AN: I wanted to have this up earlier, but my schedule this past week has been busy and my brain refused to work in over drive for me. Sorry it's a little late. This chapter turned out much differently than I expected. I like it. Looking back on the last few years of my writing, I realized that I write in bits and pieces. I come up with several parts and bridge them together into one coherent chapter. Lately, I've been writing the dialogue first and then filling in the gaps and fleshing it out with the details. I wanted to share that for two reasons. One to explain any possible inconsistencies, and two to share my creative process. Interesting huh?
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy.
Black Ink
Chapter 3 Lay Me Down Tonight
Pain. That's all she could feel. From the top of her head, to the tips of her toes. It was dull ache that centred around her upper body and spread out, stretching out until it consumed all of her. She was swimming through the darkness that surrounded her. The current pulling her under and preventing her from reaching the small dot of light in the sky. Though the river was warm and pleasant, that light called to her. A beacon taunting her in the blackness of her mind. She reached for it determined to escape the drowning sensation and take hold of the hope that light brought to her. It was her freedom. It took all her strength to push forward breaking free of her prison and heading towards the light. It raced up to greet her before exploding into existence.
Rose blinked a few times to clear the sleep from her eyes and the fuzziness from her mind. The pain she had felt in her dream-like state transferred into reality. She groaned clenching her eyes shut as it all registered. She felt weak, tired, and completely drained. Her vision cleared, but a slight haze remained around it. It was almost as if she were drunk. She turned her head to the left. The muscles in her neck pulled which only increased the pain. She ignored it the best she could.
"You shouldn't move," Dimitri's voice called to her from somewhere in the room. She couldn't determine exactly where his voice had originated from It sounded far away, but clear enough for her to understand. "At least, not until the grogginess has worn off."
"Dimitri?" She questioned returning her head to it's original placement growing unable to stand the ache in her neck any longer. Her voice was groggy and raspy. It was foreign to her ears. "What are you doing here?" She asked resisting the urge to cough. Her throat was achingly dry and she failed at her concealment. She turned her head and coughed hard. The pain in her neck intensified. She caught movement in her peripheral vision.
Dimitri appeared at her side, a glass of water in his hand. He placed it down on the nightstand before assisting her with the task of sitting up. Her body felt heavy and she had a hard time moving on her own. He did this wordlessly ensuring that she was still somewhat comfortable before handing her the full glass. She took it gingerly with shaking hands. Slowly, she sipped it until the dryness receded and her coughing fit had ceased. The more she drank, the more steady her hands became. Once the glass was empty, he took it from her hands and placed it back on the bedside table. He sat down on the edge of the bed beside her, resting a hand on her leg. Rose looked at him expectantly for his answer to her question now that her problems had been taken care of.
He watched her for a moment as if to ensure that she was indeed alright. He seemed to sense what she was thinking. "I was waiting for you to wake up," He replied after the small pause. He shifted slightly removing his hand from her leg and placing it in his lap. "I wanted to make sure that you were alright."
She answered him automatically, "I'm fine," was her forced and false response. Her body ached, her neck burned and throbbed from the strain of moving it, and she felt dizzy and suddenly nauseous. She turned her head to the right to test the mobility in her neck when a stabbing pain erupted from it. She winced letting out a sharp hiss of pain. "What happened?" She asked, her throat still scratchy. Her fingers reached up towards the source of her pain. Her neck was heavily bandaged, and a tad bit sticky. When she pulled the appendages away, they were lightly stained pink. Evidence of blood. She stared down at them curiously.
Dimitri sighed deeply. She looked so small and pale lying in the large bed. Her usually tanned skin was lightening rapidly both from the lack of sun exposure as well as the blood loss she had been subjected to while in his care. "I am afraid that I have been a little greedy," He confessed to her, his voice void of any deep emotion. "I fed too frequently and your body couldn't keep up. I took too much," He explained. His tone of voice was soft and oddly comforting. Since her return to the compound, he had been more abrupt and commanding with her. It was nice to experience some sort of gentleness from him aside from intimate contact.
Her eyebrows furrowed at this revelation. She hadn't quite expected such an answer. "What?" She croaked and moved to sit up farther, but she was met with great resistance. Her body was still too heavy and was unwilling to follow her commands.
His hand shot out and pushed down on her chest forcing her to lean back against the pillows, "Rest," He commanded holding his hand in place so that she didn't try to move again. "Your body is weak and needs to recover from the blood loss."
She frowned attempting to push his arm away, only to be disappointed when it didn't budge. Realizing her defeat in her weakened state, she gave up on trying to move his arm. "It's okay, I'm fine," She lied hoping to reassure him.
His expression darkened at this her words having the opposite effect. It greatly displeased him when she lied to him. "You are not fine," He countered firmly. He could see the fatigue and pain in her expression. Once he was certain that she would not try and get up again, he relinquished his hold on her. He was irritated by her flippant and dismissive behaviour concerning her condition. "I nearly killed you Roza." He admitted in an attempt to make her see the gravity of the situation.
