate-chopped a nearby table in half.

The guys then try out the arcade room, where a sign showed a man with signs of being on drugs was posted, reading, and "You must be at least this high to ride."

"Don't they mean 'this tall' to ride?" Tyler asked Peter as he took his off the sign to think about. When he looked at the sign again, it was completely different. This time, it read "Must be at least this tall to ride." Tyler then has a look of surprise on his face after seeing it.

"Yeah! Come on! Oh, go, yeah! Eat my dust!" Chris chanted as he was playing a racing game called Virtual Indy 500 while Frank cheer him on, while John and Tyler were playing Pac-Man and Galaga and Peter next to them was playing another game called Frogger Stuck behind a Bus. "Come on, move it! Come on, oh, man!" Peter said out in frustration at playing the game, "Guys, this place is great. Hey, pull over, you bastard!"

Next, Peter was playing a claw machine, hoping to get a prize, but missed.

"Aw, man." Peter exclaimed in disappointment. He then gets an idea, which he has his hand in the machine and tries to snag one of the prizes inside.

"Hey, Mr. Griffin." Tyler shouted to Peter as he quickly got his hand out, "They even got games in the bathroom."

"Look, I won a balloon!" Chris said as he held up what appeared to be an uninflated balloon to Peter, but we all know what it actually is for those who saw the actual episode.

"Eh, way to go, Chris." Peter congratulated Chris as he looked at his wrist, "He-Hey, where's my watch?"

"Alright. I won a watch." A boy by the machine said, holding Peter's watch, "What's The Dukes of Hazards?"

"Hey, that's mine." Peter exclaimed, "Hey, come on. Come on, give that back!"

Peter tried to snatch the watch away from the boy, but the boy keeps straining him from doing so.

"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" Tyler chanted at Peter.

"Folks in Hazzard Country hadn't seen a watch fight in a long time." Uncle Jesse from The Duke of Hazzard narrated, "Them boys' rassled for a full five minutes before the manager stepped in to tell Tyler to stop chanting 'Fight!'".

"Hands off, fatty!" The boy backed off Peter, then ran off with the watch.

"Get him!" Peter pointed and told the nearest person there.

"I got him!" Tyler responded as he zoomed off toward the kid. Tyler catches him.

"Wait a minute, that's the wrong one." Peter informed Tyler.

"Oh." Tyler exclaimed, realizing that as the real kid got away, "Oh, well, he's gone."

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you and your party to leave." The manager informed Peter.

"Hey, I'm a paying customer." Peter told the manager, "Look, I got a deposit check for my kid's birthday party right here..." Peter then digged deep into his pockets, but wasn't able to find the check in neither one. "Hey, where the hell is it?"

"You mean this?" Tyler asked Peter as he held up the check.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot I gave it to you for safe keeping." Peter acknowledged, "Hey, thanks."

"Oh, Mr. Griffin." The manager acknowledged, "Oh, I am terribly sorry. We're really looking forward to Stewie's special day."

"Well, now I don't know." Peter said to the manager, "After the emotional trauma I've-"

"What trauma?" John asked.

"Play along." Peter whispered.

"Oh." John replied.

"After the emotional trauma I've endured on your premises, I think I deserve a little discount." Peter repeated what he was going to say before Tyler interrupted the first time.

"Sir, our prices are set by the corporate office." The manager informed Peter.

"Well, then we'll go to the corporate office!" Tyler announced, "As soon as I know what a corporate office is and where it is. Whichever one's faster."

"Or maybe I'll just take my business elsewhere." Peter threatened the manager, "Good luck filling our spot by this Saturday."

Suddenly, parents were swarming the manager, asking for open positions.

"I got cash!" A man said.

"I'll take it!" A woman said.

"Suite yourself." The manager replied to Peter's threat earlier.

"Probably shouldn't have said that." Tyler remarked.

"Uh, wait. W-Wait, he was just bluffing." Frank begged to the manager, "My mom has her heart set on this place." Frank then yells after him.

"Chris, this is a big day for you." Peter told Chris, "The day you become the man of the house."

"Why?" John and Tyler asked Peter.

"Because when we get home, Mrs. Griffin is going to kill me."

Frank then noticed Tyler holding a shovel.

"Hey, what's with the shovel?" Frank Jr asked.

"To help dig your pops grave." Tyler replied.

"Oh, right." Peter said.

Back at the house, Stewie was still in his crib, recalling his supposed discovery last night.

"So the man in white is coming to put me back in the womb, is he?" Stewie questioned, "Well, if I'm to defeat him, I shall acquire professional forces." Stewie then pulled out an issue of Soldier of Fortune from the side of his crib.

