Well, sorry for the long wait guys but unfortunately real life and especially 12,000 word dissertations get in the way of things like this! This isn't a great chapter but it's been like pulling goddamn teeth to get it written. There will more than likely be another long wait til the next chapter because, well, other shit to do, you know? Thanks for all the reviews, you've all been grand!

XXXXX

Kakashi couldn't shake off a bad feeling. It had settled down between his shoulder blades the previous evening and still hadn't gone away. However it wasn't until breakfast the next morning that he pin-pointed what the likely cause was. Naruto and Sai were arguing. This of itself could hardly be considered unusual; Naruto wasn't bright enough to keep up with Sai's sharp wit and could only retaliate with volume. Today Naruto was bright red in the face and almost shrieking with indignation because Sai was embarrassing him in front of Hinata.

"I was not peeping into the men's changing room! Goddamnit Sai you just wish I wanted to look at you!"

The resulting argument had dragged in the other patrons including Hinata's disgruntled older cousin. This was unusual, on a normal day Sakura would have flicked them in the head hard enough to knock all the argue out of them for at least an hour. She certainly wouldn't let Sai mouth off to Neji this early in the morning when the genius' temper was notoriously short.

"Naruto, no one gives a damn whatever the hell is in your trousers except that freak. Now shut the hell up so I can finish my damn breakfast!"

Yes Sakura definitely didn't allow them to argue especially after the day she'd wasted opening up chakra points the Hyuuga had closed in a fit of pique. Pulling his bowl of ramen back to avoid a misplaced napkin ball Kakashi leaned back in his chair and considered why he had a bad feeling about Sakura. She'd mentioned she was leaving on a solo mission a few days ago but he hadn't been worried then. Solo missions were usually dangerous; he should know he did them all the time. She wasn't due back for another two days but the feeling was there and it was almost never wrong. Surreptitiously checking the others were still fighting he quickly pulled down his mask and inhaled his food, maybe he'd go see the Hokage.

XXXXX

"She's going to be super pissed with us..." Hidan glanced at the unconscious woman being carried on Kisame's broad shoulder.

"It was for the best."

"Yeah, well you can explain why knocking her out with your freaky-ass eye powers was for the best, little red-eye."

"Maybe she'll calm down after she beats the shit out of you, yeah?" Deidara hoped so, so desperately hoped so.

"How come I'm carrying her? If she wakes up I don't want to be the first thing she sees."

"Trust me fishy, no one wants you to be the first thing they see when they wake up."

"Fuck you Hidan."

Kakazu feared he was in danger of losing his teeth with how hard he was grinding them. "How far to the campsite?"

"Are we gonna like, tie her to a tree when we get there? You know, just in case?"

"And have her bring a fucking tree down on us?"

Itachi paused, considering this, "I think it would be prudent to keep her unconscious until we return to the base."

"You're scared of her aren't you?"

"No."

"Don't fucking lie! Lying is a sin!"

"No one cares about your shitty religion Hidan."

Hidan stopped walking immediately causing Kisame to walk into the back of him with a grunt. Deidara rolled his eyes, he should have just taken his bird back; with Sakura obviously. He might have even offered Kisame a lift if the clay could take that much weight. Itachi, who had been leading the way like usual, noticed that the constant irritating volume behind him was decreasing and realised the others had stopped. Kakazu looked unrepentant over his remark despite the barely contained rage making the priest shake.

"You shut the hell up heathen!"

Kisame jumped back to avoid the swinging scythe that was now pointed at the bounty hunter. Sakura groaned as her ride's shoulder jammed into her solar plexus. This immediately distracted Hidan as well as Kisame who froze, hoping whatever Itachi did was going to hold. Itachi looked rather put out (a slight tightening of the lips) that the rest had so little faith in his abilities.

After a tense few seconds Sakura still seemed to be out of it and the argument over Hidan's religion continued, albeit in muted whispers with more filthy hand gestures. Itachi gave them two minutes then gave both a very pointed look and they all began travelling again.

The silence lasted just long enough for Kakazu to start relaxing.

"Do you think she can cook?"

"Can't be any worse than Itachi, yeah?"

"My cooking is satisfactory."