This seemed to sober her up a bit. She stared at him with a blank expression, blinking rapidly as if digesting his statement. She shifted slightly under the intensity of his gaze, but she didn't look away. "But you didn't," She stated after a few moments of silence.
He nodded noticing the way her expression hardened. "No. I didn't," was his tight lipped response.
She shrugged ignoring the pain in her neck that the action caused. It was irritating. "No harm done then," She remarked reaching up to fiddle with the bandages around her neck. It was itchy.
Dimitri batted her hand away with a disapproving look. Her face flushed with embarrassment and he sighed shaking his head as he rose to his feet. "I need to distance myself from you a bit," He announced taking a step backwards, away from her.
Fear blossomed in her chest and panic shot through her. Had she done something wrong? Had he had enough of her? "What? Why?" She asked feeling her anxiety begin to build at the prospect of his words. She didn't want him to leave her, for any reason. His company was what had kept her sane throughout this whole ordeal. She needed him.
He could smell her fear and sensed her wish for comfort, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. He could no longer pretend allowing her only to see the appealing parts of himself. She needed to know the truth. He was not the same. He was a monster and he liked it that way. "You're too tempting for me," He began turning and pacing the length of the bed. "I have to maintain myself better to keep in control. I need to feed more and often. What you have to offer is not enough to sustain me," He explained crossing his arms behind his back while he looped around the end of her bed and up the other side.
Her tongue ran along her dry lips as she listened to him. She turned his words over in her head allowing them to sink in. She understood, but was surprised at how disappointed she was. In all the time she had been here, she had enjoyed the closeness that the feeding had brought to them. It showed that he was able to let his guard down around her. She didn't want that to stop. Rose looked up at him, hope burning in her chocolate orbs. "But you'll still feed on me?" She asked biting her bottom lip nervously. She prayed that he would. The mere thought made her skin tingle with anticipation.
"I intend to," He replied with a stiff nod. "We just need to take a hiatus until your body replenishes it's supply," was the explanation he offered her. It was the truth, but he hated it just as clearly as she did.
The closer she was, the more he wanted her. Her blood was sweet and satisfying and he craved it deeply. However, if he wanted his investment to be worth while, he would need to show some self-restraint. He could not afford to lose control again. However, there was also a great risk to leave her to her own devices. He had not tried such an experiment since he had worked his compulsion on her. He had been keeping her subdued with the endorphins. It kept her weak and docile. Tame. Without them, there was the possibility of her overriding the compulsion and regaining all her memories and turning against him. If she attempted another escape, he would have to kill her and that was something he wished to avoid at all costs.
A relieved smile spread across her face at his words. They helped reassure her that everything was going to be alright and not much between them would change. She needed stability and structure in this new environment. "Good, because I like it when you do."
A smirk appeared on his lips by her admission. It was information he had already known, but hearing her say it out loud without the aide of the endorphins was a big stroke to his ego. She had been so eager the last time and he was glad it translated when she was in a more sober state of mind. He approached the bed and sat down on the edge again. He kept his gaze on the wall as he spoke, "So do I, but it is a danger to you," He paused turning his head to meet her stare. "I am a danger to you."
The serious tone in his voice did not go unnoticed. She knew full well what he was and what he was capable of, but she didn't care. Oddly enough she trusted him. "I know." As those words left her lips, something hidden deep within the recesses of her mind came forward.
Suddenly, a memory flashed before her. Back in the bedroom of the old apartment, her and Dimirti had been in very similar positions. 'Tell me again. One more time. Why do you want to awaken me so badly?' She had asked him. It seemed like so long ago, but still she recalled the moment with clarity. Even the weary look that had passed across his features as he replied. 'Because I want you. I've always wanted you.' Those words had sounded empty and she remembered the pain she had felt when he had originally spoken them. It left her confused and somewhat sad and dejected. It contradicted all that had happened since her return to the compound. Why had that statement bothered her so much?
"Why do you care so much about me?" She found herself asking before she could catch herself.
He seemed to sense her thoughts and his eyes immediately locked onto hers. He tilted his head slightly, "What do you mean?" He probed watching her with suspicion in his lifeless red eyes.
The intensity of his stare made her shiver and the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. It was a reaction to the predator that laid hidden beneath the human-like exterior. Her instincts told her to flee and to be afraid, but she couldn't find the strength to give in. Instead she wrapped her arms around herself suddenly feeling exposed. Vulnerable. "It was fine for you to bite me before, what changed?" She asked biting to bottom lip in order to mask her anxiety. It didn't work.
Although doubtful, he shrugged dismissing her line of questioning. He didn't feel that he owed her any explanation to such silly questions. "Things change all the time," was all he offered up in explanation.
Rose pouted dissatisfied with his wording and by the quick brush off. It was obvious to her that he was avoiding the subject all together. "That's a crap answer." She stated calling him out.
