Tori sat down and handed Jade another water bottle. They were choosing the third movie, after Rent and Chicago. Jade stretched and cracked her neck, loudly. Tori cringed.

- Let's take a break, my body's aching.

- Do you want to go into the hot tub? The ceiling is translucent so we can see the rain falling, it feels really nice.

- Ah yeah, cool!

Both went upstairs to change. Tori lent Jade a black swimsuit and they changed in different rooms. When Jade came out of the bathroom, she saw Tori grabbing some towels and couldn't move her eyes from her tanned skin. When Tori turned around, Jade quickly looked away, blushing. Tori smiled.

Both girls walked downstairs, commenting the movies. Tori turned on the hot tub and after a few minutes, both went in, relaxing.

- This is heaven. – Sighed Jade. They stayed silent for a while. Tori humming a melody softly, while Jade was almost falling asleep.

- And I'd give up forever to touch you, 'cause I know that you'd feel me somehow… - Jade opened her eyes, surprised at the music choice. She loved that song.

- You're the closest to heaven that I'd ever been and I don't want to go home right now… - Jade sang, quietly. Tori smiled and Jade looked at her, faking a hurt look. – Hey! Don't leave me hanging…

- Sorry, I like your voice way better. Could you sing it for me? – She said, closing her eyes. She was so, so tired. She leaned to her side slowly, dropping her head in Jade's shoulder. Jade kept singing, without any complaint.

When Jade finished singing, Tori pouted. Jade laughed and stroked her hair, distractedly.

- Why did you start?

Tori knew exactly what she was talking about.

- Uh… I don't know…

- You can tell me.

- I really don't know, my memories are mixed… I can't remember when something happened, like, I know it happened but I can't place it in a timeline…

- That's a symptom of depression. – Jade commented, sadly.

- I'm not depressed – She murmured.

- Yeah, I doubt that… - Tori flinched uncomfortably and Jade stroked her hair again, to calm her down. – If you wanna know, I started when my mom died.

- I'm sorry.

- I don't know if you know this, but she had a sick accident. She was in a lot of pain, and didn't die instantly. We had a fight the night before it happened. – Tori raised her head and looked at Jade. – I remember thinking that if I cut deep enough, I'd be able to feel her pain. I'd be able to connect with her somehow. It was twisted, I know. – She laughed bitterly. Tori hugged her close.

- I'm so sorry.

- Don't say it. It has nothing to do with you.

- Still, I'm sorry you feel this way.

Jade hided her face in Tori's neck and breathed deep. Tori knew she wasn't crying, but she needed the hug. She hummed another song, softly playing with Jade's locks. The rain pounding in the glass made everything more relaxing.

- I like that you went from hating me to this. – Tori said, smiling. Jade raised her head a little and looked at her.

- I guess it wasn't real hate. – Tori laughed, still playing with Jade's hair. She sighed contently. – I guess I was just scared. I like you.

- I like you too.

They fell into comfortable silence again, the confession muffled by the sound of the rain, like it was nothing.

- I like coming here when it rains. – Tori explained, Jade hummed signaling she was listening. – I look up and see the dark sky, the sound of the rain, the infinite sky. I feel so tiny, so insignificant.

- You're not…

- No, you don't understand. I love feeling small, I love coming here and feeling like my disappearance would mean nothing. I feel calm. The world is so big, the universe is so gigantic it wouldn't matter if I was gone. I feel like I can make my own decisions. Like I'm free.

- You are free.

- But I'm not! All the decisions I make are conditioned by everything around me. I can't change myself without affecting others. I can't live or die without affecting others…

Jade raised her head and sat straight. She had never thought it that way. Tori held her hand underwater and played with her fingers, softly. She didn't look at her eye.

- I sometimes wish I could just disappear, make everyone forget me so they wouldn't be sad…

- If you don't want people to be sad, then don't die. – Jade said, almost pleading.

- That's why I'm not dead, I guess. But it's sad, don't you think? – Jade looked at her, questioningly. – I'm living this life for others, not for myself.