"What a fucking crock o' shit! Your cooking's come closer to killing me than the fucking beheadings, seriously!"

"I could've nearly handled the fact I had to live on the throne for a week if you'd managed to make it taste good."

"Word, fishy, that stew tasted like char-grilled ass."

"I fail to see how you would know what 'ass' tastes like."

"It's simple, red-eye, unlike you I actually get some."

Kakazu wondered, in between idle fantasies of dismembering Hidan, where Zetsu had slithered off to. Between arguing and rampant hormones everyone else probably hadn't noticed, except the Uchiha maybe, the know-it-all little prick. It wasn't often he was envious of the unconscious but this kunoichi had it easy, she didn't have to listen to these idiots.

XXXXX

Years of Kakashi's entrances meant that Tsunade didn't even flinch when he suddenly appeared at the window behind her.

"What do you want Hatake? Unless I called you in here and you're so late I'd forgotten." Goddamn this request should have been dealt with days ago; the Daimo was going to be pissed.

"When is Sakura due back from her mission?" Kakashi's practiced lounging posture gave nothing of his edginess away.

Tsunade was calculating how much of the microscopic budget could be stretched to accommodate the building of a new wing for the academy and could only manage, "Hmm?"

From the safety of behind her back Kakashi rolled his eyes. Most wouldn't even dream of being disrespectful to this woman but Kakashi's few pleasures consisted of living life on the edge and irritating his higher-ups.

"Sakura? Her mission? When's she back."

Tsunade placed a signed document on the much smaller pile and turned in her chair, "She should be back the day after tomorrow, why?" Her golden eyes narrowed, immediately seeing through his relaxed facade, the one normally on his face when he had a kunai in the ribs but didn't want to go to the hospital.

Kakashi sighed internally; he was obviously losing his touch if his worry was that easy to read. Hanging around with the moron twins, whose problems with the finer points of human interaction were well documented, was blunting his deception skills. After all it had only taken a worried look to convince Naruto that the screaming coming from Genma's flat meant the lecherous jounin was in serious trouble and Naruto should barge right in there to help.

Smirking at that memory he realised Tsunade was looking at him with a raised eyebrow and an expression that told him he'd better get on with it. "I just have a bad feeling..." he trailed off smiling, reaching up to the rub the back of his neck.

Tsunade's first instinct was to snort and tell him to go bother someone else. However Kakashi was hardly an over-emotional and irrational shinobi; if he had a bad feeling, and was actually telling her about it, it must be bad. She looked out of the window and chewed her lip. Sakura had sent a message to say her mission was concluded the previous night but not one to say she was on her way home. But this mission had been hard so maybe she was sleeping in? It was only morning still; there was no need to panic straight away. Slapping her hand down on the desk, Tsunade decided there was only one thing for it.

"Shizune! Get me a scratch-card! And more sake!"

XXXXX

When Zetsu returned to the camp the others had made he was rather pleasantly surprised by the quiet. Even Kakazu was looking more relaxed than he had previously. Hidan was asleep, the obvious explanation for the near silence. The kunoichi was still unconscious which was probably for the best. He didn't know an awful lot about women but he did know they tended to get high-pitched and screechy when annoyed. Being kidnapped by men who were a) wanted criminals and b) wanting to get into her knickers would annoy anyone.

Kisame noticed his arrival first, which showed that Itachi was almost completely out of it. Kisame would bet money that Itachi's hormones were developing on being in close contact with a woman and he was going to go through all the stages of puberty in a night. Didn't think he would look right with facial hair though, tipped the scale from evil to evil magician. Kakazu thought there was obviously some brain wasting illness going around.

When Zetsu had settled down and helped himself to what was probably Hidan's portion of the food Deidara finally broke the silence.

"Come on then, yeah? Where were you?"

"Leader-san summoned me."

Deidara almost wished Hidan would wake up; there were only so many one word answers a guy could take. "What did he say, yeah? You tell him about Sakura?"

Zetsu chewed thoughtfully on an unidentifiable lump in his broth, "I did."

Deidara gave him an extremely unimpressed look when it was clear he wasn't going to continue and considered an exploding spider to hurry him along. Recognising this Kisame decided to step in before their reasonably restful camp was ruined.

