AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Thanks for your reviews, Enigmaticrose4 and NightmareTragedies.

I understand that my writing for this story differs to the "charged" works displayed previously.

I am learning to stretch myself as a writer, as well as a person - thank you for your words.

(And for reminding me that I haven't uploaded the next chapter, NightmareTragedies!)

Thanks also to SkellingtonZero for finding the time to leave me their thoughts, without whom this story would never be.

And my thanks always to liquidity and Social Safari for being such wonderful beta-readers.

(I'll take my Oscar now.)


CHAPTER IV

Kaoru winced at the aches in his body. He had never felt such pain before. Had he drunk in excess the previous evening, he would have had something to compare it to, but he could only liken the pain to falling down the side of a hill. Opening his eyes, Kaoru could see that the room was dark. Someone had drawn the woollen curtains across the windows. In the dark, the soft breath of Hikaru intervened with the silence, and Kaoru listened, staring quietly at the still figure huddled close to him on the bed. A blanket had been draped over Hikaru's body to guard him from the cold and the skin around the older twin's eyes was swollen and red, as if he had gone to sleep crying.

Slowly, Kaoru eased his sore limbs away from his sleeping brother and bit the insides of his mouth to stifle the pain. Why people were always said to bite their lips was a mystery to him. Could they not tell that doing so would only make the pain worse? He tried to rise into a sitting position, but found it physically impossible. For a moment, he panicked, frightened that his injuries had resulted in paralysis. Kaoru could think of nothing worse than not being able to move. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to roll to the side until he could stretch out a leg and swing it over the edge of the mattress. After several minutes, he finally managed to sit upright, sliding his feet in slippers.

Movement in his neck was limited, preventing him from shaking or nodding his head. Great, thought Kaoru, gripping the blankets as he prepared to stand up. Kaoru had suffered whiplash before from falling down on an ice rink. He was not much of a skater and woke up in terror the following day, convinced that he would never walk again in his life. At the time, Hikaru had laughed, removing the soft toys and pillows which he had piled deliberately over his younger twin in the night. Only when Kaoru started to cry – genuinely scared – did his brother call one of the maids, who had to summon the family doctor. Kaoru smiled. His seven-year-old self had not forgiven Hikaru straight away and his brother had been forced to work hard to lift the juvenile grudge. With an effort, he gradually stood, but his thighs were weak with bruises and he quickly sat down.

'Kaoru, what are you doing?' The question was filled with fear, as if the younger twin had been caught walking a tightrope.

'Morning,' said Kaoru, smiling. 'Did you sleep well?'

'How are you? Are you in pain?'

'Fine,' Kaoru lied. He felt his twin move and imagined him with a hand reaching out, anxious to touch; it made him feel uneasy. 'What happened to me, anyway? Did you take me to bed?' Kaoru lightly pressed the contours of his face, careful to avoid the bandage on his temple.

'Don't you… remember?' asked Hikaru.

Kaoru frowned as a whirl of nausea rushed through his mind, snatching at the veil that hung between memories. He was on the hillside again, gripping snow and sweeping the sky with Kyouya's cell-phone, until something past its screen had caught his attention, making him see what had happened to–

Liquid splashed down his sweater, filling the room with a sour smell. He stared at the mess, wiped the tears from his eyes. He had just thrown up, an act that shocked him. What could have caused him to vomit like that? Just what had he seen? He tried to remember, tried to visualise the image he had glimpsed so distantly, but all he could summon was the blur of his brother's arm as it threw a single snowball.

'No,' said Kaoru, 'I don't remember.'

Hikaru leapt from the bed and retrieved a wet towel from the en-suite bathroom. He cleaned the sweater without a word, not meeting Kaoru's gaze, and helped his twin to remove the fouled garment. At length, he said, 'You'll tell me when you're ready, right?'

'I ruined Mori's sweater.'

