Coming Undone

By Dr. Shelly McCoy and spockslovechild

Genre: Friendship, Angst, Drama, Romance, Sci-Fi

Character(s): P. Chekov, H. Sulu, Spock/N. Uhura, J. Kirk, L. Bones/McCoy/C. Chapel

Rating: T

Word Count: 3,372

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek... unfortunately.


Ch. 4 – Edge of Logic and Emotion

Stardate 2258.73

..

"Goodbye Spock." She takes his hand and kisses the knuckles lightly.

The last thing he sees of Uhura is her elegant body walking out of his bedroom. He wants to follow her, he should follow her—

--but he doesn't.

Commander Spock woke up this morning feeling like shit--a crude use of words but the truth none the less. It was the first time in years he had no interest in getting out of bed. Because of his actions last night, the side of the bed would never again be occupied by the young woman he claimed to care for so much. It was his own stupidity that drove her away. Her words had an effect on him, but he never took them into consideration--until he realized this morning that she was gone.

His internal clock told him that it was well past oh-seven-thirty and that he should have been awake, showered and dressed at least two hours ago.

When the thought of reality finally kicked in, Spock grasped the edge of his bed sheets and tossed them off his body. He sat up slowly so as not to disrupt the mounting headache building up in the very front portion of his brain.

Then he swings his legs over the side of his bed and stands up. A fresh bluish-gray instructor's uniform is pulled from the top drawer of the dark brown polished mahogany dresser leaning against the furthest wall from his king sized bed. Then he slips into the bathroom for what he hopes will be a refreshing shower.

It proves to be anything but.

So he dresses in silence then makes sure his hair is neatly combed—he even puts on a few squirts of the cologne Uhura got him for Christmas this past year.

Spock actually takes his time putting on his boots. He acts like it's a big chore for him or, he just doesn't possess enough energy to do it.

So when he is finished strapping on the last of his uniform and making himself look presentable, Spock stands and makes small strides towards his front door. Any demons tormenting his soul, he assured himself as he left the apartment, were to be tightly held in check, forced down into the deepest and darkest places within himself where only his consciousness would have to deal with them.

As such on many previous mornings, he had been tasked with supervising the allocation of supplies in the main Academy hanger, so he immediately bee lined for the building the second he stepped foot outside the apartment complex.

He naturally assumed that he would be alone in the hanger this morning; better to collect his thoughts and really put into consideration what he was about to do. However, there appeared to be no such luck for as he entered the hanger and glanced across a delivery path, he noticed another Vulcan walking close by one of the shuttles.

The man's dress was rather unusual though not completely out of the ordinary. Curiosity overtook Spock as he heading toward the figure who stood quietly and looked over his surroundings as if he owned the room. There was definitely a feel that he had been here before, or at least somewhere very similar.

The figure appeared very familiar to Spock, somehow, but something still seemed somewhat off about the elder Vulcan's presence.

"Father?"

The sound of the younger voice caused the figure to turn from his post. Spock, expecting to see his father, was surprised and taken aback when it turned out to be someone else.

"I am not our father," the elder Vulcan replied.

If there was ever a time when Spock felt utterly confused and lost, this was it. For all intents and purposes, he had been staring at, what looked to be...himself, only much older.

His thoughts became erratic, almost as much as the breath being expelled from his lungs. What was he to say to this Vulcan? Then he stopped and realized he had been worrying too much. Obviously, he had to think of something.

Saying the first thing to come to mind, Spock replied, "Hm. Fascinating."

"I've been described with many words before but never that one," the elder Vulcan said, then he stepped forward with his hands clasped behind him. "There are so few Vulcans left that we cannot afford to ignore each other."

Spock's eyes flicker with puzzlement. "Then why did you send Kirk aboard when you alone could have explained the truth?"

"Because you needed each other." Spock Prime stepped forward. "I could not deprive you of all you could accomplish together—of a friendship, that would define you both, in ways you cannot yet realize."