He sighed in annoyance shaking his head in disapproval. This was further proof that the endorphin cocktail he had been feeding her system, was rapidly wearing off. Her impatience and insolence was an testament to that. He would need to keep a closer eye on her if he were to leave larger gaps between feedings. Still, he felt as thought she deserved some sort of response to her statement. "Despite my actions since you arrived, I do care about you," He said returning his attention to the woman beside him. "I hope that doesn't come as a surprise to you."
She stared at him blankly for a moment as she slowly processed his words. She blinked slowly before her eyebrows furrowed in thought. "You've said that before," She remarked recalling their conversation from the other day.
His posture stiffened and his expression hardened at her words. "I know," was his cold and blunt reply.
"It seems empty. Like you force it, or maybe you're holding back," She countered emboldened by the bluntness of his response. He wasn't telling her the whole truth and she wanted him too. She wanted to know his feelings. Everything, all of it. She wanted him to trust her. "I don't like it when you hold back," She informed him.
His dark red-rimmed eyes glared at her. She was treading on dangerous grounds and pressing him for answers to questions he didn't want to answer. It did not bode well for her. "You're not in a position to be questioning me," He growled out his patience with her wearing thin.
The annoyance and anger in his tone caused her freeze. Fear shot up her spine at the cold and calculated look in his eyes. The deadly creature inside of his rested just below the surface and she could sense it. She was his prey and the look in his eye reminded her of that more than any words could express. She swallowed hard realizing that she had been pushing his buttons. "I'm sorry, I just thought..." She trailed off stumbling over her words, her voice shaking as she spoke.
He rolled his eyes further illustrating the irritation she was causing him. "You thought what? Tell me Rose," He demanded harshly. Unconsciously, he licked his lips tasting her fear in the air. It elicited a delightful feeling inside of him that could never be replicated by any other emotion. He enjoyed it. It also made it that much harder to control his instincts and resist the monster, but he had to.
Her voice was small and quiet when she spoke. "I thought you were doing all this because you love me."
With that statement everything he had been feeling moments before melted away into pure amusement. She hadn't been questioning him because she had remembered something of consequence. She had been questioning him for an emotional connection. He chuckled a smirk tugging at his lips. How foolish he was getting worked up over nothing. His fingers gently brushed her unruly hair from her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. "My little flower, what made you think that I didn't?" He asked her stroking her cheek with his fingertips. He watched as her fear seemed to melt away at the gentleness of his touch. "Why would I waste my time helping you, protecting you, being with you, if I felt nothing for you?" He questioned further, his voice holding a great degree of tenderness.
His sudden shift in mood surprised her, but it also relieved her. His anger brought out the most helpless of feelings within her and she didn't like it. Still, she couldn't just let the subject drop because he was being loving and caring. "Then why can't you say it? Just say it and I'll believe you." There was a slight whine to her voice that teetered on the edge of desperation. It was slightly pathetic.
"You always were difficult," He commented shaking his head slightly at her persistent pestering. Although it didn't grate on his nerves, it was still irritating. She was a much needier creature than he had anticipated. He did not allow this to show in his voice.
"Just say it Comrade. It's only me and you. No one else has to know. All that matters is that I know," She blurted out.
He wasn't sure what was fuelling this desire for his proclamation of love, but he couldn't deny the incredibly convenient opportunity presented to him. All he had to do was utter one phrase and she would submit to him and cease these incessant ramblings. She would wind herself back around his finger and melt into his embrace. He liked the idea of that prospect. Very much in fact. While it wasn't a complete lie, it wasn't the entire truth either. However, she didn't need to know that. Not at all. "I love you Roza."
She had been waiting from him to say that throughout her entire stay at the compound. Still, his words hit a sour note. They remained empty and didn't satisfy her desires. She pouted, and with a little effort, she managed to crossing her arms over her chest. "Now you're just saying it because I asked you to," She remarked slightly bitter that it took her pleading with him for him to admit feeling any kind of emotion for her. At least something more than just mere fondness.
He held back another chuckle as he regarded her expression. "Do you have a problem with that?" He questioned climbing onto the mattress and stretching out beside her. He propped his head up on the palm of his hand meeting her gaze easily. "Just because you asked, doesn't mean it's not true," He added reaching out with his free hand and running it down the length of her face. His fingers stopped at her lips where he gently stroked the bottom one with his thumb.
She blushed at his statement feeling her heart skip a beat. "You have a point," She remarked leaning into his touch accepting his argument. She was over thinking things again. That was never good. The more she thought about things, the more trouble she tended to get herself into.
He shifted his body so that he was hovering over her. He leaned down and lightly brushed his lips against hers teasingly. "Of course I do," He retorted holding himself so that there was only a fraction of an inch between them. He kissed her tenderly holding it for a few moments. Her lips were warm and eager responding instantly to the contact. He pulled away placing another kiss on her forehead. "Now you rest up, and tomorrow I'll have a special treat for you," He remarked tapping her on the nose before climbing off of the bed.
