Freddie felt absolutely wrecked by the time he got home. Ever since he'd left Seattle he'd just had no energy to do anything other than get mad, and even that was exhausting. Freddie wished things were different. As he laid on his bed, in his father's apartment, he'd never wanted to be around his mother more. Sure she was a complete nut job sometimes, sure she was a little over protective, but that was only because she loved Freddie and she was afraid of losing him. Now that Freddie had lost her it didn't seem like such as silly fear to him as it used to. He would give anything not to have to feel that soul crushing pain that was in his heart. He wished he could be numb to this pain, that he couldn't feel at all, but there was no turning this off. He felt short of breath and like he was on the verge of breaking into a million tiny pieces. When he thought about his mother was the only time when Freddie truly felt anything anymore, but all he felt when he thought about her was pain and he really didn't think that was any better.

He could hear his father downstairs, typing away on his computer, and Freddie wondered if his father felt anything for his mother. Was he sad she was dead? Did he even care? Or was he just glad that he didn't have to pay her child support anymore? Was he just happy that he didn't have to be reminded of the mistake he made when he was younger? Of course Freddie's father would never truly be able to forget, at least not until Freddie was out of the picture too, but it would make things easier for him right? Freddie covered his ears and tried to breathe. He was beginning to get angry again and Freddie knew deep down that his mother wouldn't want him to be thinking this way, or feeling these things. But the rage that was pooling inside of him was hard to ignore. It got so bad that Freddie had his fists balled up, knuckles white, and he felt like he was going to explode. Why did his mother have to die? Why didn't Freddie protect her, stop her from being killed. Freddie took another deep breath and stood up.

He couldn't keep thinking about this, it was killing him and he needed to leave. He had no idea where he was going to go, especially since he still had no idea where anything was, but he just needed to get out of this apartment. He felt like the earth was shaking and the walls were closing in on him and if he didn't get out now he'd be trapped here with this terrible anger forever.


He didn't know how but somehow Freddie found himself on a bridge. It was long with metal arches and spacious lanes but Freddie had absolutely no idea what it was called. He didn't really care either. All he cared about was the fact that it was spacious and quiet. All he cared about was the wind in his face and the world around him staying still, about finally being able to breathe. Freddie arched his head and looked at the stars. Was his mother up there now? If she was, what would she think of him? He wasn't sure, but it was a nice thought. To think that she was living up there with the stars watching over him like she always used to, at least until the sun rose and the stars were blinded out by the daylight. But he knew that even when the sun rose in L.A, she'd still be living with the stars somewhere and the thought gave him a surprising sense of comfort. After all, if there was one person he knew who deserved to live with the stars it was his mother. After everything she'd done for him, after all she'd fought for, she deserved at least that. Freddie took another deep breath. He didn't know why, but it was easier to think about her up here. It was easier to miss her in the open where it didn't feel like the world was going to come caving in on Freddie.

"Hey!" Someone called, breaking Freddie out of his strangely serene state, and Freddie turned to see Cat standing behind him.

"Hi." Freddie said in surprise, "What are you doing out here?"

She shrugged, "Your father called me. He said he got my number off of your phone because he was worried about you and wanted to see where you were."

Where he was? Freddie wondered, since when had his father ever given a damn as to where Freddie was? After all, the man spent most of Freddie's early life trying to convince him that Freddie and his mother had been the worst damn things to ever happen to him.

"Why? What time is it?" Freddie chose to ask, instead of commenting the mini rant that was taking place inside of his head.

"It's almost four in the morning. He said you left at nine in a rush and he hasn't seen you since." She held up her phone, "You should call him, let him know you're okay."

Freddie shook his head. "I'm not calling him."

Cat sighed. "Fine." She said and then pressed a button on her phone. She waited a few seconds before speaking into the receiver, "Hello? Mr Benson?"

"It's Young, not Benson." Freddie said dully. 'Young' was his father's last name, and it would've been Freddie's too, but when he left Freddie and his mother Freddie's mother had decided to change both of their names back to her maiden name of Benson. She'd always said that the least affiliation they'd have with him, the better. Wasn't it funny how things turned out now? With Freddie having no choice but to live with the man he'd spent most of his life hating and trying to rid himself of.

"Oh sorry, Mr Young?" She asked in that chirpy singsong voice of hers, "I've found Freddie, he's safe." She paused, "Well no, I don't know when he'll be home." She paused again, "Okay, I'll let him know. But until then I'll keep him safe okay?" She paused again and nodded a little, "Kay kay, you have a good night Mr Young."

She hung up the phone and looked back at Freddie with a smile. "Your father says he'd appreciate it if you would come home as soon as possible."

Freddie couldn't help but laugh. "I don't think that's going to happen."

"I didn't think so." Cat replied, surprising Freddie again. She didn't seem so ditzy after all. "We can stay out here if you want, but my house isn't that far away and we can go back there if you want? My uncle has gone away for business and he wont be back for a couple of days."