"Yes, here we are." Stewie said as he began reading the magazine, "'Come to Managua, the Mecca of mercenaries.' I must prepare for my journey."

Stewie put the magazine down and pulled out a red backpack from another side to put everything he needs in the bag for his "trip."

"Let's see, grenades," Stewie checked as he put them in, "mace, baggie full of Cheerios."

Peter and the boys return home, where Lois was sitting at the couch with Brian, who was reading an issue of Doggy Style.

"So, are we all set are Cheese E. Charlie's?" Lois asked Peter.

"Not exactly..." Tyler said uneasily.

"What do you mean?" Lois asked.

"Well, tell her, Mr. Griffin." Tyler pointed to Peter.

"Oh, uh, actually, I cancelled the reservation." Peter admitted.

"What?!" Persephone and Lois expressed as she jumped up from the couch.

Peter gave a nervous chuckle.

"Peter, how could you?" Lois questioned Peter.

"Lois, I got a very good reason." Peter reasoned.

"Oh, wait a second." Frank and Brian halted as they walks out and brings a chair in, "These are always classic."

"Lois, that Cheese E. Charlie's is no good." Peter claimed, "See, it happened like this."

Unlike the real episode, however, it showed only a black title card that read, "Do you really want me to add Peter's story into this fanfic? If you did, well, then I'm sorry, but it's not gonna happen." written in white.

Though it does cut to the part where Peter just escapes from his restraining chair as the Incredible Hulk and getting cut off by Lois.

"Alright, Peter." Lois stopped Peter, "That's enough!"

It cuts back to Peter, Lois, Frank, John, Tyler and Brian, whom was clapping slowly.

"Bravo, Peter." Brian mocked Peter, "You're the Spalding Gray of crap."

"I'll go get your grave ready." Tyler said as he left the room.

Peter, do you know how hard it was to get a reservation at Cheese E. Charlie's?" Lois questioned Peter sternly, "I had to book it on the day of my ultrasound. We'll never find another place in time!"

As Lois was arguing with Peter, John saw Stewie climbing down the window using suction cups. However, one of the cups gets stuck and causes Stewie to crash on the ground. Tyler comes back in the living room, covered in dirt.

"Grave's dug." Tyler announced, "I did find some weird stuff down there."

"What did you find?" John asked.

"These." Tyler said as he pulled out seven diamond-shaped gems in his hands, "Cool, huh?"

"Yeah." John replied, "Wait. Where underground did you happen to come across these?"

"Uhhhh..." Was all Tyler could say?

Cutaway #3

Tyler is actually digging a grave for Peter, but ends up going deep underground instead. Eventually, he pops out of the ceiling of a large, hot cavern. That place was actually Hell. Demons were roaming every territory and people being tortured.

"Oh, geez!" Tyler exclaimed as he soon turned his attention to the floor, "Hey. What's that?"

On the floor were the same gems, now in an open crate. They were blue, green, red, yellow, silver, cyan and purple. Tyler then decided to snatch the gems and is almost caught by the demons. Tyler returns to the surface with the gems in hand. What about the demons chasing him, you may ask? Well, Tyler took care of that by plugging the bottom of the hole with a cliché cartoon cork.

End

"For once, it was all going to be so perfect." Lois sulked.

"Come on, Lois. It'll still be perfect." Peter said, trying to cheer up Lois, "We'll give him the best birthday ever, right here in the safety and comfort of our own home."

"Peter, we've been over this." Lois reminded Peter.

"Mom, you won't have to lift a finger." frank reasoned.

"Yeah, he got a clown, a cake, a petting zoo, a big-ass piñata, you name it!" Tyler said aiding frank, "Though probably not a petting zoo. Maybe. Emphases on the maybe."

"You got all those things?" Lois asked in amazement.

"You bet we did." Peter assured Lois.

"Huh?" Tyler exclaimed in confusion.

"Wow. Even Cheese E. Charlie's doesn't have a petting zoo." Lois acknowledged, "Okay, I'll call the parents and tell them the party's here." Lois then left to do as she said.

As soon as Lois was out of the room, Brian confronted the three, "You all don't have any of those things."

"How do you know?" Peter questioned.

"Peter, face it." frank said, "You're a terrible liar."

Cutaway #4

Peter goes in an elevator with a random man. Everything seems normal, but the man soon smells something that stinks. He turns to Peter.

"Uh." Peter said, "It was you!"

End

"You know, clowns and petting zoos book months in advance." Brian explained, "You're all gonna have a tough time finding a... Oh, hold on." Brian said as a tiny man in a speeding stage wagon passed him. Brian then chased after it to the kitchen. It phased through inside a bottom cabinet and Brian opens to find a bag of dog food. Brian closes it in disappointment at not being able to catch the stagecoach. "Ugh. Some day."