Tori looked up again.

- You're the philosophical type. – Jade stated, suddenly.

- Say what?

- Your depression, I mean. It's the philosophical type. I'm more the angry type, not thinking about my feelings or analyzing them, just punching everything in the face.

- I'm not depressed. – Tori said. Jade squeezed her hand.

- Everything you said is something I had never thought about before, but it was still in my head. I feel so related, but I guess I never thought about it. It's scary.

- What's scary?

- Thinking about why you're not normal, like everyone else.

- What is normal anyway.

Jade smiled at that.

- I wish I was okay. – Tori looked at her. Her eyes looking down, unshed tears sparkling. She kissed her in the forehead and hugged her close. – I wish you were okay.

- I am okay. – Murmured Tori, closing her eyes.

- Promise me something. Promise me you'll go get help. Professional help.

- Jade…

- Please. If they tell you you're okay, then I'll let it go. But please, please. Try.

Tori smiled.

- Okay, but only because you said please a lot of times.

Jade chuckled, but kept her close. Both hugging, obvious sadness in the ambient. But there was also another feeling. A caring feeling, something that felt like love.

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A thunder noise was heard, and then a tiny scream, and then a laugh. There was an empty pizza cardboard in a table, and a scary movie playing on the TV. Jade was sitting on the couch holding a frightened Tori close. She was hiding against her neck after another jumpscare.

- C'mon, Tori… I picked this movie because jumpscares are lame.

- I'm gonna have nightmares. – She said, her breath ticking Jade's skin. She felt goosebumps.

- You're just exaggerating to get me to hug you… - Tori raised her head, blushing deep red. Jade laughed at the sight.

- So what? I thought you didn't mind…

- Of course I don't, come here you idiot. – Jade grabbed her wrist and pulled. Tori smiled and landed on Jade's side, sighing happily. They watched the movie silently, Jade holding Tori's hand. Tori not faking more scares.

When they were finished, they cleaned around. Tori stretched and looked at the time. It was almost 1 am. She looked at Jade, who was sleepily checking her phone. Her hair falling on her sides, her beautiful eyes. She smiled. She did like Jade.

She opened her eyes in surprise. She liked Jade! A lot, actually. She was beautiful, funny, caring and soft. She already knew she had a warm side, but nothing could ever compare to what they had shared today. It was almost magical. Tori didn't realize she was still staring until a very amused Jade stood up and waved a hand in front of her eyes. Tori shook her head, and blushed.

- What are you thinking about? – She asked, smirking.

- You. – Tori said, not really thinking about it. Jade blushed, and Tori suddenly realized. – I mean…

- Do you usually think about me, Vega? – Jade said, in a playful mocking way. Tori knew she was trying to hide her blush.

- Yeah, I do. – She said, looking at her in the eye. "Big mistake" she thought, getting immediately lost in them.

They stared at each other, eyes locked. Jade looked at Tori in a way that only could be defined as adoringly, and she looked at Jade like she was the only thing in the room. Jade took a step closer, Tori placed her hands on her waist and hugged her close. Their faces inches close. Their breaths mixing, tingling their skins. "I need to kiss her." Both thought, and leaned forward.

A door opening made them stop millimeters before meeting, and both opened her eyes wide. Jade jumped back and they quickly made their way to the couch again. The door closed again and Trina dropped her bag in the floor and looked at them.

- Hey sis, hey crow girl. – She went to the fridge and grabbed a water bottle. – I was in this really great party with my friend Marissa when suddenly a hot guy started talking to me, long story short. I'm sorry I didn't call. I know you get all worried when I get home late. – She drank the water and grabbed a snack. – You okay? – She asked worriedly when she saw both girls looking at her, silently.

- Ah, yeah, sorry we were… We were going to sleep now. – Tori said, quickly. They both stood up and grabbed their things. – It's okay, I knew you were okay. I hope you had fun.

Trina stared at them questioningly. The teens just smiled nervously and disappeared.

