Alright, so super sorry it's taken me so long to update, but I've been busy with stuff and such, sigh; c'est la vie.
Chapter Content: Rhetoric of sexual deviance, violence, no sex
Negaduck: The lemon is coming, don't you worry
Bloodshark: The reactions are gonna be a little...Chasing Amy-ish, but I'll try and make them funny
Chapter 4: Beef Wellington
Harley closed the door to Ivy's lair, a place that is cluttered with botany equipment, but many species of rare plants. Other than that, the place just resembled any ordinary house...if ordinary is the word being sought. Ivy was in the living room, sprawled out on her couch watching a movie on a crappy 20" TV. "Harley?" she asked
The clown girl quickly turned around to see the green skinned girl look up from the couch "Oh, hey there Red." she said nervously
"From the looks of the bags you've left, somebody needs a place to stay." Ivy began, looking back at the TV "Because I bet that same somebody for the umpteenth time walked out on Mr. Happy-or were you thrown out this time? You've done it so much it's all hazy to me."
Harley rolled her eyes playfully and made her way to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of something. "Not this time Red, I'm done with the Joker."
This time Ivy rolled her eyes, and turned to the blonde girl making herself right at home. "Yeah right, this time tomorrow you'll be talking about him again, maybe a week later you'll be talking to him again, a few days after that you'll say how much it was your fault, and by the end of that day you'll be right back in his psychotic arms where you will be used as his hench-wench/sex toy until he goes completely berserk-where in some feat of defiance you leave him to cool off, and then we start the process all over again." Ivy paused, looking back at the TV "Harley-girl I love you, more than I've loved any human being on this earth, but you know damn well until you take some sort of action against him, that's what's going to happen...and unfortunately-"
"I shot him." Harley interjected in Ivy's speech
"You shot him-what?" Ivy did a double take after realizing what Harley said, she turned back to the blonde. "You...what?"
"I shot him." Harley retorted, finishing her drink. "I didn't kill 'im er nothing, but he won't be walking anytime soon I can tell ya that much."
Ivy was speechless, out of all the times Harley had left Joker, she had never done anything this defiant, perhaps the redhead thought, there was a glimmer of hope within her. "You did?" Harley nodded "Well, come on, tell me all about it, I'll admit it borderline arouses me whenever I hear you stick it to that pasty face jerk." Ivy said licking her lips, and making room on the couch "Tell me everything."
Harley took a seat on the couch, making sure not to cuddle with Ivy, unknowing of how her new lover would take that. "Well it goes something like this..."
...Flashback...
Harley's POV
It was late last afternoon, Joker was busy making modifications to his perfect Joker-bot of something like that, while I slaved away trying to make dinner and press his jacket and all that stuff, while at the time I thought they were labors of love."Puddin' I was thinking I would try and cook us something new for dinner, what do you say?"
The creep hit his head on some part of the robot, which of course caused him to go into a semi fit of rage...guess who he took it out on? It wasn't the robot I could tell you that. "Yeow! Erg, you pinheaded nincompoop can't you see I'm busy making perfection here?" he growled
"Oh I'm sorry Puddin, I know you're working hard and everything so-"
"So shut up and let me do that!" he interrupted, going back to work "I swear, you college educated kids are dumber than advertized, four years of gen-eds, drinking, reefer smoking, and 'popping a molly', 20 IQ points die...40 in your case!" he said, glaring at me for the punchline.
I just laughed, not knowing how to take it "Ha-ha-ha-ha, good one Mistah J! Popping a molly-ha-ha-ha-your such a kidder!"
"Yeah-yeah." he groused "But, and I'm sure I'll regret asking, but what did you have in mind to make?" he asked
"I was thinking of making beef wellington."
"Beef welling-what? Who am I Prince Charles? Is this Windsor Castle? Is the rest of the royal family coming over for crumpets and tea?" he yelled...angrily
"Um...n-n-n-no." I retorted
"Exactly! I am the Joker! This is our shitty lair in Park Row! And if anyone's coming to dinner, it's my brand new, prized possession, my new Joker-Bot!" he slowly became more happy
"You did such a nice job on it Puddin', I can't tell which one is the real you."