"Guys, I think Brian's right." John told Peter and Tyler, "Maybe we should just think of something else."

"What?" Peter exclaimed, "And let Stewie's party be ruined? No way."

"Well, we still have a cake and a petting zoo to worry about." Tyler reminded Peter, "What's the plan, Mr. Griffin?"

"Easy. It's..." Peter said as he whispered into Tyler's ear.

Meanwhile at the Quahog Airport, Stewie was about to start his "journey" when he walks up to the female worker behind the counter.

"Well, hey there, little boy." The female worker said to Stewie, "Are you lost?"

"Now, listen here... 'Jolene.'" Stewie negotiated with the woman as he read her nametag, "I've got an army to raise and I must get to Nicaragua. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal. And no pickles! God help you if I find pickles."

"Henry, I have a lost little boy." "Jolene" said to the man next to her.

"Well, hey there, little fella." The pilot greeted Stewie, "Why don't you come with me?"

"No! Damn you! You're one of them, aren't you?" Stewie cursed as he was picked up and taken with the man, "What are they paying you? I'll double it! I'll give you whatever you want! Money! Women... Men?"

Back in town, Peter, Frank, John and Tyler were at a plain, where Peter had a leaf blower on.

"Uh, what are we doing here again, Mr. Griffin?" Tyler asked Peter.

"Pigs, Tyler." Peter told Tyler, "We're getting pigs for Stewie's petting zoo."

"Oh." Tyler replied.

Peter turns on the leaf blower and blows down a house made of straw. The resident living inside it, a pig, then retreats to the nearest house around. The house it retreated into was one this time made of sticks, which Peter blew away easily as the house's residential pigs run away now into a house of brick, leaving Peter in a fix.

"Crafty swine." Peter muttered under his breathe.

"Now what, Mr. Griffin?" Tyler asked.

"I got this." John said as he took his fist out.

Peter stopped him and knocked on the door. "UPS" Peter lied, which got the door to open, "Heh. See? Little bastards ain't as smart as- AAAHHH!" Peter exclaimed as he got hit by a paint can attached to a swinging wire.

At the Griffin house, Frank Jr was drawing himself as a super hero, Brian was making himself a sandwich and Lois and Persephone was at the table writing out invitations to Stewie's birthday. Meg then walked in.

"Hi, Mom, Persephone." Meg greeted Persephone, "This is Jennifer. She gave me a ride home."

"Meg, you made a friend." Lois congratulated her daughter.

"What a lovely house, Mrs. G." Jennifer complimented, "Meg, you didn't tell me your mother was just like Martha Steward."

"Oh, no." Lois said flattered, "Once you get to know me, I'm really very nice."

"You know what's nice?" Jennifer asked, "Having a friend like Meg. And kittens. It was super swell meeting you. Bye, Meg. Friends forever."

"Forever and ever." Meg said.

They then shared a giddy laugh and Jennifer left the house.

"Wow! What a great yard!" Jennifer then complimented.

"Guess what, mom?" Meg asked Lois, "Jennifer invited me to a party on Saturday."

"This Saturday?" Lois exclaimed in concern, "Meg, you can't Miss Stewie's first birthday."

"But mom-" Meg said.

"Meg, our entire family is going to be here for Stewie's party and that includes you. Understood?" Persephone sternly informed Meg.

"I can't believe you'd put your family before your own daughter!" Meg said to Lois upset, then stormed off.

"She's a whiny little runt, isn't she?" Brian remarked."

Lois gasped in shock at what she thought Brian called Meg.

Then Frank Jr got out of his chair and slap Brain like a BITCH!

"WHAT, I said 'runt.'" Brian claimed.

Peter and Tyler then stopped at a place called "Exotic Entertainment," where Peter was talking to the clerk inside.

"I, uh, I don't think me and my friend are in the right place, uh..." Peter said.

"We're looking for someone to entertain some little kids for his son's birthday." Tyler told the performance artist, "So, what can you do?"

"Well, I can do, like, a handstand, and some somersaults maybe." The performance artist said.

"Can you do anything else?" Tyler asked.

"Oh, yeah, I can make pretend like the little children are little bugs in my web." The performance artist responded.

"We're just gonna get outta here, right now." Tyler told the clerk as he and Peter slowly stepped back and then dashed out of the shop.

Meanwhile, Stewie was still at the airport. He was in a room with the man who brought him there.

"Do you know your phone number, son?" The man asked Stewie.

"The only way you'll get me to talk is through slow, painful torture." Stewie talked back, "And I don't think you've got the grapes."

