The sun was just beginning to brighten behind the early morning haze outside. Ziva had never really asked Adina to close the curtains; she liked the feel of the sun in the room.
Tony still slept, wrapped around her like a protective husband. She indulged in his embrace, wished they'd had time for so much more of this…this love between them. She knew she had been at fault, had sent him away just as he had bared his heart to her. Oh, God, she loved him. And she'd loved him for such a long time. Years of flirting, wanting and not getting took its toll on her, on them. And when he'd come for her, here in this house...Dear, God why was their timing so bad?
When he'd asked her to go home with him; when he'd said he was fighting for her; she knew but it was all she could do to keep it together. She'd already made her decision. She'd wrestled with the decision for so long and when she was still strong thought that she had to indeed spare him – protect him from this illness of hers. In many ways Tony carried too much, too much guilt, too much pain with him. She did not want this to be another burden.
And, Oh God, when he'd found her, when he'd come for her in this house, it was all she could do to keep her distance, to push him away. She thought her heart might stop right there on that tarmac. She almost wanted it to. As she'd left that aiport she'd stumbled outside and had to catch her breath. Letting him go, letting them all go was one of the hardest things she'd done in her life.
But what was important, what she wanted was for Tony to not see ... to not see this. Her decay right in front of his eyes just like his mother had. She wanted to spare him this pain, this memory. She wanted to stop, what she knew had become inevitable between them, for him. Stop this for him. He deserved better than what she could give him now.
Ziva had hoped that one day in the distant future, after he'd found another woman and was happy, he'd remember her with kindness. Not that he'd remember her near death; weak and just a shell. She would have given anything to protect him from this.
She should have let go months ago.
Love, happy endings, none of it was for her. One day you think maybe you'd be good together. Then another day you'd think he didn't really want you, he didn't really see you that way. And then life gets in the way until that day when you know with every fiber of who you are that he loves you. Why couldn't that have come earlier? Why did it have to come at all if she was just going to die like this?
Never believe in happy endings...Eli told her that and Ziva remembered saying it to Tony and Tim just before they'd resigned NCIS. Gibbs should not have been a target then...that had been her fault.
Maybe her heart was failing because it had just had enough.
Ziva took a deep breath, she wanted to fight, now. She wanted to have more time with him. It was too late to spare him anymore. He knew and he stayed...he stayed. She kissed his temple but reason and logic crept back and she simply wished that when she did go that he'd be all right. That he wouldn't carry these days with him forever. She loved him more than anything in this world.
"Those seem like some pretty deep thoughts," Tony stated with his eyes still closed.
Ziva smiled softly, "I forgot about your psychic abilities, Tony."
Tony pulled her closer, kissed her cheek for a long moment, "I don't see how you could have forgotten, they're legendary."
"So what was I thinking about?" Ziva challenged.
Tony brushed a few wild strands of hair out of her face as he peered at her, "The last night we spent in this bed together before now. And how your mind was blown by the incredible sex."
Ziva blinked, "That was it exactly! I was remembering that thing you do..." she said huskily.
"Oh," Tony grinned wide, even with his sleepy eyes, "that thing," he said wolfishly before bending down and kissing her neck.
"If I did not have this damn catheter on..." Ziva lamented.
"Don't worry," Tony brushed his nose along her cheek making her smile wider, "when you're stronger, after the transplant, we'll make some more sexy memories."
Ziva was quiet for a long moment and Tony nudged her, "Could we really have been a good couple?" she asked.
"We should have already been," Tony said firmly, "we were...incomplete. You went home, I went home but we would have been so much happier if we went home. And we will be."
"Where would home have been?" Ziva rubbed Tony's arm softly with her fingers. She didn't have full range of motion but she had enough.
"That's a good question," Tony put on his thinking face, "well...not too far from NCIS otherwise we'd be complaining about traffic every day. Could be a bigger place in my building or..no, I know. Old Town."
"Alexandria?" Ziva liked the idea.
"Yeah," Tony nodded, "we could explore all the shops and eat at all the restaurants around and have one of those historic townhouses with a little garden in the back. And maybe a dog?"
"You do not care for dogs, Tony," Ziva teased.
"But you do," he pointed out, "and besides seeing you with the mutt in the backyard would be fun. And we could train him to pee on McGee's shoes," he enjoyed this idea.
Ziva laughed, "You are so bad, DiNozzo..." she felt suddenly tired, out of breath.
Ziva struggled for air and tried to turn to reach the oxygen mask but couldn't force her body to obey. Damnit.
"What, baby?" Tony saw what she wanted and immediately grabbed the mask and gave it to her, turning up the oxygen to high.
Ziva gasped for air, tried to suck in as much as she could through the mask and it took long moments but finally she felt the oxygen in her system. She nodded to Tony, "I am OK," she tried to reassure through the mask but saw his face, his fear.