Hikaru's laugh was almost a sob. 'Is that all you're worried about?' They shared the gentlest of hugs, which had little to do with Hikaru's knowledge of whiplash. 'Do you want to skip breakfast? I'll stay here if you want.'

'No, we have to eat. Help me stand?'

Kaoru smiled, and so did Hikaru.

Together, they clasped hands.


Momoka jumped at the sound of people entering the kitchen. She was lost in thought, stirring a pot of baked beans cooking on the stove, when the Hitachiin twins opened the door and came in, squinting at the snow-blocked windows. Since arriving at the lodge, it was strange what habits had become so redundant, and checking what lay beyond the windows had been only one of them. Momoka herself no longer looked at the windows. They were just like the paintings that adorned the walls of Ouran: lifeless decorations she had seen too many times. After a while, there would be nothing more to see in the paintings. No matter how long or hard one chose to stare at a particular feature, they soon became less than windows due to the lack of change within their fixed brushstrokes. Momoka was not an expert in art and she would never claim to be, but she felt that the paintings in Ouran were bound to be more interesting now. At least those stiff, outdated paintings would shake the monotony of ice and snow, even reveal a new and deeper meaning, she thought. Though attending this trip with Renge and the others could only be responsible for such a conclusion, failing to find new meaning in an image which stood the test of time was not the fault of the painting itself, but the fault of the person who failed to be changed and challenged.

With a smile, Momoka gestured for the twins to sit down as she turned off the gas and scooped the baked beans onto bowls of steaming rice. The girl sensed that she was changing. She sensed that everyone around her was changing. While some had withdrawn, choosing not to acknowledge their situation in full, others had jumped straight in, determined to resolve the problem at hand. However, Momoka was somewhere in between, sitting on the fence. She knew what was going on, yet uncertainty held her back as she had never had to deal with such problems before. She glanced at the twins as they settled in chairs at the table, the older one without bruises and bandages helping the other. This was brotherly love, real brotherly love, and it warmed Momoka's heart in seeing it actually happen. After all, Momoka had no siblings of her own, and it was the reason she sometimes asked for the Hitachiins at the Host Club, if only to enjoy what she could never have for real.

If Kaoru could discern Momoka's scrutiny, he gave no sign, easing himself gingerly into the chair that Hikaru had considerately pulled out. 'Thanks,' he said, resting his hand on hers as she placed the bowl in front of him. Had the situation been different, the gesture would have thrilled the Vice-president to bits, transforming her shy and tranquil demeanour into that of a flustered fan-girl, but the sight of the younger twin looking so fragile instead brought out the pity in her, and pity made her so bold as to squeeze his hand back.

'Maybe I should get you some soup?' she suggested. Baked beans on rice had not been her idea. Tamaki, with his interest in commoner cuisine, had drawn up today's menu and had overlooked the appetite of Kaoru in his fervour.

Picking up the bottle of Tabasco sauce already on the table, Hikaru sprinkled its red, spicy contents all over his baked beans and rice before doing the same to Kaoru's. 'It's fine,' snapped Hikaru, 'we'll manage.'

Kaoru's lips twitched: a cross between anger and mirth. He was telling Hikaru, in that strange, telepathic manner, not to act like a jackass.

Momoka nearly giggled at their childish display, only to realise how lonely she was. 'Have you seen Renge?' she asked, slipping into the seat next to Kaoru, a faint blush on her cheeks.

'Why?' said Kaoru.

Suddenly, Tamaki throwing the kitchen door open interrupted Momoka's response. 'I thought I could smell the lethal scent of Tabasco!' he cried, pointing at the twins. Just past his flamboyant pose was a vision of the lounge, with the heads of Hunny and Haruhi peering through the door. 'What took you so long? I've been waiting all night to speak with you!'

The twins ignored him.

'It's not the same without Mom, is it?' sulked Tamaki, converting flamboyance into tragedy as he leaned against the doorframe.

'Did you even get some sleep?' said Hikaru, in an effort to indulge him.