"Oh, it sounds like you don't want to go home." The man said surveying Stewie's attitude, "Are you running away?"

"Steward Gilligan Griffin runs from nothing!" Stewie shrugged.

"You know, son, running away never solves anything." The man said, "You're getting to be a big boy now and part of growing up means facing your problems head on."

"Mmm, the ruptured capillaries in your nose belie the clarity of your wisdom." Stewie remarked, "You're saying I must return to face this man in white myself. So be it."

"As for you, kind sage, I only hope my heartfelt thanks will keep you warm as you spend the next the next 10 years in frozen carbonite!" Stewie said to the man as he pulled out another of his own weapons and blast a beam of carbonite at the man, freezing him in a giant chunk of carbonite. Stewie then runs off.

Peter, Frank, John and Tyler were sitting glumly on the front porch, then Brian stepped outside.

"Well, Peter, you, John and Tyler only got a couple of hours left." Brian informed Peter, "If you're gonna pull a party out of your ass, you might wanna stand up."

"I'll back up if you do." Tyler said.

"Same here." John followed.

"Dad, my friend Jennifer invited me to hang out with a bunch of her friends." Meg asked Peter as she stepped out, "Can I go?"

"Whoa, I'm not fallen' for this trick." Peter said sternly, "Did you ask your mother?"

"Yes." Meg said annoyed.

"Okay, then." Peter replied, "Have fun, sweetheart."

"Thanks, daddy." Meg thanked Peter gleefully and left.

"Jesus Christ, pops."Frank yelled

"Way to go, Mr. Griffin." John remarked.

"Yeah, nice work." Tyler agreed.

"Aw, guys, Stewie's birthday is gonna suck." Peter admitted, "The only stuff I could get on such short notice was a cake and that big-ass piñata." He pointed to, literally, a piñata that looked like a big ass.

"Whew, sure hope candy comes out of that." Brian acknowledged.

"Wish we'd got a normal piñata." Tyler agreed.

"Face it, guys. I'm a bad father, a lousy husband, and a spiny dresser."

"I'm not sure about that last one." Tyler said.

"I'll never be able to face Lois." Peter said in defeat.

"Well, the circus is in town." Brian suggested, "Maybe you could run away and join it."

"Yeah, you be a big attraction. We'll make millions!" Tyler shouted as he was then dressed as a ringmaster, but another ringmaster steps in.

"Sorry, kid, but we already got that attraction." The ringmaster informed Tyler.

"Well, then I guess we need plan B." Tyler said as he took off his ringleader outfit.

"Wait, the circus!" frank realized.

Somewhere downtown, Peter and frank was behind an alley, waiting for the marching band to come by. They looks around on what to do, then sees a sign and gets an idea, to which they takes the sign.

The marching band was now coming to theirs direction. Peter then held the sign reading, "Parade route," waiting for the band leader to come by. As soon as he does, "Now" was what Frank shouted and out of nowhere John knocked the leader out and he and Peter dragged him into the alley. Peter then came out as the band leader with Frank and John beside him. They then began leading the circus to their house.

Back at the house, Stewie's party had already started.

"Hi." One of the parents said, "This is the right, isn't it?"

"Oh, yes." Lois assured, "Peter should be back any minute and then we can start the party. Heh. I hope."

"Whoa!" Tyler shouted in excitement.

Peter, Frank and John arrive not a moment too soon as they came in riding an elephant.

"Hey, Lois, look." Peter said, "The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big, fat, white guy who's threatened by change."

"Oh, Peter." Lois responded in joy, "This is the most wonderful celebration I could have imagined."

"Yeah." Peter replied.

"Hey, where's Stewie?" John asked.

"Upstairs, doing who-knows-what." Tyler answered.

Inside his room, Stewie was training for his supposed encounter with the "man in white." He was doing a few taichi stretches before tying his baby bottles together to use as nunchuks.

"I'll go get him." Lois said, "If one of you see Meg, tell her to take lots of pictures."

"Oh, uh, Meg's not here." John said.

"She went to some weird kid's house." Tyler said after.

"What?" Lois exclaimed, "She's gonna Miss Stewie's birthday."

"Yeah, I dropped her off an hour ago." Peter said, "Boy, is she gonna be sorry or what?"

"Oh, Peter, how could you let her go?" Lois asked.

"Geez, what's the big deal?" Peter wondered, "So Meg's with her new friends, they seem like a nice bunch of kids."

"I don't know, they seem kind of weird." Persephone remarked, "Like they're in a cult or something."

As Persephone mentions the word "cult," it soon cuts to the inside of a house, where it was filled with kids who wore the same jogging suit as Meg's new friend, Jennifer.