She frowned at the loss of contact but did not vocalize it. She hated it when he got so close to her and then decided to leave. She wasn't sure he full realized how much she wanted to spend time with him. To be near him. "Like what?" she asked curiously as she ran her fingers through her hair in an attempt to soothe her unruly curls.
He shrugged on his duster, which had been hung over the end of the bed, "You'll have to wait and see," He replied with a wink before exiting the room and leaving her alone.
She sighed deeply. It was maddening how she kept ending up stuck in a bed resting. Though she could understand his reasoning this time, for she truly had no energy to move, it was still incredibly frustrating. She needed to be active. It was in her nature. Still, she chose to follow his advice. She could feel the fatigue setting in and that her body truly did need her to rest in order to regain her strength. Resisting did her no favours in any regard. She slid back down, her back flat against the mattress. She carefully rolled onto her side, pulling the blanket up over her form. With a small sigh she settled against the soft pillows and was not surprised when she began to nod off after only moments. She relaxed and her body and mind settled into a peaceful slumber.
It was close to midnight. Lunch time in the Moroi world. At St. Vladimir's, students shuffled along heading to feedings or grabbing something to snack on. The chattered on worrying about nothing but the most trivial things. Typical teenagers. Christian Ozera walked towards his dorm hoping to spend the lunch hour in peace. The privacy of his own room made certain he was undisturbed.
He glanced up at the sound of approaching footsteps and inwardly groaned when he saw whom the individual was. Lissa. He had taken great care to avoid her since their break-up and he had intended to keep it that way. He was still upset with her over the whole cause for their separation. If she had told him the truth from the get-go, none of it would have happened. Without her to spend time with, Christian spent most of his time alone, or helping Jill train with her magic. However, there was only so much he could do to help her. She was a water user, he was a fire user. There capabilities were entirely different. He sighed shooting the girl an annoyed glance,"Whatever you're selling, I'm not interested," Christian retorted not giving Lissa the time to speak first. To be honest, he didn't want to hear it. He just wanted to be left alone.
She sensed his hostility, but it did not discourage her. She couldn't help but feet slightly awkward around her ex-boyfriend, but she easily pushed it aside. There were more important matters at hand. She had been looking for him hoping to get a chance to talk to him all day. Now was her perfect opportunity and no amount of negativity could dissuade her from her mission. "Christian, I know that I'm probably the last person you want to see right now," Lissa began as she easily fell into step beside him. "And I wouldn't come to you if it wasn't important," She continuing growing slightly irritated when he picked up the pace in an effort to escape her. She rolled her eyes and grabbed a hold of his arm to stop his stride. "Would you just hear me out? Please? Just for a moment?" She asked tucking her platinum hair behind her ears.
He sighed rolling his eyes at her persistence. However, he could see the concern and the sliver of fear and desperation in her eyes. It was this that caused him to relent. "Fine. I'm listening." He assured her coming to a stop beside her.
Lissa took a deep breath, sorting out the words in her head to come up with the best and clearest way to explain the events of the last few days. She started with the only place that she could, "Adrian hasn't been able to contact Rose."
He shrugged obviously unperturbed by the revelation. "Sounds to me like she doesn't want to see him," He remarked not seeing the need for urgency regarding the matter. It was well known to their little group that Adrian had special interest in Rose and that she didn't return those feelings. "That's Rose for you. I wouldn't read too much into it," He replied dismissing her concerns as anything serious.
She shook her head rapidly. "No, you don't understand. She's not herself," She insisted refusing to accept his reasoning and quick dismissal.
Sensing that there was more to the story than she was letting on, he pressed her for more. "What do you mean?"
Pleased that she had his attention, she continued on with the tale unhindered. With a deep breath, she launched into it explaining what Adrian had discovered in the dream world. Where Rose had disappeared to, her damaged condition and absence of self and memory and her slightly aggressive yet evasive behaviour. Silently, she thanked her spirit abilities for sparing her from such a sight. It almost made her want to cease all attempts to dream walk. Almost. Christian listened to her tale intently, and although he could see the red flags as clearly as she could, he didn't understand her near desperation about the matter.
During the second-hand account, Lissa began to idly play with the end of her long hair. It was easier to talk when she wasn't being distracted by her idle hands. This kept them busy. "Adrian hasn't been able to contact her since," She revealed looking away from his and glancing at the other students passing them by. Some cast curious look their way, but most paid them no mind. "He can't make contact and we're worried that something may have happened to her."
Christian was silent. His mind turned the information around finding many holes that would account for most of problems with making a connection. "If she's in Russia, the time-zone is different. Maybe she's awake and Adrian just missed her," He offered up as an explanation. His reasoning was completely within the realm of possibility and this was not lost on her. "If she's operating on a human schedule, it would be nearly impossible for Adrian to catch her," He added to his argument after a moment of consideration.