"Well that's because you're an idiot Harley. Besides, this work of art was made by my genius which is why it is perfect, no thanks to you! But I swear I even amaze myself, this could be a new era for crime in Gotham. Bat-breath has trouble with one Joker...but with two, the city will be mine!"
"You mean ours right?" I asked sweetly
"Yeah-yeah, just stick to your streamer blasting gun-or that bag of gags-or whatever it is you do." he ordered "Now as for dinner, I demand a meal fit for a king-NOT beef wellington, you can hardly cook waffles-now you want to cook actual meals? Walk before you crawl."
I shrugged that off too, going back to ironing his shirt "No problem Mistah J, I'll get right on it, cause I love you very much." Then I walked over to give him a kiss "Cause I know that deep-deep-deep down, you love me too, right?"
He pushed me away "Just make my supper, I'm peckish." he ordered
"Coming right up." I scrounged around our cupboards to find anything to make food, while he stared at his precious robot.
"I want the Joker-Bot to go on a trial run tonight, to see how he fairs with Guano-Man and his Guano-Children. I swear, every time I turn around there's another one patrolling the streets like they're Jon fucking McLane!" he turned to me "And then there's you! Ya know Harl, sometimes I lay awake at night watching you hog all the blankets, while I force myself not to strangle you, that I wonder why I even keep you around...sometimes you serve your purpose, others; you fuck up and go cry to that plant thing you whore yourself with."
My blood started to boil a little with that comment, but I managed to keep my cool, and tried to make dinner "I'm sorry for hogging all the blankets Puddin', I'll try harder not to-"
"Sometimes I just think all you mean to me is sex...not even good sex." he interrupted staring at the robot "It's unfortunate about the only thing that robot can't do is be a sex doll...course now I'm wondering which would be more useful in bed." he continued
"Oh but I love having sex with you Puddin'."
"Well that makes one of us-and by the way Gordon Ramsey, this isn't the governor's ball, make it snappy!" he ordered
"I'm coming, I'm coming." I assured him
"Humph, if you had no vagina you'd be virtually worthless to me to me now that I have my beautiful robot."
Now the blood was at a simmering boil, you know that point where my eyes start to squint a little and my teeth grind together? Something like that. Somehow I managed to keep my cool up and I just made us a couple of TV dinners. I'm glad you like your new robot...Puddin."
"Yeah he'll be so great, but Bats' opinion is what really matters to me-not yours!"
I sat down with our food "Yeah I know, you've told me before-but dontcha think it'll be nice, the robot can do all that dirty work, and you and me can finally stop all this Bonnie and Clyde hoo-ha, settle down, and maybe raise a family of our own...wouldn't that be just so precious? Huh Puddin'? But then something weird happened, briefly; he froze...his eyes went wide...he looked scared "P-P-Puddin? Mistah J?" he rose
"No Cheryl...I-I'm sorry-I'm trying I'm...really-I'll find a job-it's dammit! Do you know what it's like?"
It almost seemed like he was having a flashback "Cheryl please don't get testy with me, you know I hate that! Sal isn't paying me the money he used to! I had to go halfway around the fucking world to whack that Beaumont guy, and he barely gave me enough to cover the air fare! I know I need to think of you and the baby I'm trying Cheryl really-really I'm trying! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE I'M FUCKING TRYING! CHERYL! CHERYLLLLLLLLL! . . .D-don't leave me p-p-please."
He always used to scare me when he went off on tangents, but this one was different, after all these years, I had finally pressed the right button...or rather, the wrong button; but after that, his sadness turned to bitter anger, once he stopped crying and came to "P-Puddin?" he looked at me
"But nothing I did was ever good enough...Nothing Jack did was EVER good enough. Jack, quit the mob, think about me and the kid! Jack, fuck that stand-up comedy bullshit and get a real job! Think about me and the kid! Jack, stop running up bar tabs, think about me and the kid! Well, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." he looked at me with that sinister grin. "All work and no play...makes Joker...a dull boy!"
"AHHHHH!"