Tamaki appeared behind Kaoru's chair, hands resting kindly on the younger twin's shoulders. 'Kaoru, how are you feeling?'

'Hey! I was asking you a question!'

'I feel like crap, if I'm honest, milord,' replied Kaoru. Beans and rice dripped from his spoon as Tamaki ushered Hunny, Haruhi, Mori, and Kazukiyo in from the lounge into the kitchen. 'And I can't eat with all of you staring like that,' he added, in reference to their expectant faces.

Tamaki, whose face was undeniably the closest, was pushed away by Hikaru. 'He doesn't remember what happened, okay? Let the guy eat first!'

'We're really sorry, Hika-chan,' Hunny told him from across the table, 'but we have to search for Kyouya. He still isn't back. And the last people who saw him were you and Kao-chan, right?'

Kaoru stared at Hunny; then placed down his spoon. 'Kyouya's still missing?'

'Uh-huh,' nodded Hunny.

'But… why?'

'We don't know, Kao-chan. Did he say anything to you?'

Hikaru intervened, sensing his brother's upset. 'We asked him if he wanted to join us, but he didn't want to come. Isn't that right, Kaoru?'

'Renge isn't back, either,' said Momoka.

'What?' said Tamaki, not expecting another problem.

'Renge, she didn't come back. We share a room together, but after what happened last night, I thought she'd be too mad to… to…'

Momoka bit her lip, on the verge of crying. She should have mentioned something earlier, that was the thought of everyone in the room, and Momoka had just let them down by keeping the observation to herself. She glanced at their expressions, convinced that everyone now hated her, even though they were still trying to digest her revelation. For most of the night, Momoka had stayed awake, listening for Renge's return. She knew her roommate was mad that she hesitated to go searching for Kyouya. As the evening hours passed, Momoka gradually convinced herself that Renge only meant to sleep in a separate room just this once, and would soon to forget their argument in the morning. When the search resumed, Momoka would prove to Renge that she was as dedicated a fan-girl as ever, except the Club Manager never returned as expected. Renge's rucksack was gone, along with the mink-lined coat the girl had worn on the night they had thrown snowballs.

'I really am a bad friend,' Momoka whispered, bowing her head.

'No, you're not,' said Kazukiyo, from somewhere behind her. 'I'll join the search party. Count me in!'

Tamaki smiled at Kazukiyo's sudden courage and the hopeful look it drew from the Vice-president of Class 1-A. 'Hunny, Hikaru, are you with me?' he continued.

'Me and Usa-chan both!' grinned Hunny, holding up the pastel pink bunny.

'With you on what?' inquired Hikaru, his attention back on Tamaki.

'Searching for Kyouya and Renge, of course!'

'No, no way. I'm staying here with Kaoru.'

'Hikaru, go with them.'

'But Kaoru–'

'I didn't mean to encourage her.' Everyone glanced at the younger twin, whose hand had moved from covering his mouth to stroking the skin of his throat, a gesture so odd that they immediately fell silent. 'I saw her on the stairs. She was so… distressed.' With reluctance, Kaoru met their eyes, especially Momoka's. 'I thought she'd come back,' he said. 'I honestly did.'

'Then it's a good thing we'll be here to greet her when she does come back,' said Haruhi, finally entering the conversation. She was stood near the kitchen door with Mori, grave-faced, yet thoughtful. 'Be safe and don't split up,' she instructed Tamaki, Hikaru, Kazukiyo, and Hunny. 'And I'd give you some flares, but I gave them all to Kyouya.'

Tamaki sighed, eyes sad. 'Typical.'


Although the search party departed the lodge together, the group subconsciously divided into pairs as they went searching for Kyouya. As the only boy who was not a member of the Host Club, Kazukiyo felt very much like an outsider, not privy to their in-jokes or the friendships they shared. For instance, what was this family system they seemed to have in the Host Club? And who exactly was the "daughter" that Tamaki-sempai kept talking about? Kazukiyo walked faster, nearly leaving Hikaru behind in his haste. The only connection he really had was with Hikaru, and though their conversations to date may have strictly been about schoolwork, it was better to have spoken a little than not at all.