"Was he pissed?"

"His exact words were 'what the fuck do those absolute cretins think they're doing'."

Kisame winced, he'd thought as much. Pein didn't often take well to the more outrageous actions of his organisation and this was pretty close to the top of the list. "Did you tell him she's a top class medic and she could lay a beat down that would make the Mizukage piss himself?"

"I did. Only in a less stupid way."

Itachi finally looked up from the fire before blinking owlishly at Zetsu as if he hadn't realised he was there. "Did you say she's close to the Kyuubi?"

Zetsu smirked, "It was my ace, you're allowed to keep her."

Deidara and Kisame high-fived, almost knocking Itachi over and waking up Hidan. Kakazu rolled his eyes. Hidan had his scythe halfway ready to fuck up whatever had disturbed his sleep before realising it was just Zetsu.

"Leader-san says we can keep Sakura, yeah!" Hidan took a moment before jumping up with a whoop to high five the other two.

Itachi righted himself with a disdainful sniff and doing his best to ignore the mini-celebration going on behind him. Zetsu spat out something hard and chewy before speaking, "You know Konoha will retaliate?"

Kisame rolled his eyes, "Hope they send that fuckin' freak with the bowl cut, he needs a good beating."

"Maito Guy is very powerful." Those hormones couldn't develop fast enough where Itachi was concerned, might get the stick out of his ass if he actually thought about girls once in a while.

"Naw, they'll send Hatake definitely. I've got a little exploding surprise just for that bastard, yeah."

Kakazu pulled out his rolled up stack of bounty posters, this Guy character wasn't among them but Kakashi certainly was, and for quite a pretty penny too. Maybe kidnapping the girl wasn't such a mistake after all. Hidan rolled his eyes at the ¥ signs appearing in Kakazu's eyes.

"It shouldn't matter who they send, it is very unlikely they will pick up our trail."

"You alright there Itachi? Pretty sure you just used a contraction." Kisame mimed feeling the unimpressed Uchiha's forehead while the rest smirked.

"Well what if they do? They sure as hell aren't just gonna go 'you seem like good bastards, take care of her will ya?' are they?"

"They will try and kill you. It will be very amusing."

"I'm more worried what she's gonna do to us, yeah?"

"I sure as hell know what I hope will happen." Hidan put his hands behind his head and grinned lecherously to himself

"We, the men who want to suck the soul out of her best friend and murder the vast majority of the people she cares about, have kidnapped her and are taking her back to live with us. She'll more'n likely rip it right off."

"I know." The grin widened.

"You're a sick fuck, yeah?"

Itachi looked perplexed, sort of. "Rip what off?"

The others looked at him for a good few seconds before sharing a glance that was half-amused and half-exasperated.

Kisame shook his head, "You'll find out when you're older."

XXXXX

Tsunade and Kakashi were also sharing a look at this moment, but it was a hell of a lot more worried. Ten scratch cards lay face up on the table; Tsunade had won a decent amount ... off every card.

"Well, shit!"

XXXXX

A day and half later the Akatsuki trooped into the base. Nerves were rather frayed after the long period of time in each other's company with no alcohol and Hidan seemed to have borne the brunt with a broken cheek and a rampant black-eye.

"You guys are all dicks."

"If you could keep your fucking mouth shut we wouldn't have these problems!"

Pein heard their bickering from down the hall. He looked slightly mournfully at his new half-read paperback; he'd been enjoying the peace. Catching Konan's eye they swept down to where the rest of the members were standing all up in each other's business. The new kunoichi had been propped up against the wall to free up Kisame's ass-whooping arm. They were so intent on hurting each other some more they didn't notice their leader's approach.

"What are you cretins doing now?" Pein snickered internally as the five men sprang apart looking terrified and a bit sheepish.

Kakazu and Hidan cast each other burning glares, as did Deidara and Itachi. Kisame shrugged, putting out a foot to stop Sakura sliding sideways and hitting her head on the floor.

Pein nodded towards her, "Remind me again why the hell I'm allowing you to bring an enemy kunoichi in here?"

"She's fucking wonderful, seriously!"

"She's kick-ass, yeah!"

"She is awesome, you should've seen her take out Sasuke, it was fucking poetry."