Tony helped to sit her up and she kept the mask on trying to ease the pressure in her chest. She knew it was all the emotion of the last day taking a price. She did not care. Tony was all she cared about now.
"I'm going to get, Adina," Tony said as he stood after making sure Ziva was comfortable.
Ziva nodded and watched him rush out.
A good portion of the morning was spent checking Ziva's vitals and Tony telling her that she had to take at least one of the pills Adina told her she needed. Ziva relented and just as she had told Tony, became sleepy and drifted off.
Tony showered and changed and asked Adina to call his cell if she woke up. He then took off and did some shopping. He found the local market and bought fruits, vegetables and meats and a bit of junk food too. He bought some flowers for the house and a couple of gallons of fresh lemonade from a stand. When he returned Ziva was still asleep so he helped Adina and Mendel put everything away and asked Adina if she would make some more chicken soup.
Adina agreed, pleased that he liked it so much. Tony decided it was best he didn't tell her he was feeding it to Ziva. Adina had put Ziva's nutrient bag on the IV while she slept and when Tony entered the bedroom saw that it was drained. He took the liberty of disconnecting it and his movements woke Ziva.
"Hey, beautiful," Ziva smiled up at him, "I thought we might sit outside a while. You game?"
"Yes," Ziva tried to sit up but could not managed it, "I love sitting outside. And I can see the scar you gave the tree."
"Oh," Tony gave her his innocent face, "you heard about that, huh?"
Ziva reached for him, even though her hand didn't extend all that far Tony knew she wanted him. And she gave him a small kiss before whispering, "DiNozzo temper is legendary, too." He smiled at that.
Adina changed her catheter bag and Tony picked her up and took her outside. He had to control himself because she weighed nothing. Where was the woman whose strong thigh muscles he admired when she sat on his shoulders?
Once they were outside, Tony took a good look at her legs. They were still shapely but he could tell she lost alot of muscle. There was a bed sore on her left thigh, Ziva had said none of them noticed until it was that big. Adina had bandaged it. Something about that made Tony angry but again he controlled himself and started massaging her legs.
They spent the afternoon drinking lemonade, talking about both the past and the future and deciding that they'd buy that townhouse in Old Town as soon as they got back to DC. As the sun started to set on their beautiful day Tony noticed Ziva's hands start to shake. She then began gasping for breath again and he picked her up quickly, brought her back to the bedroom and put the mask on her.
Adina came to her and looked confused, "she has a slight fever and body shakes. I didn't expect her ...this so soon."
Tony grabbed Adina's arm, "What do you mean so soon?"
Adina glanced at Ziva then stepped away with Tony, "It is a symptom of the rapid decline of her heart function. She needs to be kept calm and quiet. While your presence is good, I think it may have overtaxed her system."
"I am not leaving," Tony said flatly.
Adina nodded, "I'll try and stabilize but she has to be kept as calm as possible. Stress, right now..."
"I understand," Tony nodded.
Tony spent the rest of the night holding her as she slept. Fear that she'd stop breathing in his arms and he wouldn't be aware had him drifting in and out of sleep. And thinking, knowing now completely how that five feet between them, their desks, had been a chasm he should have crossed years ago.
The one definitive time he should have manned up was Paris. They'd shared a bed and for a moment he thought Ziva had at least expected him to say something. But he never did, not that night, not until CIRay had stopped calling for months and then… Why? Guilt was the reason, guilt and fear that he'd ruin them. Stupid. Wasted time, he sighed.
When morning rolled around again she looked better but the episode had weakened her further. Tony put some comedy movies on and she spent a good chunk of the day watching with him or sleeping.
As evening descended again, Ziva was asleep and Tony had gone to eat something when he heard the knock on the front door. Tony told Adina and Mendel he'd answer it and when he opened the door he smiled.
Gibbs, McGee, Abby and Ducky stood there.
"Welcome to Israel, guys," he said with a sad smile and stepped aside to let them in.
The group filed inside and as soon as they were all in Abby threw her arms around Tony. Tony stood there for a moment then hugged her back and let his emotion go for a moment as he rested his head on her shoulder.
He soon regained his composure, released Abby and turned away to wipe his face. "Good flight, guys?" he managed to choke out.
"How is she?" Gibbs asked as he dropped his bag.
"She's had a bad day," Tony replied, "I'm sorry but I don't want you all to go in there at once. Stress is..."
"Anthony has a point," Ducky interjected, "stress can exacerbate her condition. I had an uncle-"
"Hello?" Adina and Mendel stepped from the kitchen and greeted the group.
"These are our friends, Gibbs, McGee, Abby and Ducky," Tony introduced, "guys this is Adina and Mendel, Ziva's caregivers."
"Good to meet you," Abby nodded as she wiped away her own tears.