The younger Spock regarded the elder Vulcan with surprise, an emotion he had long ago come to accept as part of him. "How did you persuade Kirk to keep your secret?"

"I inferred that universe-ending paradoxes would ensue should he break his promise."

"You lied."

"Oh, I-I implied."

"A gamble?"

"An act of faith," Spock Prime corrected. "One I hope you'll repeat in the future at Starfleet."

Spock's heart suddenly began to beat harder. "In the face of extinction it is only logical that I resign my commission with Starfleet and help to rebuild our race."

"And yet you can be in two places at once," Spock Prime countered. "I urge you to remain in Starfleet. I have already located a suitable planet on which to establish a Vulcan colony."

Out of the corner of his eye, he notices someone familiar to him—albeit younger—walking towards one of the shuttles.

Spock notices the far off look in his elder counterpart's eyes and glances behind him. He catches the same sight of the individual as Spock Prime did.

Just before she boards the shuttle, Nyota Uhura glances back over her shoulder and in doing so, notes that Spock is looking her way. Not just him—but someone she had not recognized. She knew, however, that this was not Sarek.

Her eyes lock with Spock's. There is sadness swimming around in them, but perhaps a little more. Maybe in some very small way, she hates him. She tries not to and she knows she shouldn't hate him, but a small part of her does.

Just as quickly as she looked at them, she looks away and climbs aboard the shuttle. She, along with fellow crewmembers of the Enterprise, is packing up in preparation for their five year mission.

Spock exhaled slowly then looked back to Spock Prime, who also tore his eyes away from the fading image of the young lieutenant.

"She is a lot different than when I remember her."

"I would assume that many things would be."

Spock Prime nods, then says, "I could not help but get a sense of tension between you and Uhura. May I inquire as to the reason behind this?"

Spock sighed. "I informed her last night that I would be leaving to help rebuild our race. She did not take well to this news and informed me that she didn't see a point to my assistance to a race of people who did nothing but hate and look down upon me for years. Her words did not sink in until this morning and I realized she was right. My home now is Starfleet and...with her."

"I see so you and Uhura are together in this universe then?"

"We were," Spock corrects him. "She ended our relationship last night, stating I was being illogical and she did not want to continue on with me while I was with another woman. I understand now where she was coming from."

Spock Prime actually smirks. "Uhura always was an intelligent woman. I see it has not changed in this universe." Seeing her again, or at least any version of her, made him feel warm inside as if he was awakening on Genesis all over again.

"Did you know her well in your universe?"

"Yes, though not as well as I would have liked to." Spock Prime sighs deeply, having hoped to long since buried the subject of his Uhura—and he still called her that even to this day. "She was always a very fascinating woman and the fact she was always an emotional person never bothered me. I-I loved her..."

Spock's lips twitch a bit.

Since he was a boy, he had always believed his father had married his mother because it was logical and it wasn't until Amanda Grayson had died that the truth came out. It also allowed him to realize that loving Uhura was never a bad thing and admitting it to her was not a crime.

"Why, then, did you never say anything to her?" Spock asks.

"I wanted to but my pride over Vulcan logic prevented me from it." He reaches into the left pocket of his robes and pulls something out, though his fingers remained closed over it. "I carried this around with me for years, hoping that I would overcome whatever doubts and fears I might have but by the time I did, it was too late. I was married to someone else and she was gone."

Spock watches as the elder Vulcan unfurls his fingers to reveal a diamond ring. The young commander was slightly taken aback, but hid this well.

Then Spock Prime took the younger man's right hand, unfurled his fingers and placed the engagement ring in the palm of his young, unwithered and unwrinkled hand. Spock looks at the elder Vulcan as Spock Prime pulls his hand back and drops it at his side.

"Sir, why are you giving this to me?" Spock asked.

"Because you don't need to make the same mistakes I did," he answers. "You are half-Human, Spock, which means you struggle with human emotions more so than anyone else but don't ever be afraid of them. I was and I lost the only thing that really mattered to me. I don't want you waking up one morning realizing that all you could have had is gone forever."