'You're quiet,' said Kazukiyo, as they tramped through the snow. Hikaru trudged on, not bothering to shrug; he was probably engrossed with Kaoru and the accident, thinking how his twin was faring without him at the lodge. Kazukiyo tried not to let the silence worry him. When the group asked Hikaru again where he had last seen Kyouya, his replies were perfunctory at best, as if the whole subject had bored him. And he was useless when it came to discussing Renge and her whereabouts, whose absence seemed to be one issue too many on top of the others concerning him. 'Do you think we'll find them?' Kazukiyo resumed patiently, following the fresh footprints created by Tamaki and Hunny. They were walking parallel to the tracks that Kyouya and the twins had made, treating them with the same reverence as they would an actual crime scene. The Class President shivered. It's just an analogy, he insisted. He had to be troubled like Hikaru, to come up with something that morbid!

'We'll find them,' Hikaru said, lifting Kazukiyo's inner gloom, despite the insincerity of his voice. 'If they're not having a good time making angels in the snow, then they have no business whatsoever to be missing.'

For a moment, Kazukiyo wondered what Hikaru meant. Then he understood. 'Oh…' Kazukiyo blushed, 'is that what they're doing?'

Hikaru flashed him a bemused frown.

'Hika-chan, Kazu-chan! Over here!'

The first-years turned their heads in the direction of Hunny, who was waving at them from the top of the hill. It was the very hill where the twins had last seen Kyouya.

'What is it?' called Hikaru, clambering up the hillside.

'Hey, wait for me!' Kazukiyo cried. He was not as athletic as his classmates and nearly resorted to crawling on hands and knees. When he reached the summit at last, he leaned backwards to breathe, the cold air stinging the inner flesh of his mouth. He swallowed a few times to clear the discomfort, vowing never to volunteer again for the search party, even if the aim was to impress a girl. He staggered over to the trio, unbuttoning his coat. 'What are you guys looking at?'

In Tamaki's hand was a plastic water bottle, its contents now ice, and shrouded by a bank of snow was a rucksack that clearly belonged to Renge, whose possessions tended to be all shades of yellow.

'She was definitely here,' said Tamaki, scanning the deserted landscape through a wraparound visor normally worn by snowboarding enthusiasts. In addition to the local temperature, wind speed and personal speed were also displayed in the top corners of the lens, visible only to the wearer himself, but Tamaki was not consulting the fancy statistics blinking subtly inside the visor. Crackers, bandages, antiseptics, a game cartridge, and an otaku magazine had been packed in the rucksack – odd items to find in one place, though an indication of Renge's intentions.

'She was serious about looking for him, wasn't she, Tama-chan?' Hunny commented.

'She sure was,' Tamaki answered with a bitter smile. He replaced the items in Renge's rucksack so they could be taken back to the lodge.

In the background, Hikaru blew a listless cloud at the sky, before idly peering at footprints around him, but Kazukiyo was already thinking ahead. While the wind had wiped the details of every footprint, rendering the tracks anonymous and shallow, a high school student without a degree in forensic science could still see that a single set had walked around the snowman.

And Kazukiyo followed them, puzzled, curious.


'I'm sorry for the trouble,' Kaoru apologised to Mori as the third-year guided him up the stairs. Initially, the twins had chosen a bedroom on the second floor, but the climb was proving too much and Momoka could see that. She watched as Kaoru edged slowly down the hallway, pain burning bright in his amber eyes. It was brave of him, she thought, to endure all of this. If he was hurt or ill back in Tokyo, there was always a doctor or hospital nearby to diagnose the cause and recommend treatment, yet nothing of the sort existed out here on the fringes of Hokkaido. Only a first aid kit served as a hospital and the common sense of Haruhi Fujioka was the equivalent of a doctor. Amazing though Kyouya was with organising the trip and devising plans to lessen inconvenience, even Momoka had to admit that the Shadow King's brilliance only went so far. Could anyone here dress a wound or dose medicine correctly? Did they know what it was to care for an injured person? To a group of super-rich teens who had never worried about such matters, Haruhi's knowledge was invaluable and also a source of shame for at least one of them.