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- Oh my god! Your sister, again! – Groaned Jade. Tori locked her door and fell into her bed, letting a nervous laugh out.

- She always comes when we're… Well, she always interrupts… Nevermind. – Tori sighed, closing her eyes. She felt a weigh on the other side of the bed. – Are you tired?

- A bit… - Jade said, yawning. Tori smiled and stroked her hand, softly.

- You're generally so soft and warm, but your hands are really cold. – Tori stated. Jade smiled.

- Yeah, I've always had cold hands. Hands are a reflect of the heart. – Tori groaned at the comparison, not liking when she said that thinks about herself. Jade smiled and pulled her close, so her head was on Jade's neck. – Your hands are soft and warm, meaning that your heart is soft and warm as well. But they're also full of tiny scars, peeled skin, small bruises and burn marks. They look like hands from someone who works in the country side. – Tori chucked. Jade held her hand in front of her eyes so she could examine them better. – The peeled skin and the little red parts probably hurt. Your hands hurt sometimes. That means that your heart is aching because you work too much for others. - Tori looked at her, surprised.

- How do you know it's for others and not for myself?

- Because If you worked for yourself, you would take care of your hands better.

Tori smiled. She liked this game. She held her hand and looked at it, thoughtfully.

- Your hands are soft, but really cold. You have to get used to the coldness to notice the softness. They're beautiful. Your nails are perfectly done, you probably use some hand cream. – Jade laughed. – But if you look closely, in the palm, there are some rough spots. Like if you had dug your nails really hard a lot of times until you hurt yourself. But then you cured it. And again, it looks like they're perfect. – She paused, looking at Jade in the eye. – Your heart is soft, really soft. But is also aching. You cover it, making it seem like it's perfectly fine, and then you add a cold layer so it's harder to reach. So it's harder to discover that there's a warm, caring side that is so fucking scared of getting hurt.

Jade stared at her, not being able to pronounce a word. Tori laughed and hided her head in her neck, breathing her scent. Falling in deep. Jade smiled widely, holding her close. Her chest filling with a warm feeling.

- I beat you in your own game. – Tori murmured, mockingly.

- You did. – Jade said.

- Did you just… Admit it? – Tori looked up, and her smile turned into shock when she saw tears on her cheeks. – Hey…

- It's not sadness. – Jade said, looking somewhere in the ceiling.

- Jade…?

- It's not sadness. It's something else. I'm… I'm not sad. I'm just… Really relieved… - She closed her eyes and held Tori's hand, smiling. – I feel like you get me. And it's amazing.

- I adore you. – Tori sighed, her eyes heavy. Jade blushed deeply.

Tori leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Jade's cheek, wishing her a good night. She smiled, the warm feeling on her chest increasing.

- Hey, Tori? – She asked, softly. – Can you do that again?

Tori leaned forward, laughing quietly. She was about to reach Jade's cheek when she suddenly felt her head turning and then… She met her lips.

She gasped on surprise, feeling like thousands of butterflies had just broken free on her stomach. She leaned closer, closing her eyes and deepening the kiss, feeling Jade's hand cupping her cheek. Their lips moved together, slowly. Tori placed her hand in the back of Jade's head and gently pulled her closer. It felt amazing. Every single thing about that moment felt incredible. She noticed Jade smiling against her lips, and she kissed her deeper, almost desperately. She didn't want it to end. But it had to.

She reluctantly let Jade break the kiss and they both smiled, foreheads together and breathing heavily. Jade's hand was still on her cheek and she started stroking it, lovingly. Tori opened her eyes and met Jade's in, probably, the most special moment she had ever experienced.

Jade leaned forward and placed a soft kiss in Tori's lips. It was short and sweet. Tori found herself longing those lips as long as they were away from her.

- Rest well. – Jade murmured, pulling Tori in her embrace. She sighed happily and closed her eyes.

This was a new type of addiction way better than hurting herself.

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are you the philosophical type or the angry type?

thank you for all the favorites and reviews, it feels nice

- k