~When coming home, don't take too long~
The tension that had seemed to fill the room upon her arrival all but dissipated with their shared smile and Elleree couldn't help but give a quiet, relieved sigh.
Everything about Royal Guardian John Elmont made her feel so unsure of herself - of her feelings, about what she wanted, and who she thought she should be - but when he smiled at her, she felt...right. Like...all that she was, all that happened, was exactly as it was supposed to be. Somehow, her life made sense.
In the past days since the attack, Elleree had hardly been able to think of anything except him and she found herself wanting nothing but to be near to him. A real connection to another person was a difficult thing to find in this world, at least it always had been for her and for the first time she wanted to explore the possibility, however remote, with Elmont.
Although tonight she had come to his home for the purpose of making sure he was alright as his friend - in her heart, deep down, she knew she wanted so much more. Wanted anything and everything he could give. And wanted to give as much of herself as she could in return, to take care of him, if he would let her.
And she found she really hoped he would.
For a few minutes they were quiet. Outside the rain pattered, steady and fierce, against the windows while inside the fire crackled in the hearth. The fury of the storm seemed to heighten the coziness of Elmont's home, and she wondered if he felt the contentedness that she did in this moment.
Finished with her meal, Elleree cleared the food and dishes quickly and quietly and poured herself a small measure of ale before she returned to the table, this time taking the seat at Elmont's side.
A long cleansing breath escaped him when she turned toward him, though he did not look up. Through his glass the ale glistened like gold in the firelight and his gaze was fixed within as if he might find some answer in the swirl of amber liquid.
But they both knew there simply was none.
"Those men...were my responsibility," he said. His voice was quiet again, reverent almost but so honest it made her heart clench.
"Yes." She set her own glass down, fully turning toward him. "But I know you Elmont. I know you did your best, I know you were incredible. And you won, you beat them -"
"Jack beat them. Jack found the crown." His voice held no bitterness or remorse, only matter-of-fact. It was very much like Elmont to take no credit, but she knew it was not true.
"You did it together. You held them - Giants - at bay until Jack was able to get the crown."
His soft blue eyes had glazed over again, haunted by what had happened in Cloister as he stared ahead at nothing. She could only imagine what he saw in his head.
How she wished she could just take it all away... But Elleree Rowan knew a thing about suffering. And she knew that what she could do was to simply stand by him until the sharp edges of pain dulled with time, and they would. Eventually.
Against his thigh, his fingers drummed restlessly, the motion illustrating his own disquiet.
For a moment she hesitated before she took his hand in her own and she tipped her head to catch his eyes. "I know how painful it must be to lose those men, in that way. But think of the lives that you saved."
Gently, she squeezed his hand, her small fingers wrapped around his stronger ones and he returned the gesture in agreement. He seemed to gain strength from the connection, and he took a breath.
"You're right, of course."
Elleree nodded, as much for him as herself, encouraging, but still wishing there was more she could do or say.
Unconsciously she rubbed her thumb across his knuckles, but even when she realized what she was doing, she couldn't stop.
The pad of her thumb drew little circles over his roughened skin, tracing the joints and the line of each long finger. Unbidden, a memory came to mind of these very hands brushing over her own sensitive skin, tender but so sure...
Her heart skipped.
Elleree was not in the habit of letting herself sink into memories and daydreams of the time she had spent in his arms. They were moments. Moments of thoughtlessness, of weakness, when neither one of them had been able to resist the inevitable, compelling draw they felt to one another.
Only a few moments in time, best left alone, in the past.
But she was beginning to question if those sentiments were only her own fear speaking. What if they could have more, what if it had always been possible? If John were to truly want her, who would dare argue? It was true they were quite far apart in class, but he had never treated her as less than him, even when they had been on opposite sides of the law. Perhaps the only real thing between her and Elmont were the stone walls she had erected herself.
More often it seemed the memories of them, together, were springing to mind the longer she went without seeing him or even more so if she caught a glimpse of him in the square. Each time it caught her off guard, her breath caught, her pulse leapt... She kind of liked it. She kind of wanted more. But she had no idea how to broach the subject with him, or herself.
Lost in thought, it startled her a little when Elmont squeezed her hand again. Looking up, she met his eyes which seemed to be questioning silently, and he grinned.
"I'm sorry." Elleree shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. "I'm never any good at finding the right words."
"On the contrary."
"I'm trying," she said softly. "I wasn't sure if you would want to see me, and I had no idea what I was going to say, but..."
"But you came anyway."
"I had to."