So he grabbed me, and well; I'll uh, skip the beating I'm sure you could imagine how that ended up, but when he took a few moments to cool off, the whole place was in shambles, and he was standing right above me. "Never talk to me...about a family...again. I'm just going to have to make sure you won't, unfortunately Harley, the only way to do that, is to cut your dirty little mouth off!" he walked away for a few moments, where I had to act "Now where did I put my favorite dagger-[click]-huh?"
He turned around to see me, pointing a gun at him, he put on a face of scorn and put up his hands "Fuck, alright Harley-alright, were all way too hot right now, just put down the gun, and we can talk about this, alright, let's talk...[bang]-AH-Fffffffffffffffuck! Oh fuck!"
I shot him in the left kneecap, and he fell to the floor, his hands gripping his wound "Well, go on! Finish it! Kill me! Do it!"
"I don't wanna kill ya Joker...not now, but I'm done. I'm fucking done...for years I've been your obedient little slave-for years I've put up with your yelling, violent fits of rage, putting me down...turning me into a criminal...but I was able to look past all that. And no matter how much you hurt me I always came back to you, I always thought maybe-just maybe, there was hope for you-for us! But I don't see that hope anymore; I see...a pathetic excuse for a man...for a father...a husband-a clown, and I don't wanna be put through that torture anymore. I thought being this person I could help you, despite all your short comings-I loved you. But that's gone...all gone. I'm done with you." I dropped the gun, and looked for my things to pack
"You little ffffffucking whore! Don't think ffffor one ffffucking sssssecond that thisss is over!" he yelled in pain "I'll find you Harley! I know you're going over Pammy's house cause you're so ffffffucking predictable!"
"Whatever! You ain't gonna be doing much walking for awhile!"
"I have henchmen Harley! And they will look over the globe to see you have your end! And Ivy too! And anyone you come across! You'll pay for this! I'll see to it that you do! Whether or not you decide to come back to me...and you might even-if you think I've been rough on you now...just wait until I find you!"
"You'll never find me, and if our paths cross, or if I see you lay one finger on Ivy...or anyone, I'll kill ya!"
"Challenge accepted." he smirked
"Goodbye Joker...forever!" I grabbed everything I could, and left as he luahged maniacally
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-AHA-HA-HA-HA-HA-AHA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"
...Reality...
No ones POV
"I dropped my stuff off here and I...went to go get myself a drink, I spent the night-at a hotel." she said trying to avoid the subject of Barbara.
"Well Harley, I have never been more proud of you in my life!" Ivy gave her a hug "So, let's say we christen this new single life of yours, with really-really-hot naked sex-where you can tell me how great you felt pulling the trigger on that bastard!" Ivy cooed, crawling towards Harley.
She had to think on her feet, and not give away the fact she was now in a relationship with Barbara Gordon. "Uh, no thanks Red, I'm-a-[yawn]-I'm bushed." she got away from Ivy, who fell over after trying to smooch the blonde girl.
"You're tired...too tired to have sex with little old me?" Ivy asked
"Um-ya know Red, I uh-it's not you-I'm uh...j-j-j-just a little tired, ya know from yesterday; I had a very sleepless night." Harley said nervously, Ivy smirked, starting to get the idea
"Sleepless? Uh-huh, well since you obviously didn't sleep here, where did you sleep, hmm?" she asked
"I told ya Red, at a hotel." Harley reiterated sweetly
"Mm-hmm, and what was the name of that hotel hmm?" Ivy asked
Harley froze, wishing she could remember that hotel chain where they always keep the lights on, she could hear Tom Bodett's voice saying it, but she couldn't find the words. "The answer you're searching for in your brain is Super 6 Harley, now; something tells me you had your own little date last night, now I wanna know who it was." Ivy stood, and drew closer
"Uh-nobody Red."
"Than why won't you have sex with me hmm? There is someone else I can smell it on you, tell me Harley who is it?"
This time, Harley backed into one of Ivy's vines, which tied her up, so she couldn't get away "Was it Eddie? Croc...so help me if it's Harvey!"
"Alright fine Red, ya caught me!" Harley cringed
"Now tell me Harl...who...is it?"
And on that cliffhanger, we go to Barbara next, R&R! And thanks for waiting!