She shook her head. Although his points were sound as well as valid, the doubt circling around the situation was much stronger than his theories. Adrian had still been able to sense her. That spoke volumes and also dismissed Christian's suggestion entirely. "It's more than that. Something or someone is blocking his attempts which is why he can't get to her," Lissa continued wincing as her fingers tugged on her hair as it became tangled around and between the appendages. She swiftly retracted them allowing her hands to drop back down to her sides. At that rate, she would start pulling out her own hair. "We want to find her and bring her back to the academy."
He stared at her in disbelief. He had to admit that the knowledge she had presented him with seemed disturbing and out of character for their friend, but he wasn't about to run off half-cocked into an unknown situation on a potentially dangerous rescue mission. "Now that is both reckless and stupid," He announced bluntly unafraid to voice his opinion. "It most likely nothing." Lissa had always been the practical one. To see her acting so irrationally was very disconcerting. It was usually him who was the impulsive one. Perhaps she was feeding off of Adrian's insanity. She held a fairly strong spiritual connection with the older Spirit user. The fact that she may be tapping into his energy and combing it with her own was worrisome. No good could come of it.
She shook her head glaring at her ex-boyfriend. He was so incredibly stubborn at the most inconvenient of times. "I'm telling you, it is something. I can feel it in here," She insisted resting her hand over her chest where her heart was located.
He rolled his eyes at her use of dramatics. "You're being ridiculous," He fired back crossing his arms over his chest. "She's probably shacked up with some Moroi guy. It's not like her, but it's the most logical scenario," He continued trying her make her see reason. However, the angry and irritated look she was shooting towards him suggested otherwise. "I thought you had more sense than to rush into things." Despite their current relationship status, he cared deeply for the princess and didn't want her to get hurt. Or worse, killed. It was clear that she had already made up her mind before confronting him and nothing he could say would dissuade her. Still, he felt he had to try.
Lissa scowled at him. Such a look seemed unsuited for her face. Unnatural. "This goes beyond sense," She spat annoyed by his attempts to brush her off. Deep down inside of herself she knew it was more than just a simple answer. The danger was real and his refusal to see that was incredibly frustrating. "You know as well as I did that Rose would never degrade herself by becoming a blood whore. Not willingly," She ranted emphasizing the word willingly. She shook her head to clear the thoughts that statement had conjured up. She couldn't face that reality. Not without proof. "I can't live with that. Not without doing everything in my power to help her. I have to help her."
"You don't know what you'll be walking into," He argued clenching his fists at his sides. While he admired her passion it was also one of the things that drove him nuts. "She doesn't need your help Lissa. She'll come back on her own once she's ready."
She shook her head again dismissing his point entirely. She couldn't believe that. "Her aura was darker. Tainted. There is something, or someone, keeping her there. Controlling her. There has to be because nothing else makes sense."
"You're making a mountain out of a mole-hill..." He began but she cut him off before he could finish.
"Do you know why she left?" She demanded resting her hands on her hips.
By this point, the dark haired teen had, had enough. "No, but it doesn't matter because it's none of my business," He snapped stepping aside to move around her and extract himself from the conversation. He was surprised when she followed planting herself firmly in his way. He quirked an eyebrow, "Are we done?"
Lissa placed her hand on his chest and gave him a small shove backwards. Not enough to cause him to lose balance, but enough to stop him. "No, we are not done!" She shouted in annoyance. He was being necessarily difficult. "You will stay and listen to me Christian Ozera."
"I don't have to do anything!" He seethed glaring at the female.
She ignored him deciding to answer her own question since he did not appear to know the answer. "Rose left to find Dimitri Belikov," She stated watching Christian's expression turned to confusion for a brief moment. They had all been told that Dimitri had died, but that was not the truth. "He's been turned Strigoi," She added feeling the need to clarify.
His icy blue eyes blinked a couple times. Her words had taken him aback. He had not been prepared for, or expecting, an answer quite like that. It only took a moment for his expression to shift into one of faint outrage. "Why the hell would she do that? Have you told Adrian?"
She shook her head. She had wanted to tell him, but she couldn't bring herself to tell the other Spirit user of Rose's intentions. Her desire to leave and destroy the man she loved had taken priority away from anything or anyone else. Lissa didn't have the heart to tell him out of sympathy. He had been used. She felt sorry for him because she knew that Rose would never return his feelings in the way he wanted her to. Unrequited love. "No I haven't."
He accepted her answer to the second part of his question but realized she had completely avoided the first half. He rephrased the question slightly. "Why did she go after him?"
She clasped her hands together in front of her, her gaze falling to the ground. She began to inspect her shoes taking a deep breath before beginning her explanation. "She left to kill him because she felt that's what he would have wanted." She shrugged her shoulders considering her own words. Christian made no move to respond and with her knowledge, the princess decided to elaborate. "I think it was more for her to face the reality and get over her grief of losing him."
While he understood Rose's need to grieve, he didn't understand the necessity of seeking out her old mentor to kill him. It was basically a suicide mission. "Why would she do something so stupid?"
"Love makes you do stupid things," She replied raising her eyes to meet with his.
