Look My Way
Part
Four: Tempt
Summary: Clouds tries to tempt Sephiroth and gets somewhat tangled up in his own inexperience.
"Zack?" Cloud sat on the edge of Zack's unmade bed, staring determinedly down at his feet.
"Yeah?" Zack spun around in his chair, the wheels squeaking against the tile floor of the room.
"Um…" Cloud flushed, not quite sure how to phrase his question. He had to ask, and there wasn't anyone more likely to know than Zack. Besides, Zack was the only one he could ask about this. Anyone… Cloud shuddered. He really didn't want to think about what would happen if he asked someone else.
"Spike?" Zack's blue eyes were narrowed in concerned confusion.
"Does…doessephirothhavealover?" Cloud spit the question out in a rush, the damning words nearly hissing as they rolled across his tongue.
"Does…?" Zack leaned closer.
Cloud sighed. It figured that Zack wouldn't have been able to decipher that mangled little speech. His face was a rich scarlet now, colored all the up into the roots of his blond hair. This time, he spoke slowly and clearly. What more did he have to lose? "Does Sephiroth have a lover?" He paused then, holding his breath as he waited for Zack's explosion of mocking laughter.
But it never came. Finally, unable to stand the silence any longer, Cloud looked up.
And met a pair of deep, compassionate blue eyes. And suddenly he remembered that this was Zack, his friend and mentor, and not the other cadets or the kids from back home in Nibelheim. Zack would never laugh at him. Well, not from cruelty, anyway. Cloud swallowed thickly. "Well, does he?"
"No," Zack shook his head.
"Has…" Cloud took a deep breath. "Has he ever had a lover?"
"Several. None that really meant anything to him. One that tried to kill him." Zack shot a measuring look at Cloud and leaned back in his chair. "Why do you ask?"
"I…" Cloud hesitated.
"And don't lie to me, Spike. You know I know the answer already."
Cloud glared at him. "Then why make me say it?"
"Because I want to be sure." Zack grinned. "Because I won't answer any more of your questions until you answer mine."
Cloud huffed indignantly. Silence, punctuated by Zack's amused smirk, stretched thin between them. "Fine," Cloud finally breathed. "I-I want to be his."
"His lover?"
Cloud shrugged. "I guess. I just want to be his."
Zack nodded and grinned. "I knew the moment I first saw you swinging my sword, struggling with everything you had to keep it off the ground."
Cloud rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't have touched it if I'd known it belonged to a SOLDIER."
"I'm sure. But I knew then anyway. If anyone could be a match for him, it would be you."
"What about you?" Cloud blurted. He bit his lip. He hadn't meant to actually ask that.
Zack just chuckled softly. "My heart's taken, Spike. Besides, I don't swing that way."
"And he does?"
Zack shrugged. "It's more like…he doesn't really swing at all. Gender doesn't seem to matter to Seph. What does matter is trust. He hasn't let anyone near him since he slaughtered the bitch who tried to kill him in his sleep. He trusts you, Spike. He'd be a fool not to."
"So…I have a chance?"
"You'll have to make the first move. Much as he might want you—and he hasn't said anything to me about it either way, so don't bother asking—you're young. Innocent. He won't pounce on you. Besides, he's already been betrayed once. He's not in a hurry to chance it again. I wouldn't imagine it's pleasant to have to scrape your bedfellows up from the carpeting."
Cloud grimaced and rose slowly to his feet. "Thanks, Zack. I think…I'm going go down to dinner now." He padded across the room and stepped out, closing the door softly behind him. He had a lot to think about.
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Cloud's eyes were a stormy, brooding blue as he sat in the shade against the back wall of the equipment shed behind the practice field. He'd tried everything he could think of to tempt Sephiroth into inviting him to his bed. He'd asked the General to spar with him, ending the match with him pinned to the floor beneath Sephiroth, panting and very much aroused. He'd eaten dinner with the man, sucking sweet crème sauce from his fingers during dessert, his eyes fluttering closed in sheer bliss as he slipped the slender digits between his lips. He'd even convinced Sephiroth to give him another massage, moaning and writhing shirtless on the leather couch beneath Sephiroth's firm touch.
All incredible experiences, to be sure, but none of them had allowed him to achieve his goal. And he hesitated to use a more direct approach. Sephiroth had killed the last person who'd shared his bed, after all. The woman had deserved it, of course, but still… He didn't want Sephiroth to think of him as any sort of threat. But if he hounded the General, pouncing on him like a two-gil whore like he was tempted to do, what would that do the bond of trust and friendship that had grown between them? No, Cloud shook his head ruefully. He couldn't do that.
He'd tried telling Sephiroth what he wanted, how he felt. But he hadn't been able to spit out the words. He didn't know how to bare his soul like that. Cloud flushed just thinking about it. I dream about you every night. Your hands, your lips, your… I-I love you, Sephiroth. And Cloud realized with a start that it was true. He did love Sephiroth. That's what he had meant when he'd told Zack, "I want to be his." He wanted to belong to the General, wanted to know he had a place with Sephiroth. Always.
Cloud released a savage, frustrated growl and ripped brutally at his air, his feet pounding against the hot, dusty ground beneath him. "Why won't you look at me!?" he screamed, not caring whether anyone was around to hear him. Tears of misery burned behind his eyes, leaking forth to seep from the corners, blazing trails over his cheekbones and down his chin. His voice dropped to a dark whisper. "Why don't you see me?"
A familiar shadow fell across him, then, and Cloud looked up, dread sinking in his stomach. Scrubbing hastily at the tears on his cheeks, he scrambled to his feet and pulled himself into a hasty attention. "Afternoon, General."
"You weren't at your courier post this morning, Cadet Strife." A statement, not a question. It left no room for explanations.
"No, sir," Cloud responded sharply, not daring to even flinch at the ice in the General's tone. He cursed inwardly. He'd forgotten about courier duty, had thought he was only skipping classes.
"You'll report to my quarters tonight after the last dinner bell to discuss this infraction, cadet."
"Yes, sir," Cloud answered, burning with shame and guilt. He'd disappointed Sephiroth. He'd broken faith with him and demonstrated his worthlessness as a soldier. After all, what use was a warrior who refused to follow even the simplest of orders?" As Sephiroth walked away, Cloud stared longingly, miserably after him, never noticing the other figure who stood in the shadows at the edge of the practice field.