"She has skills that we will find useful."

Everyone paused to give Itachi an unimpressed look.

Pein looked at Kakazu who wasn't frothing at the mouth about her. "She stops Hidan being as fucking obnoxious, mostly."

Konan's eyebrows shot into her hair, high praise indeed. "How long has she been unconscious?"

"Two days, she would've fucked our shit up otherwise, yeah?"

Pein rubbed his eyes; he just knew he was going to regret this. "Put her in one of the high-security cells. Itachi, I'm making her your responsibility."

"What? How come the dickless-wonder gets all the fun? I saw her first!"

"He's the least likely to do something stupid. Now stop arguing and come to the common room, I've got updated mission specs for you all."

Hidan continued grumbling under his breath as Kisame and Itachi carted Sakura off to the basement.

XXXXX

"She should've checked in with Temari's outpost at least a day ago." Tsunade had abandoned sitting behind her desk and had taken up pacing in front of the window.

Kakashi sitting on the windowsill again, this time not bothering to pretend he wasn't worried. "We should send someone out."

"Genma's on his way back from a mission in the same area; I've sent a message for him to check it out. The reply should be on its way back now if he hasn't been distracted."

The tense wait was interrupted when Naruto burst in through the door, seemingly oblivious to the worried atmosphere.

"'Sup baa-chan! Oh hey Kakashi-sensei, you here to get her to give us a new mission too?"

Tsunade and Kakashi shared a look, should they tell Naruto they thought his best friend was maybe missing? He would totally over-react and go running off like a knight in shining armour and more than likely get himself killed. Still it wasn't something they could keep from him.

"Here's a mission for you, idiot, go fetch Sai and bring him back here, Yamato too!"

Naruto whooped obviously thinking there was going to be some kick-ass dangerous mission that he could stick in Neji's face and rushed off. Ten minutes later he was back dragging an irritated Yamato with Sai trailing along behind them.

"Hokage-sama? Kakashi?" Yamato was not an oblivious idiot and figured out something was seriously wrong.

Tsunade sighed, trying to figure out how to explain they were worried over a missing message, a non-check in and ten winning scratch cards. She was spared when a carrier bird flew in, cheeping frantically to show it had an urgent message.

"Hey baa-chan! What's the bird want, is it our kick-ass mission? It better be, I told Kiba we were gonna get to kick ass and take names!"

Kakashi wondered just how many times Naruto would use the phrase 'kick-ass'.

Tsunade's face went white when she read the message. "Sakura's in serious trouble."

This stopped Naruto bouncing around quicker than being told there was no more ramen. Yamato shared a look with Kakashi trying to gauge how much trouble. Even Sai looked vaguely like he might be upset by this news.

"What's the message say?"

"Hokage. At Sakura's last known location. Disappeared during night. Team Hebi seen. Akatsuki seen. No trail."

"Well, shit."

XXXX

Pein suddenly stopped half-way pointing to the figures on the pie-chart. The chakra of one hella pissed off medic was seeping up through the building.

"She certainly has an interesting chakra signature." Pein was rather expecting to begin a discussion but the rest of the men in the room were looking anxious. "You're scared of that girl aren't you?"

"They're scared they won't get to fuck her."

"Hey man, she's a goddamn hellcat, one false move and BAM you're picking your ass out of a ten foot crater, yeah?" Deidara paused, reliving Sasuke being destroyed for the millionth time, "She's perfect!"

"Yeah well eyes off the bitch, bitch! The only one she's gonna be knocking around is me, seriously!"

Kisame scratched at his head, a horrible thought popping into it, "There are chakra suppressors in there, right?"

"The door is completely sealed, she won't be getting through it." Pein was confident in his base's security; you didn't get to be head of a terrorist organisation without good workmanship.

Kisame looked at the ceiling, "The door isn't what I'm worried about..."

A huge wave of chakra exploded from down below followed by the sounds of crashing masonry. The chakra signal began to rapidly fade away.

Pein caught himself being almost impressed before remembering to be seriously pissed off. "All damages come out of your wages."

A round of groans went up before the whole room rushed out in hot pursuit of one frightening kunoichi.

XXXXX

R/R