Her statement left him flabbergasted. "Love?" That was the last thing he had expected her to say. The idea hadn't even entered his mind though all the signs were there. It made a lot of sense.
Lissa nodded in confirmation. "She loved him," was her firm and confidant response. Saying it out loud made it real, almost tangible. She chuckled shaking her head again as she considered the absurdity of it all. How had she not known? She'd known Rose since they were children. "She was in love with him and I didn't even take the time to notice until it was too late," She rambled grimly.
"Lissa..."
She raised her hand effectively cutting him off, "No, you listen to me. When she left, I said horrible things to her," She began her voice heavy with emotion. Remorse and sadness filled her features and she sucked in a breath to try and maintain her composure. Lately, whenever Rose came up as the topic of discussion, there was this inexplicable pain that shot through her. Perhaps it was some kind of throwback to the bond that they shared. Some kind of side-effect. "I accused her of being selfish for leaving when all she has ever done is sacrifice her own happiness for me," Tears began to well up in her eyes as her emotions began to get the best of her. "I even tried to compel her to stay here with me. For me. What she wanted didn't matter because I felt that she was abandoning me. She's always been there for me, no matter what and this is what I give her in return?" Her voice shook and despite her best efforts to keep them at bay, the tears began to flow. They trickled down her cheeks slowly and she brushed them off quickly silently cursing her shifting emotions. She pushed on to finish her spiel. "I didn't even consider going with her. I know that she never would have let me, but I never offered either. It never even crossed my mind."
"You can't blame yourself," He remarked his tone soft and gentle. Seeing her upset made him feel guilty for acting so cold and unsympathetic to her plight. All she wanted to do was help her friend, however misguided and impulsive it may be. "It's not your fault." He reached out to touch her shoulder, but she shifted back away from him.
She focused her attention away from his, a far off look in her hazel eyes. It almost seemed as though she was disconnecting herself from reality. She shook her head taking a shaky breath to steady herself, but it didn't work."I wasn't there when she needed me and I'll be damned if I let her die because I was being selfish," She spoke with confidence, her expression showing her conviction despite the tears staining her cheeks and filling her voice. "I have to save her and tell her that I was wrong. I have to make things right between us." She closed her eyes forcing herself to calm down before meeting his gaze again. Regaining her composure, she stared at him with renewed vigor. There was now a fire burning in her eyes. "Now, will you help me or not?"
He sighed deeply. He had a feeling that he was going to regret this decision, but he couldn't let Lissa go through this alone. Not after seeing the pain in her face during her passionate speech. "Count me in. Rose helped save me a couple of times, I owe her the same," He relented recalling both times the Dhampir had risked her life for him. Once in Spokane and the other during the attack. She stood seemingly fearless in front of adversity. He admired her for that.
She nodded in gratitude a sigh of relief floating from her lips. It felt as though the burden on her shoulders had been lifted some. "Thank you Christian."
He returned the gesture, "I just want you to know that I'm doing it for her, not for you," He clarified running a hand through his hair. "There is still a lot of hurt between me and you, and it's going to take time for me to get past that."
"I understand." She replied appreciating his honesty as well as the maturity he was exhibiting. It took a lot of courage to push aside old grudges and hurt feelings in order to work together and accomplish a goal with the person who had wronged you. It said a lot about his character.
There was a moment of silence between the two ex-lovers. It wasn't uncomfortable, but at the same time it was rather awkward. Christian was the one to break it. He coughed once crossing his arms over his chest, "So, Who all is coming with us?" He asked wondering who all was in on this scheme.
Her anxiety flared at this and she twirled her hair around her fingers again. "Just the three of us. You, Me, and Adrian."
"That's not gonna work," He muttered shaking his head at the severe lack of planning. "Three Moroi wandering around outside the wards without protection? Three royals, one being the Queen's nephew and the other the last Dragomir? That's just asking for trouble," He pointed out the flaws in their grand scheme. They seemed to have forgotten one major detail that he felt couldn't go ignored. "None of us know how to fight."
Lissa began to show signs of agitation again. She wasn't fond of his pessimistic attitude, even if he was right. Then again, her conversations with Adrian hadn't moved passed asking Christian yet. He was the first piece in their puzzle. The most crucial. "Well we can't ask any of the guardians. They'll never let us go." She paused for a moment contemplating this. While they had Christian on their side, they were still pretty defenseless against Strigoi and other threats out beyond the wards. "We can ask Eddie. One guardian, even a novice, is better than no guardian at all," She suggested hopefully.
"Would he go for it?"
"For Rose? Possibly. If we make a convincing argument," She hinted tucking her hair behind her ears in an effort to keep it in place.
Christian couldn't help but chuckle at this. "I think you'll manage," He remarked offering up a small smile, "You convinced me."
A new and unexpected voice joined the conversation. "I'll go too."
Both teens turned to see the origin of the voice. Lissa's eyes widened in surprise as she took in the tall thin form of Christian's little protege. "Jill? What are you doing here?" She asked after the initial shock of her sudden appearance wore off.