Unlike Kaoru, the Vice-president was physically sound and able to contribute, yet she was still unsure how to make her presence count. Tamaki had taken Hunny, Hikaru, and Kazukiyo-kun with him, and he had done this for a reason. From her perspective, searching for Kyouya in the snow would require stamina that neither she nor Haruhi-kun possessed, and leaving Mori-sempai behind had merely been a precaution. She paused as Mori opened the door to an unoccupied bedroom on the right and let Kaoru enter. The bedroom had en-suite facilities, two windows, and red décor.

'Not the best colour to be looking at,' Kaoru remarked, lowering his body onto the crimson blankets. Due to the whiplash, he did this with difficulty, wincing aloud when he used a muscle somewhere in his neck that was sore. 'Thanks for helping me, Mori-sempai.'

The third-year smiled and departed the room in silence, troubling Momoka with his brooding stare, yet her attention soon returned to the twin now propping himself with pillows. She rushed to his side and placed the final one behind his head, touching his hair by accident. 'Is – is that better?' she stammered, avoiding his gaze. 'It must be hard for you. Let me know if there's anything you need.'

'Stay,' said Kaoru.

The word was lonely, just like Momoka. She seated herself at the end of the bed.

'What's the matter?' he asked.

'N-nothing.'

'Is being with me that bad?'

Momoka glanced up, nervous. Since becoming trapped in the lodge, the two of them had spoken a lot more than they would have in Ouran Academy. Despite being in the same class and sometimes meeting at the Host Club, there had been little to say beyond the requirements of school or the odd times when their families would stop and talk at various events, children in tow. According to Haruhi-kun, the Hitachiins were a family of designers. Designers of clothes, designers of flowers, and even designers of computer solutions; they designed practically everything. Had she spoken to the twins directly, would she have known they were designers too? No, probably not. This trip was meant to be fun, just like Renge said, except it was turning into one of those soul-searching excursions where people reconsidered their role in society, their purpose in life, and it was making Momoka think that she was no good at all.

'Hey,' said Kaoru, softly. 'What are you crying for?'

Momoka touched her cheek and studied the wetness glistening on her fingers. Somehow, tears had fallen down her face onto the crimson blankets. The emotion was so surprising, so inexplicable that, for a moment, she could do little more than blink at the damp spots they were leaving. 'Have you ever wondered if you truly… matter?' she asked.

Kaoru appeared to contemplate the question, musing on the endless shades of red in the bedroom. 'Can't say that I have… Not that I haven't a clue how you feel, of course,' he hastily added.

'I suppose being a twin means that you always matter.'

'Not always. Sometimes it feels like you don't really matter.'

A smile played across Momoka's lips. She would never understand. 'Do you want some water?'

'Water would be lovely.'

'Okay, Kaoru,' Momoka sighed, then covered her mouth, shocked. She had forgotten the honorific and used his first name! 'S-sorry, I'll g-get that water now!' She dashed from the bedroom and slammed the door shut, something she did not intend to do either. Why was she being so familiar with Kaoru Hitachiin? And why had she left the bedroom in the first place? There was an en-suite bathroom in the bedroom itself! Momoka felt like an idiot…

Confused, she walked towards the bathroom at the end of the hallway. She would have to retrieve a glass of water in there. Passing the door next to Kaoru's, Momoka paused, conscious that it led to Kyouya-sempai's bedroom. Although the occupant was out and might not return for a number of hours, the Shadow King lingered like the history of a cave, forcing her to forget and move on. She hurried, keeping her head down, and entered the bathroom at last, shutting the door behind her. And if closing the door so quietly had not concerned Momoka so much, she would have noticed that someone else was already there.