Happy November 33rd!

"No-one is going to fall for that!"

Shut up Green… *Sigh*… I still don't own Naruto. Thanks for reminding me.


The group stared at the boar.

The boar stared at the group.

This continued for a short while, until Green remembered that staring is not usually a viable form of fighting.

"Um… Guys? Aren't we supposed to be killing this thing?"

Gudah had turned pale. "Claws… The size of swords… Tusks… Sharp as knives… Pants… Becoming so much wetter"

Jinduh was backing away nervously, his eyes fixed on the now visible teeth. "D-did… Did I… Uh… Mention my allergies? Yeah, my allergies… Sh-sharp things m-make me bleed… A-a-and st-stutter…"

Himo fainted.

"What's up with her?" Green had assumed that the red-head was made of stronger stuff than that. Strong enough to cause large bruises at least.

"She really doesn't like mud. There was this thing on here sixth birthday… You really don't want to know."

There was a loud grunting noise. Green could've sworn the boar had an impatient look on its face.

"Oh, right… Well guys, we should probably devise some sort of pla-" Green noticed that he was talking to two gaps in the air and someone mumbling about kittens. "You guys suck." Before he could complain further, a rather large snout sent him tumbling through the air. By some twist of fate, he landed right in front of Gudah (who seemed to be running awkwardly) and Jinduh, who stopped running, slightly startled. "Guys… Shouldn't you at least have picked up Himo?"

The pair looked at each other, suddenly notice their lack of a female.

"Uh- I… YEAH!" Jinduh was suddenly smiling. "Nice diversion Green!" With that, he swung round and threw six kunai at the boar, which had just started to examine the sleeping mudaphobe. Noticing the pointy instruments of death, it rolled out of the way, with much more agility than its bulk would suggest.

Gudah was not amused. "What the hell kind of damn boar dodges?!"

Jinduh suddenly twitched… "Wait a minute… What the hell kind of damn boar has so many huge razor sharp teeth?"

They turned to each other, and said the same thing simultaneously. "You know… I don't think that's a real boar…"

Jinduh looked at it again. "Maybe we should tell Green that", watching the peculiarly palated ninja charging at the animal.

They looked at each other again, and shared words once more. "Naaah."

Back on Green's end of the road, a number of thoughts were jostling for frontal position in his mind. The eventual winner was "I think badgers live in holes in the ground", although it faced fierce competition from such fighters as "*Stare blankly into space*" and "Did I leave the oven running?" Moping around at the back, and trying to think of a decent explanation to give to the part of Green's mind that dealt with common sense as to why it had failed so badly, was "I'm charging straight towards a giant boar." With no useful information coming from his brain, Green decided to do the first thing that looked possible.

He jumped up above the boar, and rammed his foot into its back.

Or at least he would have, if it hadn't moved. Quite quickly. He landed awkwardly, and his foot jammed into the ground.

"What kind of boar dodges?"

It roared at him and bit down on his non-grounded leg.

"And what kind of boar has so many huge razor sharp teeth… You know" he turned to the boar, which seemed to be trying to pull his leg apart. "I don't think you're a real boar." Saying that, he twisted round and a jammed a kunai into the boar's eye. Instead of screeching in pain, it exploded into smoke. "Hey… What kind of boar explo- Oh right."

The smoke cleared, and all that remained was a group of men, none of whom looked very happy. One of them, a large man wearing fur hides started yelling at another, a runt in a tattered cloth shirt and torn trousers, held up with a piece of rope. ""We'll pretend to be a boar" you said! "We'll kidnap a bunch of genin" you said! Well look what you did Yaruku!" Saying that, he pointed to a bloody hole in his left arm.

The small one's eyes widened "W-I-we-it's-we-" The larger one punched Yaruku in the face. He fell down, and didn't move. Blood began to seep into the ground.

The large one turned to Green. "Whatever you are, you just stabbed me, and The King of Bandits does not take kindly to being stabbed, you little freak!" Green could tell that he wanted to appear frightening. He looked constipated.

"You look consti-" Before Green could finish his observation, a shuriken whizzed past his face, straight towards "The King of Bandit's" face. Screeching in a ridiculously high pitch, he bend over backwards and allowed it to fly straight into the throat of a thin bald man standing next to him. Mr Tin-Boldmun (Green thought it had a nice ring to it) started choking, while his companions stared with tinly vailed amusment.