"There is a free bedroom," Adina offered, "it has two beds if-"
"Yes," Tony interrupted, "they'll be staying here. We can figure out how to get you all settled."
"I want to see her," Gibbs stated.
McGee ignored Gibbs and gave Tony a brotherly hug, "You ok?"
"For now," Tony patted McGee on the arm.
"Adina, was it?" Ducky walked over to the nurse, "would you mind giving us all some privacy? We'll make sure Ziva is cared for in your absence but as her family we would like to settle a few things between us."
"Oh," Adina blanched at Ducky's request but looked to Mendel then back at Ducky, "Of course. Mendel and I will run some errands in town. Would a couple of hours suffice? I will have my cellular on in the event-"
"Yes, yes," Ducky nodded and smiled, "that should do nicely. And would you mind bringing some information on the local hotels or inns?"
Adina nodded, grabbed her purse from a sideboard and left the house with Mendel.
"I thought it might be better to hash things out us between us than have strangers lingering about," Ducky added after they'd left.
"Adina seems nice enough," Tony didn't care one way or the other, "I haven't spent much time with her. Just Ziva."
Gibbs started to move for the bedrooms when Tony stopped him, "Hang on, Gibbs. Like I said, she had a bad day. She," Tony swallowed, "she isn't strong right now. There've been a bunch of things I have wanted to say to her that I haven't because she can't hear them right now. I don't want you-"
"I'm not, Tony," Gibbs let out a long sigh, "I just need to see her. She's still," his voice broke, "one of my kids."
Tony nodded, swiped his hand across his face, "I'm a wreck."
"It's time we said it out loud isn't it?" Ducky started. "We have all known for a long time, Anthony and we need to hear it, we need to-"
"I love her," Tony didn't hesitate, looked at Ducky then at all of them in turn, "I am in love with Ziva David and have been for years. It does feel good to say it out loud," he sighed.
"Yeah," McGee agreed, "we know. Just nice to hear you finally say it."
"Good to say it," Tony nodded then moved away from Gibbs, "Ziva has agreed to try."
"Try?" Gibbs looked to Tony.
"Yeah," Tony leaned back against the dining table, "try to get stronger with our help. So she can have that transplant."
"That's great news!" Abby exclaimed. "We can do it, we can help her. We'll figure this out."
"Tony," Gibbs glanced over to him, "can I see her now?"
"Yeah but..." Tony looked around the room, "I think we should keep it to Gibbs today, Gibbs only. See how it goes before we bombard her?"
McGee nodded, "Ok, Tony. Your call."
"I bought some vitamins," Abby announced, "And Ducky, we should sit down and figure out a plan," she looked hopeful as ever, ready to work.
"We should probably figure out who sleeps where, too?" McGee added.
Abby looked around and moved to the hall with the bedrooms then came back, "Three bedrooms one with two beds in it. Hmmm.. can we get that nurse to move out? I mean we can do anything for Ziva that nurse can, right?"
"I would say so," Ducky agreed, "that's why I asked her for hotels in the area. I'll take care of her moving out. Then McGee and I can share the room with two beds and Abby you can have her room, Tony I assume you are in with Ziva?"
"Yes," Tony nodded, "that's where I am staying."
"And Jethro-"
"I'll take the couch," Gibbs stated before he rounded back to Ziva's door.
Tony followed as the others went about poking around and stopped Gibbs at the door. "Easy, ok?"
Gibbs nodded.
Tony opened the door and led Gibbs in. Ziva had her eyes closed but she'd clearly taken the oxygen mask off. Gibbs sat next to her on the bed and stared.
Tony was about to wake her when Gibbs waved him away.
Ziva's eyes fluttered open and Tony saw her trying to focus on Gibbs. After several moments, the look on her face indicated she'd realized Gibbs was sitting there.
"Hey, Ziver," Gibbs started.
"Gibbs," she said weakly with a smile.
"When you're better," Gibbs grinned down at her, "you are going to get a head slap."
"I," she coughed, "look forward to it."
"I know why you did it," Gibbs continued as he rubbed the back of her hand, "It was a dumb move, something I would do."
"Then I do not feel so bad," she managed in a soft voice.
Gibbs bent down, kissed her cheek, her forehead and stayed with his forehead touching hers as his eyes closed; as he held her hand. Tony had never seen Gibbs this…this emotional. The sight nearly broke Tony in two.
He got it now. Tony had resented Gibbs, had thought he'd thrown Ziva away with the bathwater. But he hadn't. He simply put her in that private place in his heart where Shannon, Kelly, Franks, and the people he loved lived.
Gibbs had never been an easy man to understand but there was no mistaking what he saw with his own eyes now. Ziva meant as much to him as anyone had in his life and neither of them were prepared to lose her.
I'd really like to know what you all thought of the Gibbs scene?