"I'm so glad you could join us, Meg." Jennifer said to Meg, "We're gonna have a great time on our trip."

"A trip?" Meg asked confused, "Like, to the beach? Cause I didn't bring my bathing suit."

"Oh, you won't need anything for where we're going." Jennifer insured, "Excuse me. I gotta go mix the punch."

Jennifer went to the punch bowl at the table and then placed a box full of harmful substances labeled "Heaven's Helpers Youth Cult." She then began adding various poisons into the punch, such as cyanide, arsenic and rat poison. She also then drops a book into the punch, which floats back up revealed to be Paul Reiser's Couplehood.

Back at the party, Stewie was surveying the area in binoculars and a sailor suit.

"Hey, birthday dude." Frank Jr and Chris said to Stewie, "You want some ice cream?"

"Ice cream!" Tyler shouted.

"Huh?" Chris said as he looked to his right.

Tyler jumped on top of him.

"Yes, but no sprinkles." Stewie replied, "For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill both of you!"

"But if it's one sprinkle, we'll both be dead." Frank Jr said.

"Dammit." Stewie yelled.

John was about to enter the house, when he heard Peter talking to Lois.

"Oh, come on, Lois." Peter said, "I hate to see you so upset. Look, we got animals. We got clowns. I mean, a party couldn't be any better if Jesus Himself showed up."

Cutaway #5

The cutaway is that of the Wedding of Cana, beginning where they have just found out they're out of wine.

"What do you mean we have no more wine?" The master asked.

"I checked. We're all out." One of the servants told him.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to cancel the wedding." The master said.

It then goes to two of the wedding guests.

"Hey, I just heard over at the entree table that they're out of wine and are planning to cancel the wedding." The guest on the right said to the guest at the left.

"What, because of a shortage of wine?" The left guest responded, "That's a little too much, don't you think?"

"Are you forgetting something important here?" The right guest reminded his friend, "Every wedding's gotta have wine. Otherwise, what's the point?"

"Oh, right." The left guest replied.

"Well, I guess we should probably get out of here right now, huh?" The right guest said.

The camera turns its attention to one of the jars full of water. A hand comes out and touches the edge of the jar. The camera then turns back to the master and his servants.

"Oh, hey, hold on, let me just get a drink of water first." The left guest told his friend as he went to the same jar that was touched, "I don't wanna leave on an empty stomache."

He then took a scoop of the "water" and had a sip. Then his widened in amazement.

"Hey, we do have more wine!" The guest acknowledged, "Hey, Gary, quick! Tell everyone that there's wine over here!"

The man's friend rushed off to do as he told him.

The camera then turns to the jar again, this time with Jesus standing next to it, proud of what He did for them. He then winked at the screen.

(A/N: I know it's not the actual cutaway Peter set up in the episode, but I thought since I'm practically a Christian, maybe this should be it instead. Hope you like it.)

End

"Peter, the circus is terrific." Lois affirmed to Peter, "But it's not just Stewie's birthday. We're also celebrating the day our family became whole. Today means nothing if Meg isn't here."

After hearing all that, John couldn't help but feel sorry.

At the house the cult was using, Meg was sitting with Jennifer. Jennifer then took notice of Meg's glum look.

"Meg, you seem sad." Jennifer remarked, "Today's a happy day."

"I know. It's just that..." Meg said as she paused a bit embarrassed, "Well, I really like that guy over there. But he doesn't even know I exist. He must think I'm a total dog."

"Oh, that is so not true." Jennifer shrugged it off.

"Then what is it?" Meg asked.

"He's a eunich." Jennifer answered.

"Really?" Meg asked again curious.

"Sure." Jennifer responded, "All the guys here have been castrated. It's cool."

"Hey, do you think that girl is hot?" A boy asked another.

"No." The other boy said.

"Me neither." The boy who asked first responded.

Then they gave each other a high five.

Back at the house, the party was still going.

Brian was standing around having a drink.

"Hey, you. Hit me." Brian said to a clown as the clown sprayed water in his cup and walked away, "There. Now if I can just find a midget with some gin, I'll be in business."

"Hey, Brian." Tyler said as he and Frank Jr walking up to Brian, "Cool party, huh?"

"Yeah, cool party. Hey, listen, uh, you wouldn't happen to find a midget with a little gin on him, did you?" Brian asked.

"No, but I did meet a ninja with vodka." Frank Jr said as he showed behind him a ninja with a vodka bottle.

"Close enough." Brian muttered.

John walked by them and was about to leave when Brian stopped him.

"Hey, where are you off to, sport?"

"I'm going to go bring Meg back to the party to help Mrs. Griffin." John informed Brian, "You wanna come along?"