Meanwhile, at Green's house, Yellow looked stopped designing a super-powered Badger-repellent, and looked up. "That was not a typo folks… Crap, this is going to get really old really fast isn't it? I need to think of something original."


Green had a bad feeling that someone, somewhere, had just closed a bowser. Why they were closing a spiky turtle was beyond him. Heh… Turtles. And spikes. Breathing fire…

Een.

Een? What's an een?

REEN…

Is it raining?

GREEN!

Hey… That's me isn't it? What's the problem voice? Is the barn on fire…? Did Yellow finally fall down a well…?

GREEN?

Green fell back down into reality. He'd never really noticed how the sky was so… In front of him. Then something in his pancreas held up a small sign saying "You're lying on the ground Green. Also, we're out of hot chocolate."

"Damn it… No hot chocolate? I mean… Getting off the floor." Green got off the floor. He was interested by the fact that there had been a very peculiar increase in the number of dead bodies. Where once there had been around none, there were three. Although there was a conspicuous lack of sleepy red-heads. Instead, there was an earache. Where had that come from?

GUH-REEN

Yeah. That would make sense. Green turned, and saw a Himo. Its face was quite a similar colour to its hair. "FINALY! I'VE BEEN YELLING AT YOU FOR AGES! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT WE'VE HAD TO DO?!"

"No."

Green's passive voice seems to enrage the wild Himo. Green wants to throw a pokéblock at it, but remembers that you don't get the case 'till like, six more towns. Man that sucks. "GRAHG-FLU-DI-" She was beggining to foam at the mouth.

Before Himo could reassert her ability to speak English, Gudah interrupted her with a loud shout. "DUCK!" Himo hit the ground. Green started scanning the skies. "Actually, I think that's a-" Once again, another interruption asserted itself. Green was beginning to get annoyed by those. There was once good thing about it though; Instead of a very screechy voice, it was a small boulder. Nice to have some variation in life. Green watched the world spin around, until it came to rest with the earth on the right, the sky on the left, and a guy throwing rocks at Jinduh straight ahead. Green would have never expected the Jonin to move so fast, but each time the guy threw a rock, Jinduh would leap out of the way, and throw a number of kunai at him, in increasingly bizarre ways. Green watched as he cart wheeled away, then launched three knives out of his left shoe. One of them hit the man in the left arm, and he cried out in pain. Jinduh followed up with more throws, until his target was reduced to a porcupine look alike. As they regrouped, Green saw a number of bruises and open-wounds along Jinduh's arms and body, and he had a black eye. Himo was breathing slowly, and still red-faced, and Gudah was limping.

Jinduh looked up at Green. "How many kinds of vegetable are you?"

Green looked puzzled "Why? What happened?"

"We had to fight these bandits ourselves, and you just stood there. Seriously Pickle, I figured you were a bit of a plant, but I didn't think you were gonna be that bad. What's wrong with you?"

Problem:

Abnormal behaviour detected.

Identity suspect.

Solution:

Run string sequence 0593.

Before anything could be said, the fur-wearing man burst out from the ground behind Jinduh with a large hammer in each hand, poised to crush the skull of the Jonin, who was too startled to react. Himo and Gudah froze, clueless as to how to help. Green was less so. He leapt forward, and with one hand he shoved Jinduh out of the way, and with the other he made a seal. "Shadow Arm Jutsu!" A strange transparent blackness cloaked his arm, and he smashed a fist into "The king of bandit's" stomach. As his strike connected, the black substance rippled, and transformed into a number of hands, which each lashed out at the unfortunate man, who coughed up an alarming amount of blood. Green used his non-shadow hand to grab him by the shoulder, and started flicking his shadowed appendage around, not trying to do any damage with it, but instead causing the shadow-hands to tear off parts off the man's skin. Within a couple of seconds, the would-be-king resembled a piece of raw meat.

Green's arm returned to normal, and he looked at his shirt, which was now quite red, then at his team-mates, who were looking at him, mouths agape.

"Ew. I think I got bandit in my hair."


Couple a' things I need to say here folks.

First off, sorry for the lateness. We've started doing GCSEs at school, and I've been frantically trying to finish a history one. That and the Science Revision. Oh the Science Revision. Yes. It gets capitals.

Second off, thank you to Night Time Ramen for the review. This one review per chapter thing is pretty cool. I wonder how long we can keep that going.

And third off… I dunno. Either I forgot, or I just want this to be a list of three. You decide.

If Fluff forgot, go to page 46.

If Fluff wanted a list of three, go to page G.