Spock Prime turns away from his younger counterpart, now seemingly satisfied at the turn of events. He hopes that what he said had changed the young man's mind but all he could do was hope that things would work out for him.

People who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Spock Prime did not want Spock to be that person. He has already lost too much.

Turning again, his eyes fall on the young man, then says suddenly, "Since my customary farewell would appear oddly self-serving, I shall simply say good luck." He raises his right hand and parts his fingers.

Spock raised his hand to mirror the salute and parted his fingers in exactly the same way as Spock Prime had done, to the exact same height and distance as the heavily wrinkled and aged fingers rising in the air.

Those nearby would have been witness to this display of perfectly matched salutes and would have easily been forgiven for mistaking them for being made by the same person.

Spock Prime turns away again as Spock lowers his hand then inspects the diamond engagement ring still clutched in the palm of his left hand. He glances over his shoulder to the shuttle in which Uhura disappeared into, and then sighed heavily.

..

She didn't know why she was still making a big deal out of this. It was over. She made that perfectly clear to him last night after he had decided to leave. But seeing him again in that shuttle bay and making eye contact with him—even for a second—was enough to jar her conscious thinking.

Maybe if she just continued to pack up the last of her suitcases and -not- think about him then she would be okay.

As Uhura filled her last suitcase with more clothing and her shoes, her dark eyes drifted to the empty bed nearest the wall. That was Gaila's bed, and Gaila was dead. A knot formed in Uhura's stomach and pulled tightly. And before she knew it, nausea was kicking her ass. She dropped whatever article of clothing she had clutched in her hands and fled to the bathroom.

Uhura collapsed to her knees in front of the toilet and upchucked the Cajun cuisine she had earlier that day. She knew it was because of all the repressed emotions that were building up inside her, and not because of anything else. Nausea was just one of the many things she was fighting with lately.

Just after climbing to her feet and flushing the toilet, Uhura turns and exits the bathroom. Returning to her bed, she picks up the piece of clothing she had abandoned in favor of throwing up then continued packing.

During her packing, she pulls open the top drawer of her nightstand and discovers a half-opened package of birth control pills. Uhura picks them up and tosses them into the trash can. Won't be needing those anymore. Just before she closes the drawer, she notices a picture framed by a fine polished cherry wood frame. Picking it up, Uhura inspects it closely. It was one of the rare moments she actually got of Spock. He hadn't been paying attention when she took the picture but he forgave her when she showed it to him.

Just as Uhura begins to get lost in her own world, someone knocks on the door. But she doesn't answer. In fact she refuses to. She has a feeling that she already knows who it is so therefore, he can wait.

However, he doesn't wait. Not getting an answer from her, he overrides the code with his clearance and steps inside.

When Uhura hears the door swish open but the visitor not say anything, she takes the picture then pivots on the balls of her feet and hurls the picture towards her visitor.

Spock quickly side steps to avoid being hit in the face. The picture, instead, crashed against the wall beside him and the glass shatters. He locks eyes with Uhura for a moment then glances down to the broken picture frame. Bending down, he retrieves the photo which had gone undamaged in the fall then begins walking over to her.

Her heart leapt into her throat, and then she asked, "What the hell are you doing here? I thought you would have left by now." Regardless of him coming closer to her, she turns and pretends like he isn't even standing close enough to where she can hear him breathing.

"No," he states, and then sets the picture in the opened suitcase. "I have chosen to remain with Starfleet, Nyota. You were correct in what you said last night. I should have no loyalties to them anymore. I just thought that perhaps I could earn their respect by doing this when they needed help in their darkest hour."

Uhura turns. "I can appreciate wanting respect, Spock, but I just think you're going about it the wrong way. They obviously don't care about you. They made that perfectly clear. You need to stay with people who actually do give a damn. Like I do."

"I know this and I was a fool to think I could leave and things would be different." He gently sets his hands on her shoulders and sighs. "My place is here with you. I realize this now and I should have realized it sooner. I...am sorry for my actions last night."