"Naw, that's alright." Peter said walking up with Frank, "You can come with me."

"Are you gonna bring Meg back, too?" John asked.

"Yeah, I gotta make things right for Lois and get this monkey off my back." Peter explained and turned around to reveal he literally had a monkey on his back, "Ow! Knock it off! Hey! Hey!"

"I'll help you, Mr. Griffin." Tyler said as he held up his hand and suddenly an energy blast came out, but missed Peter, "Whoa!"

"What the heck was that?" John asked.

"I-I don't know. All I did was..." Tyler said as he accidentally blasted more energy.

"Well, have long have you had that?" Peter asked.

"I guess just now." Tyler suggested, "I'll stay here so I don't hurt no one."

"Good idea." John said as he and Peter left.

Stewie was with a few other babies when he witnessed Tyler's new ability, which he soon learned was from the gems Tyler was carrying in his pockets.

"Fascinating." Stewie remarked, "It appears one of the provider's henchmen have found objects of possibly unlimited power. This could be useful in my confrontation with the man in white."

He then turned his attention to the babies behind him.

"All right, men, the man in white is coming to put me back in the womb." Stewie informed his "troops, "Today he comes for me, but tomorrow it could be you!" Stewie then pointed at one of them.

"Or you!" Stewie said as he pointed at another baby, which then fell over its side.

"I offer you the opportunity to join me at retrieving those gems to use in glorious battle. I know that for some of you, your motor skills are not yet developed. Sadly, you will be used as decoys. But your children's children will know that you fell for a noble cause. Now, who's with me?"

The only thing one of them could respond to Stewie was, "Duckie."

"Ugh! Useless, every one of you!" Stewie reacted frustrated, "Fine. I'll defend myself, and the hell with all of you!" Stewie then stopped as he shook a little, "There, I've gone and soiled myself. Are you happy now?"

Meanwhile, back at the cult's gathering, a gong rang and everyone, except Meg, then got excited.

"Oh, our leader is here to take us on our journey!" Jennifer acknowledged in excitement.

The kids gathered to nearby doors that opened to show the cult's leader, who was also in a blue jogging suit.

"My children, rejoice." The leader announce, "The hour of transformation is close at hand."

He then spotted Meg. "Who are you?" He asked her.

"This is Meg, wise one." Jennifer told her master, "Can she come with us?"

"Perhaps." The leader replied, "Do you have a mind that seeks enlightenment and a heart that seeks purity?"

"Well..." Meg said, "Not really."

"Okay." The leader responded at Meg's answer, "Are you a confused adolescent desperately seeking acceptance from an undifferentiated ego mass that demands conformity?"

"Wow, that sort of sounds like me." Meg replied as she was still oblivious to what was really going on.

"Great!" The leader remarked, "Then all you need is a dark-blue jogging suit. Let's see what we have in stock. What are you? About a 9?"

"No." Meg said flattered, "A 6."

The leader had a look of doubt in his face after hearing it, "Hehehe, right." He replied, "Dispense the refreshments."

Jennifer then poured some punch in a cup and handed Meg her serving.

"There you are, Meg." John said as she was about to take a sip of her drink, but noticed John here, "Hey, frank, Mr. Griffin, I found her."

"Frank, what are you, dad and John doing here?" Meg asked, "Oh, I'm so embarrassed I could die!"

"Hey, hey, not before the rest of us." One of the kids said.

"Meg, your mother wants the family together today." Peter informed Meg.

"Ugh, it's just Stewie's birthday. So what if I'm not there." Meg shrugged, "Who's gonna remember?"

"Your mom will, trust me." frank responded, "She remembers everything. In fact, she always says the best memories she has are when you kids were born."

Peter turned away and then realized.

"Oh, geez, Meg, that's it." Peter said, "This day is more for your mom than it is for Stewie. Oh, with all she's given us, she ought to get whatever she wants."

"I think what your dad's trying to say is that she wants you to be with the family." John said to Meg.

"Really?" Meg asked feeling guilty as she soon hugged her father, "Daddy, you must think I'm the worst daughter ever."

"Oh, no you're not, honey." Peter cheered Meg up, "What about that fat girl from the Judd's?"

"I'm sorry I've been so selfish." Meg apologizes.

"I miss my mom." One of the kids confessed.

Everyone else in the room agreed.

"I also miss my nads." One of them said.

"Mr. Griffin, can we come to Stewie's party, too?" One of the kids asked Peter.

"Sure." Frank replied, "The more the merrier."

"Meg, you have the coolest family." Jennifer told Meg.

"She sure does." Peter agreed as he got a serving of the punch and proposed a toast, "Hey, here to family!"

"To family!" Everyone toasted.