The young girl shifted her feet nervously, biting her bottom lip. It was obvious that she felt awkward being in the presence of both of the former lovers. Lissa was certain that it had something to do with the fact that she felt partially responsible for their break-up. Jill looked down at her feet refusing to meet Lissa's eyes. "I was looking for Christian and I overheard your conversation," She admitted shyly. "I want to help." She announced finally forcing her eyes upward.
Both of the older Moroi responded instantly in the same fashion, "No!" They shouted in unison.
The two shared a glance at one another before turning their attention back to the younger Moroi. Christian shook his head in protest, "It's too dangerous. You could get hurt," He argued hoping that she would let it drop and leave to subject alone.
Unfortunately, one look in those green eyes said anything but. His attempts to dissuade her had the opposite affect. "So could you," She remarked sounding much more confident than she had before when she originally addressed them. "Trust me, you need all the help you can get."
Lissa sighed seeing this conversation going no where until one relented and she was certain it wouldn't be Jill. "She has a point," the princess remarked turning to the dark haired boy at her side. Ultimately she felt it was his decision. He was, after all, her mentor.
The fire user shook his head ."No, absolutely not."
Jill frowned glancing at Lissa who simply held her hands up in defeat, "Please Christian. I want to help Rose," She insisted, nearly begging the older boy. "I know she'd help me if she could."
He saw that this was going no where fast. No longer wishing to argue, he concede his point and nodded with a small curse under his breath. "Fine," He relented with a sigh and Jill smiled. Then there were four.
Fog surrounded him. The dream-world void of all illusion. The whiteness enveloped him as Adrian focused all his energy into the search for her energy sequence. He needed to find it in order to make contact. He pictured her in his mind, as she was when they had first met at the ski lodge. She had looked beautiful then. He was about to give up for the third time that day when a familiar and welcomed voice reached his ears.
"Adrian?"
Relief flooded through him and he opened his eyes. Her familiar face come into view. After days of trying, he had managed to push through the static and make a connection. However, the connection wasn't very solid making it impossible to create any illusions. They had to settle for the blank canvas. In the white fog of the dream-world, standing before him, was Rose Hathaway. "Oh thank God. You're alive. I've been trying to contact you for days," He remarked ecstatic to find that his abilities weren't at fault after all. Perhaps he just had not been vigilant enough.
For the first time in days, he was able to get a good look at her. She still looked pale and held a certain haunted look to her, but she seemed more alert and overall, more like herself. What surprised him was the scowl that formed on her face when she turned to face him. She seemed to be annoyed by his sudden appearance. "Go away Adrian. I don't want to see you." She stated flatly. Her voice was void of any and all emotion as she spoke. It was eerie.
He was taken a back by this. He had expected the moody and confused Rose he had encountered before. The woman standing before was neither of those things. She seemed more confident and self-assured. "Are you okay?" He asked surprised by the cold shoulder she was giving him.
Her chocolate eyes narrowed into a glare. "What part of 'I don't want to see you' don't you understand. I don't want you here," She spat crossing her arms over her chest defiantly. She was obvious displeased by his presence.
"I understand, I just need to know that you're safe," He explained his intrusion with a curt nod. It was the truth.
She scoffed in annoyance completely dismissing his concern. "Dimitri wouldn't let anything happen to me."
He paused as her words processed in his mind. Suddenly, the pieces fit together. Her battered condition, the bite marks, the happy and haunted look in her now dead eyes. He didn't need her to paint a picture. He could do that himself. The once powerful guardian had been turned Strigoi. "Dimitri Belikov? You're with Belikov?" He asked to ensure that he had heard her correctly. He had to be completely certain.
She nodded as if her reply should be obvious. "Yes I am. Is that a problem?" She questioned clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth as she awaited his response. She was in no mood to deal with unwanted company. She was tired and just wanted to rest. Adrian was in her way.
Panic shot through him initially, but soon faded once he realized how calm she was throughout her whole admission. She seemed completely comfortable around Dimitri despite his transformation. Comfortable enough to let him bite her. "Are you insane?" He asked in total disbelief taking a step towards her. "He's a monster."
She shook her head disagreeing with this fact. "You don't know anything," She seethed her eyes suddenly ablaze with fury. "He treats me better than any of you do. Now get out of my head and stay out!" She shouted clenching her fists tightly at her sides.
He chose to ignore her. This woman in front of him was not Rose. She was a stranger dressed up as his love interest. "What has he done to you?" He probed slowly closing the distance between them with careful steps.
Her response was immediate. "Nothing. He loves me."
Adrian sighed shaking his head. She was in denial. "Rose he's a Strigoi. He's incapable of love," He informed her, his tone soft, yet firm. He hoped she'd see the truth in his words and the sincerity in his voice. "Don't you see that he's toying with you. He's using you."
Her jaw clenched and she took a step back deciding that he was getting too close for her comfort."He would never do that to me. He loves me," She argued shaking her head. "Let me be happy instead of trying to ruin everything. Leave me alone."