Freddie looked around. He didn't really want to leave this place, the place where he was just starting to make sense of the mess inside of his head, but on the other hand he really didn't want to disappoint Cat. Something about hurting her or letting her down just felt particularly wrong to Freddie. With Cat there was no rush of power he got when he was mean or rude to other people, there was just this strange feeling of shame and an ache in his chest that Freddie couldn't really explain.

"I've got cookies." Cat said as if that made all the difference in the world, "They're choc chip and lavender. It's a strange combination I know, but they were my mother's favourite. She used to get my grandmother to make them all the time before my granny died. I've only just made them tonight so they're still fresh."

"Wait," Freddie said with a slight smirk, "You spent all night baking cookies?"

She shrugged, "I was bored and couldn't think up another way to pass the time. Do you wanna come or not?" She asked, "It's getting cold out here."

Freddie looked around again. Only now did he notice the fog in the air whenever they spoke and the chill that surrounded them. "Oh, here." Freddie said before he shrugged his leather jacket off of his shoulders and held it out to Cat.

She blushed slightly as she took it and murmured a quiet, "Thanks."

Freddie just nodded and let himself be led back to her house.


Cat's house was small and quaint and was definitely not like his father's apartment. In fact, Freddie had never actually set foot in a place so old fashioned and homey. Even Freddie's small apartment back in Seattle had more modern furnishings than this place. "This place used to be my grandmother's." Cat said as if she knew what he was thinking and was trying to explain, "My uncle moved back here to take care of her in the months before she died and she made him promise to keep this place and take care of it, so he did. He's always wanted a house out in the country away from the busy LA city, but he's living here and trying to keep Grams happy instead. Besides, I'm here and I don't think he's got the heart to rip me out of school and make me move to the middle of nowhere."

Freddie didn't say anything. Cat was being so open and honest with him about everything, he felt bad for not being able to be the same. She smiled at him. "You want some cookies?" She asked and Freddie just nodded. She laughed slightly before she bounded off into the kitchen. Wasn't she tired at four o'clock in the morning?

"Why did you come looking for me?" Freddie asked as he sat at her breakfast bar. She smiled at him while she got his cookies from the cupboard.

"Why wouldn't I?" She asked.

"Because we're not really friends. I mean, I've only known you for a few days. That doesn't warrant all night searching does it?"

"We're not friends?" Cat asked like he'd told her there was no Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy wasn't real.

"No." Freddie said and sighed, "I mean we are friends but we've only been friends for a little while. Most people wouldn't have bothered to come looking for me, especially not at four in the morning."

"Who said I was looking for you at four in the morning?" Cat asked with a smile as she placed Freddie's plate in front of him and then loaded up one of her own. "I found you at four in the morning, I started looking for you at eleven at night. I just didn't think you'd be so far out my way, I thought you'd be closer to your apartment."

"Wait, so you were looking for me for five hours?" Freddie asked in slight disbelief. How could this girl, who he's only really just met, search for him for five hours on a cold dark night?

"Your father asked me if I knew where you were or where you could be found. I didn't but I said I'd help find you." She shrugged and looked down at her cookies, "You didn't want me to find you?"

"No." Freddie replied, "I just wasn't expecting it."

She shrugged again. "I guess I know what it's like to lose someone you love and to not know how to cope with it. I just thought you might like some help, or some company at least." She paused and looked up at Freddie, her eyes dark and soulful. "You're not alone, okay? I'm here if you need me."

"Thanks." Freddie said even though he didn't know what to say. A part of him was so thankful that Cat was here with him right now, even if he wasn't sure why, but the rest of him felt like shouting at her that he wasn't a charity case and he didn't need her help.

"It's fine." She replied, "Now hurry up and eat your cookies. It's almost four thirty and I actually want to get some sleep before we have to be up at seven."

"Why don't we just skip school today?" Freddie asked and began to eat his cookies. It was an odd combination, but Freddie loved it. Somehow everything in the cookie just seemed to work and Freddie had to admit it was probably one of the best cookies he'd ever had.

"I can't." Cat said and shook her head, "Besides, my uncle would kill me if he found out I skipped school when he wasn't here. I'd be under house arrest for sure."

"Seriously?" Freddie asked in disbelief.

Cat nodded. "He promised to take care of me and that means making me go to school and punishing me when I don't. You know, like a real parent would."

"Oh well I guess we'd better eat faster then." Freddie said with a smile as they both began to pile lavender choc chip cookies into their mouths.


When they were finished and everything was cleaned up, Cat made Freddie a bed on the couch. He'd thanked her for finding him, feeding him and for not making him go home. She'd just smiled at him, told him he was very welcome and left him to sleep. As Freddie lay back on the couch, in his makeshift bed, he strangely felt more at home in this strange city than he had since he'd left Seattle. He smiled faintly as he closed his eyes that night and for the first time in a long time he thought about absolutely nothing as he fell into a very peaceful sleep.