As Peter was about to have a sip of the punch, he looked at his watch, "Aw, jeez, look at the time!" Peter exclaimed, "Come on!" Peter pulled Meg away before she could sip the punch, saving her life in the process.

"Come on, kids." Peter called to the kids in the party, "Let's get going."

Soon, loud thudding noises were heard as Peter looked at them surprised.

"Oh, sorry, Meg." Peter apologized to Meg, "I guess that's another bunch of people that'd rather fake their deaths than go to a party with you."

The cult leader then came back holding a blue jocking suit.

"Children, the time of ascension has arrived." The leader announced as he soon found the now lifeless bodies on the floor, "Oh, for the love of God, haven't any of you been in a cult before? Damn it! I can't achieve transcendence by myself. That would just make me some kind of lone nut. Somebody's got to die with me." After that, he sees Meg in the car going home with her father and John.

"Come back, Meg!" The leader called out as he dashed off toward her, "Whoops. Can't forget my ceremonial white robe."

Meanwhile, the party was almost over and everyone was about to leave.

"Well, I guess there's nothing left but the birthday cake." Lois said disappointed

"Yeah." Tyler agreed.

"Right here!" Meg said as she appeared holding the cake.

"Meg!" Lois exclaimed excitedly.

"I'm sorry, mom." Meg apologized to Lois as they hugged.

"Oh, thank you, Frank and Peter." Lois thanked Peter.

"Hey, no problem." Frank responded, "And John helped out, too."

"Is that true?" Lois asked John.

"Yeah." John replied, "I heard about what you said about this party not meaning anything without Meg and I kind of wanted to help out."

"Oh, that is the most wonderful thing you've ever did." Lois said as she hugged John in gratitude, "Thank you very much."

"Yeah, well, you guys carry on." John said about to walk away, "Come on, Tyler."

"Wait, John, don't you want to join us?" Lois asked.

"No, it's okay, Mr. Griffin." John responded, "This is for the family, not us."

"Yeah, we've been enough of a bother for one day." Tyler said.

"Boys, don't you see?" Lois informed them, "You are a part of the family."

"Really?" John and Tyler said in unison.

"Of course." Lois insured, "I mean you've both done so much for us and it's all because of that that we accept you into our own. Do you at least see that?"

Yeah, I guess I do." John admitted, "Tyler? Don't you have anything you want to say?"

Tyler, however, had only a blank expression on his face. Then after a few seconds, he gave a smile.

"I'm glad you finally see that, boys." Lois said herself having accepted John and Tyler into her and her family's life, "Now how about we have some cake?"

"Great, I can't wait to taste this cake." Peter said, "The guy who sold it to me said it was delicious and erotic."

"What now?" John and Tyler both asked in unison a bit shocked and surprised.

"Peter, there's a naked man on this cake." Lois acknowledged in disgust.

"Why would buy that kind of cake for own one-year-old son's birthday party?" John questioned, "What are you, sick?"

"Hey, sorry, this was the only cake we could get." frank argued, "Besides, there were only two left."

"I know I'm going to regret this, but what was the other cake?" Tyler asked with a slight sense of worry.

"Uh, trust me, you do not want the one of Al Roker with the Hershey Kiss nipples." Peter warned Tyler.

"Ugh! Okay, that's a disturbing image." Tyler shuttered, "I think I'm gonna be scarred for life for that."

"How about you come with me and get Stewie?" John insisted.

"Good idea." Tyler agreed, "Before I hear more disturbing things."

"Well, gather round, everyone." Lois told the party guests, "Once John and Tyler come back, it's time for Stewie's big moment."

The cult leader was outside the front yard of the house and ran toward the door. He knocked and the door opened just slightly.

"Hello?" The leader asked. "Is anybody home?"

Suddenly, the door slammed shut behind him, catching him by surprise. As he tried to go further, he heard scurrying noises from behind, making him more intense.

"Greetings, man in white." Stewie's voice was heard, "I've been expecting you."

"Who said that?" The leader asked in fear.

"Peek-a-boo! I see you!" Stewie's voice teased the man.

The leader turned to find a closet with a mirror on the front.

He then walked toward it.

"You're getting warmer." Stewie teased again.

He opened it and found a baby moniter hanging from the pole

"Where are you?" The man asked in fear, "What do you want?"

"Freedom!" Stewie responded through the moniter, "What do you want?"

"I want to get the hell out of here!" The cult leader shouted.

"Oh, I'm sorry. We're fresh out of that." Stewie informed him, "I'm afraid all we have left is an untimely death."

The leader turned as he still saw nothing else in the closet and closed the door, only to find Stewie's reflection in the mirror, which caused the man to turn around.