He sighed feeling torn between complying with her wishes and ignoring them. Unfortunately, he was too selfish to listen to her. "I can't do that."
"Yes you can, and you will."
"I can't. I won't let you destroy yourself like this," He said reaching out to touch her, only to have her jump away from his as intended to hurt her. He withdrew his hand feeling rejected. "He's slowly killing you. Piece by piece. Don't you see?" He remarked noticing the heavy white bandages wrapped around her neck. It appeared as though someone, namely Dimitri, had tired to rip her throat out. He wasn't certain, and he hoped he was wrong, but the sinking feeling in his stomach told him that he was right.
"Get out of my head!" She snarled stamping her foot and turning around so that she no longer had to face him.
He couldn't believe her. "Don't you see how important you are?" He tried again imploring her to see reason. Slowly, he attempted to approach again. This time she didn't move. "To me?" He added when he received no response. He crept closer and closer until he could reach out and touch her. He placed his hands on her shoulders, "To Lissa?"
She jolted out of his grasp and whirled around, her eyes ablaze with hurt and fury. "I don't want to talk about Lissa!" She yelled.
He ignored her knowing that he had hit a nerve. If he was going to make a point, he had just found his avenue. "She's worried too. She wants you to come home," He tried hoping it would help break the spell that had taken over his friend.
However, the answer he wanted was not the answer he received. "I am home!" She roared before grabbing her hair close to the scalp and pulling it. His words were conflicting with everything her head was screaming and it confused her making head throb painfully. "Shut up! Get out and stay out. I don't want to see you anymore!" She shrieked closing her eyes tightly and trying to push him out of the dream to get him and his words away from her.
He shook his head sensing what she was trying to do. It was useless on her part. She didn't have the strength. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on. I want to help you. Let me help you," He pleaded with her, reaching his hand out for her to take.
She slapped his hand away glaring at him with the complete malice. She had no interest in listening to him anymore. He didn't understand. "I don't need your help!" She screeched turning her back towards him once more. The best way to get him to leave was to ignore him since she was unable to force him out. He would have to leave of his own accord.
This proved one thing to Adrian. She didn't truly know or understand how to eject him from the dream. That only left one other possibility. He didn't have time to ponder this discovery as another figure materialized into their dream space. Adrian's jaw dropped in shock at the tall figure of Dimitri came into focus only a few steps before him. He looked unnatural. Inhuman. The pale pallor of his skin and the red circling his eyes made all the hairs on the back of Adrian's neck stand on end. On the outsied, he knew this man, but what lay hidden beneath the surface sent a wave of terror through him that he couldn't even begin to describe. He had never come face to face with a Strigoi before. Especially not in the dream world.
A sinister smile spread across Dimitri's face as he sensed the Moroi's fear all around him. "You heard her Ivashkov. She doesn't need you," He remarked his red eyes locking onto Adrian's own emerald ones.
Before the Spirit user could even respond, an unexplainable force pushed him backwards and everything went black. The world snapped back into place as Adrian was jolted back into reality once again. He gasped at the intense pain that exploded through his head at the shock of being thrust out of the dream world so violently. The ache was almost unbearable. He breathed deeply urging the pain to subside. After a few minutes the pain began to ease and he was able to form thoughts through the pain.
His eyes shot open at a sudden realization. It wasn't Rose who had been blocking him, and it hadn't been her who had kicked him out of the dream either. It had been Dimitri. "What the fuck?"
"Lay me down tonight,
In my linen and curls.
Lay me down tonight,
I'm your favourite girl."
Fucked My Way Up to the Top – Lana Del Rey
AN: Wow, this chapter turned out longer than I thought, no wonder it took forever. I'm trying not to be too repetitive in my writing and with the scenes I write. I feel like I am kinda failing at that, but oh well. I think it still turned out good. I had some good ideas over the last few days to add some more originality to the story. Nothing will pop up for a couple chapters so I hope you guys will like it. It was a decision that was sort of on a whim. The next chapter is Dimitri/Rose centric.
Response to Reviews:
Ilovesos9467: I wanted to split attention to give everyone an idea of what's going on all around. As for Rose, that's the point. Dimitri wants to destroy her, to break her and mold her into whatever suites his needs. Still, the story is just beginning. We shall see how it plays out.
SRKfangirl: No, I don't think that makes us weird at all. Perhaps, in a way, it makes us realists because in real life, there are rarely happy endings. I know I took some liberties with Lissa. That was intentional. I always found her really irritating in the books and felt as though there was much more that could be done with her. I want to explore that a bit. I want her to be a stronger character.
Yunacarmen: You'll just have to wait and see. Nothing is quite as it seems.
Moonprincessyuna1: I'm glad you're enjoying it so much so far, and I like your insight. I was never one to be happy with the fairytale and cliche happy endings. It's not realistic. I always want to explore alternative methods. That's how a lot of my stories come into existence.