"No, Spock," Uhura sighed, sighing deeply. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like I did. I should have been more understanding to your feelings. I was just...scared. I didn't want to lose you again so I reacted unfavorably."

"Lose me again? Nyota, you never lost me before."

"When you and Kirk transported to the Narada, I had this terrible fear that you wouldn't come back. Sitting on the bridge with the others, I felt a painful tug in our mental bond when your ship crashed with the Romulan one and a nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach. I thought you had killed yourself. So when I hear from Sulu that Scotty had beamed aboard three people, my heart soared. I felt like collapsing into you and just crying I was so scared. Oh, Spock." She leans into his body and buries her face in his chest.

Spock wraps his arms around her and holds her close to him, meshing their bodies together as one entity.

She allows herself to take comfort in his heartbeat. As the throbbing organ beat at an accelerated rate, she focused on it and it calmed her. The rhythm relaxes her in a way quite like his voice does when he talks to her and she feels as if she is the only person in the room.

When Uhura pulls her head back from his chest, she looks up at him and smiles. Spock brushes his fingers against her forehead, then leans down until his lips are meeting hers. The kiss is by no means passionate, but sweet and tender.

He allows himself to kiss her a moment longer until he feels satisfied that she will feel comforted and protected by him.

Uhura squeezes his hands for a moment then sits down on the edge of her bed, just to the right of her suitcase. One hand clasps over her stomach, as if she feels like she needs to hurl again. This causes alarm in Spock.

"Nyota, are you alright? Are you ill? Do you need medical attention?" He asks, bombarding her with too many questions all at once.

"I'm fine," she answers. "The chili I ate earlier isn't agreeing with me and with everything happening so fast all at once, I guess my body just decided to punish me."

"You're not...I mean, this is not...Nyota, are you sure you are not...?" Though his question trails off as he sits beside her, the message was well received.

Uhura chuckles. "No, Spock. I'm not. It's just a normal stomach ache."

"You are positive?"

"Yes." Then she looks at him. "But your face was priceless. Thanks. I needed a good laugh."

"Nyota, I do not think that would ever be a joking matter." Spock frowns.

Gaining her composure back, Uhura's tone suddenly changes. "I'm sorry, Spock. You're right. I shouldn't joke about that. I didn't think the idea would ever appeal to you."

"Nor did I but recent circumstances seem to have changed my outlook for the better. If I were to have children with anyone, it would be with you. I love you, Nyota."

"What?" She asks, as if she didn't hear him.

"I said I love you."

"Yes, I know what you said but...you've never said that to me before."

"I know. I realize I should not have been worried about ever saying it in the first place. When I was a boy, my father told me he only married my mother because it was logical, not that he ever loved her. It wasn't until after her death that he revealed to me the truth and I realized that loving someone is not something I should be afraid of or ignore. I love you, Nyota, and I would shout that from the top of the Bay Bridge if I had to."

Uhura smiled with tears in her eyes. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to say that to me, Spock."

"You deserved to hear it." He brushes tears away from her eyes. "You do not ever have to be afraid again, Nyota. I am always here for you."

Reaching out, she leaned forward and placed both arms around him, then pressed her lips against his own. Mixed with newfound awaken feelings, Spock responds to her with his body and soul.

No one witnessing this display of emotion could have mistaken it for anything other than a share of passion between two lovers; the modern day Romeo and Juliet.

Her body trembled a little but he held her so close that it soon stopped trembling and all she could feel was his heart beating against her chest and his lips against hers. Spock needed her to know that she was comforted and loved. And if he needed to dip into his human emotions in order to do that then he would. When it came to Nyota Uhura, he would give her the world.


Author's Note: This chapter was also written by spockslovechild =). Since I've decided to split this up into separate chapters to deal with all of the characters, she is taking Spock/Uhura and McCoy/Christine while I take Chekov, Sulu, Kirk and Scotty.

Thank you to all that have reviewed so far. I really appreciate it!

Live long and prosper

~Dr. Shelly McCoy