"What the hell is this?!" The leader exclaimed in confusion and fear.

"It's a boy!" Stewie answered as he pointed his ray gun toward him.

Just as Stewie was about to fire, John and Tyler came in and witnessed it.

"Hey, Stewie." Tyler called, "Time to have some cake."

"What the?" John exclaimed as he and Tyler both found Stewie threatening the man's life, "Hey, what are you do- Stop!"

John and Tyler then ran toward him and grabbed the gun away. They were now holding Stewie firmly.

"Alright, just what were you planning on doing to this here? Huh?" John questioned Stewie, "Tell me."

Stewie then remembered the gems in Tyler's pocket and reached out and tried to take one, but as soon as he touched one, it glowed and gave a powerful shockwave that pushed everyone back against the wall. It also blew back the gun Stewie was holding and triggered a laser to fire at the cult leader, who was just lying there.

Outside the house, an energy pulsing noise was heard, though no one seemed to notice.

"Hey, are John and Tyler still in the house?" Peter asked.

"Yeah. Where are they?" Meg asked.

John and Tyler then came out straining Stewie in their arms.

"Victory shall be mine!" Stewie said struggling to get out of John and Tyler's arms.

"Yes. And this cake is yours, too." Lois said affectionately to Stewie as she picked him up from John and Tyler's hands and brought him to the cake.

"Are you kidding me?" John remarked.

"Guess not." Tyler said, "Oh, well, cake!" Tyler dashed toward the table with everyone else. John joined them shortly.

"Stewie, make a wish." Tyler informed Stewie, "Blow out the candles and it'll come true-" Tyler then realized something obvious about this, "Wait."

"That's right, little buddy." Frank said to Stewie, "What do you want most in the whole world?"

"The whole world, you say?" Stewie acknowledged.

In his head, Adolf Hitler was giving a speech in Germany, which was then followed by whistling sounds of bombs falling were heard, as well as marching of troops, artillery going off and some explosions. John and Tyler were crossing theirs together, hoping Stewie would think differently.

"Oh, what the hell." Stewie remarked as he blew out the candle and a flash of light shined.

However, instead of what seemed like an endless war was now a disco, much to John and Tyler's surprise. Everyone, including John and Tyler, were dressed in disco attire. Actually, Tyler looked more like Elvis. Then some strange music from japan, was play

The password is afro and sergeant.

Frank, Peter, Lois, Meg, Persephone, Chris, Brian and stewie were beating their chest to the beat, until Frank Jr appeared left saluting then a bored Frank Jr on the right and at last Frank Jr looking pests in the front until fire sign appeared.

Afro! Sergeant! 3, 2, 1, Fire!

Frank Jr moving his arms and legs side to side to a disco beat on the left, then front to back moving his right arm and left arm forward and back with his leg moving one side to the other on the right until Frank Jr does a twirl.

Afro Sergeant! The Afro Sergeant has an afro!
Afro Sergeant! The Afro Sergeant has an afro!

Peter and Lois were doing the same first routine, then moving their hips side to side. Frank Jr was moving his arms side to side then himself side to side

Do not pull it roughly. Do not touch it with your fingers.
Don't come any closer! Don't play with it! Don't touch it!

Then a Frank Jr statue appear sideways spinning around slow like to the beat.

Smolder Smolerin', Shave Shavin', baby.
Bushy Bushy (Crumple Crumple) Hairy Hairy!
It's a tough battle, but first we'll eat first!

Then Frank was holding his headphone listing to something then turn to the people, giggle and Meg was balancing a wooden sword on her head while dance to the beat. And finally frank Jr was moving his arms into a hugging himself very fast then stretching theme and moving side to side. Then slide to the right until Frank and Peter appear smiling on the left, Lois, Persephone and Meg appeared on the right crying tears of joy, Chris appeared upside down in front like a ninja, Brian and stewie the appeared in front of Christ with creepy glass with the fire sign after words

The pure space life form is almost perversely honest!
The enemy's hair is blonde and straight!
As sure as the Earth's swing, it's too sharp for the eyes.
The head of a conceited frog inflates! 3, 2, 1, Fire!

Then Frank Jr and Stewie appear in dressed in disco attire dancing a disco jig turning in circles on the left, then front to back moving his right arm and left arm forward and back with his leg moving one side to the other on the right until on the left side posing saying one word,"Yale."

Afro Sergeant! The Afro Sergeant has an afro!
Afro Sergeant! The Afro Sergeant has an afro!
Afro Sergeant! The Afro Sergeant has an afro!
Afro Sergeant! The Afro Sergeant has an afro!

Everyone began to swing. After giving much thought, John and Tyler then shrug it off in defeat and join the others.

The End.