He cocked his head, studying her, eyes bright. She had the feeling he was trying to see right through her and she was sure he was able. It was...a bit disconcerting for her, but not unwelcome. It made her stomach flip-flop and she felt her cheeks heat under his scrutiny.
"Why?" he asked.
Elleree swallowed and she found herself playing with his fingers again, though he didn't pull back and that gave her courage. "I was away, but I heard what had happened - and I... I couldn't imagine how you could make it out alive, and I -" She stopped unsure how to finish the sentence. The truth was she had simply needed to see him.
Another change this week, the biggest one - she found herself truly contemplating what was really important to her. And then she'd ended up here. She knew what that meant even if she couldn't quite admit it yet to herself.
"Thank you, Elleree. For coming, I - This has been difficult." He paused, and then smiled at her. "Did you really come all this way, in a storm, just to check on me?"
"I wanted to see you," she admitted, voice quiet. "For myself. And check on you. I owe you after all."
Perhaps he had leaned toward her, or maybe she had somehow moved on her chair but suddenly she found herself very close to the man beside her.
"You've never owed me anything, Ree."
Mesmerized by the intensity of his blue eyes from so close, she watched, hardly breathing as his gaze flicked to her mouth and then back again.
"On the contrary," she murmured.
"Well, thank you," he smiled faintly. "I am beginning to feel better."
They were so, so close she felt the flutter of his expelled breath on her cheek and he looked at her mouth again.
Was he going to kiss her? Did she want him to?
Oh yes. More than anything.
Somehow he knew. Or maybe, maybe he wanted it himself.
One strong hand brushed across her shoulder before he slid his fingers along the curve of her jaw. Cupping her face in his palm, she leaned into his gentle touch. The tip of his thumb swept across her lower lip, catching it, and her lips parted to accommodate him.
"Elleree." It was a whisper, exhaled softly, felt as much as heard, and all she could do was give a little hmm in reply.
"I'm going to kiss you."
A fair warning was always nice.
That is, if her brain was functioning...but it had stopped some time ago and before she could even consider what she might say in reply to that - yes? okay? what's taking you so damn long? - his lips were on hers.
Warm. Soft. Exactly as she remembered but somehow more, too. His mouth brushed with enticing gentleness across hers, coaxing her along, urging her closer in mind and body and she acquiesced, willingly, a quiet sound of pleasure escaping her throat. She would go wherever he wanted.
The hand at her jaw slid back to twine within the loose strands at the nape of her neck and the kiss deepened.
The short hairs of his mustache tickled under her nose as he pressed closer but she hardly noticed and did not care. His tongue touched against her lips; she opened to him and it swept, slowly, through her mouth, across her own tongue and back again. So slow, so gentle. He set her blood aflame and she gave a soft moan as his arm reached around her waist to pull her closer.
The kiss broke only when they could no longer go on without breathing, but they did not part.
His eyes seemed to search hers, glittering even in the low light from the fire behind them and his thumb rubbed against the sensitive skin at the back of her neck. "Stay..." he whispered, just enough of a question in his expression to tell her he was as taken off guard by this, by them, as she was. He brushed his lips across hers again.
Yes. She could not deny how much she wanted to.
Absolutely breathless, Elleree pulled back to smile at him, and had to clear her throat before she could speak. "I thought you wanted me to leave when the storm let up?"
When he answered, his voice was just a little deeper. "Then we can hope it goes all night."
Ohhh, yes... Elleree could not help a little shiver and a swift breath in response. "I think I might be able to stay, in that case."
Elmont chuckled, his arm shifting to try and pull her a little closer though their positions on separate chairs made it a little awkward. "You 'think?'"
She knew, and he knew - the pull between them was too strong to deny, when they were alone in his home, with the rain beating on the roof and the fire, both from the hearth and from within, so inviting. But she kept quiet, not wanting to give up the game just yet.
And Elmont persisted, his smile making her heart flutter. "Tell me what you came here for."
"I came here for you," she answered simply. "To lift your spirits."
"And if you staying is the one thing that will 'lift my spirits?'"
She wanted to scold him for being so suggestive, but it was too good, too much, too right.
"But...are you sure? With me?" she asked. The look she gave him was coy, playful. Still there was a part, a huge part of her that could hardly believe this was real, that he wanted to be with her above anyone, everyone else.
His expression turned though - so genuine and heart-felt; his feelings were undeniable. "Only you, Ree."
Too good.
Elleree gathered all the courage she could muster from somewhere deep down inside, because she wished, so greatly, that she could be everything he deserved and wanted.
"I'm here for you."
AN: Thank you so much for reading, and please let me know what you think! Especially about the kiss :)
